Mass makes me feel rotten

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EvieM

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I had a bad experience with the church when I was a kid. I don’t want to go into anymore detail than that, but trust me it was very bad and the diocese is paying for me to see a counselor now. I like mass, and I want to keep going but everytime I go I feel rotten afterwards. Like crying and depressed. So I get scared and avoid mass. I’m scared to talk to my priest. I had been to confession but then I missed Easter and haven’t confessed that yet. I just don’t see the point in confessing if I keep missing mass anyhow. I know I will miss again because I don’t want to feel this way. I’ve been feeling good since being away from church for over a week, but then I tried going to mass again today and felt rotten all over again. I don’t know what to do or if I am committing a serious sin or what. I feel like a split personality because I want to be Catholic, I love Jesus and Mary but then going to church makes me feel so bad. 😦
 
It sounds like perhaps you have PTSD and are being triggered by Mass. 😦 It’s good you are in counseling. You are working on this issue with your therapist?

Some disabled people can’t go to Mass consistently and are able to make arrangements to have Communion brought to them at home, and be dispensed from the Sunday obligation. Is this a possibility, at least temporarily while you are working things out in therapy? That way you would be able to take a break from the triggers with a clean conscience.

I don’t think there’s an easy answer. Pray. Don’t give up. Remember that God sees your heart and your struggle. :hug1:
 
These are the kind of issues that you should be bringing up with your counselor. It is quite understandable that you would want to avoid the place and circumstances that caused you so much pain and sorrow. However it can be overcome if you have professional help. Don’t worry. Jesus is kind and patient and he knows what you are going through, that is why he has sent you help. Stay in counseling, if this particular thearapist is not getting you results, change to another one until you can go to Mass and focus on the Euchrist of the present and not the events of the past. You can put it all behind you and have the Catholic life you were ment to have. Peace be with you.
 
God loves you and He understands where you are. Give him that anxiety and pain and he will carry it for you. Take baby steps…visit an adoration chapel and just be with Jesus in the Eucharist and it may help you ease into things.
 
EvieM said:
I had a bad experience with the church when I was a kid. I don’t want to go into anymore detail than that, but trust me it was very bad and the diocese is paying for me to see a counselor now. I like mass, and I want to keep going but everytime I go I feel rotten afterwards. Like crying and depressed. So I get scared and avoid mass. I’m scared to talk to my priest. I had been to confession but then I missed Easter and haven’t confessed that yet. I just don’t see the point in confessing if I keep missing mass anyhow. I know I will miss again because I don’t want to feel this way. I’ve been feeling good since being away from church for over a week, but then I tried going to mass again today and felt rotten all over again. I don’t know what to do or if I am committing a serious sin or what. I feel like a split personality because I want to be Catholic, I love Jesus and Mary but then going to church makes me feel so bad. 😦
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It doesn’t sound like you’re sinning. It sounds like whatever happened to you is causing you so much pain that you are actually prevented from going.

There are many people who commit actual sins for no reason other than the fact that we are weak. We start to feel depressed because of the cycle: we commit the sin, we confess it, we commit the sin again, we confess it again; eventually we start to think we’re being hypocrites. But we aren’t being hypocrites; we’re being human. God understands and forgives.

In your case, you are even less culpable than that. It’s a shame that you can’t go to Mass, but there’s something going on (another poster suggested PTSD, but it could be other things, too) that’s interfering. God understands.

Work with your therapist. If appropriate, and at the right time, talk to a trusted priest about it (perhaps your diocesan contact?). Perhaps smaller Masses will help; perhaps taking a friend along will help. But trust in your therapist, take baby steps, and give God time to heal the damage that was done to you in His Name. God is patient and will wait until the time is right for you.

Our prayers are with you.
 
So many priests and parishes have e-mail… maybe you could e-mail the priest and explain your situation. Then you could either set up home visits for the Eucharist or he could give you the formal dispensation of missing mass until you’re better. Then, you wouldn’t have to go around feeling guilty on top of your other problems. Hugs!
 
Email generally isn’t for private matters… but it can be done sometimes… 🙂

The devil is always at work trying to make everyone not like going to mass for any possible reason, so we have to fight to love the mass and to go!

In your case, you have some healing to do, some emotional healing and reorientation so that you can overcome the bad experiences of the past and enjoy mass.

So you should focus on doing this healing, and talk to a good traditional priest and counselor about it. Heal those memories and forget what should be forgotten whereever you are! Replace bad memories with good.

I know you’re scared… try to find a gentle priest you can trust and talk about it… in whatever setting you like… Confession or elsewhere…

Often by confessing things like this we are better able to overcome them, even when they aren’t sins, which I think in your case missing mass might not be because of the harm done. A confessor is able to help judge this. But if not a sin because of mitigating reasons doesn’t mean it isn’t something we can just let lie and not overcome, or be negligent about. We have a responsibility to take care of ourselves, to heal, and to be able to go to be a part of the Passion of Christ at Mass and express our love to Him in the Holy Eucharist.

Remember to separate the bad that happened in the past in church from the Passion of Christ and mass itself, they are two different things. A church is too is just a place, what happened is separate to that place – a church too is holy ground, consecrated to God… pray to feel this and know that peace is there too because He is there, especially present, waiting in the tabernacle.

Everything we suffer we can turn to good and heal and overcome through Christ.

Pray! 🙂 You have my prayers!
 
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