Marrying a Catholic woman

[yateanieys]

I wish to marry a Catholic woman; however, I was not raised Catholic. I was raised Pentecostal (AG, to be specific). Yet, I have no doubt that God has brought us together; she is the answer to my prayers. It truly is a marvelous story, but I’ll save that for the memoir.

In the meantime, our love is growing in the Lord and for each other, but she is very adamant about raising her children Catholic. Of course, if the Lord sees fit that we should be together, then I would want to make her the happiest woman on Earth. As such, I have decided that I want to start involving myself in the Catholic Church in preparation for this blessing from God.

Also, I live in the US in the state of Virginia, and she currently lives in Minna, Nigeria. She has told me a lot about marriage counseling through the Church and seems rather excited about it. Of course, due to her locale, time is another issue completely, and even if we were to marry, it probably wouldn’t happen for a good while. It would involve me travelling abroad as I wish to ask for her hand in the presence of her family, which will take months if not years. But, I’m currently in school and looking for a better job, so maybe it won’t take that long to find the means to do so, Lord willing. She does want to visit here for a week or so hopefully in the summer, so maybe it won’t take as long for us to decide whether or not we want to go through with devoting our lives to each other under the Lord’s guidance.

Well, I came here to find out more about what to expect when marrying this beautiful woman and the processes involved in such, as well as the expectations of the Church (not just of a believer, but also of a Catholic-attending Pentecostal), fellowship with the congregation and raising any children we might have in the Catholic faith. Perhaps someone could suggest some insightful reading material? Unfortunately, I’ve only ever seen the inside of a Catholic Church once for the Vigil of a friend that had passed a decade ago (I think it was the Vigil), so I’m not very Catholic-savvy, if you will. I know that there’s a confession booth and sacramental wine for the Holy Communion instead of Welch’s grape juice. That’s pretty much it. I do plan to start attending a local Catholic Church as I want to get the ball rolling, but even so, I’d imagine that the Churches here are much different than where she’s from?

Lastly, any help offered is greatly appreciated! Thank you for your time!

 

[robwar]

A Catholic marrying a non-Catholic in the Catholic Church promises the Catholic Church that the children will be raised in the Catholic Church. I think you need to be honest with yourself on that and what it will mean in the long run if you do not join the Catholic church. I think the idea of contacting your nearest Catholic Church and go talk to the priest and find out more would be a great idea. Likewise, I would learn about NFP as well. Tim Staples is a Catholic apologist with Catholic Answers and came from AOG background. I would start to listen to Catholic Answers, read his blogs and columns and books because he would understand your background. God bless you and she does sound lovely and you sound like a nice guy.

 

[Phemie]

My suggestion to you is to make an appointment and meet with a Catholic priest in your area. Prepare your questions in advance and get the answers from the horse’s mouth, so to speak.

 

[yateanieys]

Thank you very much for your response and compliments! She is indeed lovely

In fact, I have mulled our relationship over for the past year or more, and I recently decided that I wish to pursue this scenario regardless of any sacrifices I have to make. Personally, I haven’t been the most responsible follower as of late, and I felt ashamed, but then she kept showing up at every corner with an answer. God placed a conviction on my heart and I believe she is the answer I’ve been praying for. So, I am more than willing to dedicate my love to her. I just hope she says ‘yes.’

Again, I appreciate your thoughtful suggestions, and may God bless you!

 

[kozlosap]

I’m praying that you two are able to meet and soon. I have a dear, dear friend, who was in a very serious internet relationship with a man from Eastern Europe. They were finally able to meet in Berlin and it was soon obvious that the man only wanted a free green card. I’m not saying that this is the case with your Young woman, but relationships based on writing emails are very iffy.

 

[yateanieys]

My suggestion to you is to make an appointment and meet with a Catholic priest in your area. Prepare your questions in advance and get the answers from the horse’s mouth, so to speak.

That is a wonderful idea! I have so many questions, though I suppose it’s definitely something I’ll have to work toward. After all, I have plenty of time.

 

[yateanieys]

I’m praying that you two are able to meet and soon. I have a dear, dear friend, who was in a very serious internet relationship with a man from Eastern Europe. They were finally able to meet in Berlin and it was soon obvious that the man only wanted a free green card. I’m not saying that this is the case with your Young woman, but relationships based on writing emails are very iffy.

This is a big fear of mine, of course. I also have a friend who married a woman from France and once she got her green card, she divorced him. She said it had nothing to do with that (which I wouldn’t doubt, considering the nature of their relationship), but it was awfully close to the day she got her green card—days, actually. Granted, they were not of the Christian faith, but I’m not one to judge. The heart wants what the heart wants, and if the heart wants a green card, well …

We have been talking for over a year and we talk and video chat on Skype quite often, but that doesn’t really mean anything. I pray that she is not that type of woman, because she has given me a lot of encouragement and has unknowingly taught me so many things about myself, and God only knows when I would have realized any of that if it weren’t for her. If that were to happen, I’d be completely devastated, because, with the exception of the Lord, I had never really devoted my love to anything, much less a woman.

You still raise a good point, and I’ve considered this since I first started having feelings for her, but I’ve been shy of risk-taking my entire life. This is where I battle with myself. I finally have (in my opinion) the best reason to take a risk for the betterment of myself and to work toward getting what I’ve always wanted: to start a family. Then there’s that green card thing looming over me It is a tad discouraging, but I feel I can’t let that hinder me now. I feel the reasons (or “signs,” if you will) are too numerous to ignore.

I have faith that the Lord will guide me down the path I was meant to travel, and I will trust that He holds in store what He considers best for me, regardless of what may come my way.

You are all very kind and I thank you all again for your suggestions and prayers! I just want to be well-prepared for anything that should come of this, so every suggestion helps.

 

[Zzyzx_Road]

We have been talking for over a year and we talk and video chat on Skype quite often, but that doesn’t really mean anything.

Have you actually met her? How much time did you spend together when you met? Did you meet her family? She may indeed be all that you dream of, but how certain are you of this? I ask because Nigeria has long been famous as a source of internet-based scams and it is a good country to be from these days for reasons best discussed elsewhere. Does not mean there are not good people there, just means you need to vet anyone from there thoroughly.

 

[Isca]

I think you will know more about your relationship when you have had the chance to visit your girlfriend in her own country and meet her family. You can’t really know exactly how you feel without being in the actual presence of this lady, however much you talk on Skype. I hope she can make the trip to the USA in the summer.

I think the advice you’ve been given about talking to a priest in the first instance is good counsel. I really hope it all works out for you.

 

[yateanieys]

Have you actually met her? How much time did you spend together when you met? Did you meet her family? She may indeed be all that you dream of, but how certain are you of this? I ask because Nigeria has long been famous as a source of internet-based scams and it is a good country to be from these days for reasons best discussed elsewhere. Does not mean there are not good people there, just means you need to vet anyone from there thoroughly.

Yeah…that’s rough. I have not met her yet, but she is working toward visiting here for a week or so in the summer. I have given a lot of thought to that as well. Of course, before anything is set in motion, I will have spent time with her and her family. It’s just that this won’t come for a while. I am not a big risk taker at all, so even though this is probably one of the biggest risks of my life, I do not plan to take it lightly and simply fall head-over-heals and send her a plane ticket.

But as you suggest, I’m not sure how to vet the situation any other way. I’ve done some research on Facebook and I’ve seen her face while she’s talking to me, but everything else will take time. Even after all that, I guess I can never be 100% sure about a relationship until I go after it. She could just be really good at acting and extremely patient. But you have indeed given me much more to think about.

Thank you!

 

[yateanieys]

I think you will know more about your relationship when you have had the chance to visit your girlfriend in her own country and meet her family. You can’t really know exactly how you feel without being in the actual presence of this lady, however much you talk on Skype. I hope she can make the trip to the USA in the summer.

I think the advice you’ve been given about talking to a priest in the first instance is good counsel. I really hope it all works out for you.

Thank you so much for the encouragement. I hope we get to meet soon, too!

 

[EnglishTeacher]

Perhaps someone could suggest some insightful reading material? Unfortunately, I’ve only ever seen the inside of a Catholic Church once for the Vigil of a friend that had passed a decade ago (I think it was the Vigil), so I’m not very Catholic-savvy, if you will. I know that there’s a confession booth and sacramental wine for the Holy Communion instead of Welch’s grape juice. That’s pretty much it.

Read the book Catholicism for Dummies.(Don’t be put off by the title. ) It’s written by two priests and is one of the best introductory books on Catholicism out there.

 

[pianistclare]

Have you actually met her? How much time did you spend together when you met? Did you meet her family? She may indeed be all that you dream of, but how certain are you of this? I ask because Nigeria has long been famous as a source of internet-based scams and it is a good country to be from these days for reasons best discussed elsewhere. Does not mean there are not good people there, just means you need to vet anyone from there thoroughly.

This^^. I hope she is genuine, for your sake, you seem like you really want to make this work.
This I gong to sound bad, but make sure she pays her own way here to visit.
Don’t send money!
If you are genuinely interested, the book recommended (Catholicism for Dummies) is wonderful as is the Catechism of the Catholic Church.
I wish you all the best.
Peace.

 

[yateanieys]

Read the book Catholicism for Dummies.(Don’t be put off by the title. ) It’s written by two priests and is one of the best introductory books on Catholicism out there.

Very cool, thank you!

This I gong to sound bad, but make sure she pays her own way here to visit.
Don’t send money!

I’m glad you said this. The other day, I was telling her that if she needed help with the cost of getting here to visit that I might be able to help. She told me that it wasn’t necessary and that she would rather do it on her own, but that she was happy to know that I cared enough to offer.

I had just thought earlier today that it would probably be better if we funded our own way, so I was glad to see your post. I’ll have to remedy that post haste!

Thank you!