Marrying a Non Catholic

[Timothy888]

I’m married to a Roman Catholic Woman, for nearly twenty years, It’s a pity we never had any children, still God’s will be done, The important thing is that we love eachother and God, we visit both Roman churches and catholic protestant churches, though i was born a Roman catholic, i became a protestant,still love is the highest command.

I’m the Roman Catholic: Before I was married I didn’t know as much about the word of God then, as I do now. I even read the word of God.
I don’t think I would have done if I didn’t marry the man I married.
So what’s more important, to get nearer to God or to argue about wether you should marry a protestant!
Whatever you do make sure you bring your children up in Christ, be they Protestant or those who hold with the Roman catholic church.

 

[JackmanUSC]

Are you allowed to have a Mass if only one is Catholic. I thought the mass was not to be done.

 

[Timothy888]

The ecumenical service allows that, talk with the priest yourself, you might be allowed the sacrement, if you know what it means!

 

[rkberlin]

I married a mormon (LDS) 14 years ago. If I’m not mistaken, back then our church still considered the mormon baptism as valid ( which has changed in the meantime, since the chuch of LDS has never accepted out baptism ). I wanted to get married in the church, and we had the hardest time to find a priest to do it. We finally found the Fransicans ( bless them! :clapping: ) and they told us about a deacon who was available the weekend we got married. We had the ceremony outside of Mass, which I understand is in the catechismm that you can’t get married to a non catholic during a mass ( please correct me if I’m wrong ). The deacon made us promise to raise future children in the Christian faith ( which I believe was bending the rules quite a bit ). I had both kids baptised catholic, even though I wasn’t practising my faith then. I recently asked our priest if our marriage was valid and he said yes. My husband converted last year ( took me 13 years !, but I wasn’t trying hard for about 11…). Still, I feel like I cheated because of the Christian not Catholic promise. My husband never practised his religion and didn’t really care what I was doing ( not the greatest basis for the marriage, but we changed that now! ). All I’m saying is, why can’t you get married in the church? She’s baptised in the trinity right? So it shouldn’t make a big difference. Speaking from experience, though, once one of you starts practising your religion seriously, there’ll be major bumps in the marriage. Something to seriously discuss before you get married. Might not be important now, but sooner or later it will be. I thank God for the priest we have here who had such a major impact on my husband to become catholic. BUt you’re right, she will have to WANT to convert, otherwise it’s all fake anyway. May God bless and guide you both!

 

[carol_marie]

jtm827:

We go to Church together and I receive Communion and she does not because she is not allowed? When we visit her parents I go to their Church out of respect and we all receive communion. I understand the reasons behind the Catholic Church’s exclusionary culture and I can argue for and against their (for a lack of a better word) rules. But, the truth is, my instincts go against my teachings. To withhold Communion from another Christian or anybody for the matter seems wrong and in direct opposition to Christ teachings. !

Why do you take communion at her Methodist Church? It is not the body & blood of Jesus - even they believe it is only “symbolic” which goes totally against the very CORE belief of our Catholic Faith.

And since your girlfriend doesn’t believe in the Eucharist, why should she receive Jesus in that way? That would actually be a very grave matter.

I hope that you learn more about your Catholic Faith - otherwise when you are married & have children, I predict you will ALL be Methodist.

 

[JackmanUSC]

I know my girlfriend is a Baptist, and I go with her family to Baptist Church on Sundays, but afterwords it is a race to the Catholic Church to recieve the Holy Eucharist. I do not eat the communion of the Baptists because I know they don’t believe in the real presence. However, slowly but surely my girlfriend has gone from “I won’t convert” to “I can’t convert before marriage because of my mother” Time and patience is all it takes. Plus a healthy dose of Catholic Mass and apologetics along the way!

 

[SemperJase]

I was the non-catholic. My wife and I were married in the Catholic church outside of Mass.

Our situation was a bit different. As a baby, I had been baptised in the Catholic Church. After my parents divorced, my mother went back to the Methodist church and later with my step-father, a Non-denominational church (actually its own denomination now, ironic).

My wife and I were both confirmed in the Catholic church this past Easter (she had received all her sacrements except confirmation).

Looking back, I don’t feel as if I missed anything by having a ceremony outside of Mass. I have always valued the marriage in the church though.

Even if you wife does not wish to become Catholic I can stress enough for you both to go through the Catholic pre-marital counseling. It will address issues already discussed and bring to light issues that must be addressed before you get married. Raising children is only one.

I can’t tell you how much it helped my wife and I. On the other hand, my sister-in-law went through the counseling before her marriage but they both ignored the issues it raised. They have struggled ever since they got married.

If you want a happy marriage, be proactive. Find out what issues you may have and address them now. This faith issue is the biggest. Children will only complicate it if ignored.

May God bless you both.

 

[cheddarsox]

Your future wife, as a non-Catholic, cannot raise your children Catholic, only you can do that. Are you fully prepared to take that on?

As another poster pointed out, the usual scenario is that the kids will see the split, and the reality is, usually they will go the way the mother goes. You would have to be really strong, determined and willing to put a great deal of energy into this to raise your children in a different faith than their mother. Also, doing this without repressing your wife’s faith would be difficult, bordering on impossible.

You will be raising kids in a faith that sees itself and teaches that it is the only true faith, and that their mother does not have the protection of the true faitth.

Please, if you are serious about your faith, think this through carefully. If both you and your wife are serious about your faiths, you are setting yourself up for very tough times. If religion is a critical aspect of your lives, I would not suggest you do this, or have children.

cheddar

 

[Timothy888]

My father was roman catholic, mother protestant, yet i left the catholic church not because of my mother, more because of my father.
The Roman faith isn’t the only way to Jesus, some say it’s the easiest because you have no responsibility, you know, tell it to the priest and it’s gone!
say your hail Marys’ and our Fathers and all is well, sin again!
True faith, well i’ve only found that under cults, they use it extensively.
True faith is faith in Jesus, have faith in Jesus and pray regularly, your children should benefit from the multiple viewpoint. I did!
Whatever you do, do it in Jesus, don’t do anything against Him.
You’ll be OK unless one of you doesn’t want to do things in Jesus, then there will be problems.
The Roman church is known for it’s disobediance, as the Corinthian church was.
Read and find out!

cheddarsox:

You will be raising kids in a faith that sees itself and teaches that it is the only true faith, and that their mother does not have the protection of the true faitth.

cheddar

 

[carol_marie]

Timothy888:

My father was roman catholic, mother protestant, yet i left the catholic church not because of my mother, more because of my father.
The Roman faith isn’t the only way to Jesus, some say it’s the easiest because you have no responsibility, you know, tell it to the priest and it’s gone!
say your hail Marys’ and our Fathers and all is well, sin again!
True faith, well i’ve only found that under cults, they use it extensively.
True faith is faith in Jesus, have faith in Jesus and pray regularly, your children should benefit from the multiple viewpoint. I did!
Whatever you do, do it in Jesus, don’t do anything against Him.
You’ll be OK unless one of you doesn’t want to do things in Jesus, then there will be problems.
The Roman church is known for it’s disobediance, as the Corinthian church was.
Read and find out!

Original poster jtm827,
This is an example of someone who “benefited from multiply viewpoints.” You decide if that’s what you want for your children.

 

[jtm827]

Thanks, I thought so.

1ke:

You are incorrect. If she is baptized, the marriage would be sacramental provided that proper form was followed.
A sacramental marriage is any marriage, validly contracted, between two baptized persons.

 

[jtm827]

If its not the body of Jesus than what does it hurt to respect them and their Church. Anything else could be construed as arrogance and disrespectful.
carol marie:

Why do you take communion at her Methodist Church? It is not the body & blood of Jesus - even they believe it is only “symbolic” which goes totally against the very CORE belief of our Catholic Faith.

And since your girlfriend doesn’t believe in the Eucharist, why should she receive Jesus in that way? That would actually be a very grave matter.

I hope that you learn more about your Catholic Faith - otherwise when you are married & have children, I predict you will ALL be Methodist.

 

[jtm827]

I appreciate your concern and it might be more valid if I was actually young. I’m 38 and my fiancee is 35. We’ve talked about this a great deal and feel confident we will raise our Children properly. My main concern is fulfilling my Sacrement. Another member wrote that I can fulfill my sacrement if I go back into the Church and make my vows official. I verified this with a Priest so I’m confident it wont be an issue.

Marquette:

I think everyone is missing a REALLY HUGE point here. What about future CHILDREN? I don’t care which parent “agrees” to letting the children be raised in the other parent’s church, the children are going to see that the parents do not agree on the teachings and be CONFUSED. I speak from experience. I’m a protestant who AGREED to let my children be raised Catholic. In the end, my Catholic husband didn’t go, so the children went with me and a few years later he trailed along. They are now adults (four kids) and only the oldest one attends a church. I would really warn this person about to marry out of his faith to do some serious praying about this matter. You are YOUNG and “IN LOVE” and you are overlooking this at the moment. Trust me, it will become HUGE in the future when the children arrive.

Marquette (a seeking grandmother)

 

[Contarini]

Semper Fi:

Why can’t she just convert to Catholicism? It shouldn’t be that hard to convince her to convert if she truly loves you.

This is incredibly insulting to both Protestants and Catholics. Faith should not depend on love for a human being. Obviously if you love someone you will be influenced to believe what they believe. But you can’t just decide to believe something in order to please someone you love. That would be a serious sin against God and God’s truth.

Put it the other way round and hopefully you’ll see how demeaning this suggestion is. Why doesn’t the Catholic convert to Protestantism if he truly loves his fiancee?

Edwin

 

[Contarini]

carol marie:

It is not the body & blood of Jesus - even they believe it is only “symbolic”.

That is not true of official Methodist teaching, or of the beliefs of many Methodists, or of the beliefs of John and Charles Wesley. Unfortunately it is true of the beliefs of the majority of Methodists, so you’re likely to be correct in this instance.

However, if they only think it’s a symbol, and Catholics think it’s only a symbol (since Methodists don’t have episcopal succession), how can you say that their belief goes against the core teaching of Catholicism? On the contrary, it’s those Methodists (such as my wife–and in a sense myself, since I receive communion in the UMC) who believe that they are receiving the Body of Christ who are contradicting Catholic teaching.

This is a serious issue–it’s one of the main difficulties I face in considering conversion to Catholicism.

Edwin

 

[Contarini]

jtm827:

I’m marrying a Methodist. She agreed to raise the Children Catholic. We are getting married at our catering facility by a Priest who left the Church and is now independent. We are taking this route because our Diocese will not send a Priest or Deacon outside the Church.

What I don’t get is why you don’t just get married in the Methodist church. Why bring in a renegade Catholic priest, since the Catholic Church doesn’t recognize such a marriage anyway?

Marriage is an act of the Church. In getting married you are doing more than pledging your love for each other–you are becoming a sacrament of Christ’s love for the Church. It’s important to have the presence and blessing of the Christian community, whether Protestant or Catholic.

The best approach would be to have a little patience and conform to the rules imposed by the Catholic Church. These rules are not just about “fulfilling your sacrament” but about making your marriage a cell of the Body of Christ rather than just a private union of two individuals. If for whatever reason you can’t do this in the Catholic Church, do it in the Methodist church.

I’m saying this as an Episcopalian who wants to be Catholic and is married to a Methodist. So I have some understanding of where you are coming from.

Edwin

 

[La_Chiara]

jtm827:

I appreciate everybody’s (name removed by moderator)ut. I spoke to the Priest at my Church and he told me that if I decide to get married outside the Church (at our wedding facility by the water) then I can always come back to the Church and recite my vows at the alter. While he did urge me/us to abandon our decision to get married outside the Church, he did say that all is forgiven and all can be fixed. ** I personally don’t believe I’m doing anything wrong.** Jesus left the walls of the Synagogues to preach the word of God. How being outside amongst nature and God’s creatures is wrong is beyond me but that’s another debate. I simply wanted to get more (name removed by moderator)ut and ensure that my Priest was giving me correct information.

As far as my future wife converting from Methodist to Catholic, that is not her wish or desire. As Puzzleannie wrote, my future wife converting to please me would be a mistake. She is not Catholic and does not believe in many things the Catholic Church teaches. We go to Church together and I receive Communion and she does not because she is not allowed? When we visit her parents I go to their Church out of respect and we all receive communion. I understand the reasons behind the Catholic Church’s exclusionary culture and I can argue for and against their (for a lack of a better word) rules. But, the truth is, my instincts go against my teachings. **To withhold **Communion from another Christian or anybody for the matter seems wrong and in direct opposition to Christ teachings. While I have issues with this, that in itself won’t influence me to abandon my Church. Rules change. Years ago, a Catholic could not marry a Protestant and fulfill their Sacrament. That rule changed. Sometimes rules are even bent. For example, I have a copy of a dispensation from my Diocese, signed by the Bishop, that gave permission for a member of my Diocese to marry outside, by the water, to a non Christian (Jew). And while this marriage is not a Sacrament it is recognized by the Church as a marriage. To top it all off the marriage was performed by a Priest. Performed by a Priest, not observed by a Priest. My problem is that I’m getting married outside the Church and I did not pursue a dispensation. ** I guess I didn’t follow the rules but I’m not even sure what they are sometimes. ** Anyway, I digress. Thanks again for all the (name removed by moderator)ut and I welcome more. I hope I didn’t offend anybody, it was not my intention. Thank you again and God Bless!

You claim you don’t know the rules. But the real issue is you don’t choose to learn or follow the Catholic Church’s rules. You may have been baptized and even confirmed Catholic but clearly, whether you care to admit it or not, you are not a practicing Catholic. So it is just as well that you are marrying outside the Church. Maybe someday you will recognize what you are missing and lacking in your life, and you will come back to the Church.

 

[garfield]

I married a non Catholic who was baptised Cof E but didn’t go to church (except at Christmas)
We were married in Catholic church then had a blessing service in the anglican church and have been married for 16 years now and have 6 kids (who are being brought up in the Catholic church with the support of both parents).
It is possible to be happy with a non Catholic partner

 

[Timothy888]

garfield:

I married a non Catholic who was baptised Cof E but didn’t go to church (except at Christmas)
We were married in Catholic church then had a blessing service in the anglican church and have been married for 16 years now and have 6 kids (who are being brought up in the Catholic church with the support of both parents).
It is possible to be happy with a non Catholic partner

Tooo true!
Though we visit both Churches, we agree on everything Christian!
At lest he gets to church now though!

 

[reggie]

Receiving “communion” in a Methodist church is a mortal sin.
Receiving communion in any church not in communion with Rome is a mortal sin. It matters not the reason why. You may feel you are doing nothing wrong, but that is not so. The world is full of people who do not feel they are doing anything wrong.

You seem to be a nominal Catholic at best and it would be better for you and your children if you took the time to learn the truth of the church Jesus founded. It is not about you and what you feel is right or wrong. I don’t doubt that there are marriages of mixed faiths that do well, but they are most likely the exception and not the rule.

What I don’t understand is why you are concerned about whether your marriage is sacramental. By receiving communion in UMC church and approving of your fiancee receiving in a Catholic church, though not Catholic, you show a tremendous disrespect and lack of understanding for the greatest Sacrament given to us by Christ.

Christ’s presence in the Eucharist is true whether you believe it or not; His presence does not depend on your belief. The NT tells us that when you receive unworthily you do not receive the benefits of the Eucharist and you are guilty of the body and blood of our Lord Jesus Christ. When you receive, you receive not only Christ made present by the consecrating words of the priest, you proclaim full membership in His church and complete acceptance of the teachings of His church. There are millions of Catholics who receive but do not believe, for them, it might as well be just a symbol as they commit a sin when they do so, therefore denying themselves the very thing they seek when receiving.

I don’t mean to be harsh. I see from your posts that you have a very protestant view of Jesus and His Sacraments. Maybe you would be better served to marry in the Methodist church and raise your children there instead of confusing them and teaching them your wrong beliefs about the Catholic church. At least, that is, until you realize the truth of the church through the grace of the Holy Spirit and prayer.

God Bless you whatever you decide.