marrying a non Catholic

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becca_t09

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Hi guys!
My name is becca and this is my first time posting a thread. I am desperately seeking some advice from fellow Catholics.

I am 27 years of Age, born and raised a Catholic within a very strong Catholic family. I fell away from my faith for a number of years and lived a sinful life. I met a man and had a child.
I have now returned to my faith and vow never to do anything to endanger it again. I split from my partner as he could not accept my sudden change in lifestyle.

Now, I still love him dearly, humanly speaking we are very compatible and are good parents to our son.
He recently asked if we could get back together and get married, expressing his acceptance of my religion and understanding of how much it means to me.
Of course I was overjoyed to hear this…this is a man who was once a religion hater and a blasphemer…obviously my prayers for him are being heard!

Now…2 problems…
  1. he is unbaptised…would I be able to get a dispensation to marry him if his intentions are to let myself and our son practice our faith freely??
  2. he had a vasectomy…I know this is in no way acceptable in the church. However, I had no part in it, and also, I am still open to New life. I know vasectomies are not always foolproof…if it is gods will that we have another child then so be it.
    Would it be acceptable to have a physical relationship with him or would it be sinful???
Please share your views…I am desperate to know the right answer!
Thanks xx
 
Please go talk to your pastor. You should get some objective spiritual advice and counseling before committing to marriage to him.

Yes, it is possible to obtain a dispensation to marry an unbaptized person. And yes it is possible to marry him even though he has had vasectomy.
 
A couple points:

Your marriage, while valid, would not be a sacrament, so you would be foregoing the supernatural grace that Christ desires to give Christians in marriage. You would also be foregoing the possibility of having more children, unless his vasectomy is reversible.

Marriage to a non-Christian causes great difficulties for many Catholic spouses; while it is allowed by the Church with the bishop’s permission, it’s not something the Church believes should be common or recommended. See paragraphs 1633-1637 of the Catechism of the Catholic Church here: vatican.va/archive/ccc_css/archive/catechism/p2s2c3a7.htm I second 1ke’s admonition to receive pastoral counseling and spiritual direction before even considering entering into a marriage with this man.
 
aemcpa said:
A couple points:

Your marriage, while valid, would not be a sacrament, so you would be foregoing the supernatural grace that Christ desires to give Christians in marriage. You would also be foregoing the possibility of having more children, unless his vasectomy is reversible.

Marriage to a non-Christian causes great difficulties for many Catholic spouses; while it is allowed by the Church with the bishop’s permission, it’s not something the Church believes should be common or recommended. See paragraphs 1633-1637 of the Catechism of the Catholic Church here: vatican.va/archive/ccc_css/archive/catechism/p2s2c3a7.htm I second 1ke’s admonition to receive pastoral counseling and spiritual direction before even considering entering into a marriage with this man.
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Why wouldn’t the marriage be a sacrament?
 
Listen to your heart and marry him. You need him as he need you, and a child that need both of you are amongst and between you. I know I may sound like “Dr. Phil”, but the children are always the most important thing in the world, and as a father and grandfather I know also how important kids are for “grown up” people to.

I do wish you both all the best and a wonderfull life and journey that with God’s grace will be a long and happy one.
 
I’d be cautious here. You’ve split from him once already because of your beliefs. Ask your priest, and maybe sit down with your priest and this man. See if he’s really open to your faith and is willing to support you on that. As far as being compatible, I don’t see that. The spiritual side is lacking, and I see that as vitally important. Just be careful, ok?
 
becca_t09 said:
Hi guys!
My name is becca and this is my first time posting a thread. I am desperately seeking some advice from fellow Catholics.

I am 27 years of Age, born and raised a Catholic within a very strong Catholic family. I fell away from my faith for a number of years and lived a sinful life. I met a man and had a child.
I have now returned to my faith and vow never to do anything to endanger it again. I split from my partner as he could not accept my sudden change in lifestyle.

Now, I still love him dearly, humanly speaking we are very compatible and are good parents to our son.
He recently asked if we could get back together and get married, expressing his acceptance of my religion and understanding of how much it means to me.
Of course I was overjoyed to hear this…this is a man who was once a religion hater and a blasphemer…obviously my prayers for him are being heard!

Now…2 problems…
  1. he is unbaptised…would I be able to get a dispensation to marry him if his intentions are to let myself and our son practice our faith freely??
  2. he had a vasectomy…I know this is in no way acceptable in the church. However, I had no part in it, and also, I am still open to New life. I know vasectomies are not always foolproof…if it is gods will that we have another child then so be it.
    Would it be acceptable to have a physical relationship with him or would it be sinful???
Please share your views…I am desperate to know the right answer!
Thanks xx
Click to expand...
If you want to marry in the Catholic Church then you both need to speak with a priest. He will be able to answer all of your questions and address your concerns. I’m not sure about your second question, but a physical relationship now would be sinful; even though you already have a child together, you are not married.
 
I normally would never advise a Catholic to marry a non-Catholic, but you’ve already skipped a few steps and have a child together. I think when at all possible (i.e. it is not a dangerous or abusive situation), children deserve to be raised by married parents. I would be cautious and take your time, get very good premarital counseling, and seek spiritual guidance as well. Still, I do think that for the sake of your daughter, you owe her a valiant attempt to provide a stable, two-parent household for her. You have to make the best of the circumstances you created. As long as this man is NOT abusive and does NOT have serious character flaws, I think you are obligated to seriously consider whether you could be married. It will not be ideal, but better to sacrifice your preferences than to force your child to bear the burden of not having her parents together.
 
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