Mass attendence question

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coolduude

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Hi all,

I have a quick question regarding Mass attendence on Sunday (or Saturday). It requires some background so here it goes (try to bear with me. It might be confusing).

To start off, my family is not very religious, but we are all Catholic. My father used to take my brother and I to Mass when we were little (like 5,6,7, etc). Now I am older (old enough to drive) and we have stopped going as a group. My mother never attended Mass with the three of us. I mean never. I could probably count on one hand how many times she came with us. Literally.

On top of that my (Catholic) grandmother lives with us as well. She too is not religious and probably hasn’t been to church in 5 or more years. The two of them (my mom and grandma) don’t even go to Christmas Mass or Easter or anything. The most religious thing they’ll do is go for basket blessings at Easter (and only my mom comes for this).

My mom is not exacltly anti-religion, but she is not very pro-religion either. She scoffs at anything religious I bring up (she would always poke fun at Catholic things. She has never been offensive, but she’s never embraced it all either). I guess I feel intimidated by her and her negative views of religion.

It is for this reason (intimidation, fear of being made fun of) that I do not attend Mass on Sundays. So I was wondering- how culpable am I for this all? Does this intimidation reduce my culpability or anything? I know the sin of missing Mass is still mortal (correct?) but if I am less culpabull (excuse the spelling on that one) it would make my mind lighter.

It’s a mess of a situation and I am trying to build up the courage to go to church on my own accord. But that’s a whole different story…

So what are your guys thoughts? I think I know the answer but I just need it confirmed.

Thank you.
 
coolduude said:
It is for this reason (intimidation, fear of being made fun of) that I do not attend Mass on Sundays.
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CoolDuude,

If you are missing Mass, you are correct, it is a mortal sin. If you are still a young man (under 18) your parents are responsible for taking you to Mass.

CCC 2252
Parents have the first responsibility for the education of their children in the faith, prayer, and all the virtues. They have the duty to provide as far as possible for the physical and spiritual needs of their children.

If you are old enough to drive, and you have access to a vehicle, go to Mass on your own. Don’t be afraid of ridicule. Our Lord suffered ridicule too.

Jesus said to his disciples: “If the world hates you, realize that it hated me first.
If you belonged to the world, the world would love its own;
but because you do not belong to the world, and I have chosen you out of the world,
the world hates you. Remember the word I spoke to you, ‘No slave is greater than his master.’ If they persecuted me, they will also persecute you. If they kept my word, they will also keep yours. And they will do all these things to you on account of my name,
because they do not know the one who sent me.” Jn 15:18-21

Make sure you mention the reason that you miss Mass in your next confession.

Be Not Afraid!

Peace Be With You My Friend
I will keep you in my prayers.
 
coolduude said:
Hi all,

I have a quick question regarding Mass attendence on Sunday (or Saturday). It requires some background so here it goes (try to bear with me. It might be confusing).

To start off, my family is not very religious, but we are all Catholic. My father used to take my brother and I to Mass when we were little (like 5,6,7, etc). Now I am older (old enough to drive) and we have stopped going as a group. My mother never attended Mass with the three of us. I mean never. I could probably count on one hand how many times she came with us. Literally.

On top of that my (Catholic) grandmother lives with us as well. She too is not religious and probably hasn’t been to church in 5 or more years. The two of them (my mom and grandma) don’t even go to Christmas Mass or Easter or anything. The most religious thing they’ll do is go for basket blessings at Easter (and only my mom comes for this).

My mom is not exacltly anti-religion, but she is not very pro-religion either. She scoffs at anything religious I bring up (she would always poke fun at Catholic things. She has never been offensive, but she’s never embraced it all either). I guess I feel intimidated by her and her negative views of religion.

It is for this reason (intimidation, fear of being made fun of) that I do not attend Mass on Sundays. So I was wondering- how culpable am I for this all? Does this intimidation reduce my culpability or anything? I know the sin of missing Mass is still mortal (correct?) but if I am less culpabull (excuse the spelling on that one) it would make my mind lighter.

It’s a mess of a situation and I am trying to build up the courage to go to church on my own accord. But that’s a whole different story…

So what are your guys thoughts? I think I know the answer but I just need it confirmed.

Thank you.
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None of this reduces your culpability. If that is the reason you have been missing Mass then you are in a state of mortal sin.
 
Being under pressure, depending on the degree of pressure, may reduce culpability, but I don’t want to give you high hopes that you can get away with this. You may be in mortal sin. If not, you could still have to spend time in Purgatory to atone for this if you die without confessing and changing your ways. It is hard for us on Earth to judge culpability, but I certainly wouldn’t take any chances if I were you.*

Now I see why you started the “fear of Hell” thread :(. Repent of it at Confession and endure suffering for your newly revitalized faith if that’s what must happen. It’s Lent. If your family criticizes you or looks at you strangely, that exterior pain is a form of suffering you can offer up to God for Lent that God will deeply treasure.

Sometimes we need to endure the reproaches of our families for the sake of God’s Kingdom. Christ endured the reproaches of His hometown as well, and He calls all of His disciples, “follow me.” I heard at a Bible study that the road to the Cross started in Nazareth.

You have a faith that is coming to life now in a new way, cooldude :). God is blessing you and inspiring you with new devotion and enthusiasm for His Kingdom. That is why you’re spending so much time here. I believe He is also calling you, through gracious obedience to the Church’s authority, to become a sign to your family as well, to call them through an example of obedience to a more perfect unity with Himself.

You are young, so I can definitely understand this being very hard. It is hard for most older people too, to deal with family criticism for the sake of their faith.

However, the rewards of obedience far exceed the sufferings of obedience.
Mark 10:29-31:
Jesus said, "Amen, I say to you, there is no one who has given up house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or lands for my sake and for the sake of the gospel who will not receive a hundred times more now in this present age: houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and lands, with persecutions, and eternal life in the age to come.

“But many that are first will be last, and (the) last will be first.”
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You will be blessed greatly if, for Lent, you act in accordance with your growing new faith in Christ, going to Confession and starting to attend regular Sunday Mass. You may suffer some in your family relations as they see your faith starting to stand out, but this is a privilege, for your sufferings will be born for the sake of Christ alone.

There is no higher form of suffering, more privileged or more blessed, than suffering endured for the sake of Christ. It is perfect that this is coming from your heart now as Lent begins; I believe that is the Spirit of God speaking to you and drawing you into the Passion in His way.

To me, this shows how privileged you are, in your growing faith in Christ. You already love Him in your heart. Now He is calling you to love Him with your strength as well, through action.
Luke 10:27:
He answered: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”
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Obey the Word of God and your joy will increase, your faith will grow, and over time your family may begin to see the light of Christ. You may bring them after you, in time, if you stand out by obeying Christ’s Church now when it hurts.

Pray also to St. Michael and your Guardian Angel, for protection against fear, that your love for God will triumph over your fear, for the devil is likely to try to afflict you and hold you back with fear as his chief weapon. But God is stronger. Trust in God and make a resolution to obey Him. You will be greatly blessed, even as you already are being greatly blessed, chosen from your family to be the first to be enlightened and given gifts of grace – and apparently possibly now sufferings – to unite you most perfectly with Christ. He greatly loves you.

I’ll mention just one other thing . . . I believe God has given you this trial, because He uses all things for the good of those who love Him. However, the Scripture also says that He never tests us beyond what we can bear. Thus this test before you, you can withstand through the grace of God. You have that power. We are all weak, but Christ is strong and it is in Him that we rely. Trust in Him, determine to do His will, setting His will in your heart as more important than your fears and relationships, and you may suffer, but you shall gain the greatest treasure you could ever receive: God Himself.
 
Take the car on Saturday afternoon to meet friends or go to the movies or to play sports or something, and don’t come back until you’ve been to Mass also.

OR

Take the car on Sunday morning to “pick up a few things from the store,” and don’t come back until you’ve been to Mass also. Bring donuts home to the others.
 
Haha good ideas. I actually did do that with Confession once. It worked 😛

But Mass is an hour and I’m not old enough to ‘go to the store’ for a few things for an hour or two. It would be an unexcused abscence.

I guess I could try the friend thing.

Maybe my biggest statement will be just to wake up on Sunday and announce I’m going to church and go. Just like that. Maybe that will break the bonds of intimidation.
 
coolduude said:
Haha good ideas. I actually did do that with Confession once. It worked 😛

But Mass is an hour and I’m not old enough to ‘go to the store’ for a few things for an hour or two. It would be an unexcused abscence.

I guess I could try the friend thing.

Maybe my biggest statement will be just to wake up on Sunday and announce I’m going to church and go. Just like that. Maybe that will break the bonds of intimidation.
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👍👍 I’ll pray for you!

May your Guardian Angel watch over you and give you strength and courage.
 
coolduude said:
It is for this reason (intimidation, fear of being made fun of) that I do not attend Mass on Sundays.
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If you are physically able (for example, you have access to adequate transportation) and morally able (for example, you are not contagiously sick), you have a serious responsibility to God, to your brothers and sisters in the faith, and to yourself to attend Mass on all Sundays and other holy days of obligation (or their vigils). We need you, brother! 🙂

Please do not be afraid of ridicule and intimidation. The love of the holy Trinity is greater than any ridicule you might endure for Christ’s sake, as the Prophet King David sang: “Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you.” If it helps, turn your mind all the Christians and catechumens who risk suffering, severe punishment and torture, and even death for the privilege of communing with the Body of Christ. Do not take your opportunities for granted. 🙂

Our Lord says: “Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you.”
coolduude said:
So I was wondering- how culpable am I for this all?
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This is a good topic for conversation with your confessor when preparing to receive the holy Eucharist. 🙂
 
Can you take a bus to mass? Or ride a bicycle? There will always be an intimidation in going to church and the only way people will stop intimidating you is after you have made it CRYSTAL CLEAR you go to mass every Sunday and nothing they say will change your mind. When I was in my 20s (and you will be there soon), anytime a camping weekend with friends was planned I made it crystal clear that unless I was guaranteed beyond a shadow of a doubt I could go to church I would not attend the camping trip. I had to put up with a lot of comments such as ‘Can’t you miss it just once’. Guess who never got invited to weekends away? Sure it hurt to be left out, but it was worth it. Pray for courage

CM
 
That last bit about the Confessor reminds me I need to go to Confession before I recieve the Eucharist. And that’s another big problem…

I guess if I do go to Mass I’ll just stay seated during Communion. I am in mortal sin for none-other-than missing Mass.

This whole situation makes me want to cry.

😦
 
coolduude said:
I guess if I do go to Mass I’ll just stay seated during Communion.
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Saturday confessions are frequently scheduled before vigil Masses, making it easier to do both in the right order. Why not go for the sacramental twofer? 🙂

But if you are unable to go to confession before Mass, there’s nothing wrong with staying in the pews during Communion. We’ve all been there. It is a great time to pray for everyone. 🙂
 
Would you consider talking about this with your father before this Saturday? Make a point of getting him alone and tell him that you remember going to mass with him years ago and that you would like to try it again, especially since Lent is beginning. Ask him if you could borrow the car (make it early enough to get to confession first) and if he could help you do it without making a big deal with the rest of the family. Think about what you would answer if he asks you why you want to go to mass. I started to go to daily mass when I was a little younger than you are now. My family got used to it and probably thought it was a little odd but didn’t hassle me about it. Just consider this a great opportunity to respond to Jesus’ love for you. Good luck.
 
Good suggestion.

I have doubts about doing that though because I guess he’s not the awesome Catholic I used to think he was. When I say that I mean he doesn’t agree with everything the Pope says and things of that nature. If I am correct he thinks priests should be allowed to marry. He’ll listen to the Pope but he has his own opinions and ideas. I don’t know what to make of this (I follow 100% everything the Church/Pope says) and to be honest it almost shatters what I thought of him as a child. I’m probably just overreacting but I don’t know. I honestly don’t.
Like I said, this whole situation makes me want to cry.
 
I know what you are feeling because I was in a similar situation myself. I started attending Mass last year when I was 17. No one in my family is religious or even Catholic, so it was difficult to tell them, “Hey guys, I want to go to Mass.”

Over the summer I got my driver’s license, and I was so fed up with being held back by fear that I just went into my dad’s office one Saturday night and asked, “Can I borrow the truck to go to church tomorrow?” I got a confused look for a second, but he said sure.

It is definitely an awkward situation, but I am so glad that I did it. I am able to talk to them about any “Catholic stuff” now like my requirements for Lent. They see me practicing my faith all the time now, so it’s no longer weird or uncomfortable.

You’ve got to have a bit of courage. Jesus is so much more important than our little fears.
 
Well I worked up the courage to ask to go to church today, and got rejected. Why? I’m just getting over some stomach flu 😛

I did want to go today though so I could get Confession in.

So now I’m just worried I’ll be embaressed (sp.) tomorrow for Communion when everyone else goes up and I won’t. I really want Jesus too! 😦

Just a bad week for Mass I guess 😦
 
coolduude said:
So now I’m just worried I’ll be embaressed (sp.) tomorrow for Communion when everyone else goes up and I won’t.
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Don’t be embarrassed. You’ll be providing a great example and moral support to other people who should not be receiving Communion, and it is a wonderful opportunity for prayer & adoration. 🙂
 
coolduude said:
Hi all,

I have a quick question regarding Mass attendence on Sunday (or Saturday). It requires some background so here it goes (try to bear with me. It might be confusing).

To start off, my family is not very religious, but we are all Catholic. My father used to take my brother and I to Mass when we were little (like 5,6,7, etc). Now I am older (old enough to drive) and we have stopped going as a group. My mother never attended Mass with the three of us. I mean never. I could probably count on one hand how many times she came with us. Literally.

On top of that my (Catholic) grandmother lives with us as well. She too is not religious and probably hasn’t been to church in 5 or more years. The two of them (my mom and grandma) don’t even go to Christmas Mass or Easter or anything. The most religious thing they’ll do is go for basket blessings at Easter (and only my mom comes for this).

My mom is not exacltly anti-religion, but she is not very pro-religion either. She scoffs at anything religious I bring up (she would always poke fun at Catholic things. She has never been offensive, but she’s never embraced it all either). I guess I feel intimidated by her and her negative views of religion.

It is for this reason (intimidation, fear of being made fun of) that I do not attend Mass on Sundays. So I was wondering- how culpable am I for this all? Does this intimidation reduce my culpability or anything? I know the sin of missing Mass is still mortal (correct?) but if I am less culpabull (excuse the spelling on that one) it would make my mind lighter.

It’s a mess of a situation and I am trying to build up the courage to go to church on my own accord. But that’s a whole different story…

So what are your guys thoughts? I think I know the answer but I just need it confirmed.

Thank you.
Click to expand...
Think of how the Early Christians were being rounded up and fed to the lions for going to Mass, and yet, not only did they go every Sunday, some of them even went every day of the week.

If you were to die at this moment, do you think you would really be bold enough to go to the same Heaven as St. Ignatius of Antioch, who not only had no fear of the lions, but was writing letters to people encouraging them to go to Mass, even as they were driving him into the arena to be eaten?

Are you seriously going to stand next to him, and say out loud to God, where he can hear, “I didn’t go to Mass because I was scared that my Mom would make fun of me.”

Think about it. And then, get to Mass. Even if your Mom makes fun of you. 🙂
 
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