Married to an atheist who will not convert

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orba

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I was raised as a strict Catholic went to a convent school and my younger years were all about mass, religion, baptism, confession and celebrating the feast days of saints. All the rituals that go with being a catholic.
My first husband who I met when I was very young, was an atheist, at the time not sure what that meant as I thought everyone had the same religious upbringing. However it was ok with me until we had children. He was very interested in learning about God and tried to convert so we could marry, all very positive. He would not go into a church once we were married and I would attend on my own with our children, and stopped going to mass as wanted the support of my husband there with me, our marriage very sadly ended 10 years later as I wanted to raise my children as catholics and he was not. My second husband, we are married now for many years is also an atheist more interested in the science and he will not go into a church either and I do not force the issue, he has children from previous marriage and I was shocked they were not baptised but did not make an issue of it. I feel religion gave me a good sense of order and moral structure and feel something is missing from my life and would like to go to Sunday mass, I have been invited to bible meetings, my husband would not attend. My in laws are not religious and have had some undermining remarks from his children about my son being a christian which I ignore. Sometimes they ask me questions which is a good step forward.
 
welcome! It is hard to not being able to raise our children in the faith!

what is your question?

is your second marriage a civil one?
 
My question is do I follow my belief and return to the church alone. I have discussed this with my husband who will attend with me but has not any real interest in the mass and would not like to force him into a uncomfortable situation. It has left me a little confused at times as to whether I am being tested a choice between God and husband and afraid to make that choice when really should be thankful for all I have been blessed with.
 
orba said:
My question is do I follow my belief and return to the church alone.
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Yes

See if you can get him to watch EWTN with you.
Internet streaming tv/phone, where you can start/stop and pause is the best way to view it.

The abbreviated daily mass homilies are amazing.
 
Welcome to our little world.

Very much, the Church, all of us, are standing here waving and joyous to welcome you home.

The best resource I know of where you can read and better understand modern atheism would be https://strangenotions.com/

Make an appointment to talk to your pastor about return to the Church. God always makes it possible. Do not be overwhelmed, HE provides the grace when we need it.
 
Retsel said:
Yes

See if you can get him to watch EWTN with you.
Internet streaming tv/phone, where you can start/stop and pause is the best way to view it.

The abbreviated daily mass homilies are amazing.
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I agree with the “follow my belief.”

But there is no reason to try to get him to watch EWTN. Not if he is willing to join the OP at Mass.

You couldn’t pay me enough to “watch” Mass on TV. Unless the pope was presiding. Now, if I couldn’t get out of the house, that might be a different story.
 
You need to care for your own soul. Talk to a priest to see what you need to do in order to be in a state of Grace. If you didn’t have your first marriage annulled, he can guide you in how to do that. EWTN has a show intended for non-Catholics called “Called to Communion” that you can download as a podcast or listen to via the EWTN app. I highly recommend it. God Bless
 
orba said:
My question is do I follow my belief and return to the church alone.
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Well of course. Your beliefs are your beliefs and you are responsible for your own soul.

Whether he ever accepts Christ and baptism or not, you are still responsible for YOU.
orba said:
I have discussed this with my husband who will attend with me but has not any real interest in the mass and would not like to force him into a uncomfortable situation
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If he goes to mass with you, great. But it isn’t required of him, nor should you be trying to coerce him.
 
Formed.org has content that is more current, higher production value, etc than EWTN. It is well worth a subscription!!
 
My question is if your faith is so important to you why did you marry not one, but two atheists?

And why would you even think of trying to “convert” either of them?
 
maryjk said:
You couldn’t pay me enough to “watch” Mass on TV.
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The daily mass can only be seen on the “live stream” portion of ewtn. I’m referring to the saved abbreviated masses. (Sorry for the snide remark.)
 
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Why?
If my faith was important to me, the last person I would want to marry is someone who has no faith.

I know many women who married men with the idea of “changing them into something better”.
This never works and only breeds animosity, as seen in this thread.

So, no, I don’t think the question was harsh, it is realistic.
 
No, it is harsh. What is done is done. She is asking for guidance going forward. She can discuss her situation with her priest. Criticism from people on things that cannot be changed at this point is uncharitable and not the focus of this thread.
 
And I disagree.

If faith was important, these discussions should have taken place in the beginning.

She married not one, but 2 atheists- what did she expect?

OP- go back to Church, confess your sins and start living your Catholic life again. But do not expect your husband to follow. Do not nag. Do not demand. You chose him they way he is, so you now have to deal with it.

I am sorry if this sounds harsh, but it is reality. We cannot change people who do not want to be changed, and if you entered into marriage thinking that you could change your husband to better suit your needs, IMHO, you married for all the wrong reasons.
 
The OP’s situation is not simple. There is more here than we will be able to flesh out. She married 2 atheists and is upset that they are not believers. She may not be in a valid marriage. If not in a valid marriage she may not be able to receive. She did not end up here by accidents of chance. These are deliberate choices. And exploring those choices is really the only way to help her with future choices.

That being said, a priest is more able to deal with this than people on this thread.

Will the OP speak to a priest about her situation and what to do?
 
IdaCatholic said:
She may not be in a valid marriage. If not in a valid marriage she may not be able to receive.
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she is of course not in a valid marriage as it is a a second one after a catholic one.

@orba, your current situation seems to not allowed you to have a complete sacramental life, but should not prevent you returning to your faith and practice it! You are more than welcome!

If your husband agree to come to mass with you, even without strong convictions, to support you, it’s great. If he stop, it is unfortunate but should not prevent you to continue.

Introduce yourself and speak of your situation with your parish priest if you want, as soon as you want.

God bless you.
 
Yes you are right that the roman Catholic religion will give you order and solisis and comfort in troubling times. I saw this in many marriages.
When being married to a non believer .
I’ve not seen the conversion part very often.
 
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Yes, but you will be asked what you did with your gifts and people entrusted to you.

Once my older brother became “born again” he cut all ties with his birth family, including Mom.

I see him from time to time and he’s quick to tell me how wonderful it is to live life knowing you are already saved. (Presumptuous baptist, which I consider nothing more than a cult)

When I ask him to call Mom he says that life is behind him now.

Sorry, but I just bristle when I hear it’s only about me, myself and I.
You have to keep trying.
 
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