Married to Your "Opposite"?

[zaramarie81]

Hi all - I’m new to the forums here but I thought I’d throw a question out.

I’m in a long-term relationship where we are discerning marriage. We are both practicing Catholics of marrying age. My sweetheart is a good man - he guards my chastity, goes out of his way to do things for me, is (usually) patient, and wants to have a Catholic family.

But here’s the deal - our personalities are SO different!

I am a very passionate person who is constantly forging ahead, wanting to learn more about the faith, evangelize, get involved etc. He is a more steady, quiet person who would rather stay home and focus on the everyday, practical things of life.

Anyone here married to their “opposite”? Any words of wisdom?

Thanks!

 

[1ke]

Yes. I am.

I suggest you both take the Myers-Briggs Type Instrument (many diocese administer this) and read the book Please Understand Me as well as The Five Love Languages.

 

[kevinsgirl]

DH and I are opposite in some personality things, but for every opposite, we share something too.

Before we got married we read the love languages book and took a personality test together!

 

[Geremia]

We are both practicing Catholics

If you are devout Catholics who receive the sacraments of communion and confession weekly and if it is God’s will for you to marry, then personality differences are not important.

 

[Catholic90]

I married my opposite…I was quiet, shy, content to stay home, while he was outgoing, aggressive, always looking to go out. Eighteen years have passed. He is now the quieter one, content to stay home, and I am looking to go out, more involved in activities, and certainly more aggressive.

 

[zaramarie81]

Yes. I am.

I suggest you both take the Myers-Briggs Type Instrument (many diocese administer this) and read the book Please Understand Me as well as The Five Love Languages.

Thanks I know I’m an INFP, and I’m pretty sure he’s an ISFJ. I’ll check those two books out!

 

[zaramarie81]

I married my opposite…I was quiet, shy, content to stay home, while he was outgoing, aggressive, always looking to go out. Eighteen years have passed. He is now the quieter one, content to stay home, and I am looking to go out, more involved in activities, and certainly more aggressive.

Very interesting! So you two sort of switched over time. Hmmm. I’m going to check out some of the books recommended by others, too.

Thanks!

 

[embwt]

I married my opposite and it’s worked out very well. It used to bother me, but it’s actually been a blessing. If I had married someone like me, we’d have driven each other crazy!

 

[zaramarie81]

I married my opposite and it’s worked out very well. It used to bother me, but it’s actually been a blessing. If I had married someone like me, we’d have driven each other crazy!

Ha, good point about the issues of marrying someone just like yourself! I’m glad to see that marriages to someone quite different than yourself can work so well.

 

[Just_wondering]

I read an interesting book about people who marry their opposites. It said that in many cases, you marry someone who shows aspects of your personality that you’re not good at expressing. You marry the person because they essentially complete you. The marriage works as long as you let each person balance the other out, and you compromise. The marriage breaks down if you become more set in your ways and each become more extreme as the marriage goes on.

For example, let’s look at money. Say I’m a spendthrift and my husband is a cheapskate. I admire him for his responsibility, that I’ve never managed to attain in my life, and he admires me for my carefree ability to spend money on fun things that he’d never dare to do. We get married, and suddenly it’s not so charming that I’m spending OUR money on fun things, not just HIS. He begins to try to save more to make up for it. He tells me to stop spending so much. I resent the control, and begin spending more. We blow up into huge arguments, can’t get along, and our marriage becomes totally miserable. However, if I appreciate the need to save sometimes, and he appreciates the need to spend sometimes, then we can combine our personalities positively and work out a solution that meets both our needs. He learns to enjoy the benefits of spending, and I learn to enjoy the benefits of saving.

I’d recommend the book, but I don’t remember the title and it’s in one of the boxes I haven’t unpacked yet.

 

[udoc89]

My husband and I are opposites as far as our personalities go. He is quiet almost to the point of being withdrawn. I will talk to a doorknob if there is no human being in the room. Over the years, however, our views on just about everything from politics to the Church (thankfully) have meshed.

Oh! There is one area that you mentioned in which we are very much alike–we are both spendthrifts…

I really don’t think it matters too much if your personalities aren’t alike. If you both have a Catholic view of marriage, you’ll learn to appreciate your differences (makes for an interesting life together) and celebrate your similarities.

Good luck to you both!

 

[Belgarion]

Wow

Love stories…sigh

I am so happy for all of you. You show that even a difference of personalities can’t bring down true love.You give us single people something to look forward to.

God bless you all

 

[zaramarie81]

Wow

Love stories…sigh

I am so happy for all of you. You show that even a difference of personalities can’t bring down true love.You give us single people something to look forward to.

God bless you all

Yes, very encouraging for us single people! My parents were very different and they divorced, so I always love to hear these stories where couples appreciate their differences instead of let them become a point of division.

 

[MomblessedX3]

I too married my opposite. I am not shy or quiet. I am very social and like to be involved. I need to be around others frequently. My husband is shy and quiet. He is content with his own company for days on end. He would be just find stranded on an island for eternity as long as he had his favorite foods and unlimited electronics. I other hand can go about 2 hours before I need to make contact with another human being.

I am certian more passionate and he is more reserved.
It has worked wonderfully for us. We still have many things in common and our differences provide a healthy balance. I keep him form being a recluse and he keeps me from over committing.

 

[zaramarie81]

I read an interesting book about people who marry their opposites. It said that in many cases, you marry someone who shows aspects of your personality that you’re not good at expressing. You marry the person because they essentially complete you. The marriage works as long as you let each person balance the other out, and you compromise. The marriage breaks down if you become more set in your ways and each become more extreme as the marriage goes on.

.

I think that’s something I need to remember - to see the differences as an opportunity to balance each other and not “react” by going to the extremes. You mentioned money - we tend to both be “savers” but we do have different perceptions on standards of living. I come from a more modest background, and find I am more content with “less” than he is. So far, the way I’ve dealt with this difference is being thankful I am dating someone that, should we marry, would take his role as provider seriously and wants to provide a high quality of life for his family, if he can.

 

[Belle10]

Yes, we’re opposites in a lot of ways (I’m quieter, he’s more outgoing). But, as he puts it, we balance each other well, and he’s right.

 

[Litcrit]

I married my opposite and it’s great!

I’m the active, outgoing, would-go-crazy-at-home type, and he’s a patient homebody. I work and he’s a SAHD and we both can’t believe our luck! He feels grateful he doesn’t have to go out there and do a boring job for money, I feel grateful I can go out and work with people and be active and know the whole time our daughter is safe at home with a loving parent!

These issues don’t come to mind before you’re married and have kids, but once you do, you see why you were called to marry this very person who is so ‘different.’

 

[Belgarion]

I’m seeing a lot of outgoing women with more reserved men…interesting…

 

[zaramarie81]

I’m seeing a lot of outgoing women with more reserved men…interesting…

Interesting observation! Hmm. I wouldn’t say *I *am outgoing - definitely introverted. Just passionate and perhaps a bit high strung.

 

[zaramarie81]

I married my opposite and it’s great!

I’m the active, outgoing, would-go-crazy-at-home type, and he’s a patient homebody. I work and he’s a SAHD and we both can’t believe our luck! He feels grateful he doesn’t have to go out there and do a boring job for money, I feel grateful I can go out and work with people and be active and know the whole time our daughter is safe at home with a loving parent!

These issues don’t come to mind before you’re married and have kids, but once you do, you see why you were called to marry this very person who is so ‘different.’

This sounds wonderful! What a blessing - all the pairing mentioned so far have sounded like blessings! I really like what you said here about not always seeing beforehand why you were called to marry someone. I tend to over analyze and get anxious trying to “predict” how things will work out. But God often sees what we can’t.