Marrying a non-Catholic

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EeyoresButerfly

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I am currently in a dating relationship with wonderful Christian man who is a non-Catholic (he is Lutheran.) I remember the director of our Newman Center saying that a Catholic who marries a non-Catholic Christian does not have to get married in the Catholic church. If I do marry a non-Catholic, I would probably prefer to not get married in the Catholic Church since I am the only Catholic in my family (I am a convert). Does anybody know how exactly this works? I heard there’s paperwork you fill out, but I don’t know what the “rules” are. Would we still go through Pre-Cana? Any information would be great! We’re nowhere near that stage yet, but it would be nice to know in case we get there. Thanks!
 
EeyoresButerfly said:
I am currently in a dating relationship with wonderful Christian man who is a non-Catholic (he is Lutheran.) I remember the director of our Newman Center saying that a Catholic who marries a non-Catholic Christian does not have to get married in the Catholic church. If I do marry a non-Catholic, I would probably prefer to not get married in the Catholic Church since I am the only Catholic in my family (I am a convert). Does anybody know how exactly this works? I heard there’s paperwork you fill out, but I don’t know what the “rules” are. Would we still go through Pre-Cana? Any information would be great! We’re nowhere near that stage yet, but it would be nice to know in case we get there. Thanks!
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You would still have to meet all the requirements for marriage in the Catholic Church (Pre-Cana, etc.) and you would have to promise to do all in your power to raise any children you may have in the Catholic Faith (your fiancé would only need to be informed of your promise, not make any of his own).

Once you’ve met all the requirements, your parish priest would petition the bishop on your behalf for a dispensation for “lack of canonical form” citing one or more of the various reasons for this request.
 
Thank you for the reply! Are there ever circumstances where bishops refuse to grant the dispensation, and how long does the dispensation take? I have heard it can take forever for any document that has to go the bishop and you shouldn’t even bother asking.
 
Most parishes have to be notified at least six months in advance so the Pre-Cana classes and the meetings with the priest can be done. So, the dispensation must be done during that time. My husband and I had to have a dispensation for our wedding because he had never been baptised, although it was in a Catholic church.

You can also have your priest at the ceremony even if it’s at a protestant church.
 
EeyoresButerfly said:
Thank you for the reply! Are there ever circumstances where bishops refuse to grant the dispensation, and how long does the dispensation take? I have heard it can take forever for any document that has to go the bishop and you shouldn’t even bother asking.
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I suppose there are cases where the priest decides that he won’t petition based on what he’s seen & heard in the interviews with the couple. But usually, if the priest petitions he has to indicate why he thinks this is a good thing for the couple to do and family relationships are certainly taken into consideration. In the few cases I’ve been aware of (I’m the one shipping the documents to the bishop) the dispensation was granted without a problem.

As for how long it takes, depends on the size of the diocese I guess and how much of this the bishop or VG has to deal with. I’ve seen dispensation forms faxed to the bishop, signed and returned by fax the same day, but ours is a small diocese and the bishop is a personal friend of the pastor. It’s for reasons like this that parishes insist that anyone wishing to get married approach them at least 6 months before their planned wedding. With your wish for a wedding that lacks canonical form I think you would do well to approach the parish even earlier than that.

We’ve had couples lately who’ve approached the church 18 months before their planned wedding date. IIRC, one couple was going to be in a mixed-marriage (in our diocese the pastors can give permission for that) and the other was just a regular wedding. The couples didn’t want to have to worry about any of this close to the wedding date so were getting it out of the way ASAP.
 
EeyoresButerfly said:
I am currently in a dating relationship with wonderful Christian man who is a non-Catholic (he is Lutheran.) I remember the director of our Newman Center saying that a Catholic who marries a non-Catholic Christian does not have to get married in the Catholic church. If I do marry a non-Catholic, I would probably prefer to not get married in the Catholic Church since I am the only Catholic in my family (I am a convert). Does anybody know how exactly this works? I heard there’s paperwork you fill out, but I don’t know what the “rules” are. Would we still go through Pre-Cana? Any information would be great! We’re nowhere near that stage yet, but it would be nice to know in case we get there. Thanks!
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a Catholic is bound by Catholic canon law on marriage, and may not marry a non-Catholic without permission, may not marry in a location other than a church or oratory without permission, and may not marry without a priest or deacon as the witness without permission. If you are Catholic marrying outside the Church should not even be on your radar.

In any case you must both go through the marriage preparation course prescribed in your diocese, and you should get solid pastoral counselling on the pitfalls involved in a mixed marriage (which are discussed here a lot in other threads).

the priest who prepares you for marriage can assist you in applying for the necessary dispensations from your biship, and in counseling you in general on the wisdom of the contemplated marriage. ordinarily a couple should approach the priest to set a date and begin preparations no less than 6 months before the planned date, for situations that may take longer, like these dispensations, at least a year is better, for practical reasons.

the Catholic party must agree to do all in his power to raise children Catholic (and of course both must be open to accepting all the children God pleases to send them), and the non-Catholic party must be informed of his obligations
 
I’m sorry, but I really did not appreciate the tone of your post. I know plenty of Catholics who have married non-Catholics, our priest doesn’t have a problem with it. I really don’t like being told what should or shouldn’t be “on my radar”, I posted asking for the procedure, not whether or not I should even consider it. Besides, all of this is hypothetical at this point. This man happens to be a good Christian man, better than many Catholic men I know. I feel that God wants us together at this point in our lives, and there is the possibility that He wants us to be in it for the long haul. I did not come here to be judged, I simply came here to ask those who are knowledgeable what the procedure is. Besides, who’s to say that he wouldn’t convert after marriage? I know many couples this has happened to. We’re nowhere close to marriage yet, I’m simply asking out of curiosity, and to be informed if the time comes.

I apologize if this comes off too strongly, but your post really upset me.
 
As already stated, it is expected that a Catholic will get married in the Catholic Church. You have already been given the ways to have your marriage take place elsewhere. You said that no one else involved (him, and your families) is Catholic as well. I can understand your concern for them during the ceremony. Are you aware that you can be married in the Church without a Mass? This type of ceremony is the Liturgy of the Word plus the Rite of Marriage. You could look into this option as well.
 
I understand what you are saying, and that is certainly an option, I am simply trying to collect as much information as possible so I know what my options are when/if the time comes. I’m guarded on that option though because my parents are uncomfortable in a Catholic Church, as are several of my other family members. Plus, I was a college student when I converted and am currently in grad school, so I don’t have a home parish where I belong or a priest that I am familiar with except the one at the college. I have heard you have to be a parishioner to get married in a church and there is no church I am considered a parishioner of.
 
EeyoresButerfly said:
I’m sorry, but I really did not appreciate the tone of your post. I know plenty of Catholics who have married non-Catholics, our priest doesn’t have a problem with it. I really don’t like being told what should or shouldn’t be “on my radar”, I posted asking for the procedure, not whether or not I should even consider it. Besides, all of this is hypothetical at this point. This man happens to be a good Christian man, better than many Catholic men I know. I feel that God wants us together at this point in our lives, and there is the possibility that He wants us to be in it for the long haul. I did not come here to be judged, I simply came here to ask those who are knowledgeable what the procedure is. Besides, who’s to say that he wouldn’t convert after marriage? I know many couples this has happened to. We’re nowhere close to marriage yet, I’m simply asking out of curiosity, and to be informed if the time comes.

I apologize if this comes off too strongly, but your post really upset me.
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Granted mixed marriages are a sensitive issue, but if a Catholic wishes to receive sacraments of the Eucharist and Reconciliation there are guidelines necessary to follow which are set up by canon law. They are not meant to be punitive or harsh, they are meant to draw one even closer to Christ, and ultimately to the rewards of heaven. Hopefully, this will even strengthen their marriage in all ways. Since, Christ is invited to the wedding, He makes a vow to be there everyday of their marriage…even when it appears that the wine has run out…like at Cana. The best thing to do is to pray on it.
 
EeyoresButerfly said:
I am currently in a dating relationship with wonderful Christian man who is a non-Catholic (he is Lutheran.) I remember the director of our Newman Center saying that a Catholic who marries a non-Catholic Christian does not have to get married in the Catholic church. If I do marry a non-Catholic, I would probably prefer to not get married in the Catholic Church since I am the only Catholic in my family (I am a convert). Does anybody know how exactly this works? I heard there’s paperwork you fill out, but I don’t know what the “rules” are. Would we still go through Pre-Cana? Any information would be great! We’re nowhere near that stage yet, but it would be nice to know in case we get there. Thanks!
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Hi EB!
I know it’s probably a little soon to ask such a thing of your bf, but would he be willing to go through RCIA? Converting to Catholicism was obviously important to you, otherwise, you would not have converted. So, even though your family is not Catholic, you should get married where you would feel most comfortable. Take it from me, a person who tried to please everyone when it came to planning my wedding–and my dh and I ended up eloping.:o (and years later having a ceremony in the RCC Church) I understand your reasoning (now) but, you never know…he may choose to go through RCIA, and that would be a wonderful thing to be married in the Catholic Church.🙂

But, as everyone else has said, I believe you still need to go through the formation classes, as if you were going to marry in the Church, and also agree to raise your kids Catholic. I wish you the best for your futures.🙂
 
Thanks for the reply whatevergirl. I honestly have no idea if he would be willing to convert, like I said, this is all extremely hypothetical at this point. I do plan to go through Pre-Cana regardless, I think it is a wonderful thing, and I would absolutely raise my children Catholic.
 
You could always get married at your college church, since you know that priest. I think you would still have to be a member of a parish to receive the pre-cana classes and have your marriage blessed by the Church, even if you don’t marry in the physical building
 
Our college priest doe Pre-Cana with a lot of the students who need it since many are nowhere near their home parish or may not have one.
 
EeyoresButerfly said:
I’m sorry, but I really did not appreciate the tone of your post. I know plenty of Catholics who have married non-Catholics, our priest doesn’t have a problem with it. I .

I apologize if this comes off too strongly, but your post really upset me.
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you asked for the truth, myself and other posters have stated the truth.

it is simply not an option for a Catholic to marry outside the Church. to do so separates him from the sacraments, unthinkable for a devout Catholic.

as stated, yes, with good cause, the bishop can grant a dispensation for all the things you ask about, in which case, even if you married a non-Catholic, in a Lutheran Church, you would still be considered “married” in the Catholic Church because you underwent the requisite preparation and cared enough to ask for the appropriate permission. Why this offends you I cannot discern, it was not my intent, which was simply to offer information.

since it has already come up, no your non-Catholic fiance would not be required to attend RCIA, although he would certainly be welcome if he wished to learn more about your faith in that way.
 
puzzleannie said:
you asked for the truth, myself and other posters have stated the truth.

it is simply not an option for a Catholic to marry outside the Church. to do so separates him from the sacraments, unthinkable for a devout Catholic.

as stated, yes, with good cause, the bishop can grant a dispensation for all the things you ask about, in which case, even if you married a non-Catholic, in a Lutheran Church, you would still be considered “married” in the Catholic Church because you underwent the requisite preparation and cared enough to ask for the appropriate permission. Why this offends you I cannot discern, it was not my intent, which was simply to offer information.

since it has already come up, no your non-Catholic fiance would not be required to attend RCIA, although he would certainly be welcome if he wished to learn more about your faith in that way.
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I believe the mistake was that Eyeores butterfly misunderstood your comment about being married outside the church and thought you meant marrying a non catholic.
 
Yes, that is what I thought she meant. I thought you meant that you consider it wrong to even marry a non-Catholic, is that not what you meant? I have seen another thread where soembody stated that “good catholics don’t marry non-Catholics” and I thought you were implying the same thing. It upset me because I did not come here to have my relationship judged, just to find out what the specific process is since I know that it has been done before and my priest has no problem with it.
 
No, that’s not what she meant. When someone says that they’re not going to get married “in the Catholic Church”, they generally mean that they’re going to get married by justice of the peace (or other non-Catholic official) without the Catholic Church’s permission.

When she said that “marrying outside the church should not even be on your radar”, she meant that you should not go through with your plans without the permission of the Catholic Church.
EeyoresButerfly said:
Yes, that is what I thought she meant. I thought you meant that you consider it wrong to even marry a non-Catholic, is that not what you meant?
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