Marriage

  • Thread starter Thread starter wkj_123
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
W

wkj_123

Guest
Hello everyone. As i stated before im currently in RCIA and trying to learn more about the faith. I am currently considering proposing to my girlfriend and was wondering if its wrong to get married if you cant, at this time, afford to live on your own with your wife. Im seeking another job and will hopefully be able to move out soon but my parents have offered for us to live with them for a while. My mind keeps going to the verse talking about a man will leave his father and mother, and if that applies to this situation. Many thanks!
 
There’s no Church teaching or rule against it. I know when my mom and dad got married they had about two cents to their name. My dad was a marine at the time, so that wasn’t exactly the most lucrative of careers.

But only you know your situation. If it’d be possible to wait until you can provide for her, I think that would probably be best, but again that’s up to you. Sorry I can’t give more specific advice, hopefully someone else will come along who can.

But it seemed like you were asking whether it was ok as far as the Church is concerned right? In which case yes it is, but whether it’s wise…that’s something only you can really say.

Hope that helps a little bit, congratulations on coming into the Church by the way!!!👍
 
wkj_123 said:
Hello everyone. As i stated before im currently in RCIA and trying to learn more about the faith. I am currently considering proposing to my girlfriend and was wondering if its wrong to get married if you cant, at this time, afford to live on your own with your wife. Im seeking another job and will hopefully be able to move out soon but my parents have offered for us to live with them for a while. My mind keeps going to the verse talking about a man will leave his father and mother, and if that applies to this situation. Many thanks!
Click to expand...
Personally, I see this verse talking more about priorities, that his wife should be of higher priority. Also, while I don’t think it is objectively a sin to do so, I would not recommend moving out until you can afford to. I was barely able to do so when my wife and I got married, and the stress was almost unbearable. I got and started a job a lot later than I was hoping, and I’m still reaping my ‘rewards’. At least now I’m making an income and am able to provide.

So, I would recommend putting off your marriage, if possible, until you can afford to support you both. This doesn’t mean you can’t get engaged when you want, but just wait longer for the marriage.
 
Save your (future) marriage the stress and frustration.
Don’t do it until you can afford to have a wife and a home.

~ PetiteFoi
 
PetiteFoi said:
Save your (future) marriage the stress and frustration.
Don’t do it until you can afford to have a wife and a home.

~ PetiteFoi
Click to expand...
Sometimes, even poor or working class people get married.

~ VeritasLuxMea
 
My wife and I got married with nothing. No money. We graduated university on a Monday and got married that Friday. We moved to Japan the next day. We used our wedding gifts and borrowed money to buy the plane tickets. We had nothing…but love and the understanding that since we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together, what were we waiting for?

Here we are, 16 years later, 6 kids later, with our own home, me with a good job, and a stable family. But all this financial stability etc is a fruit of our love and devotion to each other and the hard work we’ve done TOGETHER. We sought love first, and all these good things were given to us AFTER, not before.

I totally disagree with the idea that a man should be financially stable before getting a wife. How about marry for love, real love, and then watch that real love bring your life together. It is my opinion that if a young, poor couple fights over money, then they never loved each other in the first place. They should’ve never gotten married in the first place, rich OR poor.

Money is nothing. Nothing. It doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is getting to heaven, and the best way to do that is to live your vocation, so if your vocation is marriage, then get married. Get on that as soon as may be. Don’t wait for finances. What is right to be done cannot be done too soon, to quote Mr. Weston from “Emma”. 🙂
 
It’s one thing to be broke (we were), but it’s another to be so poor that you can’t meet your basic needs.

I do think that, minimally, you should have your own place to live when you start a marriage. No bride wants to be brought to her mother-in-law’s home instead of her own after the wedding. Even if all you can afford is a ratty studio apartment, that’s fine - but you need your own space. Let’s be honest - will you and your girlfriend feel comfortable having sex in your parents’ home? Will she feel comfortable with the level if intimacy and lack of privacy that is inevitble when you are guests in their residence? Do you realize how important that first year is for establishing your relationship and domestic life? What if there is conflict? What if she gets pregnant? Will you expect her to prepare for motherhood and the raising of a family as a guest in her in-law’s home?

I ask this charitably - do you want to get married now because you are desperate to have sex with your girlfriend, or because you love, honor and cherish her and want to start a new life and a family as independent adults of one flesh?

Most men I know take pride in building their own little nest for their new wives, even if it is very humble and modest. We lived paycheck to paycheck in a little old rental when we were first married. It was so much fun beginning our lives together, on our own, even though the accomodations were… quaint. But we were together and we had our own little space and we learned to cook and keep house and argue and enjoy the more physical parts of of marriage. That would not have been possible if we were someone’s houseguests.
 
Soren_Itenu said:
My wife and I got married with nothing. No money. We graduated university on a Monday and got married that Friday. We moved to Japan the next day. We used our wedding gifts and borrowed money to buy the plane tickets. We had nothing…but love and the understanding that since we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together, what were we waiting for?

Here we are, 16 years later, 6 kids later, with our own home, me with a good job, and a stable family. But all this financial stability etc is a fruit of our love and devotion to each other and the hard work we’ve done TOGETHER. We sought love first, and all these good things were given to us AFTER, not before.

I totally disagree with the idea that a man should be financially stable before getting a wife. How about marry for love, real love, and then watch that real love bring your life together. It is my opinion that if a young, poor couple fights over money, then they never loved each other in the first place. They should’ve never gotten married in the first place, rich OR poor.

Money is nothing. Nothing. It doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is getting to heaven, and the best way to do that is to live your vocation, so if your vocation is marriage, then get married. Get on that as soon as may be. Don’t wait for finances. What is right to be done cannot be done too soon, to quote Mr. Weston from “Emma”. 🙂
Click to expand...
I wholeheartedly agree. We married under similar conditions. Everything we’ve done, we’ve done together. If I lose my job one day and am unable to provide financially, well then, I’ll be no different from who he married in the first place, a jobless grad student.
 
I’d just like to add that despite all I wrote in my previous post, I think it best to have your own place, even if it’s a rat-infested hole. Better than living with your parents with your wife.
😉
 
Soren_Itenu said:
I’d just like to add that despite all I wrote in my previous post, I think it best to have your own place, even if it’s a rat-infested hole. Better than living with your parents with your wife.
😉
Click to expand...
Totally. Scrape by in a cruddy apartment if you must and your girlfriend is willing, but don’t take your bride back home to live with your mom!
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top