Mass attendance- kind of a pathetic question

[snowflakeinlove]

As I’ve mentioned in some of my older threads, my parents are non practicing agnostic/atheist Catholics. I started practicing my faith when I was away in university and my parents were less than enthusiastic. Last time I went home to visit, I attended mass, but they were unhappy about it.

You’d think that after I did it once, it’d be easier the second time. But It wasn’t a good experience, and it’s made me lose courage. I don’t know how to remind them that I need to go. They are acting as if I wasn’t Catholic, and planned things already for the weekend, which makes it more difficult.
Every time I try to tell them, I get too scared and then I get frustrated with myself-- my parents then notice that I’m upset, and then it’s even harder for me to say anything because I know they won’t let me be involved with the church because they will think it is causing me stress/guilt/anxiety.
Tomorrow is Sunday. I need to go to mass. I can’t imagine myself not going. But I’m really scared I will chicken out, because it has happened before. Once I was sick and needed to go to the doctor, but I didn’t want to ask my parents because I didn’t want them to worry. It’s totally irrational, and pathetic, but I still do it.

But what if they say no? How am I supposed to reply? I know I’m legally an adult. But really, I am dependent on my parents. They pay for my tuition and everything. (They won’t kick me out or stop paying for my education but my point is, they still see me as a child and feel that they have the right to say “no”. So really I can’t say “I’m an adult now and I have the freedom to go where I want” without sounding defiant.) And I don’t want to say " well I have to because it’s an obligation" because then they’ll think the Church is just brainwashing me/making me feel guilty.

I know, it’s pathetic. Any advice?

 

[KLJM12]

As I’ve mentioned in some of my older threads, my parents are non practicing agnostic/atheist Catholics. I started practicing my faith when I was away in university and my parents were less than enthusiastic. Last time I went home to visit, I attended mass, but they were unhappy about it.

You’d think that after I did it once, it’d be easier the second time. But It wasn’t a good experience, and it’s made me lose courage. I don’t know how to remind them that I need to go. They are acting as if I wasn’t Catholic, and planned things already for the weekend, which makes it more difficult.
Every time I try to tell them, I get too scared and then I get frustrated with myself-- my parents then notice that I’m upset, and then it’s even harder for me to say anything because I know they won’t let me be involved with the church because they will think it is causing me stress/guilt/anxiety.
Tomorrow is Sunday. I need to go to mass. I can’t imagine myself not going.

But what if they say no? How am I supposed to reply? I know I’m legally an adult. But really, I am dependent on my parents. They pay for my tuition and everything. So really I can’t say “I’m an adult now and I have the freedom to go where I want”. And I don’t want to say “because it’s an obligation” because then they’ll think the Church is just brainwashing me/making me feel guilty.

I know, it’s pathetic. Any advice?

This is not pathetic. the simple answer is, who cares if your parents pay for your tuition? What is worse? To have to rely on student loans or drop out of college, or burn in hell? Christ told is that being Catholic would be difficult and could tear our families apart. That is part of bearing our Crosses. Go to mass. That is the only option.

 

[snowflakeinlove]

This is not pathetic. the simple answer is, who cares if your parents pay for your tuition? What is worse? To have to rely on student loans or drop out of college, or burn in hell? Christ told is that being Catholic would be difficult and could tear our families apart. That is part of bearing our Crosses. Go to mass. That is the only option.

I don’t think I worded that quite correctly. They won’t kick me out or stop paying my tuition if I go to mass.
My point is they still see me as a child and feel like they can say “no” if they do not want me to do something. The last time I went, my family wasn’t busy so I just told them I was going. This time, they have things planned and they are stressed, and I am relying on them for a ride.
And I don’t know how I would reply to that. In a kind and non defiant (because being rude and defiant is not what they teach us in church!) but convincing/assertive way.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Just a reminder - it’s Mass, not mass.

Call the parish and ask if they have any names of parishioners who can give you a ride. Do you have any friends at all? Ask them for a ride. And then just tell your parents, “I have plans, but I’ll be back in less than 2 hours.”

When you get to church, make some contacts so you can stop depending on lapsed Catholics like your parents for a ride to Mass.

Prayers of support for you! Be strong!

:knight2::knight1:

 

[ahollars]

Go as early in the morning as possible, usually 7am or 7:30 in most parishes.

And you should be defiant. Stand your ground. They will not treat you like an adult because you are not behaving like one. This will not get you off of the hook from a moral standpoint. You are a legal adult, with all the rights and protections therein. Getting to Mass is your responsibility now and your parents are not to blame. Wanting to avoid an argument is not a valid reason to miss your obligation.

“…Those who are victorious will inherit all this, and I will be their God and they will be my children. But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and all liars—they will be consigned to the fiery lake of burning sulfur. This is the second death.”

~Revelation 21:7-8~

Who cares what they think? Just go.

 

[SuscipeMeDomine]

I would assume I’m going to Mass and work from there.

“Mom, can I borrow the car to get to Mass on Sunday morning or would you prefer I call a cab to take me?”

No muss, no fuss.

 

[Apologista]

I don’t think I worded that quite correctly. They won’t kick me out or stop paying my tuition if I go to mass.
My point is they still see me as a child and feel like they can say “no” if they do not want me to do something. The last time I went, my family wasn’t busy so I just told them I was going. This time, they have things planned and they are stressed, and I am relying on them for a ride.
And I don’t know how I would reply to that. In a kind and non defiant (because being rude and defiant is not what they teach us in church!) but convincing/assertive way.

I understand exactly what you are saying. My parents weren’t the type who saw me as an adult - and quite possibly in the cultures they came from adulthood - or when parental authority should be modified in light of the offspring’s age - meant something different than it does to the general public. In short, I still had to “ask permission” or there would be very unpleasant scenes.

The arrangement ahead of time for a ride or having cab money seems to be the best solution in a practical sense. But be prepared - they may still fuss simply because you aren’t following their agenda. Pray for strength!

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I would assume I’m going to Mass and work from there.

“Mom, can I borrow the car to get to Mass on Sunday morning or would you prefer I call a cab to take me?”

No muss, no fuss.

:yup::clapping:

Even if she’s trembling in fear while saying it…Just do it. And if Mom says, “Neither!” then just call the cab anyway.

 

[Qwestions]

Hi, snowflake. You should be able to find an online directory of Mass schedules at parishes in your vicinity. What about today? Or Sunday evening? We have Masses from 4:00 to 7:30 on Saturday evenings, and from 4:00 to 7:00 on Sunday evenings in our city, although they’re not all within a two or three mile range. Do you remember a Catholic high school friend who might help with info or a lift to Mass? If the family’s going to be elsewhere in the morning, you could meet them after Mass.

If there’s a family tussle over your Mass attendance, remind them that religion is an internal issue and that adhering to your beliefs is something that you MUST do. Just as your beliefs shouldn’t affect them personally, THEIR beliefs shouldn’t disturb your life, either.

Hope we can give you enough ammunition to muster the courage to get to Mass. Good luck. Even if harsh words are exchanged, you’ll know in your heart-of-hearts what is the right thing to do.

 

[Aschecte]

Wow I’m really sorry for this situation. I know it’s hard to go against your parents but you are an adult and by standing up for your faith and what you believe you are proving that fact to them as well as to yourself. Jesus spoke about persecution to follow him and that you will have to carry your crosses as well, this happens to be one of them I’m sorry that your cross happens to be unsupportive parents when it comes to your faith. Have you tried seeing if they would go to mass with you ? Even if its not their thing it may put there mind at ease and who knows may even reopen their hearts to Christ. Best of luck God bless !!

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Hey snowflake -

I went to confession today and the priest told me I have to own up to something I did, and tell the person the truth. GULP! I mean, I know it’s right, but was I nervous??? YES!

But I did it, after praying, and my husband said he forgave me. It wasn’t the action I did, but covering it up with a lie that made it into a sin. He was somewhat surprised and since he never goes to confession, a little puzzled about why I would want to set such a thing right, but he thinks confession is for Big Stuff like murder and theft.

I’m just saying - sometimes it’s HARD to do the right thing, even though we know what we SHOULD do, but say a prayer and go forward, and GOD will give you the strength to keep going!

Saying another prayer for YOU!

 

[jeannetherese]

HI Snowflake!
If you call the parish office on Monday and let them know what your situation, they can probably arrange a ride for you. Then you will not need to fret about parental control of transport.
I’ve given a few rides myself…if you’re in my parish, maybe I’ll get the call.
Parishes work hard to ensure that those home-bound for any reason still have access to the sacraments. The more advance notice they get, the easier it is to arrange help.
May God bless you and your family. Amen.

 

[Boccherini]

Is your problem more that your parents treat you like a child or that they disapprove of your being religious? Or is it both equally?

This is probably a good opportunity for you to gain more independence. I mean your parents must admit you have a right to do this and that they can’t prevent it when you’re away from home. And it’s not like you’ve become a Scientologist or go out drinking every day.

 

[snowflakeinlove]

Thank you to every one of you who replied for your encouragement and prayers. You are right, Jesus never said it would be easy to follow him, and this is really a good chance for me to gain more independence. I was really passive as a child and I know that isn’t good.

Hey snowflake -

I went to confession today and the priest told me I have to own up to something I did, and tell the person the truth. GULP! I mean, I know it’s right, but was I nervous??? YES!

But I did it, after praying, and my husband said he forgave me. It wasn’t the action I did, but covering it up with a lie that made it into a sin. He was somewhat surprised and since he never goes to confession, a little puzzled about why I would want to set such a thing right, but he thinks confession is for Big Stuff like murder and theft.

I’m just saying - sometimes it’s HARD to do the right thing, even though we know what we SHOULD do, but say a prayer and go forward, and GOD will give you the strength to keep going!

Saying another prayer for YOU!

Thank you for sharing that. I think I feel better now

I would assume I’m going to Mass and work from there.

“Mom, can I borrow the car to get to Mass on Sunday morning or would you prefer I call a cab to take me?”

No muss, no fuss.

I can’t legally drive alone yet. (Still need to take another driving test). But I think I will say something like “Do you mind driving me or would you rather I get there myself?” That’s a great idea, thank you.
My parents aren’t home yet, they are grocery shopping. When they get back, I will say this. The anticipation is hopefully going to be the worst part!

 

[SuscipeMeDomine]

I can’t legally drive alone yet. (Still need to take another driving test). But I think I will say something like “Do you mind driving me or would you rather I get there myself?” That’s a great idea, thank you.
My parents aren’t home yet, they are grocery shopping. When they get back, I will say this. The anticipation is hopefully going to be the worst part!

Prayers that it all goes well.

 

[snowflakeinlove]

I did it- praise God ! My parents will be giving me a ride to the evening Mass tomorrow.

My dad -not sure if he just wasn’t paying attention or pretending not to hear but he didn’t say anything. And my mom kind of expressed interest in going with me!

Just a few weeks ago they were upset with me for going to church socials at school, so this is a huge change. Please pray that they don’t change their minds from now till tomorrow evening

 

[twoangels]

I don’t think I worded that quite correctly. They won’t kick me out or stop paying my tuition if I go to mass.
My point is they still see me as a child and feel like they can say “no” if they do not want me to do something. The last time I went, my family wasn’t busy so I just told them I was going. This time, they have things planned and they are stressed, and I am relying on them for a ride.
And I don’t know how I would reply to that. In a kind and non defiant (because being rude and defiant is not what they teach us in church!) but convincing/assertive way.

Ask them. If they say no and don’t give you a ride, you are not culpable and not in mortal sin. The point is you should make the effort. Do what you reasonably can. Don’t get frantic about it. A mortal sin is something of your free choice. Its not something they can force you into it. Make your request charitably and if they say no. Picking a fight over it isn’t an act of charity and their lack of willingness to give you a ride is not your fault. But only if you ask do you take yourself off the hook. You have to make the effort, and that’s it.

Making an anxious fit about it doesn’t help. My grandpa is an atheist and his wife isn’t Catholic. They took me on a cruise and could not understand why I needed to go to Mass. His wife was very angry with me. I’m sure they even had a fight about it when grandpa finally found where I could go to Mass. I then ended up by myself on the ship for hours and decided to explore (bad decision on my part, but I was young). After that, they were fully determined never to allow anyone to go to a Church service on a trip they took us on. When it was my brother’s turn and then my sister’s turn, everyone got lectures weeks ahead a time about how church was out. My brother and sister thus talked to the priest about their Sunday obligation. I know our old priest always recommended people talk to him if they were going on vacation. He usually told them to go to a weekday Mass before or after the vacation. I’m not sure if other priests do that. I’ve heard other orthodox priests simply advise “Don’t sweat it.”

 

[twoangels]

I did it- praise God ! My parents will be giving me a ride to the evening Mass tomorrow.

My dad -not sure if he just wasn’t paying attention or pretending not to hear but he didn’t say anything. And my mom kind of expressed interest in going with me!

Just a few weeks ago they were upset with me for going to church socials at school, so this is a huge change. Please pray that they don’t change their minds from now till tomorrow evening

Oh, hurray! Guess I replied too late.

 

[Aschecte]

I did it- praise God ! My parents will be giving me a ride to the evening Mass tomorrow.

My dad -not sure if he just wasn’t paying attention or pretending not to hear but he didn’t say anything. And my mom kind of expressed interest in going with me!

Just a few weeks ago they were upset with me for going to church socials at school, so this is a huge change. Please pray that they don’t change their minds from now till tomorrow evening

That’s great news !!! Just remember baby steps walk before you run. What I mean by this is start by having them take you to mass then work your way up to adoration etc… After you get your license try to keep them going with you. Woouldnt that be great !! Great job !!

 

[SuscipeMeDomine]

I did it- praise God ! My parents will be giving me a ride to the evening Mass tomorrow.

It sounds like you were able to be mature in asking for what you need and they responded in a positive way. Win-win! I’m glad it worked out so well.