Married people: do you have friends of the opposite sex?

[paradoxy]

Trying in many blundering ways to understand this ‘problem’, as you can see… There seem to be many different opinions on this, and people have very different experiences.

If I haven’t already bothered you too much with it, care to share yours?

 

[Leopard]

Absolutely. Usually their spouses are also close friends to my wife and me.

 

[Guitar]

As a female engineer and someone whose range of personal interests seem (sadly) to include more men than women (competitive rifle shooting, rock band, nautical ropework, historical sailing, etc) it’s a bit hard not to have opposite-sex friends.

I have had men want to get closer than I wanted and have moved away from them. I have one very deep and genuine long-term friendship that I nonetheless “monitor” constantly for signs of less-than-platonic interest - none so far in twenty years.

So I voted “nothing intrinsically wrong”. Not everything lawful is automatically prudent but I am adamant there is nothing intrinsically wrong in it.

If anyone round here wanted to get funny about me having male friends I would a) have to say “get a job” as I am the breadwinner and it’s kinda par for the course, and b) have to point out the number of female friends Him Indoors has, and the obvious mental re-adjustment he goes through when I book male musicians for our church music/wedding/function group when that group has, funnily enough, been nearly exclusively female over the years and has provided most of our personal friends …

 

[Dirk_Skene]

I used to have lots of female friends. My new wife is extreimly jelious (sp) and goes bulistic if I just glance. So those friendships have gone by the wayside.

 

[Sr_Sally]

Absolutely. Usually their spouses are also close friends to my wife and me.

This is really the case with us also. However, I do have a few male friends through work that my dh has never met. I don’t often spend lots of alone time with them --lunch out for example-- though so I don’t know that I am causing any scandal.

Some people are more comfortable with this, others are not. Certainly there are no friends that I wouldn’t introduce my dh or that I can’t account for our time/activities.

If you feel the slightest bit of temptation with opposite-sex friends, then you know you should curtail your time with them. If your spouse is jealous or worried, then out of deference to he/her, you should also curtail your time. Your marriage is more important than any friend.

And of course, introduce your spouse to your friends and include them when possible in your activites.

 

[_Jenn]

Nothing wrong with it, IMO. For my dh & I, our friends are as important to us as our family, and we view them as part of the family. The only male friends I have that dh hasn’t met are some old college friends who I talk to once in a blue moon, through email, who live far away. But he knows about them. It’s also not an issue because we trust each other and have confidence in the vows we took when we got married.

 

[kage_ar]

For our marriage, it is not an issue we have friends of all sexes, shapes, colors and sizes - for some marriages it would be. This would be one of those things to work out BEFORE you get married