Married but not through the Church

[Angels_Eyes]

I was hoping for some advice.

My Husband and I were married 9 years ago. Although Baptised and raised a Catholic, I went away from the Church and at the time, did not consider myself a Catholic, so we were married in a garden, not in the Church by a Priest.

Now I have found God again and happily returned to the Catholic Religion, I want to have our marriage approved by the Church. My Husband, is a non practising Catholic and has lost his faith a lot after the loss of his Mother through Breast Cancer and his best friend (and his whole family in a car crash).

This is a big problem now for me, as he claims we are married and do not need to do it again. But I now consider myself Catholic again and am feeling quite strongly about this. I have spoken to a Priest and he says it is easy, just a few signatures, paper work to be sent away and done, not even necessary to have a ceramony if we don’t want to.

Please, if anyone has had similar problems, your advice would be very welcome and all of your prayers, of course.

Thank you,

 

[Dorothy]

“Angel’s Eyes”,

How wonderful that the Lord has led your heart back to the Catholic Church!

In spite of your husbands feelings right now, it is only right that you should be able to communicate to him how much it means to you to have your marriage vows made in the Catholic Church. I am sure he loves you, and will not want to disappoint you. More important than that, your putting the Lord first is of great importance to your salvation.

Keep praying for him, and letting him know that is what you want. Trust in the Lord, and in due time he too will want the peace you have.

 

[tbcrawford]

Dear friend how wonderful you are feeling so strong in your faith.
You did the right thing in talking to your priest.
I believe your marriage can be ‘convalidated’ by your priest (as he has told you)
and as you and your husband are both catholics it should be straight forward to do this.
Your priest will explain all the necessary procedure.

I am so sorry about your husbands family dying in such tragic circumstances and I will
kepp you all in my prayers.The strength and support your husband will feel when he finds his faith again will help him cope so much with their loss.You are being a good example to him
and he will see your example and in time will hopefully follow you.

Trust in the information your priest has given you.You can go to confession and enjoy Mass
each week.Your children will then grow up in the faith.This is all so wonderful and positive.
Welcome Home !! and God bless you

 

[Angels_Eyes]

“Angel’s Eyes”,

How wonderful that the Lord has led your heart back to the Catholic Church!

In spite of your husbands feelings right now, it is only right that you should be able to communicate to him how much it means to you to have your marriage vows made in the Catholic Church. I am sure he loves you, and will not want to disappoint you. More important than that, your putting the Lord first is of great importance to your salvation.

Keep praying for him, and letting him know that is what you want. Trust in the Lord, and in due time he too will want the peace you have.

Thank you Dorothy!

I pray for my dear Husband every night. I do hope his faith will be restored.
Thank you so very much for your lovely, kind words and thoughts.

God Bless you!

 

[Angels_Eyes]

Dear friend how wonderful you are feeling so strong in your faith.
You did the right thing in talking to your priest.
I believe your marriage can be ‘convalidated’ by your priest (as he has told you)
and as you and your husband are both catholics it should be straight forward to do this.
Your priest will explain all the necessary procedure.

I am so sorry about your husbands family dying in such tragic circumstances and I will
kepp you all in my prayers.The strength and support your husband will feel when he finds his faith again will help him cope so much with their loss.You are being a good example to him
and he will see your example and in time will hopefully follow you.

Trust in the information your priest has given you.You can go to confession and enjoy Mass
each week.Your children will then grow up in the faith.This is all so wonderful and positive.
Welcome Home !! and God bless you

Thank you ‘tbcrawford’ for your gorgeous reply
I feel very blessed you have taken the time to write.

The Priest I spoke to yesterday, was lovely and of great help. He answered a lot of my questions, as I have been away from the Church for so long, I had quite a few questions. I confessed my sins to him, and feel like a weight has been lifted. I feel alive and willing to serve God. I was nearly drawn to tears during the confession…maybe that happens to many people though. I am happy that I can now receive Communion without ‘my’ guilt.

I do pray for my Husband and hope in me, he will find his faith again.
Thank you once again and may God bless you also.

 

[JRKH]

Thank you Dorothy!

I pray for my dear Husband every night. I do hope his faith will be restored.
Thank you so very much for your lovely, kind words and thoughts.

God Bless you!

Dorothy’s advice is sound. Keep praying and also, gently, let your husband know how important this is to you. If you think it might help, you might even invite your priest over for dinner. Not specifically for this matter mind you, but it would give him a chance to assure your husband how simple a matter it would be to have the marriage convalidated.
Also, if He and your husband “hit it off” on a personal level, it might eventually lead to restoring/strenghening your husbands’ faith.

Just a thought.

Peace
James

 

[Angels_Eyes]

Dorothy’s advice is sound. Keep praying and also, gently, let your husband know how important this is to you. If you think it might help, you might even invite your priest over for dinner. Not specifically for this matter mind you, but it would give him a chance to assure your husband how simple a matter it would be to have the marriage convalidated.
Also, if He and your husband “hit it off” on a personal level, it might eventually lead to restoring/strenghening your husbands’ faith.

Just a thought.

Peace
James

Oh thank you so much James
Very good idea about the dinner. Certainly if it did restore my Husband’s faith I would be thrilled. And you are right in saying that I should do this all ‘gently’. I do think if I push, it will not turn out good, and who likes a pushy wife anyway
I am just hoping if he sees how happy I am now that I have returned to the Church, and sees positive things in me, he might be willing to at least let God in, even if it is just a little.

You are a beautiful soul,
thank you again,
Angela.:angel1:

 

[Dorothy]

Thank you ‘tbcrawford’ for your gorgeous reply
I feel very blessed you have taken the time to write.

The Priest I spoke to yesterday, was lovely and of great help. He answered a lot of my questions, as I have been away from the Church for so long, I had quite a few questions. I confessed my sins to him, and feel like a weight has been lifted. I feel alive and willing to serve God. I was nearly drawn to tears during the confession…maybe that happens to many people though. I am happy that I can now receive Communion without ‘my’ guilt.

I do pray for my Husband and hope in me, he will find his faith again.
Thank you once again and may God bless you also.

I may be misunderstanding something here and forgive me if I say something that is not so.

If you are still with your husband and having marital relations I don’t understand how you can receive the Eucharist, as you are aware that your marriage is not valid yet.

 

[Angels_Eyes]

I may be misunderstanding something here and forgive me if I say something that is not so.

If you are still with your husband and having marital relations I don’t understand how you can receive the Eucharist, as you are aware that your marriage is not valid yet.

Oh, I am not sure Dorothy. The Priest said everything in regards to me receiving the Eucharist was fine. I have only just recently come back to the Church. I was a Pagan, and therefore practising occult activities and also, more recently a Spiritualist (Mediumship etc) so my question to the Priest yesterday was can I still receive the Eucharist. He said to me, Once a Catholic always a Catholic. He said that God’s light was always shining in me, even though it may have been, quite ‘dull’ at the times that I felt I did not believe and was doing other things. He said it was ok for me to attend Church and receive, but I wanted to have confession, for my guilt more than anything and he of course said that was fine.

In regards to our Marriage. He did not mention that because I am in a Marriage that is not recognized by the Church that I cannot receive the Eucharist. I guess he would have mentioned this.

Now you have me thinking and confused should I consider talking to another Priest?

 

[Dorothy]

Yes, it would be good to talk to another priest.

Sadly, some priests are not as thorough as they ought to be and do not speak out all that they should.

Prayers for you…

 

[1ke]

Regarding your marriage, talk to the priest about your two options of convalidation and radical sanation.

Convalidation requires the new exchange of consent before a priest and two witnesses. Radical sanation is called “healing at the root” and does not require new consent. There are certain circumstances in which radical sanation can be used.

You do need to take care of the marriage situation. Perhaps your husband will do it for love of you if not for belief in the Church.

You should talk to your priest about receiving communion while in an invalid marriage. Follow your priest’s counsel.

 

[bklynbrat]

Thank you ‘tbcrawford’ for your gorgeous reply
I feel very blessed you have taken the time to write.

The Priest I spoke to yesterday, was lovely and of great help. He answered a lot of my questions, as I have been away from the Church for so long, I had quite a few questions. I confessed my sins to him, and feel like a weight has been lifted. I feel alive and willing to serve God. I was nearly drawn to tears during the confession…maybe that happens to many people though. I am happy that I can now receive Communion without ‘my’ guilt.
I do pray for my Husband and hope in me, he will find his faith again.
Thank you once again and may God bless you also.

Angel Eyes, welcome back. I’m in the same boat as you. I’ve been back home now for 3 years, after a 25 year absence, but still haven’t had my marriage convalidated.

I was intrigued by the bolded part of your post. I was hoping someone with more knowledge than myself could help out? I was under the impression that I ( Catholic married outside the church to a non-Catholic) could not go to confession until the marriage was convalidated because I would not receive absolution? Hence I would not be able to receive communion until then?

Angel Eyes, once again welcome home. May God’s grace shine upon you & hopefully your husband will see that grace working in you & come home too.

 

[Angels_Eyes]

Regarding your marriage, talk to the priest about your two options of convalidation and radical sanation.

Convalidation requires the new exchange of consent before a priest and two witnesses. Radical sanation is called “healing at the root” and does not require new consent. There are certain circumstances in which radical sanation can be used.

You do need to take care of the marriage situation. Perhaps your husband will do it for love of you if not for belief in the Church.

You should talk to your priest about receiving communion while in an invalid marriage. Follow your priest’s counsel.

Thank you. I think I will need to look into it further and talk to another Priest.
I appreciate your help

 

[Angels_Eyes]

Angel Eyes, welcome back. I’m in the same boat as you. I’ve been back home now for 3 years, after a 25 year absence, but still haven’t had my marriage convalidated.

I was intrigued by the bolded part of your post. I was hoping someone with more knowledge than myself could help out? I was under the impression that I ( Catholic married outside the church to a non-Catholic) could not go to confession until the marriage was convalidated because I would not receive absolution? Hence I would not be able to receive communion until then?

Angel Eyes, once again welcome home. May God’s grace shine upon you & hopefully your husband will see that grace working in you & come home too.

Thank you ‘bklynbrat’ for your kind words. Certainly I am no expert, but I do believe the Priest when he says once a Catholic always a Catholic. And with that shouldn’t it mean you could attend confession at any time? The Priest said I was ‘Good with God again’ actually I asked him that question, and he laughed and said yes.

Next year is our 10 year Anniversary and if my Husband is not happy to go ahead with convalidating our Marriage now, I am hoping he might next year, but I will just work on it slowly with him, no pressure. It must be difficult for you, if you feel strongly about your beliefs too. These things are sent to test us hey! …and make us stronger…someone said that once…

Thank you for you warm welcome ‘home’.
Good luck to you, I hope all goes well for you too.
Blessings.:heaven: