Mass and Drepression / Childlessness

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I am having trouble attending mass due to depression, mainly over being childlessness at 46. My wife and I are childless and attending mass is very hard for me and just getting harder. I walked out and left again today - the second time in the past month. It’s hard being around so many families and children. The anxiety and stress is just to much to deal with. I also attend the same church I did when I was young and the emotions and memories are just too overwhelming. I’m not sure what to do. I have contacted Catholic counselers but they don’t take my insurance. I guess I should look harder. It’s hard that something good has turned into a source of pain. I’m trying but seems like a no win situation. Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you very much.
 
Have you ever considered adoption or foster parenthood? If not possible, suggest you talk to a priest, several priests, maybe even make a structured retreat for a weekend and try to work through your pain and disappointment.

Me, I always wanted a wife and kids. It never worked out for me. When I feel discouraged, I look at the crucifix over the altar and realize the extent of the pain and the disappointment Christ must have felt in taking on that choice. It doesn’t totally answer my disappointment, but it sure takes the hard edges off.

Saying a prayer for you and wish you …

Shalom
 
My heart goes out to you. It must be very hard. I can hear the emotional pain in your words.
Have you mentioned this in confession? It’s not just for sins but also for troubles too. Could you also make an appointment to speak with your priest. Maybe that will help.
Also could you go into Church during the week when it is quieter just to sit and speak to Jesus.
Or is there an earlier or later mass you could attend with less children?
I will ask your Guardian Angel to help you and give you strength.
It’s so important to receive Holy Communion as this will help you too.
 
Would you consider mentoring kids? You could teach CCD, they always are looking for people. It might be hard at first, but you and the kids could benefit. I am often reminded that Saint Paul says that God calls us to do not what is easy rather, following God is often times hard.

After my father died, I started to go to the nursing home to distribute Communion. It is very hard for me to do, but I know I need to do it each week.

You will be in my prayers.
 
JHC said:
Hi

I am having trouble attending mass due to depression, mainly over being childlessness at 46. My wife and I are childless and attending mass is very hard for me and just getting harder. I walked out and left again today - the second time in the past month. It’s hard being around so many families and children. The anxiety and stress is just to much to deal with. I also attend the same church I did when I was young and the emotions and memories are just too overwhelming. I’m not sure what to do. I have contacted Catholic counselers but they don’t take my insurance. I guess I should look harder. It’s hard that something good has turned into a source of pain. I’m trying but seems like a no win situation. Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you very much.
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your post moved me to tears.
. Let your pain be your silent prayer to the Lord during Mass.for the Lord hears the prayers of the broken heart. Rejoice in the families around you as there many Churches that would love to hear the cry of a little one instead of creak of old bones.
 
There is a hospital in the Phoenix area that uses cuddlers. Volunteers who come in and cuddle newborns.

I am not sure if this idea ever took shape anywhere else, but it would be a good way to enjoy holding babies and feeding them.

It would give a way to let out those feelings of love you may have for children while learning how to care for them and nurture them. Sometimes people go to great lengths to adopt as well. Some go all the way to China to adopt a baby.
 
The grass isn’t always greener.

I still attend Mass at the parish church where I attended 25 years ago as a family with my wife and young children, and then after divorce with just myself and the children.

My children have all left home and left the church, and now every time I attend I am reminded of our happy times as a family, and the high hopes for a Catholic marriage, family life, and further Catholic marriages and grandchildren.

All that’s left of all those hopes and dreams is me attending Mass by myself, as an aging divorcee in an aging parish. 😦

:gopray2: for all of us, in whatever pain Mass brings us.
 
The simplest short-term solution is to find another Mass to attend, at a different parish, and probably at an earlier time, where there won’t be many children. However, you don’t want depression and anxiety ruling your life. I pray you are able to find some assistance for you problem so you can enjoy Mass at your own parish again!
 
I’m very sorry honestly. I do not know what to tell you.
 
I am very sorry for your pain and depression. I’ve seen many good suggestions. The only thing I might add as a reminder is that God does have a plan for you. And I’m certain it is a plan that will bring you closer to Him. Have you tried Adoration? It’s a beautiful time to sit with our Lord and tell him everything from your heart. Then just listen and know you are not alone on this journey. Praying for you.

God Bless You.
 
This was a sad post to read, I’m younger but in a similar situation and can imagine it gets worse with time. I once knew of a childless married lady who did some volunteer work at a convent and was allowed to go to Sunday mass with them but its not a widely available option.

I don’t know what else to advise but I am praying for you.
 
I would encourage you to go to your Pastor with this. He will give you the spiritual help that you require, and he may also be incredibly helpful when it comes to natural aid, such as finding a good counselor or even assisting with paying for one.

In terms of advice: what can a Catholic say? We are to unite our suffering to that of the Lord’s. Offer your love through the pain as a gift to Jesus Christ, and ask Him to have mercy on this wicked world, which slaughters its own children in the womb.
 
Hey, JHC, I understand you’ve already contacted counselors, but they don’t take insurance. My question for you is: Is this something that’s important enough to you for you to spend your own money on?
 
office said:
Hey, JHC, I understand you’ve already contacted counselors, but they don’t take insurance. My question for you is: Is this something that’s important enough to you for you to spend your own money on?
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If I knew it would work. $100 an hour is a lot…

Thanks all for the replies and prayers.
 
The only other thought I have had is are there any support/prayer groups for people in this situation near you? Are there enough people in your area for it to be worth starting one?
 
JHC talk with your wife seriously about adoption. I was 41 when we adopted our son, I was certain that I was too old, but our attorney assured us that, adoptive families are getting older, and that in many ways is advantageous. Older couples are usually much more stable financially, emotionally, and spiritually. So prospective birth mothers are almost eager to adopt their children to a mature couple.
The unfortunate part is the initial cost of birth adoption, ours cost around $43k, most of it “up front”. However once the adoption is complete, there are state, and federal tax credits that bring the expense down, overall.
Buck up Brother! Your depression,and anxiety, may be the Lord goading you in that direction.
If you wish to discuss adoption further, pm me.
 
I’m so sorry to hear that you are suffering with such pain. I suffer from depression as well and I can relate in some ways to how you feel. I have left mass in tears on a few occasions myself.

I would recommend spending some time in front of the Blessed Sacrament in Eucharistic adoration. Just lay it all out there and talk to God. You will also be free of distractions as there likely won’t be children or families.

I know it can be extremely difficult to focus when there are triggers that can lead to an episode. Mindfulness is something you may want to look into. This practice helps to develop an “approach state” rather than one of avoidance. After some time, you may find yourself more frequently moving toward rather than away from challenging situations. This helped me in coping with anxiety in social engagements and public situations.

I also agree with the comment by David Fortin. Maybe Adoption is something consider. Please know that God won’t give you a cross that he knows that you can’t carry. I will have you in my prayer intentions ~ God bless.
 
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