Marrriage with another Race

[SavannahL]

I don’t know how to deal with this, but my mother disapprove of me marrying a black man (he’s Catholic too). She told me that animals are smarter than humans speech, since they don’t mingle outside their ‘race’, and only ‘tramps’ go with black guys. Then my father said he will disown me, and probably the whole family is going to side with them. There’s nothing wrong with this guy, except she disapprove of the relationship. Then she used the bible and said I should honor her.

I have no way to persuade her the relationship is fine.

How would you deal with this? And is it wrong ‘as a sin’ to go against your mother with your relationships, since there’s a commandment about it?

 

[AdriannaJean]

You are supposed to honor her, that would mean having her wear a nice corsage at your wedding, and if she’s good, letting her come shopping for the dress. That does NOT mean that you have to let her pick who you marry.

If this man is truly the man you feel God has chosen for you, then who is she to say he’s not? Your parents need to get over their racism and ASAP. God created this man and loves him just as much as He loves your mother. He is just as much a Child of God as she is. Unless she has any valid concerns regarding the relationship (substance abuse, emotional immaturity, etc.) then go for it.

“A man will leave his mother and father and cleave to his wife.”

 

[JPUSC]

Catechism of the Catholic Church

1934 Created in the image of the one God and equally endowed with rational souls, all men have the same nature and the same origin. Redeemed by the sacrifice of Christ, all are called to participate in the same divine beatitude: all therefore enjoy an equal dignity.

1935 The equality of men rests essentially on their dignity as persons and the rights that flow from it:

Every form of social or cultural discrimination in fundamental personal rights on the grounds of sex, race, color, social conditions, language, or religion must be curbed and eradicated as incompatible with God’s design.40

How important it is, especially in our time, that every Christian community should always deepen its awareness of this in order to help civilian society and overcome every possible temptation to racism, intolerance and exclusion, and to organize itself with choices that are respectful of every human being!

One of the great conquests of humanity is in fact overcoming racism. Unfortunately, however, new manifestations of it are taking place in different nations, often linked to social and problems which nonetheless can never justify racial scorn and discrimination.

Let us pray so that respect for every person may grow everywhere, along with responsible awareness that only with the reciprocal acceptance of everyone is it possible to construct a world of authentic justice and true peace.

Pope Benedict XVI, August 17, 2008

If racism is the only motivation behind their disapproval, then that is wrong.

You are not obliged to “honor your father and mother” if what they are asking you to do is sinful and inherently wrong.

 

[budgie2]

As a Christian I would say the most important element in choosing a partner is religion rather than race, colour etc. Whatever your mother’s personal hang ups, Christians should also have freedom to choose their marriage partner.

 

[kage_ar]

There is one race, the human race.

Your mother, sadly, is acting contrary to the teaching of the Church.

From the Catechism:

**1935 **The equality of men rests essentially on their dignity as persons and the rights that flow from it:

Every form of social or cultural discrimination in fundamental personal rights on the grounds of sex, race, color, social conditions, language, or religion must be curbed and eradicated as incompatible with God’s design.

 

[1ke]

I don’t know how to deal with this, but my mother disapprove of me marrying a black man (he’s Catholic too). She told me that animals are smarter than humans speech, since they don’t mingle outside their ‘race’, and only ‘tramps’ go with black guys. Then my father said he will disown me, and probably the whole family is going to side with them. There’s nothing wrong with this guy, except she disapprove of the relationship. Then she used the bible and said I should honor her.

I have no way to persuade her the relationship is fine.

How would you deal with this? And is it wrong ‘as a sin’ to go against your mother with your relationships, since there’s a commandment about it?

Since someone else has posted what the Church has to say about bigotry and racism (which your mom needs to go to Confession about!) let me post the Church’s teaching regarding honoring parents (bolding is mine):

2217 As long as a child lives at home with his parents, the child should obey his parents in all that they ask of him when it is for his good or that of the family. “Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.” Children should also obey the reasonable directions of their teachers and all to whom their parents have entrusted them. But if a child is convinced in conscience that it would be morally wrong to obey a particular order, he must not do so.

As they grow up, children should continue to respect their parents. They should anticipate their wishes, willingly seek their advice, and accept their just admonitions. **Obedience toward parents ceases with the emancipation of the children; not so respect, which is always owed to them. **This respect has its roots in the fear of God, one of the gifts of the Holy Spirit.

2230 When they become adults, children have the right and duty to choose their profession and state of life. They should assume their new responsibilities within a trusting relationship with their parents, willingly asking and receiving their advice and counsel. Parents should be careful not to exert pressure on their children either in the choice of a profession or in that of a spouse. This necessary restraint does not prevent them - quite the contrary from giving their children judicious advice, particularly when they are planning to start a family.

vatican.va/archive/catechism/p3s2c2a4.htm

Your mother is misusing the Commandments. She needs to study her Catechism more. Perhaps you can point out these passages to her, and also suggest she speak to her priest about her prejudices.

 

[Ahimsa]

I don’t know how to deal with this, but my mother disapprove of me marrying a black man…

Ask your mother to define “black”.

 

[Florida_mom]

Your mom sounds like a gem. She says that humans are smarter than animals.

Does she not know that black people are humans.

Does she not know that in many, many species–the male and female are different colors if not shapes.

As for doctrine and the 10 commandments, I agree with everyone else.

 

[mommybug47]

You are supposed to honor her, that would mean having her wear a nice corsage at your wedding, and if she’s good, letting her come shopping for the dress. That does NOT mean that you have to let her pick who you marry.

QUOTE]

Now can anyone put it more poetically than that??
I love the “if she is good” part!
Really, if a parent pushes their child into marriage that is annulment grounds. Your mate is your mate, they dont get to choose for you. Do discern God’s will above all. His will is higher than ours!

 

[Rascalking]

With “respect” to your parents, their thoughts about race are disgusting.

The first person who Jesus revealed himself to be the Christ too was a Sanhedrin (sp?). A different race than Him.

Christianity was essential in ending the slave trade, a horrific stain and a reminder that original sin is all of us.

The fact your mother would even THINK about possibly comparing African Americans to animals should make any decent person sick to their stomach.

If you choose to date this man, then be prepared to also deal with the bigotry of your parents. That can be a huge issue. But do not let their bias effect what might be your beloved,

 

[Captain_America]

How old are you? How long have you dated? How old is he? Do you feel as if he’s truly your equal as a person, or is he a father figure? In some way is he trying to “raise” his “status” by dating you? Are you perhaps tweaking someone else by dating him? Is your relationship more exciting because of the difference and whatever provocation it may evoke?

What does HIS family think? Do you like HIS family?

Marriage really matters to families as well as individuals, although the young persons getting married rarely will acknowledge this.

I’m skeptical of the mixed marriage stuff, since the statistics show a lot more problems from all quarters coming at you. Marriage is tough enough as it is.

I’d ask myself these kinds of questions if I was in your shoes.

 

[celticsfan1983]

What part of the country are you in? In some places, interracial relationships are more accepted. I live in the south, and the last girl I dated was black, and she couldn’t get over possible negative perceptions, and ended the relationship.

So I am so thankful to see someone else who is not afraid of racism to the point that their relationship is in jeopardy.

Everyone has said anything I could come up with. But I will say a prayer that you and your fiancee are able to have the strength to deal with your misguided family members. If you two are right for each other, no ignorant opinions will be able to destroy what God puts together

God be with you both.

 

[SavannahL]

I ask myself these questions because I had some prejudice before I dated him, but no he’s equal to me because we are both going to medical school and we been dating for three years now. We’re from Alabama. His family accepts me much more than mine does, I know they would prefer a black girl, but they still accept me.

Thanks everyone for your answers, and thanks for that answer about the commandment. It helps a lot.

 

[Red_Meg]

I’m a big fan of St. Josemaria, the founder of Opus Dei. He was horrified by racism, and through his efforts and encouragement, members of Opus Dei founded the first integrated schools in Kenya in the 1950s.

One of my favorite passages from his writings is taken from one of his homilies

Our Lord has come to bring peace, good news and life to all men. Not only to the rich, nor only to the poor. Not only to the wise nor only to the simple. To everyone, to the brothers, for brothers we are, children of the same Father, God. So there is only one race, the race of the children of God. There is only one colour, the colour of the children of God. And there is only one language, the language which speaks to the heart and to the mind, without the noise of words, making us know God and love one another.

Margaret

 

[LilyM]

Animals don’t mate outside their race? How does your mother explain mules then (they are products of one parent who is a horse and the other a donkey - different species, let alone races)?

 

[celticsfan1983]

Animals don’t mate outside their race? How does your mother explain mules then (they are products of one parent who is a horse and the other a donkey - different species, let alone races)?

Not sure THAT would be a good argument to use in this situation, but I see your point.

 

[Musicadmirer]

I don’t know how to deal with this, but my mother disapprove of me marrying a black man (he’s Catholic too). She told me that animals are smarter than humans speech, since they don’t mingle outside their ‘race’, and only ‘tramps’ go with black guys. Then my father said he will disown me, and probably the whole family is going to side with them. There’s nothing wrong with this guy, except she disapprove of the relationship. Then she used the bible and said I should honor her.

I have no way to persuade her the relationship is fine.

How would you deal with this? And is it wrong ‘as a sin’ to go against your mother with your relationships, since there’s a commandment about it?

Any good Christian accepts the truth that God created all races to be equal, even if evil humans have tried to teach otherwise. Skin color is nothing. The soul is what counts.
Unfortunately, among Catholics, your parents aren’t the only racists among the church militant.

Do they know that the Holy Family, on earth, were Jews? Maybe “Christian” racists tell themselves that Jesus was Swedish during his 33 years in this world.

 

[Sillara]

Both my sisters married interracially. They’ve been happily married for nearly 12 and nearly 10 years, respectively. My parents were pleased. One brother-in-law’s parents were surprised, but pleased. The other one, well, they did call my sister “the enemy”, but they’ve gotten over it.

 

[Rose71]

Your mother’s comments are wrong and hurtful. Do they stem from her own up-bringing? Is she (in a rather warped way) trying to ‘protect’ you from racist comments you might encounter during your married life?

Could you suggest your mother has a talk to your parish priest? Perhaps he could point out a few things to her, namely…

She has raised an intelligent and hard-working daughter who has kept her faith
Her daughter has chosen a husband who shares her faith and her intelligence
They are committed to the idea of a Catholic marriage
She has raised a daughter who can look beyond colour and discern what is really important in human relationships

seems to me, your mother should be jumping for joy, when you consider how many young people do not take religion of marriage at all seriously. Perhaps she just needs to be reminded of that!

 

[lobster]

I don’t know how to deal with this, but my mother disapprove of me marrying a black man (he’s Catholic too). She told me that animals are smarter than humans speech, since they don’t mingle outside their ‘race’, and only ‘tramps’ go with black guys. Then my father said he will disown me, and probably the whole family is going to side with them. There’s nothing wrong with this guy, except she disapprove of the relationship. Then she used the bible and said I should honor her.

I have no way to persuade her the relationship is fine.

How would you deal with this? And is it wrong ‘as a sin’ to go against your mother with your relationships, since there’s a commandment about it?

Just tell her she is factually incorrect. Animals do mingle outside their race. For example, a poodle will quite happily mate with a border collie. Therefore she is incorrect that animals are smarter than humans.