Mass--does anyone else feel like this?

[ConstantineTG]

Thank you Constantine for your words. When Catholics though ask for a blessing is it for the same reason as when the Easterners ask for a blessing that they have a need to go to confession first. I wonder if the Orthodox in other countries will ask for a blessing too. Like you said it may be only a North American thing. I will be interested to know how the Orthodox in other countries approach the Blessed Sacrament.

David, I am unsure of its history but from what I heard the Roman Catholics here in North America may have gotten that practice from Protestants, probably Episcopalians. I haven’t familiarized myself much with the Divine Liturgy to know if there is a blessing given by the priest at the end of the DL, perhaps you can fill me in on that. But in the Roman Mass, a blessing is given at the end of the Mass to all the faithful, so the blessings during Communion is discouraged because it becomes a duplication.

 

[Lutheranteach]

I’ve found the masses I’ve attended lately to be incredibly soul dead experiences with few people under age 40 even faking interest with maybe 1/4 of those there leaving as soon as they receive the Eucharist. It’s disappointing because I’ve also been to many that were rather inspiring. It’s the same people and the same priest and the same church. It’s just a real change in attitude. I don’t know if it’s scandal related or diocese related as it’s one that has closed churches and had some hard feelings over the issue.

 

[BernadetteM]

Yes Episcopalians all seem to have a coffee hour, but I never noticed anyone coming over to me and introducing themselves.

In one parish I got to know some of the younger members, but it took a long time. There were no social events. We had lenten suppers on Fridays, other than that there was nothing.

I just think it is the parish and each one is different, some friendly, some not.

Yours in the Hearts of Jesus and Mary

Bernadette

 

[ConstantineTG]

I’ve found the masses I’ve attended lately to be incredibly soul dead experiences with few people under age 40 even faking interest with maybe 1/4 of those there leaving as soon as they receive the Eucharist. It’s disappointing because I’ve also been to many that were rather inspiring.

True. Its sad that I could hardly see anyone my age at Mass. Even my mom who’s a young 70 would belong to the younger crowd at Mass. I do see a lot of kids during our Catechist/Youth Ministry Leaders training, so there is hope.

 

[BernadetteM]

My parish is alive with young people, lots of them and lots of babies. My friend is Lutheran and it is a small church as everyone has died or left and there is no one under their late 50’s. I guess it all depends on the area you live in.

Yours in the Hearts of Jesus and Mary

Bernadette

 

[onmyknees]

Hi Marian,

When I came back to the Catholic Church after many years( I left as a teenager) I felt like you. I am very shy too and none of my family members are Catholic except for one and they did not live near my parish so I went alone. I was not able to receive communion because I was married outside of the Catholic Church. I actually was glad to wait to make sure I was in good standing with God and His Church before I received Him. I knew it would be really special when I finally could.
I also knew that I felt really alone and I needed to join something to get to know people. So I got up the nerve and called two groups in the bulletin. It was scary but everyone welcomed me. I ended up joining the spiritual group because that was where my heart was. It was the Legion of Mary. I can’t tell you how much I learned about my faith from them. Amazing! They were all such wonderful loving people!
Then I started going to daily mass and Adoration of the Blessed Sacrament. This was not only a good way to get closer to Jesus but I also met more people in my church. I was soon known by many of the parish members by name. I then became more confident and was able to just go and talk to people at the parish events, coffee and donuts etc. Hope this helps you. Be brave and smile alot. I will pray for you.

 

[Cat]

I think that coffee and donuts, either in Protestant or Catholic churches, or in a secular setting (e.g. a community club) is a very poor way to meet people, as the “social types” flit about and network, while all the shy types sit about and say nothing unless they are spoken to. Also, it’s unhealthy.

My suggestion to the OP is to select an activity or study in the parish that interests him, and attend. There, he will meet others of like-mindset in a small-group setting where it is easier to converse.

E.g., if he enjoys theater, he could join the group that attends theater productions. Or if he likes to garden, join the group that beautifies the church grounds. Or if he enjoys Bible study, join one of the Bible studies. etc.

I realize that not all parishes have a lush list of social opportunities. Well, then find a parish that does. In this day and age, it seems that the geographical boundaries aren’t as binding as they once were, and rather than languishing in a cold parish, it might be better to pull up stakes and move.

OR–another approach would be for the OP to work on stepping outside of his comfort zone and approaching some of the supposedly unfriendly people in his home parish and chatting with them. I’m guessing he would discover that many of these people are actually very friendly and warm-hearted, and he would make friends. The old saying is, “In order to make friends, you first have to BE a friend.” All too often, we expect everyone else to make the first move and then we complain when they don’t. Well, maybe the OP should make the first move and be a friend to those who appear to be closed and cold.

I realize that this is terrifying for someone who is shy. Perhaps some counselling (short term and therefore inexpensive) would help the OP to learn some social skills that would help him to overcome his shy practicies. Yes, he will probably always feel shy, but he doesn’t have to ACT shy. Try some counselling.

One more thing, to all the people on this thread. Mass is the time when we encounter Jesus, Truly Present. Yes, it’s pleasant when we are sitting with our big family or with a group of friends. But many people in the Scriptures encountered Jesus when they were all alone (e.g., St. Paul). The Lord Jesus should eclipse all else and attract our undivided attention at Mass. When He is present, all else fades.

 

[Annabelle_Marie]

I think that coffee and donuts, either in Protestant or Catholic churches, or in a secular setting (e.g. a community club) is a very poor way to meet people, as the “social types” flit about and network, while all the shy types sit about and say nothing unless they are spoken to. Also, it’s unhealthy.

**My suggestion to the OP **is to select an activity or study in the parish that interests him, and attend. There, he will meet others of like-mindset in a small-group setting where it is easier to converse.

E.g., if he enjoys theater, he could join the group that attends theater productions. Or if he likes to garden, join the group that beautifies the church grounds. Or if he enjoys Bible study, join one of the Bible studies. etc.

I realize that not all parishes have a lush list of social opportunities. Well, then find a parish that does. In this day and age, it seems that the geographical boundaries aren’t as binding as they once were, and rather than languishing in a cold parish, it might be better to pull up stakes and move.

OR–another approach would be for the OP to work on stepping outside of his comfort zone and approaching some of the supposedly unfriendly people in his home parish and chatting with them. I’m guessing he would discover that many of these people are actually very friendly and warm-hearted, and he would make friends. The old saying is, “In order to make friends, you first have to BE a friend.” All too often, we expect everyone else to make the first move and then we complain when they don’t. Well, maybe the OP should make the first move and be a friend to those who appear to be closed and cold.

I realize that this is terrifying for someone who is shy. Perhaps some counselling (short term and therefore inexpensive) would help the OP to learn some social skills that would help him to overcome his shy practicies. Yes, he will probably always feel shy, but he doesn’t have to ACT shy. Try some counselling.

One more thing, to all the people on this thread. Mass is the time when we encounter Jesus, Truly Present. Yes, it’s pleasant when we are sitting with our big family or with a group of friends. But many people in the Scriptures encountered Jesus when they were all alone (e.g., St. Paul). The Lord Jesus should eclipse all else and attract our undivided attention at Mass. When He is present, all else fades.

Just a clarification…that was not the OP–the OP was a praise about Mass.

 

[TCostello]

I absolutely love going to Mass. I look forward to it all week. I also look forward to Eucharistic Adoration when I am able to go - there are no words to explain the presence of Christ in form of the Eucharist.

 

[MarianD]

I agree with what someone else said—that everyone is lovey-dovey during Mass and cold before and after it.

But, I’ve had some good experiences at the (Catholic) Parish I now attend. Some random woman came up to me, introduced herself, and told me about why she’s Catholic, how she feels at home in the Catholic Church, how her family is now non-practicing, etc. I enjoyed it, and she was very welcoming.

The parish I was baptized in was an Episcopalian parish. It was very welcoming, and the coffee and donuts thing actually worked to bring newcomers like myself closer to other parishioners. Too bad that wasn’t a Catholic Church, or else I’d love to go back there and celebrate Mass.

 

[BernadetteM]

I agree with what someone else said—that everyone is lovey-dovey during Mass and cold before and after it.

But, I’ve had some good experiences at the (Catholic) Parish I now attend. Some random woman came up to me, introduced herself, and told me about why she’s Catholic, how she feels at home in the Catholic Church, how her family is now non-practicing, etc. I enjoyed it, and she was very welcoming.

The parish I was baptized in was an Episcopalian parish. It was very welcoming, and the coffee and donuts thing actually worked to bring newcomers like myself closer to other parishioners. Too bad that wasn’t a Catholic Church, or else I’d love to go back there and celebrate Mass.

You might have that opportunity to return to a former Episcopal/Anglican parish, if you live in an area where the Ordinariate will be establishing Anglican Use parishes. As a former Episcopalian you can join the Ordinariate as an individual and check around to see if there will be any Traditional Anglican parishes or Anglican Church of American in your area who are joining the Church. Their Masses will be using the Anglican traditions and prayers and will start out very small.

Yours in the Hearts of Jesus and Mary

Bernadette

 

[GaryTaylor]

I agree with what someone else said—that everyone is lovey-dovey during Mass and cold before and after it.

But, I’ve had some good experiences at the (Catholic) Parish I now attend. Some random woman came up to me, introduced herself, and told me about why she’s Catholic, how she feels at home in the Catholic Church, how her family is now non-practicing, etc. I enjoyed it, and she was very welcoming.

The parish I was baptized in was an Episcopalian parish. It was very welcoming, and the coffee and donuts thing actually worked to bring newcomers like myself closer to other parishioners. Too bad that wasn’t a Catholic Church, or else I’d love to go back there and celebrate Mass.

I hear what your saying. I have a slightly different take on it though. When I returned to the Church. There were still many there who never left whom I knew. Those I found were in particular friendly. The others whom I did not know? Well I found that it wasn’t so much they were unfreindly. I believe they were reserved in extending a friendly hand. And maybe this in itself is wrong, and isn’t a reflection on how I am as a individual. Yet I can understand one’s reluctance especially in this day and age.

Many of these individuals are those who not many years left the doors of there homes unlocked through the night also. Times are changing.

Yet I firmly believe what the church holds to be a unconditional truth. That no-one should be without a family in the church. Regardless of your marital status or age or whatever. And while that should be the prevailing attitude, sadly it always isn’t. But its also doesn’t mean that this isn’t a issue which may be visited on the regular basis.

I believe that attitude of “Well, someone else will do this” is a attitude we all need seriously look at. We need to all realize, we are that someone else.

 

[ConstantineTG]

I have to say though that friendliness has to have its proper time and place. I have a lot of people come up to me after Mass esepcially because of my baby son. He’s very good when he’s in his car seat, so I always take him in his car seat to Mass. After Mass people keep approaching me to say how cute my son is or how good he is in Mass. Sometimes I am kneeling and praying. I’m all for the hi-hello-friendly stuff but I hope people repect that fact that I still am praying and that they don’t transform the church into a public square just because Mass has ended.

 

[Bob_Aliano]

Where’s the glad handed and huggy part in mass…the sign of peace hand shaking…ah.
no not really…ours is a big parish…really big…and it’s hard to meet people in a big parish…so I taught VBS…now I know the other teachers and a lot of children. I say hi to them and they say hi and we talk…

So then I joined a different committee, now I know more people…when you volunteer you meet more people.

stormy

but you are right, you might sit forever before anyone talks to you…so get up and go talk to them

At our OF parish I am in the K of C and my wife is a 16 year+ veteran of the choir, care to guess who speaks to us there? I’ll save you the trouble, it’s only those who we directly associate with; that is not community spirit and friendship by any means, it’s commonly called cliquishness.

The TLM parish I mentioned in my earlier post is small, I’d bet there were fewer than 20 at the Coffee and donuts. There is simply no excuse or logical reason for that kind of anti-social behavior. As for volunteering, it takes time to understand where a parish needs help first of all and secondly, the parish would get far better volunteer response if everyone wasn’t treated as an outsider.

I can only think of three parishes of all that we have visited around the US that were truly friendly to strangers; St. Wenceslaus in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, Sacred Heart in Durango and St. Bartholomew in Bayfield, Colorado.

 

[Bob_Aliano]

I think that coffee and donuts, either in Protestant or Catholic churches, or in a secular setting (e.g. a community club) is a very poor way to meet people, as the “social types” flit about and network, while all the shy types sit about and say nothing unless they are spoken to. Also, it’s unhealthy.

My suggestion to the OP is to select an activity or study in the parish that interests him, and attend. There, he will meet others of like-mindset in a small-group setting where it is easier to converse.

E.g., if he enjoys theater, he could join the group that attends theater productions. Or if he likes to garden, join the group that beautifies the church grounds. Or if he enjoys Bible study, join one of the Bible studies. etc.

I realize that not all parishes have a lush list of social opportunities. Well, then find a parish that does. In this day and age, it seems that the geographical boundaries aren’t as binding as they once were, and rather than languishing in a cold parish, it might be better to pull up stakes and move.

OR–another approach would be for the OP to work on stepping outside of his comfort zone and approaching some of the supposedly unfriendly people in his home parish and chatting with them. I’m guessing he would discover that many of these people are actually very friendly and warm-hearted, and he would make friends. The old saying is, “In order to make friends, you first have to BE a friend.” All too often, we expect everyone else to make the first move and then we complain when they don’t. Well, maybe the OP should make the first move and be a friend to those who appear to be closed and cold.

I realize that this is terrifying for someone who is shy. Perhaps some counselling (short term and therefore inexpensive) would help the OP to learn some social skills that would help him to overcome his shy practicies. Yes, he will probably always feel shy, but he doesn’t have to ACT shy. Try some counselling.

One more thing, to all the people on this thread. Mass is the time when we encounter Jesus, Truly Present. Yes, it’s pleasant when we are sitting with our big family or with a group of friends. But many people in the Scriptures encountered Jesus when they were all alone (e.g., St. Paul). The Lord Jesus should eclipse all else and attract our undivided attention at Mass. When He is present, all else fades.

Wow! I appreciate all the psychoanalysis and advice but at 66 and active in the Elks, K of C and American Legion I don’t think I’m all that shy. I’m also sufficiently world-wise to recognize anti-social behavior when I experience it.

 

[MarianD]

Wow! I appreciate all the psychoanalysis and advice but at 66 and active in the Elks, K of C and American Legion I don’t think I’m all that shy. I’m also sufficiently world-wise to recognize anti-social behavior when I experience it.

I agree, I’m not shy in the least bit. It’s just natural human nature to not feel welcome when others avoid eye contact.

But I’m not as social as you, seeing as to how I’m not a member of the organizations you’re in. I’m thinking about becoming a Knight of Columbus though, once I’m Confirmed (which will be after my 18th birthday, so I’ll meet that requirement as well).

 

[Catholic1954]

I just love Mass. I came away yet again this Saturday night feeling the same way, like it’s the closest thing to heaven on earth. I feel in unity with my fellow brothers and sisters in worshiping God. And then I miss it after it’s over…I just can’t wait until the next weekend. I go to daily Mass as well…and it’s nice, but not the same.

You should check out “The Lamb’s Supper” by Scott Hahn; he more than agrees with you!

 

[Elizabeth_C]

Going to Mass can be the most amazing, incredible experience in the world. I agree with the poster about The Lamb’s Supper by Scott Hahn… when you look at it as heaven on Earth, how can you not be awed!

I admit, though, that I can get in the way of myself. If I am not in the right mood, or my children are distracting me, then I am not focused.

And to those who are alone or unable to take communion: be patient until you can recieve. My husband once asked about what the best feeling I ever had was and I told him that my first communion (which was immediately preceeded by my baptism and confirmation) was the most incredible feeling I have had. On a cute note, my 10 year old daughter says that her favorite “food” is the communion bread! How amazing!

The parish I attend is very large- the largest in the diocese, I think. There are 8 masses each weekend including 3 Spanish masses.(Plus the Saturday morning mass). So, even having attended RCIA, I still don’t feel the “fellowship” that my non-Catholic friends talk about at their churches. But, I haven’t been able to join the groups I would like to join because of my work schedule. But to Marian and others like him: check for a Young Adult Ministry that may have activities and bible studies and such. For me, I’m bummed because I am too old for the YAM at my church, and too young for the Golden Agers! (I guess I need a “Middle-aged Catholics” group! )

 

[Bob_Aliano]

I agree, I’m not shy in the least bit. It’s just natural human nature to not feel welcome when others avoid eye contact.

But I’m not as social as you, seeing as to how I’m not a member of the organizations you’re in. I’m thinking about becoming a Knight of Columbus though, once I’m Confirmed (which will be after my 18th birthday, so I’ll meet that requirement as well).

I hope you do join, we are always looking for good Catholic men.

 

[NikitaRhea]

I can tell you my conversion was because of a daily mass during the Easter season. I still hold my breath when during the Liturgy of the Eucharist. I find when I go to mass I feel ever closer to God and especially ever more thankful. When I was unable to recieve the Eucharist I felt a urge to be constant and never stop coming back for Jesus wanted me to be with communion with Him. There are days where I wish I could, but fall to the floor and show my absolute love for Our Lord.

I also believe I need to thank my parish and the Dominican Friars for they so much devotion to the Mass and though daily Mass is short they make the absolute most of it and do not rush the Liturgy of the Eucharist.

Sorry I am rambling.

God bless and in Christ,
Nikita, op