Marrriage with another Race

[roselily]

Sarahbande, do keep us posted in the not-so-distant future on how the engagement turns out. Would love to hear some updates on how this is going for you.

God bless you and your soon-to-be spouse

Sarabande! celticsfan1983 is joking.
I read that you are happily married.
I would laugh too if I did not know that celticsfan mean :SavannahL.
SavannahL, we prayed for you.

 

[Sarabande]

Sarahbande, do keep us posted in the not-so-distant future on how the engagement turns out. Would love to hear some updates on how this is going for you.

God bless you and your soon-to-be spouse

Hi Celticsfan1983! Thank you. We are actually married now. I’m sorry if I confused you on this. I had been talking about what we experienced when we were dating and didn’t mean to make it sound like we were still dating. The sad thing about this, too, is that one of the particular men who was disgusted at my husband for dating me was a Catholic as well. Please know that although most of the prejudice I experienced were from other Catholics, I want to make clear that it wasn’t the majority of Catholics who I knew growing up and as an adult. There were open and accepting people in our lives as well and we were blessed to have such an open and loving family on both sides.

As an adult, I just don’t give any one with that kind of hatred the time of day. They do it out of ignorance, sometimes out of fear and sometimes out of feeling inferior in some weird way. In reality, they need prayers more than anything else. One of the men who was disgusted with my husband for dating me, hated the idea that his girlfriend, who was my roommate, was even living me with once he found out my racial background. I found all of this out after she broke up with him after a long courtship. Why she stayed with him that long is beyond me, but unfortunately love can sometimes stupify a perfectly intelligent person. She thought she could change him, but once she saw him getting more into white supremist internet data, that was the last straw.

 

[Sarabande]

Angels Unaware - Thank you for your words. It does bring me comfort and hope knowing that your children are not experiencing that kind of hatred. This all hits home for me even more now because we are expecting our first child this December. You know what’s funny is that I actually don’t really look Asian or Pacific Islander. Some days I’ll look Filipina, but most of the time I don’t. Some people can tell and most can’t until they see my mother or if they find out from someone else or by asking me. My sister looks the most Filipina/Asian out of the three of us and many people ask if we have different mothers since we look so different from each other. I’m often mistaken as being literally from southern France, Spain or Italy and not American. When I’m tan, I’ve been mistaken as Native American and have been called Pocohontas on several occasions especially when the Disney movie and “The New World” came out. Or Latinos will mistaken me to be a Latina and start talking to me in Spanish in the subways. Then they start to laugh and apologize when they realize I’m not.

But that’s the thing I never could understand growing up - why I would be treated like a regular human being before they find out about my racial background, then treated like dirt after they discover the nasty truth. And it’s just so horrible that so-called Christians would be the ones I experienced the most hatred.

That’s why I think it really is important for interracial couples to be extra vigilant in making sure their children will be strong, spiritual individuals who can overcome those kinds of “trials” in their lives. Our parents, but especially we as the children, are the ones who will help bring change in how people view interracial marriages. Hearing how your own children have not yet (and hopefully never will) experienced this kind of hatred shows me that there actually may be a change in thinking. God bless you.

**And Savannah - Please keep us up-to-date on how things are working for you and your fiance. You are in my prayers. **

 

[Angels_Unaware]

Or Latinos will mistaken me to be a Latina and start talking to me in Spanish in the subways. Then they start to laugh and apologize when they realize I’m not.

LOL. People start speaking Spanish to DH all the time. When he says he doesn’t speak Spanish, they say, “Oh, you were born here?”

But that’s the thing I never could understand growing up - why I would be treated like a regular human being before they find out about my racial background, then treated like dirt after they discover the nasty truth. And it’s just so horrible that so-called Christians would be the ones I experienced the most hatred.

I really don’t understand that either. Not at all. You know, it’s entirely possible that people have treated us badly without us being aware of it for racist reasons. But, it is such a non-issue to us in our lives, we never worry about it. I treat it with as much importance as someone not liking me because of the car I drive. I just don’t care.

 

[Sarabande]

LOL. People start speaking Spanish to DH all the time. When he says he doesn’t speak Spanish, they say, “Oh, you were born here?”.

I really don’t understand that either. Not at all. You know, it’s entirely possible that people have treated us badly without us being aware of it for racist reasons. But, it is such a non-issue to us in our lives, we never worry about it. I treat it with as much importance as someone not liking me because of the car I drive. I just don’t care.

Exactly. As an adult now, I don’t let it bother me either. Yeah, it was a little hurtful, leaving me incredulous with those people who treated me and my husband that way. Even growing up, because of my parents support, I was able to get past it too. It’s their loss that people can’t see past the race of others. They need prayers more than anything and hopefully their hearts will change. The children need to learn that from their parents. If they don’t, I think it is much harder for them to get past it.

Whenever I see anyone being treated wrongly - especially children - I get this power source from my gut and totally defend that person until the perpertrator is speechless. I’m usually just a quiet person, but I don’t believe in letting anyone get away with showing hatred or mistreatment even if it means I’ll get hurt or get myself into trouble, which has happened. My mother was never afraid to be that way to defend us or others and I won’t be either.

When I keep thinking about Savannah’s situation, all I want to do is march right down to her parents’ place and just sock it to them and show them what real Christian love is all about. How do you change a person’s beliefs which have been so engraved into his/her character? It’s very difficult and could take months, years to wear away those deep engravings. If Savannah truly believes that God means for her and her fiance to be joined in holy matrimony, she needs to conjure up all the strength, love and spiritual power to face her parents head on. It most likely won’t be easy, especially if she has always depended on her parents’ advice and counsel. But this is one thing with which her parents are definitely dead wrong. Also, as someone else mentioned, if she learns that being with her fiance was more of the “I’ll show you” to her parents (which I don’t think it is), she may want to rethink why she is actually marrying him. She can still totally disagree with her parents, but she doesn’t have to do it by marrying.

 

[4Squarebaby]

What’s better: a coloured nobleman or a white commoner?

To the Euro centric raciest the white commoner easily is considered superior. About the only non European mixture in their DNA which the raciest would proudly claim would be the Native American noble or medicine man. Perhaps because unlike Africans and Asians the Native American both earned respect on the battlefield yet died in such great numbers that the Whites became the dominant racial group on the previously indigenous lands.

 

[seremina]

I have never heard this before. It is my understanding that the Sanhedrin were a sect of Judaism like the Pharisees, just a sect, not a different race. For that matter though, I am sure there were Jews, both Pharisees and Sanhedrin who were of all races known to man in that part of the world. You did not have to be born a Jew to become a Jew.

Now, many others have already given the OP much good advice including Rascalking . I really can not add more to what has been said just could not let that statement go.

Brenda V.

Just to answer you, the Sanhedrin are a different sect. I don’t know where they got the idea they were a different race. Perhaps you should open a thread with that person and ask.

 

[celticsfan1983]

Wow, I feel foolish now. FAIL.

To clarify, SavannahL, keep us posted on how this goes.

 

[chevalier]

Sanhedrin was the name of a Jewish council. Samaritans were people of the Northern Kingdom (the Israel, as opposed to Juda), who intermarried with gentiles (non-Jews) and changed some of their religious observances (don’t know about the extent of dogmatic differences, but there were some).They were seen as not really Jewish and yes, there was a racist sentiment there.

 

[chevalier]

To the Euro centric raciest the white commoner easily is considered superior. About the only non European mixture in their DNA which the raciest would proudly claim would be the Native American noble or medicine man. Perhaps because unlike Africans and Asians the Native American both earned respect on the battlefield yet died in such great numbers that the Whites became the dominant racial group on the previously indigenous lands.

I guess so. I was joking anyway. As a curiosity, we had “coloured” nobility in the Polish-Lithuanian Commonwealth, although no one was talking in terms of colour - the concept was alien to us. Those were the descendants of Golden Horde (and other Horde) remnants who took land in exchange for military service. They are a proud part of our heritage and it’s even kinda prestigious. Maybe not among silly kids in kindergarten, but say, socially, if anyone even knows or cares.

 

[divinemercy1676]

Once your parents see your beautiful children they will rue the day such words came out of their mouths. My mother was scared for me and had insults to throw my way when I decided to marry a black man but now she cherishes our children so much that just the hint of racism (toward any group) makes her sick to her stomach and she strongly points out the oneness of God’s children.

The love between my husband and myself grew to include our children which grew to include my whole family. Now they are all insulted by such ignorance. They all take racism personally because now it personally effects people they love.

Sometimes we have to go through these trials to better serve God’s purpose. I believe God used my marriage to reveal the Truth to my friends and family. I pray He does the same for your family!

 

[RACJ]

I don’t know how to deal with this, but my mother disapprove of me marrying a black man (he’s Catholic too). She told me that animals are smarter than humans speech, since they don’t mingle outside their ‘race’, and only ‘tramps’ go with black guys. Then my father said he will disown me, and probably the whole family is going to side with them. There’s nothing wrong with this guy, except she disapprove of the relationship. Then she used the bible and said I should honor her.

 Sorry, this black man is your own kind, *human*. If he treats you with kindness and respect, he is a keeper. Disagreeing with your mom is not dishonoring her. God Bless, Rob :thumbsup:
 P.S. Watch how he treats his own family, as you can view your own future thus. Also, it IS very important, in truth, to accept the fact that you must gird yourself for problems that inter-racial couples and children have. Read up about it, and be honest as to whether you will be tough enough to withstand the barbs and nasty looks from the unenlightened. Your family is not alone in their prejudice. I know this situation first-hand, with my SIL nad her husband.

 

[Sarabande]

Once your parents see your beautiful children they will rue the day such words came out of their mouths. My mother was scared for me and had insults to throw my way when I decided to marry a black man but now she cherishes our children so much that just the hint of racism (toward any group) makes her sick to her stomach and she strongly points out the oneness of God’s children.

The love between my husband and myself grew to include our children which grew to include my whole family. Now they are all insulted by such ignorance. They all take racism personally because now it personally effects people they love.

Sometimes we have to go through these trials to better serve God’s purpose. I believe God used my marriage to reveal the Truth to my friends and family. I pray He does the same for your family!

That is so beautiful to hear!

 

[Chicken_Little]

My own personal feelings on mixed marriages is that I believe imarriages are more
likely to succeed when the partners come from similar backgrounds: race, nationality,
education, social status, etc. I have friends from all backgrounds so it is not that I think
less of people who are interracial. When arguments arise, and they will, differences may enter into more arguments. What about the children? Of course these days, it is less likely that they will be shown prejudice.

I have been married 55 years. Of course he was the answer to a maiden’s prayer
(quite literally).
Same religion, nationality, educational background, social status, neighborhood,
politics.
Does not that indicate something?

Somewhere in the Bible I believe it does say that people should marry among
their own brethren. (I believe it is the Old Testament) Refresh me on this please.

Pray about your marriage as you would pray over any important decision. Remember this is for life not just a passing fancy.

 

[joedaddy27]

Of course there’s nothing wrong with interracial marriage, but also know that it will be an intercultural marriage as well. I’m in an interracial/intercultural marriage, and the culture issue is much more significant than the race issue (she’s from the Philippines and I’m a “U.S. American”).

And remember, to one extent or another, we’re all “mutts”.

Best wishes and good luck.

 

[roselily]

Wow, I feel foolish now. FAIL.

To clarify, SavannahL, keep us posted on how this goes.

Ha! I also did type wrong words sometimes,
Why my eyes see this thread title: Marrriage with another Race
Why?
I mean why Marriage should be Marrriage?

 

[AnneMargo]

Both my late first husband and my present husband were/are African American. I’m white. I was married to my first husband 14 years, and I’ve been married to my second husband 15 years next month. I have 3 grown children, all bi-racial. My mother was much more subtle than yours, but she had much the same reaction. She didn’t change her mind overnight, but it did change, and today she loves my husband dearly and adores my children. But I do need to say that I know a woman who married her husband (a deacon) 40 years ago, and has been estranged from her parents (at their desire) for that long–because he’s black. The parents won’t even see their grandchildren. So that can happen. But your parent’s reaction is wrong and honoring parents doesn’t mean allowing their prejudices to keep you from marrying someone you love.

BTW, I haven’t found much cultural differences between my own upbringing in a big working class highly religious family and my husband’s upbringing in a big working class highly religious family–and most differences we have found are mostly superficial.

 

[LongingForLight]

If this were my mother . . . well, let’s just say I struggle with that commandment.

If you are under 18, I would suggest you talk to a priest about how to balance these things. If you are over 18, you are an adult. Keep pursuing the relationship as far as you would were they not racist. Do the best to keep a Christian demeanor around your parents and be calm and meek while steadfastly doing what you believe God is calling you to do. Whom you marry isn’t something your mother and father can dictate. Marriage is a vocation, and that comes from God.

Like other people said, if you do marry then grandchildren will break the ice again eventually. I’m so sorry you are going through this.

 

[bobbyva2001]

Just like we are not obliged to abide by immoral laws of governments we also are not obliged to follow the immoral requests of our parents.

She has no just reason for forbidding you to marry this man and therefore you should have no guilt in doing so.

 

[DawnInTexas]

I am surprised I haven’t seen this yet (here on this thread), so here goes:

Moses. We all know Moses, right? The precursor to The Pope from the Old Testament-the First Covenant with God/His chosen people?

Well, Moses (a Jew) married a Cushite (Ethiopian) woman named Zipporah.

Moses’ sister Miriam and Aaron her husband spoke to each other about it. Aaron remained silent, but Miriam spoke up to him. She then was struck by Leprosy, (suffering) and was expelled from the camp-into the desert for 7 days as a punishment.

Moses himself went out and fed her. Aaron prayed for her healing. She repented and was again healed.

It was okay with God then…

+Peace Be With You.