marriages

[jp54321]

Everyone would love to have a happy marriage. Unfortunately human nature doesn’t always work that way. what recourse does a wife have if unfortunately her husband starts becoming abusive both physically and mentally towards her? I find it cruel if she is forced to separate without remarriage. What if after serious reflection she realizes that her former boyfriend has pity for her and the woman wants to marry him instead.

This is a question of apologetics

 

[Della]

Everyone would love to have a happy marriage. Unfortunately human nature doesn’t always work that way. what recourse does a wife have if unfortunately her husband starts becoming abusive both physically and mentally towards her?

If the husband’s pattern of behavior was there before marriage, she may have recourse to a pronouncement of nullity. She would have to first be civilly divorced and then apply through her diocese for a declaration of nullity of her marriage.

I find it cruel if she is forced to separate without remarriage.

If both husband and wife entered into their marriage freely and with no impediments, it means they intended to keep their vows–the hard ones as well as the easier ones. It’s not cruel to expect people to keep their vows which they freely gave.

What if after serious reflection she realizes that her former boyfriend has pity for her and the woman wants to marry him instead.

It’s way too early for that. A former bf may seem like an escape route, but no one should marry anyone merely to escape a bad situation. It’s got to be one of the worst reasons possible. She has to obtain a divorce, in any case, so she should apply for a degree of nullity if she wants to remain faithful to her baptismal vows.

This is a question of apologetics

God has not promised us all sunshine and roses in this life. We are going to suffer–it’s just a matter of what from. Sometimes we bring suffering on ourselves and sometimes it’s unavoidable. In any case, no one’s case is completely hopeless. It may seem that way in the depths of trouble, but truly God has a way of bringing good out of evil. We need to seek what we can do according to Church law, do it, and then trust in God. I would advise this lady to talk to her priest about all this.

 

[Xantippe]

If the husband’s pattern of behavior was there before marriage, she may have recourse to a pronouncement of nullity. She would have to first be civilly divorced and then apply through her diocese for a declaration of nullity of her marriage.

If both husband and wife entered into their marriage freely and with no impediments, it means they intended to keep their vows–the hard ones as well as the easier ones. It’s not cruel to expect people to keep their vows which they freely gave.

It’s way too early for that. A former bf may seem like an escape route, but no one should marry anyone merely to escape a bad situation. It’s got to be one of the worst reasons possible. She has to obtain a divorce, in any case, so she should apply for a degree of nullity if she wants to remain faithful to her baptismal vows.

Yes. Especially the third paragraph.

 

[Lou2U]

What Della said.

As far as the former boyfriend goes, the woman should not be thinking of remarriage until she has received an annulment, according to the Catholic Church. Until then, she is seen to be married by the Church.

Even if the woman wants to feel loved again, she should take some time away from relationships to heal from the abuse. The last thing she should do is jump into another relationship, especially if it’s built just on pity. Of course, this can only apply if she has received an annulment.

Lou

 

[Tablefor9]

What Della said.

As far as the former boyfriend goes, the woman should not be thinking of remarriage until she has received an annulment, according to the Catholic Church. Until then, she is seen to be married by the Church.

Even if the woman wants to feel loved again, she should take some time away from relationships to heal from the abuse. The last thing she should do is jump into another relationship, especially if it’s built just on pity. Of course, this can only apply if she has received an annulment.

Lou

What Lou said

And…she needs healing from the Holy Spirit and to feel whole in herself as a child of God before she looks for love from a man.

 

[styrgwillidar]

Everyone would love to have a happy marriage. Unfortunately human nature doesn’t always work that way. what recourse does a wife have if unfortunately her husband starts becoming abusive both physically and mentally towards her? I find it cruel if she is forced to separate without remarriage. What if after serious reflection she realizes that her former boyfriend has pity for her and the woman wants to marry him instead.

This is a question of apologetics

She should focus on living her vows. She took a vow before God, gave Him her word, it was a lifelong vow.

So did her husband. He’s not living his vows, that needs to be changed.

I would say her obligation is to try and fix what’s broken vice throwing it away. Counseling, both individual and joint; retrovaille (sp?), marriage encounter, medical evaluation…
As she’s trying everything to re-build the marriage if it becomes necessary to separate or divorce for safety/protection in accordance with the church’s teaching- then she should do that. If everything she tries fails, and admittedly her husband may not cooperate, then divorce and seeking a declaration of nullity prior to even thinking about any other relationship. She isn’t free to date until that time.

If she didn’t see this behavior in her husband prior to marriage, how does she know she won’t repeat the pattern with the former boyfriend? Grass is always greener etc.

This is where the nullity process is very helpful, as it can help a person to truly understand the past, their relationship, why it failed, what they missed/could have done better. And it helps them from rushing into something and very likely making the same mistakes. I had a friend whose mother got into one abusive relationship after another. Always wondered how she found those kinds of guys, and how those kinds of guys seemed to be able to find her.

 

[1ke]

Everyone would love to have a happy marriage. Unfortunately human nature doesn’t always work that way. what recourse does a wife have if unfortunately her husband starts becoming abusive both physically and mentally towards her?

Counseling. Separation with the bond remaining. Civil divorce with the bond remaining. Dissolution of the bond, if one or both are unbaptized. Petition for a decree of nullity if grounds exist.

I find it cruel if she is forced to separate without remarriage.

Christ himself taught us that marriage in Christ cannot be dissolved by divorce.

What if after serious reflection she realizes that her former boyfriend has pity for her and the woman wants to marry him instead.

If she is in a valid sacramental marriage, she is not free to marry.

This is a question of apologetics

No, this is a question of God’s law.

 

[Anglewannabe]

what recourse does a wife have if unfortunately her husband starts becoming abusive both physically and mentally towards her?

She can physically and get a civil divorce. However, she VOWED ‘till death do us part’. She NEVER vowed ‘till he becomes abusive do us part’. She is the one who agreed for better or for worse. She needs to keep her vow

I find it cruel if she is forced to separate without remarriage.

Again, if she wasn’t willing to live up to her end of the bargain, she never should have made the vow. Also, you are forgetting that the husband could repent and become a good husband.

What if after serious reflection she realizes that her former boyfriend has pity for her and the woman wants to marry him instead.

I would REALLY wonder what kind of man would want to marry his ex-girlfriend when she choose to marry an abusive man over him. The ex-boyfriend probably has self esteem issues which would not make for a better marriage

Angie