This question came to me today in Mass, when they mentioned “the Blessed Virgin Mary and her spouse, Joseph”. First I thought about how it was odd that they said “spouse” instead of “husband”, then I thought that maybe it has to do with the fact that Mary remained a virgin, so he was not a husband in the true sense of the word.
Then I thought - why do we consider Mary and Joseph to have been truly married when they never had relations and never had any intention of having relations at the time of their marriage? This would effectively have been an intentional brother-sister type relationship at the time of the marriage, which according to my understanding of Christian marriage, is not a valid marriage. I thought that marriage must be ordered towards procreation.
I believe that Mary took ascetic vows of chastity and I believe that Joseph lent his support in cooperating with her vows or more likely he had made a vow of chastity himself. Furthermore, they were “married” in every sense of the word we give it today, except for the rights of marriage bed. Before you go nuts with objections, let me remind you that marriage isn’t defined by going to bed, rather it the will of two coming together in such a way as to be one will, the union of two forming one. We hear the promise of such a union in the Eucharist, those who eat and drink the Real Presence abide in Christ as He abides in them. It’s the only math were 1+1 = 1 where there is a gain but no loss yet the sum remains, one.
Not all vows in antiquity were deep commitments; nevertheless, failure to succeed the commitment meant spiritual ruin. Asceticism was practiced hundreds of years before Christ and still practiced today, maybe not in the same austere way as ages ago.
Mary desires a union with her Lord offering a humble love for her groom:
Do not consider me that I am brown, because the sun hath altered my color: the sons of my mother have fought against me, they have made me the keeper in the vineyards: my vineyard I have not kept. shew me, O thou whom my soul loveth, where thou feedest, where thou liest in the midday, lest I begin to wander after the flocks of thy companions. If thou know not thyself, O fairest among women, go forth, and follow after the steps of the flocks, and feed thy kids beside the tents of the shepherds. To my company of horsemen, in Pharao’s chariots, have I likened thee, O my love. Thy cheeks are beautiful as the turtledove’s, thy neck as jewels. We will make thee chains of gold, inlaid with silver. [Canticles 1:5-10]
According to Susanna Elm, author of Virgins of God: The Making of Asceticism in Late Antiquity, asceticism was common. Sometimes the ascetic made vows of their physical prowess, suffering training as an athlete suffers building strength. Others made vows of abstinence, perhaps limiting food or drink, not unlike fasting. One obvious biblical example is Christ’s fasting for 40 days and 40 nights.
The virgin has illustrious models to follow: the five wise virgins of Gospel of Matthew, Mary, and the famous Thecla, heroine of the Apocryphal Acts of Paul. Moreover, her bridegroom is not swayed by superficialities: ‘Are you bereft of parents? You are not bereft of God. . . . Have courage, because the bridegroom Christ does not regard fading beauty…whether you are short or tall’ [c. Matthew 25:1-13; Aprociphal Acts of Paul 8.105- 09, Susanna Elm, `Virgins of God’: The Making of Asceticism in Late Antiquity: The Making of Asceticism in Late Antiquity]
Mary and Joseph lived out her vows in the customs of Judaism dedicating their lives to God. Those who practiced a divinely inspired asceticism usually take a solemn vow in the Temple; “He who takes a solemn vow contracts a spiritual marriage with God, which is much more excellent than a material marriage” (St. Thomas Aquinas, Summa). Such a vow espouses Mary to God, a vow that not even the Sanhedrin can break, only Joseph can do that. The husband of a young woman had a right to cause her to break the vow. There is a proviso in the Law of Moses; the husband must object on the spot of hearing of his bride’s solemn vow to God. If the husband fails to speak out at the appropriate time, the husband’s duty was to stand aside allowing the woman to fulfill her word. This would not be difficult for a just man and especially so for St. Joseph who supported Mary in every way possible. (Sorry ladies, women didn’t get the same right of refusal as men) In our case Mary herself is the very essence of the vow becoming the spouse of God, and her earthly husband’s role becomes the very essence of manhood to assist support and provide for the family. The Gospels of Luke and Matthew, as well as The Protoevangelium of James, indicate St. Joseph and the Blessed Virgin Mary had both made such vows. Joseph acted as support for his earthly wife “Now the generation of Christ was in this wise. . . Whereupon Joseph her husband, being a just man, and not willing publicly to expose her, was minded to put her away privately.” [Matthew 1:18-19] The indication that Joseph was a “just man” had cultural meaning related to the vows ascetics. Unlike some of us today who believe vows are meant to broken, being a “just man” implied that Joseph followed the Law of Moses impeccably and kept his word.
Mary’s response to Gabriel’s annunciation was a humble vow of fidelity, consistent with Temple rites of marriage. Thus, we hold the New Eve bore God’s eternal new Adam in the form of a sacrificial lamb. She carried Him across the dark seas of sin to the shores of our redemption. The Ever-Virgin Mary then is the Ark of everlasting life, the mother of our Salvation, and the Queen of Heaven; St. Joseph, the quite oarsman who rows Him into our life.
JoeT
