Marrying for love or money?

[chevalier]

As a woman, let me tell you, we do get visually stimulated as well. I can be, but for me, the “Women fall in love with their ears” statement is true…especially because I’m bilingual (going on trilingual), haha…

Yes, you all dig French accents. Colonial British doesn’t work bad either.

I’m not sure how that would affect the statistics at all. The atheist divorce rate is based on the number of atheist marriages, not the total number of atheists who live together but never get married. Just as the Catholic divorce rate is based on the number of Catholic marriages, not the total number of Catholics who choose a celibate lifestyle.

People who choose not to marry can move on more easily, without formalities, which does flaw the statistics.

I don’t disagree that women are visual and that they consider attraction. One thing to keep in mind though is that what you think of as attractive physically are actually cues to the potential of future financial success.

Naaah, if that were true, we probably wouldn’t have so many women going after some really bad news guys and there are also those, “he’s neither rich nor handsome, whatever does she see in him,” situations.

There’s so much biology behind what we’re attracted to that we don’t even realize it!

It’s all biology, actually. Every mental process engages a biochemical equation. That’s simply because anything that happens in this world through natural means pushes atoms around. Doesn’t mean there isn’t some certain “magic” to human relationships.

Now, they don’t know they’re ovulating,

Who says they don’t?

That’s why birth control pills have been found to cause men and women to make bad decisions regarding mates. It throws off nature!

Birth control pills generally screw up the metabolism to the point they alter both physical appearance and personality. I wonder if it’s really the same person on and off.

Of course, my mom teases me about joining the Franciscans…

My dad jokes about the Jesuits. But he also jokes about having a girl set up for me and I know he’s only half joking or less. But he still won’t say who’s that, whatever his reasons are for being silent about it. So far he’s only proven he has me figured out at least as well as I do, so I wonder what kinda jaw drop I’d get if I were to see.

I tend to get turned off by the guys who are into making money or who want to go into politics or business…

And who was cooing over Obama?

I like the crazy liberal optimists, but then again, I am one

Lib… lib… Cough… Cough… RIP. tips over

 

[organdy]

People who choose not to marry can move on more easily, without formalities, which does flaw the statistics.

Flaw what statistics? People who choose not to marry never get divorced. Divorce statistics only include people who got married in the first place.

 

[eucharisteo]

The statistics I’ve learned that are real goes something like this…78% of all first time marriages never end up in divorce. I have a piece of paper somewhere in my bible from when I went to the Church of Christ that I copied form a huge overhead projector as the preacher went down the list of the flawed statistic saying that half of marriages end in divorce. That’s just too plain and very misleading. I have a boss who is on his 3rd marriage. By previous boss is on his 6th. Those that end up remarried and remarried over and over again are severly screwing up the statistic… Screwing defined as twirling it upside down over and under etc… the scientific meaning.

I love to hear twisted statistics because it take a whole lot of thought to know how to show what’s wrong with a “normalized” statistic. But that’s another topic…related to what I used to deal with geographically.

 

[sanctamaria17]

I was not cooing over Obama I think he’d make a better President if he were pro-life…but that doesn’t mean I want to marry him!

I’ll admit, Spanish/Latin American, Portuguese and Italian accents do more for me than French and British But my dad has a bit of Italian in his voice and everything else is what I grew up with…

Yeah, I’m a liberal But I’m pro-life still, so it’s all good

 

[Galnextdoor]

Since the beginning of marriage, men have often married because they were physically attracted to a woman and women have been put in arranged marriages for financial reasons. So, other than just the warm and fuzzies, is there any reason why a woman (or man for that matter) marry primarily or secondarily for money?

I think most women consider money secondarily, because it’s just common sense. When a woman marries, she wants financial stability for herself and her children. If a man can’t show that he can get and keep a well-paying job, he can pretty much forget about the happily ever after, unless he marries a CEO who wants a house-husband. A savings account with money in it is a plus in any woman’s eyes, because it shows that not only can the man meet and pay his bills, he is mature enough to plan for the future.

 

[sanctamaria17]

Unless the woman is OK with working alongside her husband…

I don’t see a guy’s savings account as a measure of his maturity. Indeed, there are many men who are immature and happen to have a good career/be loaded. And I see nothing wrong with a woman working/man staying at home either, if that’s what works for their family.

But then again, the guy I currently have my eye on is my year in school and neither of us have much money. After paying my rent this month and for groceries, I have very little left for myself. We both understand that this is temporary but neither of us will be rich in the future…he’s into film and media, I’m into non-profits and development…I really don’t care what’s in his bank account because we’re both trying to support our living costs while in school and we go to expensive schools…plus there’s that little fact of life called student loans (don’t have to pay till after graduation, but still…)…I don’t see it as a sign of his maturity. Rather, I see the way he goes after God, the way he treats women, and the way he cares about people as signs of his maturity…Not to mention he’s incredibly thoughtful (and sweeping me off my feet somewhat because of it).

Then there’s my best guy friend, who’s like a big brother to me. He’s also a good Catholic, a gentleman, and very kind. He’s the same major as myself and currently serving others in the developing world (and when he gets back, he has those lovely things we call student loans…). Needless to say, he’s not making much money and he most likely won’t get rich. Yet he’s a hard worker, good with children, and very respectful of women. He’s also very sweet, sensitive, and will go a million miles for all of his friends. I would sincerely hope any girl looking to date him would look at that, rather than at his bank account…

I think men are more complex and deep than just going after a woman because she’s pretty. I think women are more complex and deep than just going after a man because he’s loaded.

I don’t know, I guess I’m one of those women who prefers to have someone willing to lay his life down for those he loves, who makes you smile on a bad day, who works hard but doesn’t make work his whole life, who is actively involved in the lives of his children, and, most importantly, is running after Jesus with full speed…Maybe some women marry for money and some men marry for looks…but that’s certainly not true of the whole group…

 

[whatevergirl]

• I think it goes both ways though. Not like the old days, do people get married very young …often, they are out of college, or in their late 20’s. That being said, I wouldn’t want my son to marry someone who was concerned with what’s in his savings account if she wasn’t also careful with her money. I think that water seeks its own level, and I think it’s wise for men to also look at how a potential spouse spends money…how she saves, etc…It will show maturity on her part too, if she has credit cards maxed out to the hilltops, and is looking for a man to rescue her from that. I think that the same holds true for men. Men and women, if they have had ample time to build a credit line, and develop a savings account, should BOTH exhibit positive signs of how they view and handle money, before getting married. We’re in 2009, and men ‘taking care of women,’ is really (to me) a very archaic way of looking at marriage. That being said, I think it’s important for a woman to make sure she is marrying a financially stable man, in the event she wants to stay home with the children, the family won’t have to worry about money for a while. I was blessed to be able to do that–I am grateful to have been a sahm, it’s a priceless vocation.

But, in general, when two adults come to the table considering marrying one another, they both should have a healthy view of money, and visible signs of knowing how to handle it.

Just my two cents. *

 

[Sarabande]

Since the beginning of marriage, men have often married because they were physically attracted to a woman and women have been put in arranged marriages for financial reasons. So, other than just the warm and fuzzies, is there any reason why a woman (or man for that matter) marry primarily or secondarily for money?

Depending on the class you were in, both men and women were married in arranged marriages. Women tended to not have as much of a say in the marriage choice (also depending on the era that you’re talking about). Their parents or guardians would make the choice for them by either setting them up with a son of another respectable family or with the actual groom who might have also been attracted to the young lady and saw potential in her youth to be able to bear children and heirs. There are also plenty of instances where men of status, but having no money, would marry into families with wealth. It would be a perfect “marriage” of wealth and status for both families. Usually, love was never really that important at first. It was hoped that it could grow once the couple was married. Sometimes that was a success and sometimes it wasn’t. I’ve read about plenty of successful arranged marriages and also plenty of very unsuccessful ones. Difference was back then, even though there was divorce, it was still pretty much taboo.

Of course, things were different regarding marriage depending on the class you were in. I don’t know much about working class marriages from various centuries, as I don’t read enough about it, but I would assume that there probably was something almost similar in terms of parents wanting to be sure that their daughters, especially, were marrying suitable men who could support them.

It actually made sense for women, especially, to marry for money in the past. Most women did not have a way to support themselves, so it was important to have a husband who either had money in the family, made money on his own or had proven himself as a good worker to support a wife and family.

That said, physical attraction was often a plus for those who were to be married. It does help. But even then, as we all know, physical attraction can grow once you get to know a person. The most physically beautiful person can become quite ugly if he/she has a dark and ugly personality. And the most physically unattractive person could actually become quite beautiful in the eyes of another once he/she is know deeper and better. And I believe that this has been a belief even to our ancestors. Look at fairytale stories like “Beauty and the Beast”. Yes, he was physically transformed at the end, but there was also a deeper meaning to be taught that these people’s inner beauty radiated through their ugliness and turned them into beautiful souls. Who knows, these stories might have been one way to teach children that although their chosen partners were not initially attractive, they had to learn more about them and discover their inner beauty and thus become beautiful on the outside.

 

[Sarabande]

In regards to today and marriage, there are still men and women who go for money, but I think that most people today focus on the romance and love first when they are dating for a spouse. Sometimes they focus on that too much that they don’t consider all other things that make a marriage work.

When I was dating, a person’s financial status was not on the radar for me. It was more important for me to find someone who had a good heart, spiritual, intelligent, deep, loving, gentle, kind, funny, among other things. That said, I also wanted to be sure that the person I dated seriously would be someone who had initiative and knew how to work. He didn’t have to be wealthy or well-off. He just couldn’t be lazy. Once I saw that the person was lazy or was not conscientious when at work, that was a red flag for me. I was and am practical too. I’m a hard worker myself and I didn’t want to be the one burdening all the financial stress that can come about once in the while. I wanted someone who would share that with me along with everything else - the good and the bad. I already know women who are in marriages with lazy husbands, married them only for love and are now the main financial support for the family because the husband doesn’t want to work. And they are now resenting their husbands for it since the husbands don’t want to help carry the load. The children suffer for it, which is the worst tragedy of it all. I did NOT want to ever find myself in a marriage like that.

So, yes, money was not important in terms of finding a mate, but someone who had initiative and knew how to work was. I was very blessed and fortunate to have found someone who truly is my soulmate, my kindred spirit and equally shoulders and burdens everything with me. But lots of prayer led him to me and me to him. That was also very important.

Also, just want to say that although I have always been a romantic and love “love”, I also believe that love is definitely a choice. You choose to love someone or to fall out of love with someone. Once you make that final committment to love a person, both people have to make that choice over and over again to love each other perpetually. It’s often times not concious and comes very easy, but sometimes, especially when you are married for a very long time (I’m only married almost 6 years, so it’s not that long yet), couples run into problems. During that time, they have to conciously choose to work on a marriage and choose to love each other despite the problems. To me, when I see a marriage last through those difficult times, it is very refreshing and inspiring.