Mass and Children... anyone try this approach?

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ProudArmyWife

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Due to cost of childcare, it has been eliminated from 2 of our 3 services. This is fine as they do offer it at one. However, they are looking at eliminating this one, also, due to costs.

The problem lies in that we are a military community and over 50% of our members (more like 70%) will be geographically-single spouses (GSS)- mostly with young children. Often this is the GSS’s only time “alone” to reenergize for the week. I fear that if childcare is eliminated, families just won’t show up to Church because it would just be too much ‘trouble’. If a younger child needs to leave, that means the other children are unattended to in the pews, etc. These are the people the Church needs to reach out the most to.

I have a policy not to complain unless I have a suggestion for improvement. So, has anyone tried these approaches in their parish(es)?
  1. Having volunteers be family buddies. Those that are willing to help out with the kids are paired up with families that need an extra hand. This could also develop another support method for the family as their loved one is gone for the year.
  2. Having a young child’s RE Class during Church (2-3 year olds). We currently have Children’s Liturgy of the Word at one Mass but the younger kids often can’t transition from one spot to another (such as finding their parents in the pews afterwards Child. Lit.). This takes the pressure of the paying childcare workers for X number of children. Having volunteers in the room to babysit is not an option due to post regulations. However, having an RE class is okay.
I’m looking for anyone who has had experience with these types of programs or other alternatives. Please, no comments that there shouldn’t be childcare offered. Thanks in advance!
 
  1. Having a young child’s RE Class during Church (2-3 year olds). We currently have Children’s Liturgy of the Word at one Mass but the younger kids often can’t transition from one spot to another (such as finding their parents in the pews afterwards Child. Lit.). This takes the pressure of the paying childcare workers for X number of children. Having volunteers in the room to babysit is not an option due to post regulations. However, having an RE class is okay.
As a father of 4 I just say…a family that prays together is a family that stays together and visa versa.

I personally think that childcare for church is a bad idea. I have 1- 8 year olds and my kids have never missed a sunday Mass their entire lives Even the two children that were born on fridays respectively were at mass two days later. Here is my solution to kids in church. I can guarantee it works. Daily Mass helps but is not always doable.
  1. SIT IN THE FRONT PEW OR as close as possible. Kids are quieter there and they pay attention to whats going on.And they will not bother anyone in front of them
  2. NO TOYS OR FOOD. They don’t need to learn that food is comforting.My kids have never had cheerios at Mass. They did get bottles when they were infants…
    3)Feet them a heavy breakfast eggs sausage etc… Less sugar the better. We are startled at how much quieter the kids were with big bkfst.
The people in my parish who have the same principles as the above have noticably better behaved kids in church.
 
decn2b said:
2) Having a young child’s RE Class during Church (2-3 year olds). We currently have Children’s Liturgy of the Word at one Mass but the younger kids often can’t transition from one spot to another (such as finding their parents in the pews afterwards Child. Lit.). This takes the pressure of the paying childcare workers for X number of children. Having volunteers in the room to babysit is not an option due to post regulations. However, having an RE class is okay.

As a father of 4 I just say…a family that prays together is a family that stays together and visa versa.

I personally think that childcare for church is a bad idea. I have 1- 8 year olds and my kids have never missed a sunday Mass their entire lives Even the two children that were born on fridays respectively were at mass two days later. Here is my solution to kids in church. I can guarantee it works. Daily Mass helps but is not always doable.
  1. SIT IN THE FRONT PEW OR as close as possible. Kids are quieter there and they pay attention to whats going on.And they will not bother anyone in front of them
  2. NO TOYS OR FOOD. They don’t need to learn that food is comforting.My kids have never had cheerios at Mass. They did get bottles when they were infants…
    3)Feet them a heavy breakfast eggs sausage etc… Less sugar the better. We are startled at how much quieter the kids were with big bkfst.
The people in my parish who have the same principles as the above have noticably better behaved kids in church.
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Thank you for advice. The babysitting is only provided for those younger than 4. Children’s Liturgy is only for those 4 through 1st grade.

Military life with a deployed spouse for one year in dangerous situations - with kids it is even harder. Almost every parishoner has at least 2-5 kids - about 60% or higher of the post will be deployed (my husband left when the baby couldn’t sit up, he will return after he is walking and talking) - 90% are SAHMs left behind in a foreign country with no immediate family support. Unless you’ve been there, it’s hard to explain. Spouses get stressed. Getting the kids ready to go to Mass, then having them act up - even though you are attempting to do everything right, just makes one want to cry some more and never attend (been there, have done that too). Yes, this is backward, but we have to meet people where they are, not where we want them to be. It is important to get these spouses to Church for no other reason than support and find joy in the Church, not despair.

So, we are looking at ways to support families so they will stay in Church and not view it as an inconvience or additional hardship. Now, again, this is backwards, but we have to reach out our arms, grasp their hands, and say we’re here to help you - come!

I agree with your posting on ways to assist but this is not what I am looking for. What I am looking for is not saying babysitting is not needed but alternatives to it. We are looking at ways to support families so they will stay in Church and not view it as an inconvience or additional hardship. Now, again, this may be backwards, but we have to reach out our arms, grasp their hands, and say we’re here to help you - Come!

In our unique situation Mass needs to be a place where one finds peace and comforting in a time that isn’t so. No one is forced to use babysitting. If a family can do it - perfect! But others need some help. Giving them a checklist of things they can do just won’t work because they won’t be at Mass to begin with.
 
Two of our six kids were a real handful during Mass. A parishioner, whose children were a bit older, offered to take him during Mass. It only took a few times doing this before he decided to behave with us.

When our youngest was similarly unsettled we tried the same thing, and it worked. When she was a little older we sat in the front row and gave her a Missal which I helped her to follow. It helped to focus her attention on what was happening.
 
with that said I must reiterate… Familys need to be in the pew…PERIOD…I am 38 years old but I still can understand what has happened to the family as a unit. I have 1 year old and a 2 year old along with my 6 and 8 year old. I see very little merit in providing childcare during MASS. I breaks the family apart. I work weekends sometimes and am not able to attend sunday liturgy. My saintly wife STILL takes the tribe to Mass and follows our plan. (sitting in front, no toys etc. ) I remember an Angelis message by our Late John Paul II stating the very fact that kids should be in the pew regardless of age and number. I personally believe that Having chlidcare for Mass is a reflection of what our secular society has done to families. Mom goes to work dad goes to work the kids go to the daycare center…all I have to say is that really is at odds with what a family should be. IMHO. Still think that it is a result of the twisted idea of the 60’s “liberation” movement.
 
I do agree that daycare during Mass time is a bad idea. I also understand where the OP is coming from but contend that Mass should not be the time to be without children.

I am a military Brat, my dad was Air Force and thankfully, even though it was during the Vietnam War, my dad was never gone for more than a week or two at a time. We did live overseas at various times as well. Okay, I give you this background so you will know I am not totally off with the rest of this post.

If the parent is finding themselves burning out there must be some other source to be without their chidlren to “re-charge”. When I was a child no children were allowed in the Commisary so we had to either go to daycare while mom did the grocery shopping - not exactly a re-charging experience but not too bad either.

What about getting together with others and forming a co-op or (okay, my brain isn’t working here but it is a group of moms with toddlers who get together to do adult stuff together while one of them watches the others children). This is actually an issue as I recall that the CO’s wife should be helping you all with. It is not new just re-newed with more of our guys and gals deployed for a year at time.

OP, you might even see if there is a board or forum like this one for your installation or for the entire military, both retired and current, I will bet someone on a board like that can give you an idea of what they used to do to help each other as that is what it sounds like you need more than babysitting during Mass 🙂

Brenda V.
 
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ProudArmyWife:
I’m looking for anyone who has had experience with these types of programs or other alternatives. Please, no comments that there shouldn’t be childcare offered. Thanks in advance!
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what we did in my parish when I had small children and babies, and what DD has done in the 3 parished they have lived in, was organize a kind of “co-op” preschool program. It takes a rock bottom minimum of 8 couples (two GS gals could team up as a “couple” for this purpose) who take turns, so no one has to miss this Mass more often than 6 times a year.

There are training programs available, and volunteers would have to take Protecting God’s Children orientation and pass whatever is required of other volunteers. It could be just basic child-care, or an actual pre-school program with activities. Our Sunday Visitor has an excellent PS program for 3s & 4s. It is probably best to tie this to one regular Mass. Critical to success is a coordinator, either paid or volunteer who will call volunteers, set up schedules, obtain resources etc. Volunteer commitment should be one year minimum (as demands of military families allow).

this worked out great for us because it was the way I made friends in a new town, new parish, we went on to become active together in our Catholic school, with cub scouts, brownies etc., these women are still some of my dearest friends.
 
Thank you for the sacrafice’s and hardships you endure as a military family! Blessings on all of you.

I agree that families should be together at Mass if at all possible.
My family had 6 kids and we all attended together from birth on up.

However, if some families NEED childcare, I think the coop form of providing it is great. I have attended churches that used this form of childcare. Everyone takes turns. Real community at work.

cheddar
 
Our nursery is a co-op. We all take turns watching the kids. Maybe your church could consider something like that?
 
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decn2b:
2] Here is my solution to kids in church. I can guarantee it works. Daily Mass helps but is not always doable.
  1. SIT IN THE FRONT PEW OR as close as possible. Kids are quieter there and they pay attention to whats going on.And they will not bother anyone in front of them
  2. NO TOYS OR FOOD. They don’t need to learn that food is comforting.My kids have never had cheerios at Mass. They did get bottles when they were infants…
    3)Feet them a heavy breakfast eggs sausage etc… Less sugar the better. We are startled at how much quieter the kids were with big bkfst.
The people in my parish who have the same principles as the above have noticably better behaved kids in church.
Click to expand...
I know you mean well and in principle, I agree with you. But the reality is that not all children are cut from the same cloth. In my pre-children days, I believed that if you took children to Mass from the time they were infants, modeled good behavior and expected the same from them, they would be reasonably well-behaved during Mass. Then I had my children and let’s just say that it has been a humbling experience.
 
Okay, by and large - i bring all my children to mass.

I also have a peeve against paid workers in nurseries, but won’t go into that as is it completely off topic.
I don’t like the idea of R.E. during Mass either. It would seem to actually discourage young children in Mass, imo.
However, I can understand (especially in the case of military families) where a body might need to have the nursery option at least some of the time.
I vote for a sign up sheet to see if parents would be interested in volunteering 1 Sunday Mass per month to keep the nursery open.
2 parents for a Sunday mass should be required, because someone always gets sick and to avoid any question of impropriety of someone alone with the children.
Ideally you could rotate 4 parents each Sunday - 2 for 2 different masses - so even the nursery parents get a mass in without the kids if they so desire.
Good luck!
 
After re-reading your original post - volunteers are not allowed by the Post… so, plan b (Mass Buddies) sounds good to me.

Do you have older children in Confirmation Prep? Our confirmation students are always looking for service hours, and this seems like a great way to earn them…
 
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kage_ar:
After re-reading your original post - volunteers are not allowed by the Post… so, plan b (Mass Buddies) sounds good to me.

Do you have older children in Confirmation Prep? Our confirmation students are always looking for service hours, and this seems like a great way to earn them…
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If not Mass Buddies then free babysitting so the moms can get some time to re-generate outside of the Mass as well! Confirmation students looking for service hours should be able to fulfill this requirement in this way too!

I am not sure ProudArmyWife (OP?) where you are currently - if your husbands ‘home base’ is State Side or in Germany or Japan or other country but if you all are State Side - stationed somewhere in the US most Bases/Posts have a city surrounding them perhaps you could seek that communities help as well.

Brenda V.
 
What about some mother’s time after Mass? Either in the church hall or at homes. You can rotate whose home, or what park, etc, you go to. I’m sure there are teenagers who would be willing to help look after the little ones to give the mothers some time out.
 
ProudArmyWife,
As a current active duty member, I understand where you are coming from. I think a lot of the posters have had good suggestions then expanded upon your original thoughts. Try the coop idea, but it is dependent upon volunteers stepping up.

I wouldn’t put too much into the opinions of those who haven’t been in your particular situation, they don’t understand and probably never will. That doesn’t make them bad people, just a little of base. They are only trying to help, and offering the best advice they can. I agree going to mass as a family is best, but that isn’t always possible.

First of all, one spouse is already gone for an extended period of time. With the current rate of deployments this is probably not the first deployment these families have had to deal with and it probably won’t be the last. Many of us are overseas for a year and then come home for 6-8 months to turn around and deploy again. Some are less and some are more, but the above is an accurate description.

Second, not only does a single spouse have to worry about running the house she has to worry about her spouses safety. A constant worry which no doubt occupies a lot of her time, (when she isn’t braving it alone versus the kids, chores, bills, etc.)

Third, she probably doesn’t have any family living anywhere near her to help out. While you would think that the command would assist spouses of the active duty, you would be surprised how shoddy a lot of these programs are. They are all volunteer and require next to no training for the job.

Keep your head up and do the best you can with what you have. God bless you for the sacrifices you have made in your life, and I pray the lord gives you the peace and comfort you desire.

Michael
 
ProudArmyWife,
I’m kind of late to this party but I just have to say that I thank you for YOUR service as well as your husband’s.
Freedom isn’t free.

Perhaps some of the non-Army Wives would be very happy to have your little ones for a while. Right now, I’m watching two girls so their mom can “talk to Santa” if you get my drift. Many of us would be proud to give a little service to those fighting for our freedom, even if it’s just babysitting.
 
Oh boy do I feel your pain! My husband left in Sep (although he never really attened Mass with us anyway). We have no childcare at our parish. I tend to agree with those who said that the family needs to be together though. I say, go to Mass as a family and arrange an after Mass group so that the military moms have a break. I know it’s not easy, but offer it up. There will come a day when believe it or not, you will miss these days when your kids were small. The deployment days are tough (this is our 3rd go round) but they too shall pass. Hang in there. BTW our parish does have a prayer group for moms (mostly military because of our locale) that does have people taking turns watching the little ones. Would that help?
 
Thank you for everyone’s support.

I guess I need to clarify, while I use the childcare - it is for a different reason. We have RE classes at a different location prior to Mass and childcare is free if you volunteer or attend the adult class. So by the time I get back to Church (I’m the RE Coordinator), Mass has already begun and taking the little one out and entering Mass with the others (usually having to stand because there are no seats left) causes some disruptions.

We are currently stationed overseas, so everyone is some-how connected to the military here. Army families are tight and we watch out for one another just like sisters do. All my close friends are co-worker families of my husband - and we are all Catholic. Post childcare (not during Mass) is $4 an hour per child and begins at 9 and ends at 2 - and is usually filled 30 days in advance. Think $12 an hour just to start! So we already have our own little co-op.

We are not permitted to co-op during Mass due to military regulations. However we can have a RE class for the Toddlers, which would be a co-op teaching thing :). Again, this would only be for 2 & 3’s. Babysitting, on any condition, is not permitted for older than 4 (and by then no one should have it during Mass anyway!)

The Mass Buddies would allow everyone to come to Mass and have a helping hand too. I guess, since no one responded about it yet, that no one has tried an official program like this (although some of you have suggested to try it).

Having a Mom’s Club event is a good idea, however our chapel is a multi-denominational one and is used for many Sunday services (let’s just say we have the crucifix that turns into a cross when spun around, doors that close over the Stations of the Cross, etc.). There are many similiar non-religious mom club programs offered by the community so this would just be an overlap of an existing service.

I thought about creating a second Children’s Liturgy for the younger ones (2 & 3’s as 4 through 1st grade as their own), but didn’t think they could come up to the altar and find their way back to their parents on their own or easily. Has anyone tried children’s liturgy for children’ this young?

Again, I understand families should stay together - but we need an incentive to get them to Church. If we can get the kids to say they want to go (due to Children’s lit., Mass Buddies, RE, whatever), then the geographically-single parent will have more determination to attend. We’re called fishers of men… we just need the bait and hook method - LOL!
 
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ProudArmyWife:
Again, I understand families should stay together - but we need an incentive to get them to Church. If we can get the kids to say they want to go (due to Children’s lit., Mass Buddies, RE, whatever), then the geographically-single parent will have more determination to attend. We’re called fishers of men… we just need the bait and hook method - LOL!
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ProudArmyWife - thank you for your clarification. I also want to thank you for being a “geographically single” parent for our Freedom and that of others and for your spouses work. These are all important but even more so I am thankful that there is someone who is co-ordinating an RE program on your installation! When ever we lived oversees there was no CCD for the children, no Sunday school even for the Protestants!

Have to tell you it was quite a shock to me having come from State side and going to a Catholic School to overseas and a public school and no religious education.

Thank you for co-ordinating this!

I do know what you mean about the Chapel and Stations and Cross/Crucifix :D.

The logistics of this though is mind boggling. How many Masses are you allowed on a weekend? Saturday evening and one, two on Sunday? You don’t have a surrounding community to pull from for help either so you are self-contained - do you have a confirmation program right now? If you do are they required to do service hours? If they are then having the Confirmation students help the moms with babies and toddlers could be the sole source of “volunteer” hours you might require. If not, then maybe the moms who have older children could be asked to help.

Barring the Mass buddies then I say having a time for the toddlers to be in a class while mom goes to Mass is an admirable goal.

Brenda V.
 
ProudArmyWife,

I know that your post date is old but it really is an issue for many of us military spouses with deployed spouses.

I came upon your post by doing a google search for “Mass-buddies”. I read about this on one of the Catholic School sites for helping with younger children during School Mass. Currently, our PreK-4 teachers only take a few of the children to Mass each week because they are concerned how the children’s behavior maybe during Mass. The other school’s method of grouping older students with younger ones is a solution that I plan to bring up at our school.

God Bless!
 
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