Marrying a non-catholic

[mercygate]

Uh…yes he did…when he said he is marrying outside the church. that is leaving the church.

You are being needlessly negative. He didn’t realize the gravity of his position – and he’s not the first.

 

[agapewolf]

that wasn’t needless…it was needed. Because of the fact that he doesnt.

 

[kage_ar]

Catholics must marry according to the laws of the Church.

Why is that soooooooooo hard for non-catholics to respect?

 

[duskyjewel]

Yeah, kage I don’t get that either.

Muslims have religious laws and customs they must follow when marrying. Jews have religious customs and laws they must follow when marrying. But tell a person that the Catholic Church has marriage laws and that Catholics must follow them and suddenly you’re a hater. Is it our fault so many Protestant churches have denied marriage the status of a sacrament and left the holy binding of two souls for life to the recently-elected, secular JOP? They expect us to respect that, but cannot respect the fact that the Catholic Church preserves marriage as the sacrament it is. There are rules, and churches making rules *for their own members *is not hateful or intolerant!

 

[mercygate]

that wasn’t needless…it was needed. Because of the fact that he doesnt.

I did not say that the information was needless. The tone on this thread is negative. Needlessly negative. No wonder people think the Church is rule-bound and ugly.

People do not understand that the “rules” are help us live our lives happily in accord with the will of God, for His greater glory and for our own good. All they see is a legalistic obstruction to their immediate wish.

 

[duskyjewel]

People do not understand that the “rules” are help us live our lives happily in accord with the will of God, for His greater glory and for our own good. All they see is a legalistic obstruction to their immediate wish.

Well, then, might I submit such people are not mature enough to be getting married? Adults, when informed of some rule or law, will ask why it is there and what they need to do to comply. Children throw tantrums because they can’t have their way.

 

[mercygate]

Well, then, might I submit such people are not mature enough to be getting married? Adults, when informed of some rule or law, will ask why it is there and what they need to do to comply. Children throw tantrums because they can’t have their way.

You are doubtless correct. But I have yet to meet a tantrum-throwing child whose attitude was improved by joining in the mood.

The grace of delivering “bad news” in a way that helps people step up and work things out ought not to be as rare as it seems to be.

 

[duskyjewel]

But read this thread… people tried to deliver the “bad news” in a compassionate and caring way. Some people will refuse to get in the boat no matter how deep the water or how many times you throw the life preserver.

 

[thenewmrssears]

Frankly I don’t blame him for leavingthis forum. As the Lutheran in and Catholic Lutheran Marriage, the one thing that makes me never want to convert or even entertain the idea is the way I have been treated and have observed other protestant spouses treated in both these forums and in person. My husband was a non practicing catholic when we married and has only in the last year re-discovered his faith.

Having many catholic friends as a child and coming from a Missouri Synod background I had little problem with this. I was often the first in my High School and College Classes to jump to the defense of the Catholic Church and it’s teachings. I have the upmost respect for the pope, and have read much of the previous pope’s writing and teaching. I often attended Catholic Churches when I was away from home and could not find a Lutheran Church to attend.

I still respect the Catholic Church as an institution; however many of it’s adherents exhibit extremely negative qualities that I find troubling. Many are more ignorant than I am about there own faith, they are very elitist, they treat protestants like second class citizens, and as evidenced here are extremely caustic towards mixed marriages.

I am not some little hobgoblin that crept up from hell to lure a good catholic boy away from his faith, though I have been treated that way by many “good” catholics. I had no problem baptizing our kids catholic or exposing them to catholic teachings……now I am having second thoughts, not because of the theology, but because of the culture.

I wish boswell the best of luck, hopefully with love and support from people who want to try and help him, he and his wife to be will have a long happy marriage. I hope she has not read his posting thread and is never exposed to the mean and cruel treatment I have been. Christ said love thy neighbor…….not love only thy catholic neighbor.

Oy…this is a two way street. I am married to a wonderful Lutheran man, but I have never been accepted at his church here. Never. His parents have [although they say “had”] problems with my being Catholic. Only his pastor from his youth has been supportive, and that is probably because even as a Lutheran pastor he is married to a Catholic woman.

For every Catholic you believe is acting negatively towards another faith, I can name a person of another faith acting negatively towards Catholics.

It is a tension that unfortunately will probably exist for all eternity.

 

[Alix1912]

Tell me about it. Luckily most of my home church has been really receptive to my husband and I, but we have also encoutered jerky Lutherans as well.

I do not understand why we cannot all respect each other and get along. Probably has something to do with being a sinful and fallen world.

Seriously though, if we all realized that when you show people the joy and peace you get from your faith rather than tearing them apart for not agreeing with it you can win over many more people.

I also think that all denominations must realize that mixed marriages are not going away, and are becoming more and more common. By creating a hostile environment on either side, you are not helping these couples achieve anything, and you are driving them apart and away from their faith in general.

More than one mixed faith couple have just walked away from it all because of this. I know my husband and I both individually and as a couple have been almost to that point several times, and it is a horrible place to be.

I would love to see people on all side of this work with these couples and help them find a furfilling, loving, faithful marriage and family, instead of telling them they are bad, wrong or sinning.

 

[kage_ar]

I would love to see people on all side of this work with these couples and help them find a furfilling, loving, faithful marriage and family, instead of telling them they are bad, wrong or sinning.

Heavens to betsy, no one said that it was a sin to marry a non-catholic. It IS a big honking glaring mortal sin for a Catholic to marry outside the Church without getting a dispensation. Them’s da rules, I cannot fathom why non-Catholics (and some Catholics) get all wrapped around the axels when the Catholic Church has rules for her members.

This guy in question has to go fill out some paperwork with his Priest and VIOLA he can have a sacramental marriage. You think we Catholics should hop up and down and say “hurray, you are planning on committing a mortal sin”.

 

[masuwerte]

For every Catholic you believe is acting negatively towards another faith, I can name a person of another faith acting negatively towards Catholics.

I hear ya, but two wrongs don’t make a right. If Catholics want to convince others that Catholicism is what it claims to be, they could start by holding themselves to a better standard of behavior in this regard. IMHO.

 

[jwashu]

Tell me about it. Luckily most of my home church has been really receptive to my husband and I, but we have also encoutered jerky Lutherans as well.

I do not understand why we cannot all respect each other and get along. Probably has something to do with being a sinful and fallen world.

Seriously though, if we all realized that when you show people the joy and peace you get from your faith rather than tearing them apart for not agreeing with it you can win over many more people.

I also think that all denominations must realize that mixed marriages are not going away, and are becoming more and more common. By creating a hostile environment on either side, you are not helping these couples achieve anything, and you are driving them apart and away from their faith in general.

More than one mixed faith couple have just walked away from it all because of this. I know my husband and I both individually and as a couple have been almost to that point several times, and it is a horrible place to be.

I would love to see people on all side of this work with these couples and help them find a furfilling, loving, faithful marriage and family, instead of telling them they are bad, wrong or sinning.

I am Joe, and I approve this post

I would stress though that it all depends on the Parish and the Congregation. One of my best friends is MO Synod and while I was becoming Catholic we talked about Religion more than ever before. We had SOOOOO much in common as Catholic and Lutheran than we ever did as Presbyterian and Lutheran IMHO.

As Alix stressed, a lot of it comes from ignorance of the teachings of Christ and where that person goes to Church.

Some Catholic parishes are better at teaching the beatitudes than others. Frankly though as a Baptist until 16 I think I may have hear 1 sermon on them… we did discuss them a lot in the Presbyterian Church though.

As I posted on another threat, part of what makes so many former protestant so gung ho as new Catholics is that they truly believe they have finally found the Truth about the Faith they have nurtured since childhood. When you know that with all your heart, it’s difficult not to want to share it, sometimes possibly too hard.

I do pray that some day more Protestants and Catholics will drop the misconceptions and work on Christian Unity because we are going to need it.

Joe

 

[boswell2k1]

I am Joe, and I approve this post

I would stress though that it all depends on the Parish and the Congregation. One of my best friends is MO Synod and while I was becoming Catholic we talked about Religion more than ever before. We had SOOOOO much in common as Catholic and Lutheran than we ever did as Presbyterian and Lutheran IMHO.

As Alix stressed, a lot of it comes from ignorance of the teachings of Christ and where that person goes to Church.

Some Catholic parishes are better at teaching the beatitudes than others. Frankly though as a Baptist until 16 I think I may have hear 1 sermon on them… we did discuss them a lot in the Presbyterian Church though.

As I posted on another threat, part of what makes so many former protestant so gung ho as new Catholics is that they truly believe they have finally found the Truth about the Faith they have nurtured since childhood. When you know that with all your heart, it’s difficult not to want to share it, sometimes possibly too hard.

I do pray that some day more Protestants and Catholics will drop the misconceptions and work on Christian Unity because we are going to need it.

Joe

Peace be to god, and also with you.

 

[Love_the_Lorax]

Well, I am amazed that it hasn’t come up before now… how is that possible? But moving on… I will only tell you of my experience.

When I married my husband, he wasn’t practicing the Catholic faith at that time (lapsed cradle Catholic) and I was adamantly never, ever going to become Catholic. He was going to my church (Church of Christ) and seemed to be ok with it.

To keep a very long story short, it wasn’t long before he flipped back to calling himself Catholic, while I was still of the opinion that pigs would fly before I became Catholic. This continued for many years. He never, ever once told me that I needed to become Catholic, I was welcome to go wherever I wanted, and even take the kiddos along. Truly, no pressure from him at all.

BUT - I was miserable. Married, but spiritually separate is amazingly difficult. Yes, I know of couples that have done it, I’m not saying it is impossible. It is simply difficult in a way I would have never imagined, and let’s face it - unless she becomes Catholic then the two of you will never receive the Eucharist together. Your children, if you have any, will know that mom and dad are not together in this. I know for a fact that it stressed my children.

The fact that she is already willing to look at the Catholic faith makes me think that she realizes some of difficulties that might arise. Why not let her join RCIA and make the decision for herself?

I TOTALLY get that you are not going to push her into this, and I respect you for that. On the other side, my husband did such a grand job of not even talking about his faith that I refused to consider it for almost 20 years. Finally, God whacked me with a spiritual 2x4, I quit attending protestant services, and eventually joined the Catholic church. I do not have words to describe how much I love it, and how deeply I wish I had joined so many years ago. Your girlfriend might start looking into the Church and realize its truths for herself. I so wish my husband had encouraged me more many years ago.

I also get you on the Dad thing - not of the Catholic faith. My Dad is Seventh-Day Adventist - adamantly anti-Catholic. He has practically begged me to not become Catholic in the past, and his feelings played a big part in my refusal to consider the Church for many years. I know all too well how family feelings can get involved in all this. But… you and she will become one, and you need to do everything you can to start your marriage off right.

In a month I will be married to someone I love more than life itself. We’re truely happy together, although we hit a snag last night. We’re not of the same religion. She is Lutheran and I’m Catholic. Both of us have very strong backgrounds in our religion. She wants to attend services together after we’re married and raise our family with a church background. I am all for it. However, I’m not interested in converting to Lutheran, and she’s willing to convert to Catholic, however I feel this is against her better judgement. Her father is an elder in the Lutheran church she attends. He’s a really great guy, doesn’t push religion, etc. He very much approves of me marrying his daughter, although I think he would be a little dissapointed if she converted her religion. I’m not asking her to, and I don’t know how to convince her that we can still attend services together without switching. I’m 100% ok with it, although this has never come up before and it’s obviously an important, yet touchy topic. I know this is common in this day and age, can someone offer some advice?

Thanks for listenting