Married coworkers' comments about members of opposite sex at work

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whatevergirl

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Sometimes, a few female coworkers of mine will refer to male coworkers as ‘hot,’ when forgetting their names and trying to describe them to me. (For example…someone might say…“oh, what is that guy’s name…you know, the really hot one in…xyz office”) I have never been one to do that. Even before I married, I would of course notice good looking men, and have dated some (and married one:D ) But, especially after being married, I don’t ogle men, or would think of describing a coworker no less, in this way. I work in a very conservative exec environment, which this type of thing sometimes takes me aback.:o My response was nothing. I just changed the subject. I don’t want to have chats about other men, their looks, their bods,etc…other than about my husband, with other women.

Am I being too stuffy?😊 As a married person–do you think it’s wrong to comment on someone’s looks of the opposite sex, by saying…‘she/he’s hot,’ etc…there just seems to be something disrespectful about this, especially when done at work. I dunno:shrug: I’m not a prude, but I just don’t talk about people’s looks, in general.

Look forward to your thoughts.🙂
 
I am with you. When I describe people, it’s usually by how tall, if they wear glasses or not, color of hair, or build…heavy, thin, muscular or where their cubicle is in the office. But I generally don’t use those terms like “hot” either.
 
stbruno said:
I am with you. When I describe people, it’s usually by how tall, if they wear glasses or not, color of hair, or build…heavy, thin, muscular or where their cubicle is in the office. But I generally don’t use those terms like “hot” either.
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Ok, I’m not nuts, then. 😉 When I said nothing, I think it made her feel uncomfortable for having said it…which wasn’t my intent. But, I’m not going to chime in with these things. Thanks for your comment.
 
I’m with you. I think it’s disrespectful of those persons and completely inappropriate among colleagues, and ESPECIALLY since those women are married.
 
I’m with you and the rest of the posters on this one! Just think if your husband happened to stop by the office and overheard you saying, “Oh yeah, you know the really hot new guy who sits next to Lucy…” I know I would never want to hear my husband describing any woman, especially a co-worker, as “hot” and he would not appreciate hearing me say that about another man. It is just inappropriate talk for a married man or woman!
 
While I don’t know that I’d do it in an office environment. I guess it depends on your coworkers. But my dh would have no problem with me saying how attractive another man is. Nor would I have an issue with him saying another woman is beautiful. Niether of those kind of comments means that we’re cheating on each other or being disrespectful of each other.

In fact if my dh didn’t notice a beautiful woman walk by or he worked with one and comment on it I’d be more worried because I figure that he’s trying to hide something. He feels the same way about it too when it comes to men.
 
maria29 said:
While I don’t know that I’d do it in an office environment. I guess it depends on your coworkers. But my dh would have no problem with me saying how attractive another man is. Nor would I have an issue with him saying another woman is beautiful. Niether of those kind of comments means that we’re cheating on each other or being disrespectful of each other.

In fact if my dh didn’t notice a beautiful woman walk by or he worked with one and comment on it I’d be more worried because I figure that he’s trying to hide something. He feels the same way about it too when it comes to men.
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I agree…from the vantage point, that my husband and I will describe someone to each other–like my husband might say that someone is attractive, and I might say the same…in a conversation where it seems to be in context. I think he might mind if I’m always talking about every attractive man I see every day…lol:D But in proper context–yes, I agree with you there.

But, I’m talking more about saying these things to coworkers or out for coffee with friends…like ogling men that walk by…and so forth. Like a Sex & The City episode. KWIM? I just thought it didn’t fit at work, nor do I want to know that this woman thinks this other guy is ‘hot.’ :eek: 😊
 
Whatevergirl posted-
Sometimes, a few female coworkers of mine will refer to male coworkers as ‘hot,’ when forgetting their names and trying to describe them to me. (For example…someone might say…“oh, what is that guy’s name…you know, the really hot one in…xyz office”) I have never been one to do that. Even before I married, I would of course notice good looking men, and have dated some (and married one ) But, especially after being married, I don’t ogle men, or would think of describing a coworker no less, in this way. I work in a very conservative exec environment, which this type of thing sometimes takes me aback. My response was nothing. I just changed the subject. I don’t want to have chats about other men, their looks, their bods,etc…other than about my husband, with other women.
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So Stbruno said-
I am with you. When I describe people, it’s usually by how tall, if they wear glasses or not, color of hair, or build…heavy, thin, muscular or where their cubicle is in the office. But I generally don’t use those terms like “hot” either
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So this means all y’all ladies quit tawkin about* me*, when I ain’t here.
 
I wouldn’t want any female co-workers knowing which men I thought were “hot” (icky word!) anyway - that’s my private business!

And I’d probably shock them because for me personality is a huge part of attractiveness - they’d think I was mad if they knew which men I might consider attractive.

I’ll make a complimentary comment such as “he’s always immaculately groomed” or “he chooses his clothes very well” but I would also say that about a female coworker and would never say anything that indicated I found a coworker personally attractive. I don’t think I’d even tell a female friend which men I found attractive.

I’d feel the same way even if I were single.
 
Guitar said:
I wouldn’t want any female co-workers knowing which men I thought were “hot” (icky word!) anyway - that’s my private business!

And I’d probably shock them because for me personality is a huge part of attractiveness - they’d think I was mad if they knew which men I might consider attractive.

I’ll make a complimentary comment such as “he’s always immaculately groomed” or “he chooses his clothes very well” but I would also say that about a female coworker and would never say anything that indicated I found a coworker personally attractive. I don’t think I’d even tell a female friend which men I found attractive.

I’d feel the same way even if I were single.
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I always love your posts Guitar:) …they are so funny…and yet insightful. It is funny you say this, because if I comment on people…I might compliment how they dress, etc…but ee-gads…the thought of saying someone is hot…which isn’t a word I would use anyways, seemed …sexual in a sense. It threw me…to say the least!:o
 
In the field that I work in I’d love it if a coworker told me I was hot. Because more than likely they’re telling me I’m super talented at what I do and that I’ve got some superb editing skills.For example, ____ you’re one of the hottest editors we have right now. 🙂
 
maria29 said:
In the field that I work in I’d love it if a coworker told me I was hot. Because more than likely they’re telling me I’m super talented at what I do and that I’ve got some superb editing skills.For example, ____ you’re one of the hottest editors we have right now. 🙂
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lol! 🙂 think she meant hot in a different way though.
But, hey–you could be on to something here.😉
 
whatevergirl said:
I always love your posts Guitar:) …they are so funny…and yet insightful. It is funny you say this, because if I comment on people…I might compliment how they dress, etc…but ee-gads…the thought of saying someone is hot…which isn’t a word I would use anyways, seemed …sexual in a sense. It threw me…to say the least!:o
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Awww, gee, shucks, thank you. 😊 And your posts likewise - you always speak so kindly to people but without watering down the message.

I completely agree - it is sexual, at the bottom of it. Impersonal compliments are one thing but saying to a third party “Blot from purchasing turns me on and I’ve been checking him out” (which is what they’re really saying) is quite another.
 
Yes, ‘hot’ is sexual, and sounds actually offensive to me.

Saying someone is attractive or pretty or good-looking or handsome is different, and yes, I talk to my husband like that, more than with anyone else.
 
whatevergirl said:
Sometimes, a few female coworkers of mine will refer to male coworkers as ‘hot,’ when forgetting their names and trying to describe them to me. (For example…someone might say…“oh, what is that guy’s name…you know, the really hot one in…xyz office”) I have never been one to do that. Even before I married, I would of course notice good looking men, and have dated some (and married one:D ) But, especially after being married, I don’t ogle men, or would think of describing a coworker no less, in this way. I work in a very conservative exec environment, which this type of thing sometimes takes me aback.:o My response was nothing. I just changed the subject. I don’t want to have chats about other men, their looks, their bods,etc…other than about my husband, with other women.

Am I being too stuffy?😊 As a married person–do you think it’s wrong to comment on someone’s looks of the opposite sex, by saying…‘she/he’s hot,’ etc…there just seems to be something disrespectful about this, especially when done at work. I dunno:shrug: I’m not a prude, but I just don’t talk about people’s looks, in general.

Look forward to your thoughts.🙂
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A tactful way to respond would be just to say. “Yes he is very good looking”. I don’t think your husband would have a problem with that (unless he is the jealous type).
 
thomfra said:
A tactful way to respond would be just to say. “Yes he is very good looking”. I don’t think your husband would have a problem with that (unless he is the jealous type).
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OR…what…are you crazy…you think HE is hot? hahaha He is a good looking man. No, my husband is not jealous type, but like I said above…don’t think he would like me commenting to him, on every man I see. But, we point out attractive people to each other, although my husband does it less than me, because he thinks it would imply he is checking out men. lol:o

Anyways! 😃
 
It sounds to me that the problem here has more to do with word choice than with someone appreciating that another person is good looking, right? I’ve been married for a couple of years now and I still appreciate when a good looking man comes in my office. My co-workers and I might even giggle later and talk about how attractive he was, but not really using the word, “hot.” I think what we do is a little more innocent sounding than that.
 
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