Mass Bloopers

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Do you have a good Mass Blooper to share? (Please, no rants about abuses, music, etc. Just funny stuff that you’ve seen or heard.)

Here goes.

This past Sunday, Palm Sunday, verse 50:6 of the Isaiah reading, contained the following pronunciation:
"I gave my back to those who beat me, my cheeks to those who plucked my beard; My face I did not shield from buffets and spitting… "
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As in, “Dear, could you please get me two more Swedish meatballs from the buffet ?”

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

(Well, if it was a buffet with Swedish meatballs, I guess I wouldn’t shield my face either.) 😛
*“I wish that my heart could beat, that I could live and breathe only for Jesus, I wish that my tongue could utter no other name than that of Jesus; that my eye could see only Jesus; that my pen could write only about Jesus, and that my thoughts could soar to nothing but Jesus. I have often wondered where on earth there might be something on which I could center my love. But neither on earth nor in heaven do I find any such thing but only my beloved Jesus… I am the fruit of your passion, Jesus, born of your wounds. O Jesus, seek me in love; I no longer possess anything; you have stolen my heart…” *- St. Gemma Galgani
 
A reading from the letter of St. Paul to the Filipinos.

Israelis used instead of Israelites is another one.
 
And I swear I heard a high school lad, at a youth Mass, say “the Jews and the genitals” :eek:

He never even realized he said it; but he certainly heard about it afterwards.
 
Msgr dropped the host into his vestment during the consecration and pulled it from his sleeve instead of out of the ciborium.
Note, it was before the consecration!!!

It looked more like he was doing a magic trick than performing the mass and it made more than a few people in my section chuckle. I think Msgr even cracked a smile when he realized where the host went.

It spawned the phrase… “Who needs an ace of spades, when you have Jesus up your sleeve?”😃
 
Although I did not find them too funny, I guess in hindsight they could have been perceived that way.

Philipinos instead of Philippians

Joseph of Armea

Golgath

and a few others.

Poor thing, it made him look illiterate.
 
We go to Mass at my husband’s college’s Newman Center. Every Sunday after the 5pm Mass, there is a meal for the students that only costs $1 per person – it’s called the “Buckluck.”

We went to the 5pm Saturday Mass last week, and after Mass the priest was reading the announcements. He said, “I believe that there’s a typo in this week’s bulletin – tomorrow’s Buckluck is ‘Burgers,’ not ‘Bugers’.” The congregation busted up laughing.

Once, at the Mass for the Feast of the Immaculate Conception, our priest was giving a homily about Mary and talking about how much he’d love to meet her and see what she looked like. He said, “I would just love to meet Mary!” Just then, someone’s cellphone went off – and the ringtone was the “Hallelujah Chorus.” Without missing a beat, Father said, “And I think she’s about to appear!” We all chuckled and he said, “Well, maybe not,” and went on with his homily.
 
Many years back when we had an older sound system, it would sometimes pick up the drive-through window at the nearby Taco Bell.

Once, during Father’s homily, we heard static and then “Ya, I’ll have a burrito supreme and a…” more static and then it went away.

Father chuckled and said “But your ancestors ate manna in the desert…” We all had a good laugh!
 
Father was handing out children’s bulletins and he started to run out… took a few steps back, surveyed all of the children and said…

“Parents we’re running out of bulletins but it looks like you’re obviously doing a good job in the baby making department… keep up the good work!” 👍
 
Every time our deacon reads about the Sadducees, he says, the sedeuceys. He’s never heard the joke about the Sadducees - they don’t believe in the resurrection, so they’re sad, you see!

Once I was singing at a funeral where the celebrant was a newly ordained priest. He was reading the usual selection from Wisdom, which contains the line, “They shall dart about as sparks through stubble.” He got redder and redder as he went, because it was dawning on him that the deceased had been cremated!

Betsy
 
GemmaRose said:
Do you have a good Mass Blooper to share? (Please, no rants about abuses, music, etc. Just funny stuff that you’ve seen or heard.)

Here goes.

This past Sunday, Palm Sunday, verse 50:6 of the Isaiah reading, contained the following pronunciation:

As in, “Dear, could you please get me two more Swedish meatballs from the buffet ?”

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

(Well, if it was a buffet with Swedish meatballs, I guess I wouldn’t shield my face either.) 😛
*“I wish that my heart could beat, that I could live and breathe only for Jesus, I wish that my tongue could utter no other name than that of Jesus; that my eye could see only Jesus; that my pen could write only about Jesus, and that my thoughts could soar to nothing but Jesus. I have often wondered where on earth there might be something on which I could center my love. But neither on earth nor in heaven do I find any such thing but only my beloved Jesus… I am the fruit of your passion, Jesus, born of your wounds. O Jesus, seek me in love; I no longer possess anything; you have stolen my heart…” *- St. Gemma Galgani
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or how about during high mass when the bishop celebrating lets one rip so bad that all the priests
around him start to fan thier robes to try to clear the air. and the bishop doesn’t even flinch.
 
The best one I have heard has been by a lay lector, who was reading the Responsorial Psalm line of:

“Kindness and Truth shall meet, Justice and Peace shall kiss.”

and the poor man, it came out:

“Kindness and Truth shall meet, Justice and Keace shall ****.”

Ok so thats not the kindest of slip ups, but its what happened!

Or the time the visiting priest was making a point in his Homily, and he clapped, as we had a power failure! Try as he might, the ‘Clapper’ would not turn the lights back on! haha.

Our poor organist… at a Funeral, she was supposed to play “Let There be Peace on Earth” (shutters!) and she started playing “Peace Prayer of St. Francis!” I was in the choir at this particular funeral, and the director shrugger her shoulders, waved the correct page number and off we went! The organist didn’t realize the mistake until the end! I might add she played it beautifully!

I did hear one about an elderly bishop loosing his pants during a Confirmation Mass, so his Priest secretary had him step out of them, and threw them into the sacristy just off the sanctuary and Mass went on without a hitch!

Buckluck… .I’ve heard of a Newman Center quite close to me (Fargo, ND)having them. I’ve never attended that Newman Center, but is that the Center in question?
 
bknebel said:
Buckluck… .I’ve heard of a Newman Center quite close to me (Fargo, ND)having them. I’ve never attended that Newman Center, but is that the Center in question?
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Yes, it is! 🙂 We live 4-5 blocks away so it’s quite convenient.
 
At today’s Chrism Mass, they had each priest who’s a vicar read off the names of the parishes in his vicariate as they were given their oils.

He read off the names of his parishes, thought he was finished, turned to leave, looked at the (new) cathedral rector, stopped dead in his tracks, turned around and said “Oh, and St. Mary’s Cathedral.”

Keep in mind, he had been the cathedral rector until last July. It brought the house down.
 
When we were in college, DH was a lector. This particular parish used special ringbinders with the readings in them in lieu of the lectionary. When he got back to the seat (no pews or kneelers there) he looked in the binder and realized that he had cut the reading in half.:eek:

My dear FIL used to always get the reading the first Sunday after Christmas. The first time in the series, he bumbled over the pronunciation of Sirach. The next year, he just said, “A reading from the book of …” and went straight into the reading without trying to say Sirach.
 
My favorite.

Lector gets up the read the first reading. Instead of the first reading he reads the second reading.

After the Cantor finishes the Psalm, the lector gets back up and says, “The Lord said the first shall be least and the last shall be first!” Then he reads the first reading! At least he waited until the laughter died down. 😃
 
rpp said:
My favorite.

Lector gets up the read the first reading. Instead of the first reading he reads the second reading.

After the Cantor finishes the Psalm, the lector gets back up and says, “The Lord said the first shall be least and the last shall be first!” Then he reads the first reading! At least he waited until the laughter died down. 😃
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This reminds me of a funeral that my class sang at around fifth grade. I’m assuming that the family of the deceased wasn’t Catholic, because after the first reader read the first reading, the second reader skipped over the Responsorial Psalm and went straight to the second reading. Father caught the poor girl before she got past the beginning “A reading from the book of…” line. Everyone looked towards the organist to start the Psalm. The organist, who was the school music teacher, wasn’t Catholic and was new, didn’t know what to do because the priest was different and didn’t know that she didn’t have a Responsorial Psalm prepared. So what did she do? She did the Gospel Acclamation. 😃 It was really funny at the time. Since then, she’s invested in a book on the order of a funeral Mass, and we haven’t been called to do many more funerals. Usually, the family prefers the real organ to be played and not the electronic piano with organ voice that this teacher uses. For the real organ, they have to hire the Sunday organist.
 
We had a visiting priest one mass. During his homily about vocations and quieting our minds to listen to God he was talking softly and it was very quiet and like it was timed that way a cell phone went off and he said, “See Jesus is calling now”!

Paul
 
Easter Season - Easter Candle is burning right next to the Ambo (Lecturn - this is a military Chapel so we shared it with the Protestants). Father has his homily in one of those faux leather binders and he flips it open with part of it hanging over the candle flame.

Whole front two or three pews gets the giggles as Father gives his homily, every time he gives us all a dirty, questioning look (his Homily isn’t that funny) and every time he gives us this “look” he does that “sniff, sniff, sniff” like something smells funny. We all see him doing this and smoke coming off of his book. Eventually he figures out that his book is on fire (flames are now evident). He shuts the book, slaps at the flames to put it out - which he does because it isn’t that much on fire, just smoldering with a bit of flame all the while looking at the front pews and saying “G-- D—, let me burn the Church down laughing the whole time!!” Of course the entire church can hear him because he is mic-ed - and this was some 30 years ago. He finishes his homily without his notes and continues on with Mass.

Not a liturgical or Mass Blooper but in the same time frame a the same church we had missallettes that would squeak when you opened them just so and you could make them continue to squeak with just the right movement. We also had flies mating on our misalettes (must remember that my sister and I were young teens at the time so this was just hilarious to us!)

Brenda V.
 
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