married outside of the church

[meena430]

I was baptized as a Catholic and later married a non-Christian. I am still married to him and am now going through RCIA. Will the church recognize my marriage? How do I go about getting it recognized? Will I have to get married in the Catholic church or just have my marriage blessed by a priest? Thank you.

 

[Trishie]

It is necessary to have your marriage validated if you as a Catholic married outside the Church without dispensation.
You need to speak to your priest about it and he will help you do what is necessary.

Welcome back to the Church!
May God grant you happiness and peace.

 

[anp1215]

If you married without the Church’s permission, you will have to have a convalidation. This is probably what you mean by getting your marriage blessed in the Church. If you and your spouse have not been married to anyone else before, this should be a relatively simple procedure. The convalidation can be as simple or elaborate as you prefer.

These questions should be addressed with your priest/RCIA coordinator since you are in RCIA. They can better answer them.

I’m so glad to hear you are in RCIA! Best wishes and God bless!

 

[Phemie]

I was baptized as a Catholic and later married a non-Christian. I am still married to him and am now going through RCIA. Will the church recognize my marriage? How do I go about getting it recognized? Will I have to get married in the Catholic church or just have my marriage blessed by a priest? Thank you.

I’m confused. If you were baptized Catholic why are you going through RCIA??

 

[Trishie]

I’m confused. If you were baptized Catholic why are you going through RCIA??

For those who have bee away from the Church for some times and who do not feel they have a solid grasp of Church teachings, this might seem like a wise undertaking.
Meena did mention that she was baptized as Catholic but may not have received the other Sacraments, including Confirmation

 

[anp1215]

I’m confused. If you were baptized Catholic why are you going through RCIA??

Many parishes, including the one I went through RCIA at, include those candidates who were baptized Catholics but never received catechesis or any other sacraments. I think most parishes don’t have the resources to have an entire separate group/class for those baptized Catholics without other Sacraments, and the class material would probably be identical, so they put them together.

 

[TraditonRules]

Many parishes, including the one I went through RCIA at, include those candidates who were baptized Catholics but never received catechesis or any other sacraments. I think most parishes don’t have the resources to have an entire separate group/class for those baptized Catholics without other Sacraments, and the class material would probably be identical, so they put them together.

Agreed…and its part of the "Catholics come home " program

 

[cjmclark]

If you married without the Church’s permission, you will have to have a convalidation. This is probably what you mean by getting your marriage blessed in the Church. If you and your spouse have not been married to anyone else before, this should be a relatively simple procedure. The convalidation can be as simple or elaborate as you prefer.

You will want to check with your pastor regarding convalidation. Depending on the diocese, there is a waiting period (much like Pre-Cana) between when the couple makes the decision to have their marriage validated and when it can actually occur. In our diocese, the wait was a year, during which we were not to take the Eucharist and were to remain chaste.

This is not an attempt to dissuade you by any means; rather it’s more of a heads-up so there’s no shock if your diocese has a similar requirement.

When ours finally happened, it was very simple (by our choice). We had it blessed after Mass and witnessed by another couple at the parish. It literally took 5 minutes.

 

[anp1215]

You will want to check with your pastor regarding convalidation. Depending on the diocese, there is a waiting period (much like Pre-Cana) between when the couple makes the decision to have their marriage validated and when it can actually occur. In our diocese, the wait was a year, during which we were not to take the Eucharist and were to remain chaste.

This is not an attempt to dissuade you by any means; rather it’s more of a heads-up so there’s no shock if your diocese has a similar requirement.

When ours finally happened, it was very simple (by our choice). We had it blessed after Mass and witnessed by another couple at the parish. It literally took 5 minutes.

geez, that seems like a really long time to wait. I wonder why they have that policy. I don’t think there’s a policy like that here.

You were directed not to take the Eucharist and to remain chaste? I should think that if you were chaste, you would be allowed to take the Eucharist.

 

[cjmclark]

geez, that seems like a really long time to wait. I wonder why they have that policy. I don’t think there’s a policy like that here.

You were directed not to take the Eucharist and to remain chaste? I should think that if you were chaste, you would be allowed to take the Eucharist.

Interestingly, Pre-Cana in our diocese is only 6 months. So I guess “it pays” to get married in the Church from the outset.

The justification we were given is that because we were still living together and were technically/legally married as man and wife, we had to do both.

 

[anp1215]

Interestingly, Pre-Cana in our diocese is only 6 months. So I guess “it pays” to get married in the Church from the outset.

The justification we were given is that because we were still living together and were technically/legally married as man and wife, we had to do both.

hmmm

Yes, here most parishes have a “contact parish at least 6 months in advance of desired wedding date”

 

[Annabelle_Marie]

Agreed…and its part of the "Catholics come home " program

Not necessarily. I’m involved in both. My husband was baptized Catholic…but that was it–he had to go through RCIA for first Eucharist and Confirmation. The Catholics can come home program is generally for Catholics who have already been confirmed and/or had first communion. In most cases it’s generally a marriage issue that keeps them away…although sometimes its just as simple as going to reconciliation. Not the same with RCIA

 

[rek123]

Wow, what a mess! Not only was I married to my current wife outside the church 18 years ago but I was previously married to my former wife in a Catholic service 35 years ago and divorced by her 9 years later after our twins were born and she left me primarily because she wasn’t happy being a mom and wanted to continue her career. Postpartum Depression? Anyway, now I have been back strong in the fold for several years and am now finding out that neither my wife nor I can receive communion. We were even lectors at mass until we recently found this out. I knew I couldn’t get married again in the Church but I didn’t know I couldn’t participate as a Catholic in Mass. I guess I thought Jesus forgave us of our sins and that we could become new again if we confessed our sins. I’ve tried Christian churches in the past and I guess that is always an option but I was really enjoying trying to be a good Catholic. I finally at the ripe old age of 59 think I was contributing to the Church in different ways. I really don’t know what our next step should be. Again, what a mess…

 

[meena430]

Thank you all for your replies. I was baptized but never confirmed and had been away from the church for more than 20 years. My RCIA instructor never mentioned if we were married outside of the church but had said that those who were divorced needed to take care of that.

 

[Annabelle_Marie]

Thank you all for your replies. I was baptized but never confirmed and had been away from the church for more than 20 years. My RCIA instructor never mentioned if we were married outside of the church but had said that those who were divorced needed to take care of that.

The good news is that if you and your wife have not been married to anyone else…you just need to do a marriage blessing…aka.convalidation…it is actually a nice ceremony. I was in the same type of spot. Baptized…first communion…but no confirmation. Confirmation was so much more then I thought it would be!

God Bless and Welcome Home:thumbsup:

 

[1ke]

I really don’t know what our next step should be. Again, what a mess…

Your next step should be to make an appointment with your priest, lay out all the facts, and begin working on a solution that will allow you to resume the sacramental life.

 

[Annabelle_Marie]

Wow, what a mess! Not only was I married to my current wife outside the church 18 years ago but I was previously married to my former wife in a Catholic service 35 years ago and divorced by her 9 years later after our twins were born and she left me primarily because she wasn’t happy being a mom and wanted to continue her career. Postpartum Depression? Anyway, now I have been back strong in the fold for several years and am now finding out that neither my wife nor I can receive communion. We were even lectors at mass until we recently found this out. I knew I couldn’t get married again in the Church but I didn’t know I couldn’t participate as a Catholic in Mass. I guess I thought Jesus forgave us of our sins and that we could become new again if we confessed our sins. I’ve tried Christian churches in the past and I guess that is always an option but I was really enjoying trying to be a good Catholic. I finally at the ripe old age of 59 think I was contributing to the Church in different ways. I really don’t know what our next step should be. Again, what a mess…

It appears that you do indeed have a marriage issue to work out. But you can participate in Mass as much as most of the rest of us. Participating does not necessarily mean serving. Talk with your priest. I’m not sure this issue bars you from lectoring…although it would obviously bar you from being an EMHC.

Do not let this setback keep you from being Catholic…just work towards your annulment. My husband was in RCIA and had to wait a full year to be able to receive.

 

[FAB]

Wow, what a mess! Not only was I married to my current wife outside the church 18 years ago but I was previously married to my former wife in a Catholic service 35 years ago and divorced by her 9 years later after our twins were born and she left me primarily because she wasn’t happy being a mom and wanted to continue her career.

First you do need to go to a priest and lay things out. Your first marriage will need to be annulled. Either your priest or who he desinates will walk you through the process. In my Diocese, after all the paper work is submitted, it takes about a 1 1/2 for the process. Only once and if a decree of nulity is given, can you then marry (convalidate).
If you current wife was previously married, and she is baptize, her previous marrage(s) must also have a decree of nulity.
It is only after you are married according to church law will you be able to take the sacraments (unless close to death) or to participate as a EMHC of Reader for the mass.

 

[anp1215]

First you do need to go to a priest and lay things out. Your first marriage will need to be annulled. Either your priest or who he desinates will walk you through the process. In my Diocese, after all the paper work is submitted, it takes about a 1 1/2 for the process. Only once and if a decree of nulity is given, can you then marry (convalidate).
If you current wife was previously married, and she is baptize, her previous marrage(s) must also have a decree of nulity.
It is only after you are married according to church law will you be able to take the sacraments (unless close to death) or to participate as a EMHC of Reader for the mass.

Just wanted to point out that any prior marriages on the wife’s part will have to be annulled, regardless if she is baptized or not.

 

[1ke]

Just wanted to point out that any prior marriages on the wife’s part will have to be annulled, regardless if she is baptized or not.

Or dissolved via the Petrine or Pauline Privilege (if unbaptized).