Mass no no's

[lak611]

Eventhough we give in our envelopes, by eight and six year olds will bring a dollar or quarter to give as well. Sometimes, my ex-Protestant hubby will pull spare dollars out of his wallet to throw in. SO, here we are with an envelope with a check, a pile of ones from my hubby and whatever the girls gave from the money they earned.

Maybe that dollar is a bonus!

Maybe the people who only put in a dollar are members of another parish who are just attending your parish to fulfill their Sunday obligation. I use envelopes for my own parish, but if I am unable to attend Mass at my parish and attend another parish to fulfill my Sunday obligation, I will contribute a dollar to that parish in addition to my regular offering to my own parish the following week. So it really is a “bonus” dollar in the basket that would not have been there otherwise.

 

[Faith1960]

<< As you stated, YOU get very distracted. That is something that YOU need to work on. >>

It seems that most of the people I’ve observed who have been sitting around this when it happens become distracted. It isn’t the responsibility of the non-offending party to work on anything. It’s the responsibility of the parent to teach the child how to behave in public and more specifically, at church. Part of that is removing the child when they become antsy or annoying to those who are there to listen and pray.

<< As a single mother of a 2 year old, I spend most of my time in Eucharistic Adoration trying to prevent my daughter from doing anything that may be “distracting” for any other adorer (even trying to teach her to pray) b/c I have had a woman yell at me in Adoration. Granted, my daughter just wants to play with the rosaries, but if one drops it makes noise (which in a quiet chapel distracts others). However, my daughter and I both have the right to adore Jesus too, and I don’t get that opportunity b/c I have to worry more about other people’s personal focus issues than spending time with Jesus. >>

I think it’s wonderful to expose your daughter to Jesus, Mass and Adoration but she isn’t adoring Jesus at this point.
Like you just said, she’s playing. When I go to Adoration it’s always so silent one could hear a pin drop. To be quite honest with you, once would be something I’d overlook but if there was a toddler there at Adoration every week that I was there, using Adoration as her personal playtime I’d have a bit of a problem with it too. Fortunately, the only time I saw a child that young there was when she was with someone, her grandmother I assumed, and her grandmother took her down the aisle and they briefly stood in front of the altar and her grandmother very quietly pointed out the Eucharist and whatever else and then they either left or went to the back of our church and were very quiet.

<< Why do so many complain about the youth not following Jesus and being active Catholics yet the same people are the first to complain about the active Catholics who bring their “noisy” children to Mass weekly? >>

IMO, part of the reason they aren’t following Jesus and are inactive Catholics is because they haven’t been taught from early on how to behave during Mass, how to be respectful of the Lord, the priest and their fellow parishioners. I think that oftentimes this indifferent attitude toward their faith starts from the beginning. If their parents don’t feel that their children’s behaviors are any cause for concern, the kids won’t care, either. JMO.

<< As for mass, I have learned to ignore my daughter’s talking so that I can get my spiritual food. >>

I see that as a pretty serious problem, then.

 

[pnewton]

It seems that most of the people I’ve observed who have been sitting around this when it happens become distracted. It isn’t the responsibility of the non-offending party to work on anything. .

Sure it is. The reason why this thread strikes such a chord with us is that it is a problem we all deal with. Getting irritated with children in Mass and or judging or fellow worshipers is not a good thing, although it is a very human.

I do not wish to imply anyone is out of line for feeling irritated, just that we do not need to make excuse for ourselves anymore than parents for their failure to teach their children how to behave. The difference is that we can work on our own problems.

BTW- My 21 month old already goes to adoration for short periods and we talk about Jesus and Mary. We never stay longer than his attention span or ability to stay quiet, though. It is good to know others are doing this.

 

[asteroid]

1. Crying babies that should be in the cry room

Our church does not have a cry room. It does not have plexiglass partitions. It does not have any sort of hall.

So sometimes, just as in all churches up until recently, we have crying babies in the service.

This does not detract from Mass in the slightest, the fact that ALL ages are present in one room instead of being segregated.

What is much worse than crying children? The adults sitting in front of me last Sunday morning who chatted through half the service. Now that was annoying but even that didn’t change the facts of the mystery of Christ’s presence etc.

As for clothing, my personal bugbear is people who leave their coats on in a heated church. When someone invites you to their house for dinner, do you leave your coat on? No. So why do people leave their coats on when Jesus invites them to the greatest banquet on earth? When the heating breaks down, as it does here sometimes, I can understand it, especially for the elderly. But not when that building is warm.

 

[gmarie21]

I think it’s wonderful to expose your daughter to Jesus, Mass and Adoration but she isn’t adoring Jesus at this point.
Like you just said, she’s playing. When I go to Adoration it’s always so silent one could hear a pin drop. To be quite honest with you, once would be something I’d overlook but if there was a toddler there at Adoration every week that I was there, using Adoration as her personal playtime I’d have a bit of a problem with it too. Fortunately, the only time I saw a child that young there was when she was with someone, her grandmother I assumed, and her grandmother took her down the aisle and they briefly stood in front of the altar and her grandmother very quietly pointed out the Eucharist and whatever else and then they either left or went to the back of our church and were very quiet.

<< Why do so many complain about the youth not following Jesus and being active Catholics yet the same people are the first to complain about the active Catholics who bring their “noisy” children to Mass weekly? >>

IMO, part of the reason they aren’t following Jesus and are inactive Catholics is because they haven’t been taught from early on how to behave during Mass, how to be respectful of the Lord, the priest and their fellow parishioners. I think that oftentimes this indifferent attitude toward their faith starts from the beginning. If their parents don’t feel that their children’s behaviors are any cause for concern, the kids won’t care, either. JMO.

<< As for mass, I have learned to ignore my daughter’s talking so that I can get my spiritual food. >>

I see that as a pretty serious problem, then.

Well, since my parish has a separate chaple for Eucharistic Adoration, the room is small. Also, I only bring my daughter during the hours I have promised the Chapel’s coordinator I would commit to week in and week out. We are blessed to have our chapel opened 24/7 and those with issues can go to adore Jesus during the other 166 hours (which is what I told the lady who complained, but in a kinder format). At 2 my daughter knows where Jesus is in the church and in the Adoration Chapel and to assume that she does not have a relationship with him because of her age would be just that, and ASSUMPTION. Children that young do not have the ability to articulate all that they know and there have been toddlers who have stated that in the womb they were not alone because their angel was with them (and they remember their angel, the idea wasn’t put into their heads). So one should NEVER assume what a young child does and does not know about God.

Most young children DO care about their faith, it is the parents who fail in bringing them to mass. Also, I for one, do not assume that an “unruley” child just needs to be disciplined when I don’t go home with the parents to see how their child behaves (you never know, that child may be on their best behavior at mass and could very well be a challenge at home). Just because a child is quiet at mass doesn’t mean that s/he is learning a thing about God, same with the noisy child, being noisy doesn’t mean that s/he isn’t learning about God. You have expressed how you are distracted from receiving your spiritual food, yet you’re quiet and you sit still.

As for how I can block out my daughter’s talking…well considering that she usually talks in a wisper while looking at her Bible, or her book on Mary, or her book on the Stations of the Cross (“Jesus booboo Mommy” is what she says with concerned eyes throughout that book) it is pretty easy to block out her quiet talking. Most parents are able to block out their children’s noises (soft noises) and that of other children. So, please, do not go on assuming that bad parenting is involved in mine or other’s cases. Most of the people on CAF who have noisy children in mass are teaching their children the faith and my guess is that if their children are slightly noisy at Mass it is because they are trying to understand and learn more about the faith and all that is going on at Mass. And for the families at your parish, you do not know the hearts of the parents nor the children, nor do you know anything about them, only God does and well, let Him be the judge.

I am blessed to be a member of a family friendly parish (almost everyone loves all the babies, toddlers, and children even when they’re noisy). We do have a cry room and I only stay there b/c that is where the bathroom is and my daughter is potty training. But if other parish’s have cry rooms like my parish I can understand why they sit in the church (no circulation, foul bathroom odor, low speaker system, hot no matter what time of year, and no outlet plugs/blockers).

 

[Cavaille-Coll]

Here’s my list:

1. Folk Masses. These should have died out with 8 tracks, disco, and the Ford Pinto.
   1a. Guitarists tuning or picking strings during the Consecration or some other quiet part of the Mass.
   1b. Musicians within visible sight of the altar who shuffle papers, drink from water bottles, or . . . are within visible sight of the altar.
2. People who leave immediately after receiving Holy Communion.
   2a. People who stay until the end of Mass but leave during the recessional hymn (nothing says we can’t sing more than two verses!)
3. People who congregate in the pew next to you after Mass and talk loudly while you are visibly kneeling in prayer.:banghead:
   3a. When they want to talk to you while you’re kneeling in prayer. (If you were invited to a friend’s house for dinner, you wouldn’t dream of walking out without thanking your host. Why should Mass be different?)
4. Holding or raising hands during the Our Father.
   4a. Neighbors grabbing your hands to try and hold them.
5. Anytime the priest follows “and also with you” with “thank you.”
6. Any priest who prays to God, “our Father and our mother.”:whacky:
7. Acolytes who talk, gesticulate, jostle one another, or don’t show reverence to the tabernacle and altar. Also, when they have to wear cheap, too-short albs instead of cassock and surplice.
   7a. Muffling the altar bells after ringing them.
   7b. Not using altar bells.
8. Talking – I love children and I understand that they can act up. Sometimes it is necessary for a parent to whisper to the child, but prolonged conversations about upcoming soccer games is too much.
   8a. Cell phones, and the people who ANSWER them during Mass.
9. The Sign of Peace lasting longer than about 10 seconds.
10. Long rants lacking in charity. Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa.:bowdown:

 

[Faith1960]

<< Sure it is. The reason why this thread strikes such a chord with us is that it is a problem we all deal with. Getting irritated with children in Mass and or judging or fellow worshipers is not a good thing, although it is a very human.

I do not wish to imply anyone is out of line for feeling irritated, just that we do not need to make excuse for ourselves anymore than parents for their failure to teach their children how to behave. The difference is that we can work on our own problems. >>

I disagree. Unless people get up and roam around the church during Mass to find a place to sit where there aren’t inconsiderate parents allowing their kids to act up during Mass, there’s not much one can do to work on it. No more than it would be the responsibility of the people sitting in front of me to work on not being annoyed if I spent every Mass humming to myself or kicking the back of their pew.

<< BTW- My 21 month old already goes to adoration for short periods and we talk about Jesus and Mary. We never stay longer than his attention span or ability to stay quiet, though. >>

That’s wonderful.

 

[Faith1960]

<< At 2 my daughter knows where Jesus is in the church and in the Adoration Chapel and to assume that she does not have a relationship with him because of her age would be just that, and ASSUMPTION. >>

I never said she doesn’t have a relationship with Jesus. of course she does. I said that she isn’t in Adoration “adoring” Jesus, she’s there playing. I can only go by your words.

<< Children that young do not have the ability to articulate all that they know and there have been toddlers who have stated that in the womb they were not alone because their angel was with them (and they remember their angel, the idea wasn’t put into their heads). So one should NEVER assume what a young child does and does not know about God. >>

I never said otherwise.

<< Most young children DO care about their faith, it is the parents who fail in bringing them to mass.>>

And it’s the parents who fail to teach them appropriate behavior and respect for the Lord and others that plays a part in why they become indifferent as the get a little older.

<< Also, I for one, do not assume that an “unruley” child just needs to be disciplined when I don’t go home with the parents to see how their child behaves (you never know, that child may be on their best behavior at mass and could very well be a challenge at home). >>

Removing a child who’s pestering others isn’t punishment.

<< Just because a child is quiet at mass doesn’t mean that s/he is learning a thing about God, same with the noisy child, being noisy doesn’t mean that s/he isn’t learning about God. You have expressed how you are distracted from receiving your spiritual food, yet you’re quiet and you sit still. >>

This has nothing to do with “learning about God.” It has everything to do with teaching our young to respect the Lord and other people.

<< As for how I can block out my daughter’s talking…well considering that she usually talks in a wisper while looking at her Bible, or her book on Mary, or her book on the Stations of the Cross (“Jesus booboo Mommy” is what she says with concerned eyes throughout that book) it is pretty easy to block out her quiet talking. Most parents are able to block out their children’s noises (soft noises) and that of other children. So, please, do not go on assuming that bad parenting is involved in mine or other’s cases. Most of the people on CAF who have noisy children in mass are teaching their children the faith and my guess is that if their children are slightly noisy at Mass it is because they are trying to understand and learn more about the faith and all that is going on at Mass. And for the families at your parish, you do not know the hearts of the parents nor the children, nor do you know anything about them, only God does and well, let Him be the judge. >>

True, I don’t know what’s in their hearts but don’t assume I now nothing about them. Also, what is or isn’t in their hearts has nothing to do with being inconsiderate of others.

<< I am blessed to be a member of a family friendly parish (almost everyone loves all the babies, toddlers, and children even when they’re noisy). We do have a cry room and I only stay there b/c that is where the bathroom is and my daughter is potty training. But if other parish’s have cry rooms like my parish I can understand why they sit in the church (no circulation, foul bathroom odor, low speaker system, hot no matter what time of year, and no outlet plugs/blockers). >>

Oh. Well. Our cry room is roomy, well ventilated and it’s very easy to hear.

 

[TradyDaddy]

Since I have been attending the Traditional Latin Mass exclusively, I have almost forgotten about all this nonsense. Perhaps this would be a good thread topic question… Why do you suppose the TLM commands the respect of those in attendance naturally, whereas, the novus ordo requires extensive brow beating from the pulpit (which rarely happens) to achieve even a moderate amount of reverence?

 

[sea_oat]

My number #1 no-no at Mass is worrying about what goes around you and allowing it to affect your own worship.

I know, right? Sheesh.

I am just so amazed at the things that people allow to bother them, let alone the things people even notice in the first place.

 

[sea_oat]

Here’s my list:

1. raising hands during the Our Father.
2. Anytime the priest follows “and also with you” with “thank you.”

Why, on earth, would these two things bother you??

 

[pnewton]

I am blessed to be a member of a family friendly parish (almost everyone loves all the babies, toddlers, and children even when they’re noisy). We do have a cry room and I only stay there b/c that is where the bathroom is and my daughter is potty training.

I, too, have a family friendly parish and consider it a blessing. My priest has no problem admonishing older who know better while encouraging tolerance to the younger children who have not yet learned proper manners. I prefer a loving environment to a strict, but quieter environment.

 

[chicago]

Humans need to vent.
Better here than in the parish.

I’m not sure that I agree “better here than in the parish”. In the parish, it is (or should be) a real family where such things sometimes need to be heard and people know you and can help you through it all. On a major online forum, the context isn’t always there and it may do more harm than good by drawing people down into the joint frustration.

 

[chicago]

Maybe the people who only put in a dollar are members of another parish who are just attending your parish to fulfill their Sunday obligation. I use envelopes for my own parish, but if I am unable to attend Mass at my parish and attend another parish to fulfill my Sunday obligation, I will contribute a dollar to that parish in addition to my regular offering to my own parish the following week. So it really is a “bonus” dollar in the basket that would not have been there otherwise.

Alright, I’ve finally had enough. I wasn’t going to comment on this matter as I viewed it as a distraction form the main topic. But it is a well known fact that, on average, Catholics only give a dollar a week to the Church. Now, given, people like us probably give more. Yet that just makes up for the people who don’t give anything. Somehow , then, I’d bet my bottom dollar that most of those duckets in the buckets are all most people are actually giving.

 

[Nechasin]

My Pet peeve is when I’m trying to keep my kids quiet and behaved and the other people in the pews (Adults and older kids who should know better) wave at them, try to be “cute with them” or otherwise try to distract them. I have a hard enough time keeping my kids quiet without worrying about other people causing them to be a distraction.

 

[Maureen_Fiore]

In what way?

You didn’t correct her behavior, or at least in your initial post you didn’t say that you did. You said you were shocked that someone else did. . That is where you were wrong. That and in apparently being offended that someone else took the initiative to do something that you as her parent had the responsibility to do.

And at the possibility of being rude, I don’t think you did try to correct her behavior and were truly offended that the stranger did. As a Police Officer, I see way too many parents complaining that someone else said something to their children for some misbehavior their kids have done. The fact that you said you were shocked at the strangers act pretty well demonstrates that.

At least you later realized that what the starnger did was not inappropriate.

Well, you were not in the pew with me you did not read the rest of my post. I did tell her to stop, but unfortunately she was pushing my buttons and was showing off in front of her boyfriend. We go to mass every Sunday and this behavior was never seen. Therefore, this was due to the fact that her boyfriend was with us. I was shocked that this incident actually happened. I have gone to mass and witnessed more distractions than the one that my daughter did. I would NEVER tell a parent or their child to stop. It is not my place to tell someone to stop being distracting. Parents who come to church are trying to keep their children quiet and there are times when well-behaved children act up. Simple. So I suggest you read my other post and then go ahead and form your opinion on my parenting.

 

[Orionthehunter]

In response to my post that said “My number #1 no-no at Mass is worrying about what goes around you and allowing it to affect your own worship.”

Netli(name removed by moderator) responded with “Humans need to vent. Better here than in the parish.”

There is some wisdom in that if I thought all the complainers about those around them were really venting and the venting would be cathartic. But, these posts seem to be self-reinforcing an idea that “there are all these people around me who are doing all these things to distract me from worship” and thus the problem is someone elses.

Friends, first of all Mass is community worship. That means everyone brings all their gifts, all their challenges/hurts, all their strengths, and all their weaknesses to the Mass. Accept it as the gift it is. Relish in it.

Second, we are harmed more by our breathren not being at Mass than being there. Would you wish they were home in bed? Do you think that is what Christ wants? Do you doubt that graces aren’t given to these people by just being there?

Third, so many of these posts are expressing petty judgment of your fellow parishioners. If you don’t have charity for your fellow worshippers in Mass, where do you express the charity you are called to have?

 

[Tonks40]

This was mentioned in another thread, but the one I always get annoyed with is applause in Mass! They did it to me again last week when I was asked to make an announcement about an event we were having that day! Plus earlier in the Mass, they clapped several times when welcoming our new associate pastor and when he made an enthusiastic comment.

Drives me batty! I know it drives my pastor batty, too!

 

[netmilsmom]

As you stated, YOU get very distracted. That is something that YOU need to work on. As a single mother of a 2 year old, I spend most of my time in Eucharistic Adoration trying to prevent my daughter from doing anything that may be “distracting” for any other adorer (even trying to teach her to pray) b/c I have had a woman yell at me in Adoration. Granted, my daughter just wants to play with the rosaries, but if one drops it makes noise (which in a quiet chapel distracts others). However, my daughter and I both have the right to adore Jesus too, and I don’t get that opportunity b/c I have to worry more about other people’s personal focus issues than spending time with Jesus. Why do so many complain about the youth not following Jesus and being active Catholics yet the same people are the first to complain about the active Catholics who bring their “noisy” children to Mass weekly?

As for mass, I have learned to ignore my daughter’s talking so that I can get my spiritual food. There are a few mildly to severely disabled children at my parish (one who has even climbed right behind me during the mass many times to take my daughter’s books) and well, I notice them, but they don’t lead me away from being an active participant in the celebration of the Mass.

In the past this was not always the case, but I realized that if I was distracted during the Mass that was MY problem and noone elses. I know many parents who can drown out all other distractions and focus solely on the Mass. That is what those with no-no lists should also strive to do.

Please realize how self-centered you sound by these statements.

What amazes me is the “Me” of people who ignore their children. We are talking about a couple years of having to put in an effort for the comfort of others. Where is the common courtesy? If someone speaks to you, perhaps it is time to turn inward.

Honestly, I have no problem with children who misbehave. Kids were put on this earth to find their limitations. What I DO have a problem with is the attitude of the parents. My heart goes out to those who are trying to train their children how to behave. What I am agast at is attitudes of, “I need to pray so you adjust.”

Probably because I was the mom standing in the vestibule with the two year old, watching through the windows.

 

[Orionthehunter]

Please realize how self-centered you sound by these statements.

What amazes me is the “Me” of people who ignore their children. We are talking about a couple years of having to put in an effort for the comfort of others. Where is the common courtesy? If someone speaks to you, perhaps it is time to turn inward.

Honestly, I have no problem with children who misbehave. Kids were put on this earth to find their limitations. What I DO have a problem with is the attitude of the parents. My heart goes out to those who are trying to train their children how to behave. What I am agast at is attitudes of, “I need to pray so you adjust.”

Probably because I was the mom standing in the vestibule with the two year old, watching through the windows.

To follow on your point Netil(name removed by moderator), I recall something that my pastor once said to my wife on this very issue (although my wife thought the right alternative might be for her and I to attend different Mass times while the kids stay home). “Bring your family to the front to make it easier for them to focus on what is happening on the altar and for the time being your worship @ Mass is to spend it teaching your kids how to behave. This is your prayer.”