Married folks question

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CuriousInIL

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Married folks,

When you do request “IT” from your spouse, what words do you use?

I for many years used “Do you want to fool around?” until she just told me she does not like that phrase. So, I have gone back to “Are you interested tonight?” with raised eyebrows.

How about the rest of you? What words do you use?
 
For a while, we would say “wanna renew the marriage covenant?”

But that got a little long.

Now that we are out of postpartum infertility–it is usually, “Phase three!!! yea!!!” or at the end of phase one “Stretchy, yet?”

I personally don’t like any question you might hear on a sitcom, "wanna…do it? get it on?

Also, I hate “make love.” I don’t know why except maybe it is over used–and by non marrieds.

We pretty much have a sense of humor about it. Frankly, since we are doing NFP, if we can–we do!! It is assumed. 😃
 
Consider non-verbal communication…it’s a sure bet. Start with a compliment to her–not necessarily on her appearance–but on something she does well or is dedicated to…give her a warm, meaningful hug after work and tell her you’re glad to be home…look around and see what needs doing and take the initiative to help her with a few things…offer a back massage or foot massage (very relaxing)…be affectionate–smile, look her in the eyes when you’re talking, give her hugs…cuddle in bed. Do all this for a couple days with NO sex. She will probably come pawing after you…but if it’s still up to you to initiate…she will be much more receptive if she feels cherished, appreciated and loved before being approached for sex.
 
Lately it’s become quite hilarious (around here, at least) to ask each other if we want to “pay the debt” tonight. We both usually start giggling like two dumb high schoolers. It gets asked in a variety of ways, but the word “debt” has to be used, lol. This comes from me telling him about a recent thread in Moral Theology and seeing the phrase “marital debt” for the first time. Which, for whatever immaturity, we both found quite humorous. We have always thought the marital, um, embrace to be a gift rather than a debt.

Most of the time, usually we just show each other what we want or a look or behavior says it all, and things proceed from there. I think I would die laughing if my husband asked me to “fool around” or “get it on.” (No offense to those of you who prefer those phrases.)

Again, this is coming from someone who finds the phrase “marital debt” absolutely hilarious…I’m even laughing about it as I type it.
 
Island Oak,

I’m sorry but I think you paint a picture of grand illusions. It is entirely possible that after weeks, months, even years of doing just that, a wife can still be too exhausted and caught up in the daily toil and not be in any sort of mood.

Just as husbands are commonly known to get “distracted” by their careers, I think stay-at-home wifes/mom’s can get the same distraction with their daily occupations. But that can be worse because there is no one out there telling them that it is wrong. In fact they are even told that it is perfectly natural and OK to focus all their energy on kids etc.
 
Island Oak,

I should add. Doing those things for your wife should be a given. In fact it migh better serve men and women if men are taught to do those things independent of the sexual relationship. And likewise, it might be better if women were taught to receive their husbands independent of whether he’s “worthy” or not. The simple fact that he stood in front of the altar, made a vow, and is keeping it makes him worthy.
 
As for the original post:

We have our codes - but I’m not so foolish as to give them away! Like I want the world to know exactly what my wife and I are talking about.

Try asking your wife if there is a phrase she would prefer.

Or you could leave it as an unspoken understood and compare it to some loathesome chore. For example: “… Or I suppose you would rather wash the dishes right now.” Which will in turn beg the question, “Wash dishes? As opposed to what? What did you have in mind?” And that’s when you just grin.

You might end up doing the dishes yourself later, but hey. . .
 
Just to clarify my original post, I am not looking for advice; this was intended to be a more light-hearted survey-type thread where we cna all compare what we say.
 
Gotcha! I misinterpretted the fact that you said your wife didn’t like one of your code phrases as seeking advice. I see what you mean now.

But I’m still not telling! nya-nya!
 
Black Jaque:
Island Oak,

I’m sorry but I think you paint a picture of grand illusions…
Click to expand...
Not at all…why do you think I would have offered the suggestion it if it hadn’t worked so well for my husband?
 
We pretty much have a sense of humor about it. Frankly, since we are doing NFP, if we can–we do!! It is assumed. 😃

I agree! Since we’ve been using NFP our “marital relationship” has become much more satisfying and more frequent…if we can…we do!!! When we were contracepting, it could be weeks and weeks…now it’s much better! 👍

Peace
 
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CuriousInIL:
Just to clarify my original post, I am not looking for advice; this was intended to be a more light-hearted survey-type thread where we cna all compare what we say.
Click to expand...
Sigh. Guess I created something deeper just by mistake.
 
Ok I’ll let ya know. Here are some of my code phrases I use to tell my wife that I’m in the mood:

“Pssst! Are you awake?”

“Hi Honey! I’m home!”

“Boy I’m hungry. What’s for supper?”

“Wow! It’s Monday!”

“You look marvelous!”

“Good morning!”

“Good night.”

“Wow! It’s Tuesday!”

“Well, the neighbor’s dog just chewed 1/2 my leg off. Some idjit ran me off the road and into the ditch. An irate client grabbed my tie, pulled me over the desk and pounded knobs in my head. How was your day?”

“Let’s go out for pizza.”

“Wow! It’s Wednesday!”

“How are you doing?”

“The babysitter’s coming at 6:00, you’ve got an hour and a half to get ready, we’re going out to dinner, then take in a play”

When a gorgeous babe walks by I say, “Hey toots!” Then when she turns around to slap me I say, “Not you! Her!” and I point to my wife.

“I feel kinda bummed today”

“Wow! It’s Thursday!”

“I’m beat! Let’s go to bed early.”

“I feel pretty spunky. Let’s stay up all night.”

“Thank God it’s Friday!”

“Oh your sister called, she’ll call again at 7”

“I’m going hunting, I’ll be home sometime after dark.”

“I love Saturdays”

“Letsee, I gotta mow the lawn, change oil in the cars, fix the window, take out the garbage, and there was something else I had to do . . .”

“Put another log on the fire, fix me up some bacon and some beans…”

“Would you like another glass of wine?”

“SUNDAY!!!”😃
 
I just give my wife a back rub, never have to ask. Of course if that doesn’t work I just say “the pope says we have to have 10,000 kids, I’ll turn you in if we don’t get busy” 😃
 
“How about a date tonight?”

“Want to go to bed early?”

and a back rub always works. 😃
 
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