Mass and Children... anyone try this approach?

[Phemie]

I’m the mom of 3 military brats and although DH was never away for 6 months at a time, TD and shift work often meant that I was alone with all three at Mass and often I was scheduled to be either a reader or an EMHC.

I think your idea of Mass Buddie is great.

An older woman whose kids were grown often volunteered to sit with us and be with the kids while I performed my ministry. It was mostly for the youngest really, because as long as the older 2 had their blankies I could plonk them anywhere and they’d sit there sucking their thumbs and not move or fuss, particularly if they could see me.

Another family with 4 kids, 3 older than mine, also usually sat in front of us. She would always offer to help with mine when I was alone. My kids loved her.

I think that is preferrable to splitting up the family for Mass.

 

[kristie_m]

My parish offers co-op child care (which we passed on), but it also offers a co-op Sunday school program during Mass. The classes run Sept thru May and parents work one three week module. Although I like the idea of having all of my kids with me during Mass, it sure is nice to know that my oldest, right now, is receiving some spiritual nourishment at her own level. And I have that much less to worry about. It’s tough for little ones to sit through the Mass, and even though there are two of us, my husband and I still have a difficult time keeping them all in line.

I really like the idea of a Mass buddy.

 

[Br.Rich_SFO]

Due to cost of childcare, it has been eliminated from 2 of our 3 services. This is fine as they do offer it at one. However, they are looking at eliminating this one, also, due to costs.

The problem lies in that we are a military community and over 50% of our members (more like 70%) will be geographically-single spouses (GSS)- mostly with young children. Often this is the GSS’s only time “alone” to reenergize for the week. I fear that if childcare is eliminated, families just won’t show up to Church because it would just be too much ‘trouble’. If a younger child needs to leave, that means the other children are unattended to in the pews, etc. These are the people the Church needs to reach out the most to.

I have a policy not to complain unless I have a suggestion for improvement. So, has anyone tried these approaches in their parish(es)?

1. Having volunteers be family buddies. Those that are willing to help out with the kids are paired up with families that need an extra hand. This could also develop another support method for the family as their loved one is gone for the year.
2. Having a young child’s RE Class during Church (2-3 year olds). We currently have Children’s Liturgy of the Word at one Mass but the younger kids often can’t transition from one spot to another (such as finding their parents in the pews afterwards Child. Lit.). This takes the pressure of the paying childcare workers for X number of children. Having volunteers in the room to babysit is not an option due to post regulations. However, having an RE class is okay.

I’m looking for anyone who has had experience with these types of programs or other alternatives. Please, no comments that there shouldn’t be childcare offered. Thanks in advance!

Having the RE class makes sense. Families working together makes sense. Maybe a bit bigger scale would be Small Christian Communities, 5 or 8 Families meeting praying, studying and helping each other out.

 

[sarah_anne_628]

I am an Army wife and attend mass on an Army base-but I do not have children.

Ideally, children of all ages should sit in mass quietly. In reality, very few actually do. As someone without kids, I find this very problematic…I would like to actually hear what’s going on and be able to concentrate on my prayers-particuarly before and after partaking of the Lord’s Supper.

IF I had children, I would find my own squirming children to be quite a distraction plus I’d constantly be worried about bothering the people around me.

Personally, I think that if a young child cannot sit quietly during mass, then out of consideration for the other parishoners and for your own benefit, children should be placed in the nursery or children’s church.

I am not without compassion though, particuarly for the plight of the military family. I realize that childcare services are not always available-especially on an Army post. (Our nursery only holds 11 kids). And children of all ages that are normally well-behaved, are very likely to begin acting out in the absense of their deployed father (in most cases)-and in many families, the father is the authoritive figure and the disciplinarian. This puts military moms in quite the pickle.

I like the suggestion of Mass buddies. Another suggestion might be-since most parishes have multiple services, you could pair up with someone who attends a different service…they watch your kids while you attend mass on Saturdays and you watch their kids while they attend mass on Sunday (or whatever times your alternate services are held).

But of course, you don’t want your kids to miss out on the church experience…but most (if not all) military posts offer daily noon masses. These are usually comparatively shorter and have very few people in attendance. This could be the time you work with your kids on how to behave in mass-and it would give them a better chance for success since the services are so short.

It’s really interesting that you brought this up, because we were just talking about issues like this at RCIA last night. I may bring some of these suggestions to the table the next time we meet and see if we can’t get something going on for these “tired” moms.

Hugs

 

[catherineajt]

I live near a large military base, and I know what it’s like for a spouse of a deployed soldier to cope with the kids alone, 24/7, for a year or more at a time.

So even though I’ve never been one to want childcare during Liturgy, I completely understand why a parent who has been pulling solo duty would like to have some quiet time at Mass!

I have worked (volunteer, not paid) as a RE teacher for 3 year olds in a Catholic parish. I did feel at times like it was simply day care for the parents’ sake (though for the parents with triplets and a baby, I certainly did not begrudge them the break!), but we did our best to really make lessons that the kids would understand and enjoy. It was during one particular Mass, the 9 am i believe it was, but I would have made it for the later Mass, the 11 am, so that parents would have an easier time getting their kids up. Also, kids up that early tend to be grumpier.

The Mass buddies sounds a little odd to me…what if your buddy doesn’t show up that day? And all it means is another individual may not be able to focus on the Liturgy. If I had to choose, i would say the RE for younger children would be a better solution.

 

[ForMary]

You may see that some do not come to Mass, because they find the stress out-weighs the celebration, and that will be very unfortunate.

If there is that much need, start a volunteer drive to keep the childcare facility open during services. If the parish is having to pay people to mind the children, perhaps, there will be those who will be willing to attend one mass while minding children at another and folks can trade off.

I know the difficulties of bringing several small children to Mass.

I would take them to church at times other than mass so that they were more familiar with the surroundings and became accustomed to being there and being quiet for a few minutes at a time. We talked before and after about quiet prayer time and Mass time in this particular space.

We would also, walk around the church, I’d point out the tabernacle, the alter, the stations of the cross, etc. and explain that we can do this only when there is no Mass, etc. At the youngest ages they did not understand, but were more interested and more attentive.

The front pew is also a great idea, because if the kids cannot see or hear what is going on (even if they do not yet understand it) then they will squirm.

A good meal prior (low sugar) is also a great idea, they may become drowsy or at least satisfied.

I did allow prayer journals, bible picture books/stories, but no toys.

 

[honeysuckle]

For those who are suggesting that if your infant, 1, 2 or 3-year old child (or several children who are that age) cannot sit through Mass then “you must not be modeling good behavior”- that is patently absurd. Many children of this age cannot sit through Mass, period, and it has nothing to do with how they are parented.

MANY small children cannot tolerate sitting for long periods of time in Mass because of their biologically inherited temperament. This is not an opinion, or a debatable subject, it is a fact. Either you have a child like this, so understand, or do not have a child like this, so cannot understand.

Putting the expectation of completely silent behavior for young children on the backs of mothers attending Mass alone is terribly counter-productive, if not cruel. It is not possible to enjoy Mass and deal with the pressure of trying to keep a two-year old from making noise or wiggling in the pew when that two-year old does not have the maturity or temperament to sit quietly unless the child is abused(which may have been what happened in generations past).