Married outside the Church

[limabeanerson]

I married my wife about 6 years ago. We have both been Catholic our whole lives but really only went to Church once in a while and did not really live like Catholics.

To keep a long story short, We got outside of the Catholic Church by a friend of the family. He was not a religious person or anything, just legally able to perform marriages in the state of Michigan. We are happily Married with kids and everything is great. Recently we began to learn more and become more active in the Catholic church. Is it required that we quickly go to a priest and get re-married?

I am planning on re-proposing to my wife in the next 6 months or so and then renew our vows in a Catholic church and have another reception and all that (though no gifts of course). I want to do this both because I think there are Marital benefits to have a marriage done by a priest in a Catholic Church and to celebrate our marriage to this point.

Is there any reason that I need to do this faster or can we get “re-engaged” sometime this year, then renew our vows sometime in 2011 as planned?

During this time I’m also going to go through the Confirmation into the Church.

I’m sure other people have gone through this process, any comments are welcome.

Thank You!

 

[1ke]

Yes, you need to move more quickly on convalidating your marriage.

You are not currently married. You are in an invalid marriage. This means you are living in an objective state of sin. You cannot receive the Sacraments until you convalidate your marriage.

It is also important for you to understand that a convalidation is not a “renewal” of your vows. It **is **the exchange of vows. You aren’t married right now.

I’m not sure what you mean by “going through Confirmation into the Church.” If you were baptized Catholic you are already a Catholic. If you have not yet received Confirmation, you are definitely on the right path by preparing for that Sacrament.

So, yes, you need to go see your priest ASAP. Forget the idea of proposing some time next year. If you and your wife want to participate in the sacraments, raise your children in the Faith, and take your Catholic faith seriously-- get going on correcting your situation now.

 

[Annabelle_Marie]

Yes, you need to move more quickly on convalidating your marriage.

You are not currently married. You are in an invalid marriage. This means you are living in an objective state of sin. You cannot receive the Sacraments until you convalidate your marriage.

It is also important for you to understand that a convalidation is not a “renewal” of your vows. It **is **the exchange of vows. You aren’t married right now.

I’m not sure what you mean by “going through Confirmation into the Church.” If you were baptized Catholic you are already a Catholic. If you have not yet received Confirmation, you are definitely on the right path by preparing for that Sacrament.

So, yes, you need to go see your priest ASAP. Forget the idea of proposing some time next year. If you and your wife want to participate in the sacraments, raise your children in the Faith, and take your Catholic faith seriously-- get going on correcting your situation now.

I agree with this…see your priest now…unless you want to live as brother and sister for the next 6 months…

 

[mark_a]

I married my wife about 6 years ago. We have both been Catholic our whole lives but really only went to Church once in a while and did not really live like Catholics.

To keep a long story short, We got outside of the Catholic Church by a friend of the family. He was not a religious person or anything, just legally able to perform marriages in the state of Michigan. We are happily Married with kids and everything is great. Recently we began to learn more and become more active in the Catholic church. Is it required that we quickly go to a priest and get re-married?

I am planning on re-proposing to my wife in the next 6 months or so and then renew our vows in a Catholic church and have another reception and all that (though no gifts of course). I want to do this both because I think there are Marital benefits to have a marriage done by a priest in a Catholic Church and to celebrate our marriage to this point.

Is there any reason that I need to do this faster or can we get “re-engaged” sometime this year, then renew our vows sometime in 2011 as planned?

During this time I’m also going to go through the Confirmation into the Church.

I’m sure other people have gone through this process, any comments are welcome.

Thank You!

Welcome home and best wishes to you!!

 

[limabeanerson]

Yes, you need to move more quickly on convalidating your marriage.

You are not currently married. You are in an invalid marriage. This means you are living in an objective state of sin. You cannot receive the Sacraments until you convalidate your marriage.

It is also important for you to understand that a convalidation is not a “renewal” of your vows. It **is **the exchange of vows. You aren’t married right now.

I’m not sure what you mean by “going through Confirmation into the Church.” If you were baptized Catholic you are already a Catholic. If you have not yet received Confirmation, you are definitely on the right path by preparing for that Sacrament.

So, yes, you need to go see your priest ASAP. Forget the idea of proposing some time next year. If you and your wife want to participate in the sacraments, raise your children in the Faith, and take your Catholic faith seriously-- get going on correcting your situation now.

I have read several times on here that the RCC will recognize marriages as valid, or rather that all Marriages are assumed valid unless there is a reason it should not be? Am I misunderstanding that?

I’m not questioning you or arguing, just trying to figure it all out. I’ll defiantly have to set up an appointment with my Priest.

Also, to clarify, I was baptized a catholic but have not received Confirmation.

So to be sure I’m understanding this, are you saying that I am basically “living in sin” right now? Should I abstain from sex with my wife until we convalidate our marriage?

 

[Catholic90]

… I’ll defiantly have to set up an appointment with my Priest.

Why defiantly? I would think you would definitely want to set one…

 

[limabeanerson]

Why defiantly? I would think you would definitely want to set one…

lol…My poor spelling skills are beyond the help of spell checker.

 

[wanner47]

I have read several times on here that the RCC will recognize marriages as valid, or rather that all Marriages are assumed valid unless there is a reason it should not be? Am I misunderstanding that?

All marriages by baptized Protestants, with no impediments to marriage, are presumed valid until proven otherwise. The same goes for Catholics, with no impediments, who marry within the Church. For example, my husband and I were both baptized in the Lutheran church, and married in the Lutheran church. When we converted to Catholicism, we did not have to seek a convalidation because our Protestant marriage was presumed valid, since we weren’t bound by Catholic canons at the time nor did either of us have any impediments to marriage (e.g., former marriages).

Baptized Catholics who marry outside the church without receiving the necessary dispensation have marriages that are presumptively invalid since they did not marry in the proper canonical form.

So to be sure I’m understanding this, are you saying that I am basically “living in sin” right now? Should I abstain from sex with my wife until we convalidate our marriage?

Yes, and yes. This link may help explain further.

 

[1ke]

I have read several times on here that the RCC will recognize marriages as valid, or rather that all Marriages are assumed valid unless there is a reason it should not be? Am I misunderstanding that?

Yes. You are misunderstanding that.

Catholics marry validly when they marry in the Catholic form. You and your wife, as Catholics, were obligated to marry according to Catholic Church law:

Can. 1108 §1. Only those marriages are valid which are contracted before the local ordinary, pastor, or a priest or deacon delegated by either of them, who assist, and before two witnesses according to the rules expressed in the following canons…

Regarding marriages being “presumed valid” that is not quite accurate. Marriage enjoys the favor of the law when there is doubt:

Can. 1060 Marriage possesses the favor of law; therefore, in a case of doubt, the validity of a marriage must be upheld until the contrary is proven.

There is no doubt that a Catholic who marries outside Catholic form without a dispensation from the Bishop, or two Catholics who marry outside Catholic form, have an invalid marriage.

I’m not questioning you or arguing, just trying to figure it all out. I’ll defiantly have to set up an appointment with my Priest.

I didn’t think you were. You are obviously here seeking information, and that’s great. I think it’s wonderful that you and your wife are seeking to grow in holiness together.

Also, to clarify, I was baptized a catholic but have not received Confirmation.

Thanks for clarifying!

So to be sure I’m understanding this, are you saying that I am basically “living in sin” right now? Should I abstain from sex with my wife until we convalidate our marriage?

Yes, you are ‘living in sin’ right now. Regarding marital relations, you should seek counsel from your priest.

 

[VetA]

I have read several times on here that the RCC will recognize marriages as valid, or rather that all Marriages are assumed valid unless there is a reason it should not be? Am I misunderstanding that?

I’m not questioning you or arguing, just trying to figure it all out. I’ll defiantly have to set up an appointment with my Priest.

Also, to clarify, I was baptized a catholic but have not received Confirmation.

So to be sure I’m understanding this, are you saying that I am basically “living in sin” right now? Should I abstain from sex with my wife until we convalidate our marriage?

No sex until your marriage is convalidated.