marriage

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Ruthcloud

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I have observed the posts on the family life section generally deal with marriage problems.
My question as my upcoming marriage is drawing closer. Would you do it all over again and get married and have a family if you went back in time?

Husbands, what are the things that make you most happy being married to your wife? What are some of the things she could do that would make you happier?

Curious bride to be:)
 
I can’t answer the question as I am not married…
I also can’t answer for my husband,but I think he would be happy if I qiut smoking. He has never said anything though.
 
I would get married and have a family, just not with the man I married!!!
 
Yep I’d do it all over again. I’ve been married to my wife half my life and can’t imagine not being married to her. The thought of not having any of my kids makes me want to vomit because of the grief the mere thought of the loss causes. So one million times “YES” I’d do it again.

Not sure how to answer your seconds question. Its a little like asking which part of my body makes me happy. Her very existence is what makes me happy. Nothing I’d change about her. She’s not perfect, but neither am I. Changing those things that annoy me would seem to make her less her if you know what I mean.
 
No, I wouldn’t. It’s not him—it’s me. I love The Husband so very much, but he deserves a better wife.

Having said that, I want to stress that neither of us are sad, angry, depressed, etc. about this. On balance, we have a happy marriage. 🙂 Neither of us wants to throw in the towel. It’s just that I’m not cut out to be a wife. 😊 It’s part of our reality and we handle it as best we can.

Can’t speak for the “have a family” part of your question, as we haven’t been blessed with children. Maybe I’m not cut out to be a mother either, and if that’s the case I’d rather not have it proven at the expense of some poor, innocent child.
 
I would absolutely get married again. We’ve been married almost five years. Best decision of my life.
 
I’d absolutely get married again to my husband! Will be married for 15 years this May and its been the best 15 years of my life.
 
Very interesting question. My wife and I have been married for 27 years and I can say that I am happier now than I have ever been. Our marriage is truly a blessing.

What are the things that make me happiest? Warming up her side of the bed at night before she gets under the covers. Listening to her tell me about her day. Seeing the look in her eyes when she speaks of our two sons.

Honestly, I could go on for a very long time. God truly blessed me with my wife.

Peace

Tim
 
First of all, congratulations and good luck on your future wedding! I hope your marriage will be blessed.

I have been married for eight years to my wonderful wife. To answer your question, Yes, I will definitely marry her again if I could go back in time.

Things that would make me happier: I hate to be blunt about this, but I would appreciate more marital contact. After three kids (and one on the way) and eight years, her interest in sex has waned significantly, while mine has pretty much stayed the same. I still love her immensely though, and would never consider cheating on her.

I’m not really comfortable with giving marital advise, but if I had to, it would be communicate and compromise.

I wish you and your husband-to-be all the best:)
 
This is a tricky question for me. I enjoyed being married and the idea of marraige and family. HOWEVER…I married a preson who was a non-Catholic. You hear me speaking in the past tense, meaning that the marraige did not endure and now a life of celibacy seems to be my path unless something major happens. This is why I cannot emphasize enough the importance of marrying within our faith. It is the core of who we are and when we cannot share that experience with the person who supposed to be closest to us, it is very, very difficult to maintain a strong marital bond.
 
Would I get married if I had it to do all over again?

Yes, without a second thought.

After 21 years he is still the love of my life, and he tells me I am his.

(pacang: Your wife is pregnant and has 3 children? She is probably just very very tired.)
 
Interesting responses.
One thing that really made our relationship better was me not reacting in a certain way.
If my FH came home in a bad mood, I would add to that bad mood by reacting in the same manner.
I decided to do a 360 and be the support he needs, and if he comes home in a sour mood I give him a hug and a kiss, talk happy and make him his favorite meal. As we are not married that is as far as I can go with my affection but it works every time! I did have to bite my lip at first…as this takes more strength than going toe to toe with him.
 
I absolutely would do it again!

One bit of advice I would give is to have your kids early. Everyone thinks, “oh, we can’t afford them now,” but the reality is, in my experience, that you will never feel that you can truly afford them. Have them when you are young…it may be tough at first, but you will be thankful later.
 
You know, I hear alot about how “marriage is tough” and you “have to work at it” etc., etc.

I’m just going to say this, because it almost never is said: I think marriage is easy. Best thing ever. I would never trade one minute of marriage for singlehood. I met my husband when I was 15, married at 22, and now we are mid 30s.

People are compassionate for others who are sturggling, that is why I think happy marriages aren’t often paraded around. I don’t want to gloat. I don’t want to brag. I don’t want to come off as ‘better than others’. So I often keep my mouth shut when people talk about the struggles of marriage. But in this thread, you asked for our opinions, our personal experiences, so I’m soooo happy to shout from the rooftops–marriage is awesome!

What does my husband think? He just posted this on Facebook: foxnews.com/opinion/2013/01/26/man-top-5-reasons-to-grow-up-and-get-married/

He always says he would have floundered if it wasn’t for me. He also came frm a Mormon background which is VERY pro-marriage. His parents raise him to not only be a professional and a good citizen, but to be a husband and father. He did not “give up” his singlehood; he fulfilled his role as a man when we married. (not saying there aren’t other roles . . . priest, etc)

Maybe I’m lucky. Maybe my husband and I are just really good at compromising. My marriage is like hanging out with my best friend everyday. God bless those who are struggling. I am not faulting them, I have no advice, I sincerely hope that everyone one day feels what I feel about marriage.
 
I would absolutely get married again to my wife! She truly is “the love of my life”, a decision I made when we decided to get married.

You may read some of my other past threads and posts on the struggles in my wife and my marriage. Even with all that, as I stated above I absolutely would do it over again! My wife has helped and taught me so much even though she can’t see it right now. By her confessing her struggle in the marriage to me three years ago, she pushed me “over the edge” on my journey in coming back to the Church and to Christ. She helped me truly prioritize my life correctly: God, Spouse, Children. In finding that, I’ve become (hopefully) a better husband and father. Ultimately our children benefit and hopefully, some day, my wife with recognize it too.

Any advice I can give, like someone else mentioned, make Christ your priority in marriage first, then each other and then your children. Pray together as a couple every day as well!

God bless you, your future husband and your marriage!
 
sj2 said:
You know, I hear alot about how “marriage is tough” and you “have to work at it” etc., etc.

I’m just going to say this, because it almost never is said: I think marriage is easy. Best thing ever. I would never trade one minute of marriage for singlehood. I met my husband when I was 15, married at 22, and now we are mid 30s.
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My husband and I are with you. We think marriage is easy. Neither of us could imagine not being with each other. (21 years and counting)
 
Ruthcloud said:
Would you do it all over again and get married and have a family if you went back in time?
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Absolutely! My children and grandchildren are the lights of my life and I couldn’t imagine not having them around.
Only thing I’d prefer to do differently, although I can’t imagine being married to anyone other than the man I was married to, I’d prefer to marry a Catholic. My husband and I belonged to different Christian religions (I only converted long after his death) and I feel we lost out on an important part of marriage as a result.

I recently scandalised a member of the Catholic part of my family who asked if I’d marry again by saying I’d only consider a Catholic. He wanted to know what I had against Protestants.
Ruthcloud said:
Husbands, what are the things that make you most happy being married to your wife? What are some of the things she could do that would make you happier?
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Obviously not coming from a husband, but communication is SO important.
 
Yes, oh yes, I would marry my husband again, were I to go back in time and have the chance to do it again.

What would I change? The only thing I would change is that, rather than spending our senior year of college engaged and getting married right after graduation, I would have just gotten married immediately and spent our last year of college married instead of engaged. I would have liked to have married him sooner, you see. Our wedding was lovely, but I would, had I to do it again, have just not bothered with anything beyond the minister and witnesses (we were Protestant at the time). I would rather have been his wife sooner.

That is all.
 
(pacang: Your wife is pregnant and has 3 children? She is probably just very very tired.)
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@ maryjk: Hahaha! Yes, you are probably right! That’s why I don’t force her too – either way, that won’t be right. I also try to do more than my fair share of diaper changing, poop cleaning, food fixing, bottle washing, etc, just to help her out.

At any rate though, I still love her, even through the weeks of marital celibacy 🙂
 
My wife and I have been married almost 16 years and have had many ups and downs but, through it all, our love has maintained us. We are finally moving at an even keel and will be joining the church as a family (we finally had our pride and joy last year after 13 years of trying) this Easter Vigil. She is the love of my life and I am hers even though I drive her insane most of the time…lol.

As for what I would change, I would only change the fact we waited so long to join the one, true church. As for advice, I will offer what we discussed this past week in RCIA. Marriage very rarely 50/50, it is more often very unbalanced but, what makes a marriage strong is the willingness to put in the 90% when your spouse can only offer up 10%.
 
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