Married coworkers' comments about members of opposite sex at work

[Fran65]

“Hot or not”? I try not to go there verbally. Like one of the other posters I try and give a factual description.
Turn it around, you, as a female exec find out that the men are talking about you and your female co-workers as “Hot”.
It is inappropriate and unprofessional to make those kinds of comments at work. That’s supported by the awarding of compensation for sexual harassment in the UK, and I’d guess in the US too.
I also avoid spending time on my own (other than on work related activities) with men I find attractive. I just don’t want to feed my thoughts! My choice, I’m not saying that’s what people should do, it works for me.
Karen

 

[whatevergirl]

It sounds to me that the problem here has more to do with word choice than with someone appreciating that another person is good looking, right? I’ve been married for a couple of years now and I still appreciate when a good looking man comes in my office. My co-workers and I might even giggle later and talk about how attractive he was, but not really using the word, “hot.” I think what we do is a little more innocent sounding than that.

Yes, you could be right. It’s not the only time this has happened, regarding this man. I work a lot with this guy, he is not in my office, but I do a lot of marketing for him. I am in sales/marketing, and handle the Florida area. I have worked with him for so long now, I don’t really notice his looks, as strange as that sounds. When I first met him, his looks were not the first thing I noticed either…it was that he was very professional and kind to me. (many of the men I have worked with here are arrogant) I noticed his looks, but it’s not like he stepped out of GQ. lol Perhaps, because we have become pals, I don’t look at him in such a way, you know?

So back to the story…this same woman has also made references like…I wouldn’t mind waking up to that, everyday. To me, that sounds like someone who doesn’t like who she *is *waking up to, from a looks standpoint. She supposedly is happily married, then I have to wonder why these comments, you know?

It just seems confusing. I never say anything…I just stare off into space when she says these things. She’ll say…‘Sharon, you’re such a prude.’ No, I don’t believe this is appropriate – that’s all.

Maybe I am a prude.

 

[samovila]

Yes, you could be right. It’s not the only time this has happened, regarding this man. I work a lot with this guy, he is not in my office, but I do a lot of marketing for him. I am in sales/marketing, and handle the Florida area. I have worked with him for so long now, I don’t really notice his looks, as strange as that sounds. When I first met him, his looks were not the first thing I noticed either…it was that he was very professional and kind to me. (many of the men I have worked with here are arrogant) I noticed his looks, but it’s not like he stepped out of GQ. lol Perhaps, because we have become pals, I don’t look at him in such a way, you know?

So back to the story…this same woman has also made references like…I wouldn’t mind waking up to that, everyday. To me, that sounds like someone who doesn’t like who she *is *waking up to, from a looks standpoint. She supposedly is happily married, then I have to wonder why these comments, you know?

It just seems confusing. I never say anything…I just stare off into space when she says these things. She’ll say…‘Sharon, you’re such a prude.’ No, I don’t believe this is appropriate – that’s all.

Maybe I am a prude.

I would never make a comment that I’d like to wake up with anyone other than my husband! That just sounds inappropriate to me. I don’t think you’re a prude. If a work friend of mine were making comments like that, I think I would give her a shocked look and say, “That’s a terrible thing to say! You’re so bad!” Maybe even half jokingly so there’s no tension.

 

[whatevergirl]

I would never make a comment that I’d like to wake up with anyone other than my husband! That just sounds inappropriate to me. I don’t think you’re a prude. If a work friend of mine were making comments like that, I think I would give her a shocked look and say, “That’s a terrible thing to say! You’re so bad!” Maybe even half jokingly so there’s no tension.

The irony of all of this is that she and I have become friends…and when she’s around in my office (I also market for her, too) we have lunch and the time flies talking about our love for God. How God transformed her life, etc…

I try to give people the benefit of the doubt…but, the next time, I might just say something…not rude, or to cause tension, like you mention…but, something.

Thanks for your replies peeps

 

[maria29]

Saying “I wouldn’t mind waking up next to that every morning” doesn’t mean that something is wrong with her marriage. I’ve said that jokingly before and yes my husband heard. He knows I am kidding and that I don’t actually mean it.

 

[whatevergirl]

Just curious–why say things we don’t mean? I don’t know if my husband said that, that I’d assume he was completely joking. But, that’s just me…and no, I’m not insecure or a jealous type person. Again, why say something like that, at all? Is this the persona I want people to think of, when they think of Christians? That we joke that we want to sleep with others, who are good looking? AGAIN-MAYBE I’M A PRUDE.

I just don’t think that the man I married should ever doubt that he’s who I have eyes for–only. Yes, I have looked…but declaring my thoughts on a good looking man walking by, isn’t necessary, to me…But, I never did that* before *I married, so maybe that’s why it seems so foreign to me in general.

Plus, maria–statements like that really are not appropriate in the workplace, for sure.

Interesting replies, everyone!

 

[samovila]

Just curious–why say things we don’t mean? I don’t know if my husband said that, that I’d assume he was completely joking. But, that’s just me…and no, I’m not insecure or a jealous type person. Again, why say something like that, at all? Is this the persona I want people to think of, when they think of Christians? That we joke that we want to sleep with others, who are good looking? AGAIN-MAYBE I’M A PRUDE. !

I always say… “In every joke, there is a little bit of truth!”

 

[whatevergirl]

I always say… “In every joke, there is a little bit of truth!”

LOL–I mean, hey…we all look now and again at an attractive person passing by, who isn’t our spouse. We are all human. I don’t look lustfully, I know my husband looks…I hope he doesn’t look lustfully. But, comments like ‘I’d like to wake up to that,’ appear lustful. I don’t see a need to joke like that. I’m a pretty funny woman, I’m told, too. lol So, it’s not like I don’t know how to take a joke, but suppose my dd heard him say something like that? Or me? That would be embarassing.

Suffice to say, our words can get us into trouble, if we’re not careful. I think the Bible talks about that–how the tongue can be sinful?

 

[maria29]

I never said that I said that at a workplace. And when I’ve said it its been about someone that was unattainable.As in I’m watching a movie and the male star is Johnny Depp or whoever. So I am completely joking, unless maybe I do have a chance with a hollywood star

I also work in the world of production where its mostly men and one hears way worse things than whats been said on here. If I had let it get to me I’d never work in that industry.

 

[whatevergirl]

I never said that I said that at a workplace. And when I’ve said it its been about someone that was unattainable.As in I’m watching a movie and the male star is Johnny Depp or whoever.

I also work in the world of production where its mostly men and one hears way worse things than whats been said on here. If I had let it get to me I’d never work in that industry.

hi maria;

understood. i didn’t say you said it in the workplace, more that it’s just not appropriate there, in general. I work in the insurance/financial business and it’s mainly men…and I think men are more cautious in the world of HR lawsuits, etc of saying things like this.

Anyways! Thanks for your (name removed by moderator)ut.