Married with a Priestly Vocation

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aquinas_op

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I’ve always wanted to be a priest. Even was in the process of entering the Dominicans. But then I fell in love and after much prayer thought that God was calling me to be a husband and a father (I love children, always have). We were blessed with a beautiful baby daughter less than a year after our marriage - she is now going to be two. I can’t imagine ever leaving my wife or my daughter.

And yet, I spend every night in prayer, often watching EWTN or a YouTube video on Compline. At other times, I do my own compline from the office. As much as I love my family and want to be there for them for the rest of my life, I can’t get rid of this nagging feeling from within that I should have been a priest. That I was called elsewhere. I have heard some married men can become deacons. I don’t know if this is an option; or if it will even quench that desire I feel in my heart to be a priest.

What do I do?
 
Well, at the present, one can become an acolyte(or at least an altar-server) or join a third religious order(the Dominicans are certainly a good example). Or, if you are of Hellenic or Middle Eastern heritage, you might try to be ordained as an Eastern Rite priest(though married men cannot become bishops). Also, Anglo-Catholics are currently entering the Church.
 
Hi! At the present time the Church of Rome does not permit marriage clergy except when Anglicans enter to be Catholic. I suggest for you the Diaconate since this may be more suited for you at the present time. Become a Deacon. Clergy who are married have to cross between their family and the Parish they are entrusted to. Many wives told me they suffer from not seeing their husbands and the children also suffer not seeing their father. I am talking more about Anglican clergy. The Eastern Church do not have the same problems as Anglican clergy and Eastern priests who are married tend to be function much better and in my opinion do better than their celibate counterparts. If your wife agrees to such a change you may want to consider the Eastern Church if your vocation is for a much higher calling like the priesthood. My opinion though will be try the Diaconate first in the Catholic Church and minister for a number of years. If your heart is still in it and desires a more higher calling than go to an Eastern Church. Anyway become a Deacon first. It requires less responsibility and it will not be too hard on your wife and family. May be someday the Church of Rome will admit marriage clergy and it may come soon because dialogue between Catholics and Orthodox are getting better and the marriage clergy of the Orthodox Church do enormously well and do have a more balanced life than their celibate priests. If you like to know, the Eastern Church admits both seminarian and his wife to the same college so both receive teaching and training from the same school so she can assist her husband when he becomes a priest. Not all wives do this yet many do and thus become a great help in the ministry of the Church. God Bless!
 
Live a priestly life within the context of marriage, without the collar, tag, name, or position, and yet, still fulfill your obligations…clearly you have the best of both worlds there, and you know what, we surely can use more Godly family men that are showing some spiritual leadership, seems too often the ones we have are rather worldly these days, “especially due to the decline of the average family man not even attending church of any kind”.

You have a wife and child, you chose your vocation, marriage, do NOT go back on that one ever, nor compromise it, this is a covenant you entered into, and this is something God himself has joined together, it is not your place to decide if it should remain united… In other words, don’t throw away what you have, seriously, don’t!!!
 
aquinas_op said:
I’ve always wanted to be a priest. Even was in the process of entering the Dominicans. But then I fell in love and after much prayer thought that God was calling me to be a husband and a father (I love children, always have). We were blessed with a beautiful baby daughter less than a year after our marriage - she is now going to be two. I can’t imagine ever leaving my wife or my daughter.

And yet, I spend every night in prayer, often watching EWTN or a YouTube video on Compline. At other times, I do my own compline from the office. As much as I love my family and want to be there for them for the rest of my life, I can’t get rid of this nagging feeling from within that I should have been a priest. That I was called elsewhere. I have heard some married men can become deacons. I don’t know if this is an option; or if it will even quench that desire I feel in my heart to be a priest.

What do I do?
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You came to a fork in the road, and like Yogi berra said, you took it. There’s no point to keep turning your head back, since you have chosen one of two good things, and in your Church and circumstances, you cannot do both; so fully embrace your marital vocation with your eyes ahead.

The deaconship might be your answer, since it is, after all, an ordination.

ICXC NIKA
 
GEddie said:
The deaconship might be your answer, since it is, after all, an ordination.
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While this is true, it is still a different vocation. The priestly vocation is different from the permanent diaconate vocation.

Again, get a Spiritual Director.

This should be the first question asked of any one posting here about vocational discernment, “Do you have a Spiritual Director”. This is an anonymous forum and we can not really help you with the discernment. We can tell you the options but that is all as we do not know you or or circumstances, even if you tell us it is not personal knowledge but knowledge though an impersonal medium that separates us from truly being able to help you with the discernment.
 
It is possible that you are confusing the desire for a deeper relationship with Christ with a calling to the priesthood. Someone mentioned a Third Order, which isn’t a bad idea. There is also Opus Dei… the fact is, women CAN “minister” in the Catholic Church. You could become an extraordinary minister of the Eucharist and deliver It to people who are homebound or in the hospital. You can teach religious education or lead campfire groups or girl or boy scouts. You can visit the elderly… you get my drift.

I think this similar to childless couple seeking extraordinary means to get pregnant. There are many avenues for them to live out their love for children if it isn’t His Will for them to biologically have their own.

I will pray for you!
 
aquinas_op said:
I spend every night in prayer, often watching EWTN or a YouTube video on Compline. At other times, I do my own compline from the office.
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You don’t mention a yearning to say Mass or hear confessions. The world has a great need for many active, committed, prayerful Catholic LAYmen, who can perform roles and bring Christ into places and situations which a priest could never do. All the things you mention are things that Catholic husbands can and even should do. I would suggest that you make sure that you and your wife have an active prayer life as a couple and that you ensure that your prayer commitments do not interfere with your duties as a husband and father.
I can’t get rid of this nagging feeling from within that I should have been a priest. That I was called elsewhere.
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Such nagging doubts are common in married people (Should I have remained single? Should I have married someone else?) You have made your decision and so should ignore such doubts or offer them up in prayer.
I have heard some married men can become deacons. I don’t know if this is an option; or if it will even quench that desire I feel in my heart to be a priest.
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The permanent diaconate is a quite different vocation to the priesthood. Also you have to be at least 35 to be a permanent deacon.
 
aquinas_op said:
I’ve always wanted to be a priest. Even was in the process of entering the Dominicans. But then I fell in love and after much prayer thought that God was calling me to be a husband and a father (I love children, always have). We were blessed with a beautiful baby daughter less than a year after our marriage - she is now going to be two. I can’t imagine ever leaving my wife or my daughter.

And yet, I spend every night in prayer, often watching EWTN or a YouTube video on Compline. At other times, I do my own compline from the office. As much as I love my family and want to be there for them for the rest of my life, I can’t get rid of this nagging feeling from within that I should have been a priest. That I was called elsewhere. I have heard some married men can become deacons. I don’t know if this is an option; or if it will even quench that desire I feel in my heart to be a priest.

What do I do?
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Ther are many ministries in the church you can be part of. As for Deacon, I know our parish Deacon is married and has children. I believe the difference between Priests and Deacocns is Priests are ordained and deacons are not. You might look into it. Ask a Priest or send an email to your Diocese. Third order Dominicans, ( OPL - Order of Preachers Laity ), may also be an area for you. It’s a good place to start !

In St. Dominic…
 
aquinas_op said:
I’ve always wanted to be a priest. Even was in the process of entering the Dominicans. But then I fell in love and after much prayer thought that God was calling me to be a husband and a father (I love children, always have). We were blessed with a beautiful baby daughter less than a year after our marriage - she is now going to be two. I can’t imagine ever leaving my wife or my daughter.

And yet, I spend every night in prayer, often watching EWTN or a YouTube video on Compline. At other times, I do my own compline from the office. As much as I love my family and want to be there for them for the rest of my life, I can’t get rid of this nagging feeling from within that I should have been a priest. That I was called elsewhere. I have heard some married men can become deacons. I don’t know if this is an option; or if it will even quench that desire I feel in my heart to be a priest.

What do I do?
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Is that just a temptation to distract you from your real vocation? Nagging feelings are not vocations. Find a good spiritual director.
 
James_OPL said:
Ther are many ministries in the church you can be part of. As for Deacon, I know our parish Deacon is married and has children. I believe the difference between Priests and Deacocns is Priests are ordained and deacons are not. You might look into it. Ask a Priest or send an email to your Diocese. Third order Dominicans, ( OPL - Order of Preachers Laity ), may also be an area for you. It’s a good place to start !

In St. Dominic…
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The diaconate (deacon) is the first of the Holy Orders. It is an ordination. If your deacon’s wife passes away he will then become a celibate deacon and not able to marry again because of his ordination.
 
Young_Thinker said:
Petergee;6346474:
You don’t mention a yearning to say Mass or hear confessions.
]
For me, saying Mass(particularily if it is in Latin) sounds rather exhilarating, and my inner psychiatrist, of course, would love to hear confessions.
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No offence but on the face of it they sound like poor reasons to become a priest. A priest should want to say Mass and celebrate the other sacraments in order to bring people to God and to bring God to the people. Maybe you should join a Latin language club and become a psychiatrist/psychologist.
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aquinas_op said:
. As much as I love my family and want to be there for them for the rest of my life, I can’t get rid of this nagging feeling from within that I should have been a priest. That I was called elsewhere. I have heard some married men can become deacons. I don’t know if this is an option; or if it will even quench that desire I feel in my heart to be a priest.

What do I do?
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you can let go of the nagging feeling right now. If you are now married with a family, then you are not being called to the priesthood. Period.

The diaconate is another vocation entirely, but it is not a “substitute priesthood” for married men. You might inquire about that formation in your diocese but if you think somehow it is 2nd class priesthood, you need more understanding about the vocation of permanent deacon.
 
Petergee said:
Young Thinker;6349612:
Petergee;6346474:
You don’t mention a yearning to say Mass or hear confessions.
No offence but on the face of it they sound like poor reasons to become a priest. A priest should want to say Mass and celebrate the other sacraments in order to bring people to God and to bring God to the people. Maybe you should join a Latin language club and become a psychiatrist/psychologist.
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There are also other reasons for me.
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…and I would like to bring people to God and vice versa.
 
If I were in this situation, I guess that I would first(myself being more than a decade under the age of 35 ) join a Third Order and, if possible, become an acolyte. Then, when of sufficient age, I would prepare for the diaconate.
 
aquinas_op said:
I’ve always wanted to be a priest. Even was in the process of entering the Dominicans. But then I fell in love and after much prayer thought that God was calling me to be a husband and a father (I love children, always have). We were blessed with a beautiful baby daughter less than a year after our marriage - she is now going to be two. I can’t imagine ever leaving my wife or my daughter.
And yet, I spend every night in prayer, often watching EWTN or a YouTube video on Compline. At other times, I do my own compline from the office. As much as I love my family and want to be there for them for the rest of my life, I can’t get rid of this nagging feeling from within that I should have been a priest. That I was called elsewhere. I have heard some married men can become deacons. I don’t know if this is an option; or if it will even quench that desire I feel in my heart to be a priest.
What do I do?
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We are all called to LIVE our baptismal consecration, whether we stay single, enter holy orders, or marry - each is a vocation. We are also called to LIVE a consecrated vocation, whichever one we choose. Each has its own responsibilities and priorities in order to do the Will of the Father, ie: "Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father in heaven. Mthw 7:21

For example (extreme), it would be very bad for you to ‘abandon’ your families needs and responsibilities so you could be like a monk in the monastery all day. You get my point?

My suggestion would be for you to learn what it means to Consecrate your family - you can do that here: familyland.be/family_consecration/introduction-to-consecration-to-the-holy-family.html

Furthermore, the family and marriage are very much under attack these days - there is a huge need for ‘families that live for other families’ , and that could very well be your calling!
This is the way that we (my family) now lives, and it has become a huge blessing for us.

Take a look.

-G
 
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