Married outside Catholic church?

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acesbutterfly88

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My husband and I got into a fight about receiving communion while in the state of sin for not being married in the Catholic church. Why is it considered a sin to be married outside the church? We still made a commitment to each other and to GOD. Where in the bible does it say we have to married in the Catholic church? I feel as long as we made this commitment to GOD we are not in sin. Help. :confused:
 
Are either of your Catholic?

If so, you need to be married in a Catholic Church, or have your Bishop’s permission to be married elsewhere in order for your marriage to be valid. If you’re not validly married and you are living like a married couple, then you are engaged in fornication, which is what brings up problems for the reception of Communion.

If one of you is Catholic, and you weren’t married in the Church, then you have a problem. I’d suggest speaking with a priest about how to move forward in addressing it.

Pax
 
acesbutterfly88 said:
My husband and I got into a fight about receiving communion while in the state of sin for not being married in the Catholic church. Why is it considered a sin to be married outside the church? We still made a commitment to each other and to GOD. Where in the bible does it say we have to married in the Catholic church? I feel as long as we made this commitment to GOD we are not in sin. Help. :confused:
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Hi.

Please remember that the Bible is not the sole “answer book.” It was developed by Catholics after the first 300 years or so of teaching the various books by word or by some written separate books since the days of the Apostles. Just because a practice isn’t listed in the Bible doesn’t make it optional. The word “Trinity” isn’t in the Bible, but we as Catholics know what it comprises and tells us about the nature of God.

As Lord Jesus Christ (God)* gave authority to the Church to set the rules of practice for its faithful, we as Catholics are obligated to follow the Church’s rules in doing things*. These rules have a basis in either Sacred Tradition (thousands of years of passed-on practices) and/or Sacred Scripture (what we annotated in the Bible).

You may find this link to the US Conference of Catholic Bishop’s FAQ page to be useful.

Here’s their answer for you regarding marriages in a church:
  1. Why does a Catholic wedding have to take place in a church?
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For Catholics, marriage is not just a social or family event, but a church event. For this reason, the Church prefers that marriages between Catholics, or between Catholics and other Christians, be celebrated in the parish church of one of the spouses. Only the local bishop can permit a marriage to be celebrated in another suitable place.
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While you can ask to have a wedding, say, outside, there are rules to follow to ensure that your wedding follows the Church’s rules to ensure it’s done right. Remember that the Body of Christ to which you and a spouse belongs is also that of the community in your parish. In short, while God is ever-present, so should others that belong to Him be part of your ceremony.

I think that the problem (resolvable by checking with a priest for details) in marrying outside of the Church is that, while it is the couple that exchanges the Sacrament of Marriage to each other, an ordained minister (priest or deacon) must always be present (or have been present, in the case of the Eucharist) for this or any other Sacrament to be fully utilized.

That means that your wedding did not follow the form that the church requires for it to be licit (lawful). A priest or deacon is also tasked to prepare you for marriage–you don’t simply walk into a parish one day. It will take at least 6 months to ensure you are properly prepared. Because of this preparation, Catholics have a lower divorce rate than non-Catholics (1 in 4 vs. 1 in 2). In this day and age, you need anything from God to beat the odds.

Again, see a priest to see how you two can resolve this and return to the Sacraments properly. God bless.
 
Since you’re obviously attending church, why not speak to a priest about your marriage, and how to proceed to return to full communion with the Church?
 
Would you consider it a valid sacrament if you ate bread and wine handed out by any old person on the street? No. The Eucharist is only “real” if it comes from a Catholic priest. Marriage is a sacrament. It is only “real” if it comes from a Catholic priest. And it is in the Bible, actually. Jesus told the Apostles (who were the precursors to today’s priests) “Whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven; whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.” He didn’t give this power to just anybody. So for you to be truly bound in the sacrament of marriage, you must be bound by a priest.
 
mt_gooseberry said:
Would you consider it a valid sacrament if you ate bread and wine handed out by any old person on the street? No. The Eucharist is only “real” if it comes from a Catholic priest. Marriage is a sacrament. It is only “real” if it comes from a Catholic priest. And it is in the Bible, actually. Jesus told the Apostles (who were the precursors to today’s priests) “Whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven; whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.” He didn’t give this power to just anybody. So for you to be truly bound in the sacrament of marriage, you must be bound by a priest.
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The priest is the minister of the Eucharist, true.
However, the priest is not always the minister of the sacrament of marriage. In the Latin Rite, those marrying minister the sacrament to each other, though the Church does require Catholics to be married with a priest or deacon officiating if possible. This is nearly always possible, unless you have been shipwrecked or are living in an area with no priests or deacons, etc.

Catholics can marry without priest in danger of death or if there will be no priest for a month.
The Bishop may designate a lay person to assist with marriages in areas where there are few priests.

I think things are different in the Eastern rites.

I recognize this is a subtle distinction that isn’t commonly known.

However, what Dan said earlier is correct. If even one of the couple Catholic, they must marry in the form the Church has established. When priests/deacons are available, that form includes priests/deacons. Because priests/deacons are general available, and few people get married on their deathbeds, most Catholics are married with priests or deacons assisting.
 
PeterAgain said:
The priest is the minister of the Eucharist, true.
However, the priest is not always the minister of the sacrament of marriage. In the Latin Rite, those marrying minister the sacrament to each other, though the Church does require Catholics to be married with a priest or deacon officiating if possible. This is nearly always possible, unless you have been shipwrecked or are living in an area with no priests or deacons, etc.

Catholics can marry without priest in danger of death or if there will be no priest for a month.
The Bishop may designate a lay person to assist with marriages in areas where there are few priests.

I think things are different in the Eastern rites.

I recognize this is a subtle distinction that isn’t commonly known.

However, what Dan said earlier is correct. If even one of the couple Catholic, they must marry in the form the Church has established. When priests/deacons are available, that form includes priests/deacons. Because priests/deacons are general available, and few people get married on their deathbeds, most Catholics are married with priests or deacons assisting.
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Correct - in plain english - the ordinary minister of the Sacrament of Matrimony is the couple - the Priest [or Deacon] is the witness for the Church that validates the Sacrament - it is the only Sacrament that the Priest is not the Ordinary Minister for except Confirmation - which is the Bishop’s but can be delegated to the Priest [like at the Eatser Vigil - for the Elect and Candidates for full Communion - the numbers are far too many and the geographic area too large for the Bishop to perform them all] …

Deacons can Witness MArriages, Baptize and perfomr Funeral Services [not a Funeral Mass] … we used to say “Deacon may Match them, Splash them and Dispatch them” … as a pnemonic device …

The Couple presents themselves to the Church and they pronounce the vows … hopefully freely and with full knowledge of what they are asking for an attesting too …

Basically and simplified - To get your marriage “Blessed” and recognized by the Church is fairly simple - a requests, some instruction - if you then desire to be Married in the eyes of the Church with full understanding of all that mean … then a reconciliation for the Catholic Party [ies] and about 5 minutes after Mass …
 
PeterAgain said:
The priest is the minister of the Eucharist, true.
However, the priest is not always the minister of the sacrament of marriage. In the Latin Rite, those marrying minister the sacrament to each other, though the Church does require Catholics to be married with a priest or deacon officiating if possible. This is nearly always possible, unless you have been shipwrecked or are living in an area with no priests or deacons, etc.

Catholics can marry without priest in danger of death or if there will be no priest for a month.
The Bishop may designate a lay person to assist with marriages in areas where there are few priests.

I think things are different in the Eastern rites.

I recognize this is a subtle distinction that isn’t commonly known.

However, what Dan said earlier is correct. If even one of the couple Catholic, they must marry in the form the Church has established. When priests/deacons are available, that form includes priests/deacons. Because priests/deacons are general available, and few people get married on their deathbeds, most Catholics are married with priests or deacons assisting.
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Fascinating! I didn’t know this.
 
A priest can help you with this.

I think you just need to get your marriage blessed by a priest.

The priest may want to be sure you both are baptized.

The blessing can take 5 minutes after a Mass.
 
I just came out of the same situation that had lasted for over 23 years. I can tell you this much, don’t confess it or mention it to a priest until you both are ready to have your marriage convalidated. A lot if people got hurt from my wife’s Protestant church, and even put presure on her to divorce me for having our marriage blessed in church. My wife was almost ready to divorce me, but we went to a Protestant marriage workshop called, “a weekend to remember” and the Holy Spirit pulled her out of it. Truthfully, this so call Sacrament damaged our marriage. It will take us years to get back to where our relationship was while we were unworthy in the communion line.
 
johndoe100 said:
I just came out of the same situation that had lasted for over 23 years. I can tell you this much, don’t confess it or mention it to a priest until you both are ready to have your marriage convalidated. A lot if people got hurt from my wife’s Protestant church, and even put presure on her to divorce me for having our marriage blessed in church. My wife was almost ready to divorce me, but we went to a Protestant marriage workshop called, “a weekend to remember” and the Holy Spirit pulled her out of it. Truthfully, this so call Sacrament damaged our marriage. It will take us years to get back to where our relationship was while we were unworthy in the communion line.
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:mad:

“So called sacrament?” How dare you??
 
I will pray that the OP finds that answers you seek. As for the other poster - CAF has a policy against proselytizing and you have been reported.
 
I think it was quite painful. The whole process has wounded me, but not because of the process…the process is fine! The people who act the way they act are the ones who create the wounds.

It is a good idea Joan to pray for this family. It isn’t the church’s fault they ask to make things right with God. But people who would advise divorce instead of rising up to their full potential and do what is right.

I have to admit, there have been rumblings in the protestant camp close to me as well. A lot of ignorance upon the part of Catholics to the church rules on the matter. There is very little support in this process.

But while that is something that could improve as far as ministry goes, there really isn’t anything wrong with the process. It is fair.
 
I agree with Mamaslo. The truth is that is that if we better catachized our children before they made decisions regarding marriage we would have fewer of these issues.
 
I apologize for not getting back to you guys sooner, but my “convalidated *wife” and I were off on a 3 day camping trip. *First off, the OP deserved an honest answer. *Why should I paint a rosy picture if it was a big mess?

Canon 1055 says that all marriages are a sacrament regardless of where it takes place, thus permanent. However, the Church reserves the right to validate the original sacrament, therefore it’s a “so called sacrament”. i.e. not the original sacrament of marriage.

I forgot to mention one very important detail for the OP: *The reason why I waited 23 years was for my youngest to be away in college. *I had a hunch that things would turn bad if I messed around with my marriage. *

Sent from my iPhone
 
I don’t understand why so much fuss, this is an easy fix. Of course I am assuming you are both catholic since you are wanting to receive communion in a catholic church which is only for catholics!! (Until you are validly married you should not be receiving communion). Talk with your priest about blessing your marriage. It is quick and easy.
He can hear your confession(want to be free of sin before recieving the marriage sacrament), bless your marriage(by having you repeat your vows in your church with him) and that’s it!! In about 15 min. problem solved. Then you are free to recieve communion.

Once this is completed you are bound for life to one another!!! 😃

God bless,
chris
 
johndoe100 said:
I just came out of the same situation that had lasted for over 23 years. I can tell you this much, don’t confess it or mention it to a priest until you both are ready to have your marriage convalidated. A lot if people got hurt from my wife’s Protestant church, and even put presure on her to divorce me for having our marriage blessed in church. My wife was almost ready to divorce me, but we went to a Protestant marriage workshop called, “a weekend to remember” and the Holy Spirit pulled her out of it. Truthfully, this so call Sacrament damaged our marriage. It will take us years to get back to where our relationship was while we were unworthy in the communion line.
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This is bad advice, first of all going to confession and purposely leaving out sins makes the sacrament of confession invalid. Also if you are living in a marriage that is not valid(equates to living together) and planning on continuing it then a priest can not give you absolution!! You have to confess sins and atleast have the desire to not repeat them. The only way that this would work is if you were going to live as brother/sister in your marriage.

Johndoes story is not making much sense really, first he didn’t have to wait 23 years for kids to grow up, could have and should have addressed this before kids(or while they were very young) if he knew this was the way it was to be done, second his wife was willing to give up a 23 year marriage–a good one-- over repeating her wedding vows in a catholic church with a priest, come on who would do that?? And if she is protestant why would she be in a catholic communion line?? If she was protestant enough to leave him over validating their marriage why is she at the catholic church at all?? Why would she marry a catholic??
 
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