Married, so why do I "feel" lonely?

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TeachCatechism said:
I don’t talk to him anymore. She has time to do outside activities (like when he’s at work)she chooses not to. Not my problem but I blocked him because he had his chance with me, he had views I didn’t so we didn’t end up together.
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TeachCatechism,

Your friend’s wife is HOMESCHOOLING. That means she’s with the kids pretty much all the time when he is at work. How the heck is she supposed to be simultaneously with the kids all the time and pursuing outside activities?

I guarantee you, if she were pursuing outside activities (for instance going to the gym while he puts all of the kids to bed without her), he’d whine and moan, too.

Her having outside activities would have to involve him helping more with the kids to make that happen.

That’s how this stuff works.
 
lax16 said:
Where are you that they are always approaching you?

What does “blocked him” mean?
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I blocked him on my phone and email. He unfriended me on FB. Yes married men are always approaching me, online, in church, out and about. They won’t leave me be. Same with divorced dads too (though that’s another topic). I had a married mad stalking me at church.
 
lax16 said:
Where are you that they are always approaching you?

What does “blocked him” mean?
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Please, have this discussion on your own thread and stop hijacking this one further than it already has been, please.
 
TeachCatechism said:
She said I was a mean person. That’s name calling. Actually I was trying to be nice, I suggested her developing outside activities which is essential for intellectual growth.
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She said you were not being nice. She did not say you were a mean person.

If you were truly trying to be nice, then you should not have called the OP a “fat slob”. And if you still are trying to be nice, then you should apologise.

OP, I just want to add to my first post that your husband could be suffering from depression right now. He might be in “survival mode”, which is him getting through the day without thinking about anything other than the essentials. I suggest you get him examined by a doctor, or at least pull him to one side and ask him if he’s feeling stressed or depressed. Don’t let him brush you off.

Lou
 
Xantippe said:
TeachCatechism,

Your friend’s wife is HOMESCHOOLING. That means she’s with the kids pretty much all the time when he is at work. How the heck is she supposed to be simultaneously with the kids all the time and pursuing outside activities?

I guarantee you, if she were pursuing outside activities (for instance going to the gym while he puts all of the kids to bed without her), he’d whine and moan, too.

Her having outside activities would have to involve him helping more with the kids to make that happen.

That’s how this stuff works.
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In her case she needs to put the kids in school for obvious reasons. She does have weekends. However that’s not my problem it’s his.
 
Lou2U said:
She said you were not being nice. She did not say you were a mean person.

If you were truly trying to be nice, then you should not have called the OP a “fat slob”. And if you still are trying to be nice, then you should apologise.

OP, I just want to add to my first post that your husband could be suffering from depression right now. He might be in “survival mode”, which is him getting through the day without thinking about anything other than the essentials. I suggest you get him examined by a doctor, or at least pull him to one side and ask him if he’s feeling stressed or depressed. Don’t let him brush you off.

Lou
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I didn’t call her a fat slob, I said her husband MIGHT think this. I don’t know, otherwise I would have said she was a fat slob. Semantics.
 
TeachCatechism said:
I didn’t call her a fat slob, I said her husband MIGHT think this. I don’t know, otherwise I would have said she was a fat slob. Semantics.
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If you read the op carefully you would have noticed that she said she lost weight. Obviously this is not the reason therefore, it does not add to the discussion.
 
lax16 said:
If you read the op carefully you would have noticed that she said she lost weight. Obviously this is not the reason therefore, it does not add to the discussion.
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I noticed that and said something. It may not be her looks but still could be. Maybe she dresses like a slob, maybe she never bathes. That fact is we don’t know unless her husband says. However, many men do cheat and many cheat because he’s not attracted anymore.It’s wrong, but it happens.
 
TeachCatechism said:
I noticed that and said something. It may not be her looks but still could be. Maybe she dresses like a slob, maybe she never bathes. That fact is we don’t know unless her husband says. However, many men do cheat and many cheat because he’s not attracted anymore.It’s wrong, but it happens.
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It is clear this (name removed by moderator)ut is not considered helpful. Let us move forward in charity toward our Catholic sisters or refrain from uncharitable posts that cause hurt and derail the thread.
 
OP I’m so sorry I’ve ignored you and was spending my time on your thread taking care of other issues unrelated.

I don’t have advice because the same thing is going on in my marriage. I just don’t have the added stress of raising children on top of it. I’m so very sorry that you are going through this! :console: It can be very hard to cope with. I really think it’s just him, and there’s little we can do to control it. Older men go through changes same as us. It stinks, and it’s like being married to a stranger some days, but there is a certain amount of the “for worse” we have to learn to accept and carry as our cross. We just have to give them time to get through this aging thing. Like it takes us a long time to get through the changes of pregnancy/childbirth/PPD/PMS/Menopause, etc. Faith and continued communication is all that can get you through. Also, if you’re lucky, hopefully your husband won’t be opposed to priestly or professional counseling. Mine is Protestant so the priest is out and he says no to a therapist. Thank goodness this has forced him to speak more openly with me personally so I don’t keep pestering about the other. 😉 It’s the little steps. 🤷
 
TeachCatechism said:
You probably don’t satisfy him in any way anymore. He probably thinks you’re lazy (might be true or not)and perhaps you’re a fat slob (just being honest). He may even resent you. My advice? stop homeschooling, get a part time job and work on your looks. You’ll probably see a difference in how you are treated. I see you are working on your looks, that is a start. You probably don’t stimulate him intellectually, this is why you need outside activities.
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I think it is a mean post, too. Is it a man’s point of view? If you can’t be half-way nice, don’t post.
:(:(😦
 
lax16 said:
It is clear this (name removed by moderator)ut is not considered helpful. Let us move forward in charity toward our Catholic sisters or refrain from uncharitable posts that cause hurt and derail the thread.
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I won’t post anymore in this thread if others refrain from posting nasty comments about me.
 
Hi JMJ,

First I am so sorry for the abusive post that speculated unfairly about you and your husband and marriage.

Second, it sounds to me that this is a love language miscommunication. Good for you for getting toned up, but please don’t obsess about it. It truly sounds like your husband loves and desires you, but as you mentioned, his stressful job may be leaving him distracted. I agree a getaway sounds lovely. I suggest you tell him that you are planning it and ask for his (name removed by moderator)ut on dates and location. That way it is something he gets to look forward to without stressing over the details. And if possible, schedule things for each of you to do individually and together. This is a common way for married couples to enjoy a getaway. Husband hits the golf course while wife goes to the spa. Then they meet up afterward for dinner and conversation about their activities. It is fun! Help him to see the fun of it.

Also, it is his responsibility to warm you up to marital relations so if you need more affection to prepare before the lights go out, then that is what he needs to do. Just like a runner warms up the body and stretches before a race, that emotional connection needs to be warmed up and practiced before the physical connection can be made. Otherwise, a runner could get injured or a spouse can suffer hurt feelings. This is just natural but some husbands didn’t learn this or they might forget it during times of stress.

Good luck JMJ. God bless you and your marriage!
 
By the way, I was looking at the OP again, and the husband works a stressful job. That alone could be making him shut down and need to decompress (hence the eagerness to do yardwork).

How about talking to him about how to give him opportunities to decompress?

I was talking in the other thread about the problem of the husband that gets overloaded with social interactions coming home to the wife that is socially starved.

That might be exactly your situation.

Ask your husband if he thinks that’s it.
 
Mary_Estelle said:
I think it is a mean post, too. Is it a man’s point of view? If you can’t be half-way nice, don’t post.
:(:(😦
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Yes it is, though I’m a woman. However I’m speaking as a woman who gets hit on often by men who are unhappy in their marriage. If these men would leave me alone then it would be different. However they don’t so the reason is because they aren’t attracted to their wife (looks, intellectual whatever). This is also the reason many divorce around this time (and these men harass me too).
 
Xantippe said:
By the way, I was looking at the OP again, and the husband works a stressful job. That alone could be making him shut down and need to decompress (hence the eagerness to do yardwork).

How about talking to him about how to give him opportunities to decompress?

I was talking in the other thread about the problem of the husband that gets overloaded with social interactions coming home to the wife that is socially starved.

That might be exactly your situation.

Ask your husband if he thinks that’s it.
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Yes this!
 
jmjZelie said:
Hi JMJ,

First I am so sorry for the abusive post that speculated unfairly about you and your husband and marriage.

Second, it sounds to me that this is a love language miscommunication. Good for you for getting toned up, but please don’t obsess about it. It truly sounds like your husband loves and desires you, but as you mentioned, his stressful job may be leaving him distracted. I agree a getaway sounds lovely. I suggest you tell him that you are planning it and ask for his (name removed by moderator)ut on dates and location. That way it is something he gets to look forward to without stressing over the details. And if possible, schedule things for each of you to do individually and together. This is a common way for married couples to enjoy a getaway. Husband hits the golf course while wife goes to the spa. Then they meet up afterward for dinner and conversation about their activities. It is fun! Help him to see the fun of it.

Also, it is his responsibility to warm you up to marital relations so if you need more affection to prepare before the lights go out, then that is what he needs to do. Just like a runner warms up the body and stretches before a race, that emotional connection needs to be warmed up and practiced before the physical connection can be made. Otherwise, a runner could get injured or a spouse can suffer hurt feelings. This is just natural but some husbands didn’t learn this or they might forget it during times of stress.

Good luck JMJ. God bless you and your marriage!
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Yes!
 
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