“there has been some contention on whether allowing them to choose to go to church or not at a certain age like 12. the other problem im worried about is when the child(ren) get older and ask why daddy doesn’t have to go to mass and what not. I hope that i can be the believer that leads my husband to Christ so idk keep me in your prayers.”
My husband did not want me forcing the kids to go to mass. I took this to mean that if, in adolescence, one suddenly started really acting out, I wouldn’t physically force him/her. (I’d seen this scenario with my sister, and it didn’t help her faith any.) I misunderstood. He meant if they didn’t feel like going, I wouldn’t make them. In other words, they’d have a choice. I wasn’t about to give a 5 year old a choice, of course he’d opt out!!! I finally did convince him to accept that they would have to go up to at least 12-13 years of age (until they were confirmed) By that time, they were all used to going (I now have 3 confirmed) and do not protest. I also told my husband, he NEED NOT tell them they have a choice. All my children still go. (My oldest is almost 19) Although I worry that some of them will give it up, once out in the world on their own.
I have tried to make the faith interesting, through books, games, movies, and cultural things, like St-Nicholas Day, Three Kings Day, the Day of the Dead, observing Lent and Advent, etc, etc. I pray with them every day. At least a little bit. I bless them every morning before they leave to go to school. It is the little things, done every day, I believe, that will eventually make a difference. I hope so. Also, it is important to have oneself, a spiritual life. Your kids will see how you react to things and how HE reacts to things, how patient you are and how patient HE is, and they will SEE the difference.
There is NO GUARANTEE that your husband will ever convert. I have known mine for almost 18 years (yes I was a single mother when I met him, if you do the math). He has shown absolutely no inclination towards converting whatsoever. In fact, as society heads further and further “left” and more godless, so he follows. There are things he has said that I have been utterly shocked at, that came up years after we’d been married. I hope in your case, that he does convert. Many do. But there is no guarantee. Free will and all. The best you can do, the best I can do, the best anyone can do, is to plug along and do your thing anyway. Despite him. It won’t be easy. You’ll want to throw in the towel and give up. But in the end, it’ll be worth it. If only simply because you did what you had to do, and you did it to the best of your means. It’s when we’re in the thick of it, we don’t see the ending. Like Sam and Frodo in the Lord of the Rings:
Frodo: I can’t do this, Sam.
Sam: I know. It’s all wrong. By rights we shouldn’t even be here. But we are. It’s like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn’t want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it’s only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn’t. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something.
Frodo: What are we holding onto, Sam?
Sam: That there’s some good in this world, Mr. Frodo… and it’s worth fighting for.
You’ll keep on fighting, because that good is worth fighting for, and your children are worth fighting for.
