I can truly say I’ve never heard Mary disparaged in a Protestant service, and I’ve been to many different denominations’ services. Mary is held up to be blessed, and as a role model of faith. Jesus declares we can have faith akin to the faith of His Mother, and in fact says that those who do His will are His sister, brother, mother.
Protestants believe the virgin Mary was a young lady of faith, who trusted in God above and beyond those around her. Most, such as I, don’t believe in the immaculate conception of Mary, nor that she was sinless. That actually lets us identify with her more, because she was in need of a Saviour just as we are/were. She is indeed seen as the “God-bearer” because we obviously agree Jesus is God the Son. Most of us don’t feel that consummating her marriage to Joseph would be a sin, in fact, consummation is a hallmark of true marriage. So, in short, to us, saying Mary and Joseph consummated their marriage, even perhaps having children together, and that she needed a Saviour, are not negative things in the least and we mean no disrespect. Quite the opposite.
I would point out something from protestant circles that those of you from the RC perspective may not see; the protestants I’ve heard discuss the idea of Mary in Islam are not looking favorably on Roman Catholics and Muslims bonding over Mary, in fact they use it to further attempt to show the dangers of venerating Mary. I believe part of the problem, from their perspective, is that it continues to give the veneer of a link from Christianity to Islam.
I think of it something like in Ezequiel 44.
I, the Lord God of Israel, came through this gate, so it must remain closed forever! No one must ever use it.
I think of it like that with the Blessed Virgin Mary, that God wouldn’t share Mary with Joseph. To think Mary had offspring first with God then with Joseph goes against everything I believe. That, to me, wouldn’t make sense.
We believe in the perpetual virginity of Mary.
Joseph was there to give Jesus an earthly father. Joseph and Mary were never intimate with each other.
We believe Mary was the daughter of God the Father, the mother of Jesus, and spouse of the Holy Spirit. She is the temple, and tabernacle of the Trinity. God would never allow anyone with that kind of a relationship to be impure or sinful.
If Mary had relations with Joseph, it would make her unfaithful to her real spouse, the Holy Spirit, and would be wrong to falsely accuse her of something she didn’t do.
Further, she was not sinful. Jesus came from a pure, immaculate vessel, Mary. She was pure her entire life!
As to Catholics’ relationship with Mary, we venerate and honor her, as I believe you already know. We believe that, at the cross, Christ offered his body, blood, soul and divinity for us but his own mother. We believe she became our spiritual mother, at the cross. Jesus went from referring to her as “woman” and referred to her as John’s mother. We, Catholics, interpret this to mean at that moment, he gave us Mary, our spiritual mother.
Scripture commands us to honor our Father and Mother, be it God the Father, our earthly parents, or Mary, our spiritual mother.
She has been intervening on our behalf since the Wedding at Cana!