Marrying young...

[steido01]

I recently read an article about a couple that married young (an increasingly rare thing in today’s America). My wife and I also married relatively young (23) and I could identify with much of what the author was saying; married life is wonderful! Of course, I’d add a caveat, “especially when Christ is at the center of the marriage!”

I was discussing the benefits of being married with a bachelor friend of mine who is adamant about staying single until at least 30. He cited a recent study that shows the younger a couple gets married, the more likely it is to end in divorce. Among women who married before age 20, 46% will be divorced within ten years. Of women who married after age 25, only 22% will be divorced. Numbers for men are similar.

Obviously, people mature at different speeds and some people will simply be better prepared for marriage than others at the same age, etc… but the numbers do show there’s something to be said about marrying later in life. But I don’t think age tells the whole story. After all, ~55% of people who marry before age 20 will still be married in ten years. I’m curious to know how much religion (particularly traditional, orthodox Christianity) positively affects the likelihood of a marriage to survive?

The study did note religious affiliation (“Other Religions,” “Catholic,” “Protestant” or “None”), but only as it was reported by the participants. I’m not sure those categories adequately account for non-practicing individuals, who really wouldn’t view themselves as “None,” despite their non-adherence to practices or conformance to beliefs. I’m not sure if there is a reliable way to measure the degree that someone practices their religion (religiousness?), but I’d be willing to bet that couples who regularly practice the same religion together would remain married significantly longer than those who consider themselves part of a given religion, but do not actively practice. I’d even take it a step further and guess that, among catechized Christians, this would be particularly true - largely regardless of age.

So my question is, does anybody know of any studies that have been done on this topic? Is there any church that might keep records of these sort of things?

Thanks!

 

[mommamaree]

I purposefully avoid reading about such studies, so as not to open my marriage up to paranoia. I secretly eloped at 19 (only our parents knew, after the fact). We eloped specifically because EVERYONE opposed our intent to properly marry in the church and actively tried to break us up. They supposedly knew better than we did and we were headed for certain doom if we married young. Can you sense that I still have unresolved anger about this?
But guess what? They were all wrong. We have been married for 15 years now and our marriage is stronger now than it was in the first decade. They are the ones whose marriages have crumbled and ended.
My husband and I simply agreed that divorce is not an option and that there was no point in waiting until THEY were ready to permit us to do what we were ready to do.
Our world is full of selfishness. THAT is why marriages fail. Not the age of the spouses.

 

[Kelfa28]

I remember reading a book called “Last One Down the Aisle Wins” and it was about the benefits of marrying after the age of 25.

I think I wanted to justify my singleness at the age of 24!

Anyway, I truly think this is the secular media having it’s way with our lives.
The whole…why burden yourself so young with so much responsibility…argument.

Yes…the statistics seem accurate. However, look at how most people treat marriage anyway. Couples grow but they fail to grow together.

Your marriage is your marriage. God should be the center of it and that will give you an enormous leg up in the success rate.

Some people might say my marriage is doomed to fail because my husband and I shacked up and were sexually involved before we got married. Then we converted and put God first. Divorce statistics go up for couples that co-habitate and have pre-marital sex…

I don’t worry about it…my marriage is…just that…MY marriage. It’s no one else’s and it’s my job to work hard at it so it lasts.

 

[steido01]

Just to clarify, the question is purely academic. I was just hoping someone might know of a more focused study on Christians.

Personally, my wife and I are happily married and will remain so until death takes one of us.

 

[RedSparklyShoes]

It’s partly our throw away society that we don’t FIX anything and that includes relationships. Even within the church, couples are bemoaning the fact that they “have to” to go to marriage prep and they “have to” wait 6 months to a year after approaching their church to get married.

I recently converted to RC and in that process, I was one on one with the priest a few times. One of the times, I mentioned that we “got to” go to TWO marriage preps because my church and his both wanted us to do THEIR marriage prep. I got a HUGE smile from my pastor because that’s part of what it’s about. I was EXCITED that our respective churches cared enough about us and our future married that we “had to”, or rather “got to” go through two different marriage preps. How cool is that?!?

We also spent significantly more time on planning the WEDDING versus planning the RECEPTION. I really couldn’t have cared less about some of the stupid details I had to approve or decide on for the reception. But my husband and I spent HOURS together planning the readings and who would read and the music for the wedding. My thought was that this wedding might be the only time in years some of my guests darken the doors of the church, any church. And it had to be a witness to what our faith is about. THIS is why we’re here before God to take these solemn vows. No, we didn’t write our vows as a lot of my non-church friends suggested. Someone much more educated than me spent a long long time in the church preparing the wedding vows. Who am I to change that?

 

[NSFrame]

I think the reason this is true is that those who marry after 25 tend to marry after a college and perhaps graduate/professional degree has been earned. The data is pretty clear that among well-educated people, the divorce rate is actually down. And that makes sense if you think about it. Feeling pressure to marry young so as not to be considered an old maid I’m sure caused many less-than-ideal marriages in the past. It is a good thing that young people are encouraged to wait to make such an adult decision until they are sure they are ready. Not saying that young marriages aren’t wonderful - but they work much better when it’s romance sweeping them off their feet rather than some sort of social clock ticking.

 

[Sunbreak]

I don’t know of any studies, although I have heard the same thing. I think it really depends on the couple. I think people may be more likely to divorce if they are young and haven’t had much experience dating, just marry the first convenient person and have always lived at home with the parents. They are more likely to “expect” the spouse to do certain things as mommy and daddy did rather than appreciate what the spouse is doing for them. If they live on their own for awhile, they realize the effort it takes to maintain a household.

 

[Chantal25]

My grand mother married at 15 and had her first child at 16, they never divorce. One of my cousin married her first love and she was 17, this has been over 30 years and they are still happily married.

Include prayer every day in your marriage, all will be well. Just don’t worry.

Many marry from impulse but even though, if you both commit, it will be ok.

 

[tafan]

I married at 23, and thought that was young. Now, my attitude has changed, a lot.
If a young couple understand what it means to be married, and are committed to a catholic marriage, I think marrying at 18 or 19 is just fine. Better inane ways actually. I used to tell my kids, if they married while in college the parental financial aid was over. Not now, if I had a kid who met the above criteria, I would support his/ her education at same amount I would have if they had stayed single. High school is certainly too young though.

 

[Anglewannabe]

I was discussing the benefits of being married with a bachelor friend of mine who is adamant about staying single until at least 30.

Sounds like this guy might be jealous of your marriage and is trying to put you down to feel better about himself

Angie

 

[CatholicRaven]

As for studies about practicing/non-practicing divorce rates:

brewright.blogspot.com/2006/11/divorce-rates-by-religious-affiliation.html

Unfortunately, some of the links on his blog are broken, and I don’t have time right now to track down the correct ones, but this might give you a place to start.

This might also be helpful:
focusonthefamily.com/about_us/focus-findings/marriage/divorce-rate-in-the-church-as-high-as-the-world.aspx

I also know that there have been similar studies done (I read about them in a book somewhere), but I cannot seem to track them down at the moment.

HTH.

As a teen, I was convinced that I would not get engaged until I had at least graduated from college, and I planned to get married at around age 25.

And then I met my husband…

We got married when I was 18 and he was 22. We have six children together, and it will be our 20th anniversary this year. :heaven:

 

[steido01]

Sounds like this guy might be jealous of your marriage and is trying to put you down to feel better about himself

Again… my question really has nothing to do with personal friendships/relationships, and I’m not asking for any advice. This is a personal curiosity. One would think that at least one study has been done on a topic so central to orthodox Christianity, but I can’t find any. Please read the original post.

Perhaps the confusion is in the question. I’ll ask it more simply:

I’m interested in any scientific studies that focus on Christian marriage. Does anyone know of any good sources of empirical data specific to married Christians?

Thanks!

 

[steido01]

As for studies about practicing/non-practicing divorce rates:

brewright.blogspot.com/2006/11/divorce-rates-by-religious-affiliation.html

Unfortunately, some of the links on his blog are broken, and I don’t have time right now to track down the correct ones, but this might give you a place to start.

This might also be helpful:
focusonthefamily.com/about_us/focus-findings/marriage/divorce-rate-in-the-church-as-high-as-the-world.aspx

Thanks so much! Even with broken links, this gives me some good starting points!

I also know that there have been similar studies done (I read about them in a book somewhere), but I cannot seem to track them down at the moment.

Yup. That’s been my issue, too…

Congrats on the 20-year mark! May you and your husband continue to have a blessed marriage!