Mass no no's

[WanderAimlessly]

There’s this other little kid, about 3ish, whom I see most weeks though I didn’t see him this past weekend. He and his mother are usually there in the front row and he never just sits. He’s always climbing around or on his mom’s lap where he still won’t sit still. I once saw him sitting on his mom’s lap leaning backward, almost doing a backbend over the rail-thing
…
Oh, and every week now for about a month and a half, someone’s cell phone rings. Sometimes phones ring several times during Mass.

Young kids do not seem to be a problem in my current parish since it is mostly older people. In my former parish in the Philadelphia area, there were alot of yound kids. For the most part, they were very well behaved.

In my old parish, there was this one little girl about 3yo. Sometimes her family would go to the 5:15 Mass. Almost every time before Mass, she would go to where the statue of the Blessed Virgin was and would kneel in front of it for about 5 minutes and then go back to her family in the pews. Never a peep out of her.

As for Cell Phones, I carry my 7/24 for business support reasons. I always make sure mine is set to “Manner” mode (buzzing).

PF

 

[netmilsmom]

To follow on your point Netil(name removed by moderator), I recall something that my pastor once said to my wife on this very issue (although my wife thought the right alternative might be for her and I to attend different Mass times while the kids stay home). “Bring your family to the front to make it easier for them to focus on what is happening on the altar and for the time being your worship @ Mass is to spend it teaching your kids how to behave. This is your prayer.”

Your priest is absolutely correct. Teaching is the key. Ignoring and stating that everyone else should adjust is not.

And as for this…

There is some wisdom in that if I thought all the complainers about those around them were really venting and the venting would be cathartic. But, these posts seem to be self-reinforcing an idea that “there are all these people around me who are doing all these things to distract me from worship” and thus the problem is someone elses.

You see the people here in one light and I see them in another.
I see people who do not like confrontation. People who were brought up in a world where we thought of the feelings of others and now see a general self-centeredness. When one states, “Everyone should understand.” or “People need to block out my child.” what he/she is actually stating is “My needs and the needs of my child are more important than yours”. (Those of us who put in an effort not to disturb others hare frustrated and DO need to vent. There are things I vent here that I would NEVER say in a parish.)

Anymore, this happens in church, in the grocery store, in a movie theater and in restaurants. The child is held as the “Bou” as other adults are expected to adjust.

As I said, my heart goes out to the parent with the misbehaving child, who is teaching and correcting. To the parent who is lost in adoration while the child is banging and talking, all I can say is, “It’s not all about you.”

 

[CarolAnnSFO]

We don’t have any real problems with kids in my parish. There’s just the usual occasional fussing and fidgeting, or sometimes a kid will call out “Hi, Daddy!” (when Daddy is the reader or cantor). No problem, as far as I’m concerned.

But when the behavior is really over the top, the parents need to do something. Case in point: I was at the Christmas midnight Mass in my parents’ parish, and there was a little girl who was really disruptive. She ran up and down the aisles, then she ran up and down one of the empty pews (predominantly Jewish neighborhood, so church is never full). Next, she climbed onto the pew (seat portion), and ran back and forth on that for a while. Then, she started swinging one of the kneelers up and down, crashing it down over and over again with loud, banging noises. The whole time, she was jabbering and laughing. It was distracting to say the least; this was during the homily, and we all kept looking at the little girl. Finally, one of the parents took her outside, but they should have acted a lot earlier.

For me, a big no-no is for adults to have a conversation all through Mass. Sometimes, I just want to yell SHUT UP!

 

[DiscerningDave]

I understand people stating that things should not disrupt our worship, but geez, it is soooooooo hard sometimes.

Let me give you an example of what happened this a.m. We say the rosary as a group starting 30 mins before daily mass.I always kneel when saying the rosary, others sit. While we were in the middle of it, a lady enters the chapel and must have had 100 keys on her key chain. She jingled them the whole time until she sat down in the seat in front of me to my left. My hands overhang the seat in front of me and my rosary rests on the seat while it is in my hands. She puts her huuuuggggggeeee purse, that she could have put her keys in before entering the chapel, on the seat that my hands are over and my rosary is resting on. In doing this, she hits my hands with her purse. Totally rude and distractive (never said excuse me). Then she proceeds to talk to the woman next to her, who was obviously a friend. Saying a rosary by yourself is hard enough in trying not to get distracted and to stay focused, but with someone doing this, it makes it extremely difficult.

 

[gmarie21]

As a clarification to my posts, for the one or two people who have issues with “disruptive” children, the other parishoners usually comfort those who were corrected. And as for the one in my parish who does the correcting, she is also the same person who has been told more than once that her dog is NOT allowed in the church no matter how small he is. Other adorers usually love my daughter and interact with her on their way in and out of the chapel. Also, it is the parents of young children at my parish who seem to keep most of the parish running (especially the Eucharistic Adoration Chapel).

And I agree that if a “normal” child is extremely unrulely that they need to be removed for a while (something I do with my daughter on the very rare occassions). However, if the child is not a “normal” child and is very loud by his/her nature (severely autistic, etc.), that parent should NOT be expected to remove the child from mass. I wanted to tell my position b/c, while there are always extremes, it seems as if the ones who have issues with children and their parents have issues with the littlest peep. Not everyone worships the same (have you ever been to a Spanish mass?) and just as the Pope recognizes that fact depending on the culture he visits, we too must recognize that fact.

 

[Saint_Michael]

I think all Parishes should instill an old lady Mass where grumpy old ladies (and men) don’t have to be “annoyed by children”, then gather afterword and talk about how Vatican II ruined the Church, and a family Mass where Catholics with kids can feel comfortable if God forbid their two year old misbehaves, and they don’t have to be lambasted as terrible parents because their two year is doing what two year olds do.

In fact that’s my Mass no-no, old ladies giving overwhelmed Moms repeated nasty looks when her children are less than perfect. Turn around and mind your business…

 

[netmilsmom]

As a clarification to my posts, for the one or two people who have issues with “disruptive” children, the other parishoners usually comfort those who were corrected. And as for the one in my parish who does the correcting, she is also the same person who has been told more than once that her dog is NOT allowed in the church no matter how small he is. Other adorers usually love my daughter and interact with her on their way in and out of the chapel. Also, it is the parents of young children at my parish who seem to keep most of the parish running (especially the Eucharistic Adoration Chapel). .

Maybe showing her that putting in an effort to her feelings will change her heart.

It sounds like the people who are supporting you have a problem with this woman. Maybe giving in to what she needs would solve the problem.

 

[netmilsmom]

I think all Parishes should instill an old lady Mass where grumpy old ladies (and men) don’t have to be “annoyed by children”, then gather afterword and talk about how Vatican II ruined the Church, and a family Mass where Catholics with kids can feel comfortable if God forbid their two year old misbehaves.

In fact that’s my Mass no-no, old ladies giving overwhelmed Moms repeated nasty looks when her children are less than perfect. Turn around and mind your business…

I think that is a perfect solution.
Child free masses, child free restaurants, child free theaters. Why do people who are bothered by unruly children always have to be the ones to sacrifice? Let the parents sacrifice and go to the “Child’s Mass”.

I love kids and even when I didn’t have them, I would have chosen to go to the non child-free Mass. But many would greatly appreciate this idea.

 

[paramedicgirl]

Alright, I’ve finally had enough. I wasn’t going to comment on this matter as I viewed it as a distraction form the main topic. But it is a well known fact that, on average, Catholics only give a dollar a week to the Church. Now, given, people like us probably give more. Yet that just makes up for the people who don’t give anything. Somehow , then, I’d bet my bottom dollar that most of those duckets in the buckets are all most people are actually giving.

I was always taught that we should give 1 hour’s wages per week to the collection. So, the higher your income, the more you give. Then there are the additional collections, where we put in much higher amounts, for specific requests. I know the titles of these collections differ in the US, from what we call them in Canada.

 

[Maureen_Fiore]

I think all Parishes should instill an old lady Mass where grumpy old ladies (and men) don’t have to be “annoyed by children”, then gather afterword and talk about how Vatican II ruined the Church, and a family Mass where Catholics with kids can feel comfortable if God forbid their two year old misbehaves, and they don’t have to be lambasted as terrible parents because their two year is doing what two year olds do.

I think it is the 8:00am mass. That mass usually has old-timers attending that mass on a Sunday morning. I never see any children going to that mass.

 

[paramedicgirl]

Well, if any of you are ever in my neck of the woods, children are always welcome at our Masses. Our priest always encourages parents to bring their children, and when they head to the crying room with the little ones, the priest often tells them to stay.

We love children at our church.

 

[netmilsmom]

I was always taught that we should give 1 hour’s wages per week to the collection. So, the higher your income, the more you give. Then there are the additional collections, where we put in much higher amounts, for specific requests. I know the titles of these collections differ in the US, from what we call them in Canada.

I like the one hour’s wages idea.
My hubby wants to give 10%. With our house payment (and we bought a fixer-upper!) my kids wouldn’t eat!

But we do have to admit that Catholics are known to be cheap. We rationalize while the Protestants tithe that 10%.

I keep praying, “Oh Lord, I’m not asking for more money so I can have more things, but remember that we will give more when we have more!”

 

[netmilsmom]

Well, if any of you are ever in my neck of the woods, children are always welcome at our Masses. Our priest always encourages parents to bring their children, and when they head to the crying room with the little ones, the priest often tells them to stay.

We love children at our church.

We love children too.
As a wise lady said, “That child is so disruptive that I want to pick him up and smack his mother with him.”

 

[paramedicgirl]

We love children too.
As a wise lady said, “That child is so disruptive that I want to pick him up and smack his mother with him.”

 

[RCCDefender]

<< My number #1 no-no at Mass is worrying about what goes around you and allowing it to affect your own worship. >>

If I were able to see and hear the Mass and not notice an entire hour of jumping, climbing, waving, bouncing, whispering, singing, swinging things etc. around me, I guess there would be no problem. Unfortunately, I get very distracted when this is going on throughout the entire Mass.

Faith, maybe you should sit in the front pew at mass and put blinders on so you can’t see anything that’s not directly in front of you. Or better yet, why don’t you bring your dogs to mass and see how well they behave. After all, if you’ve trained them correctly they should be able to sit still and be quiet through out mass, right?

And the people were bringing children to him that he might touch them, but the disciples rebuked them. When Jesus saw this he became indignant and said to them, “Let the children come to me; do not prevent them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these. Amen I say to you, whoever does not accept the kingdom of God like a child will not enter it.” Then he embraced them and blessed tham, placing his hands on them. -Mark 10:13-16

I’m sure not all those kids were perfectly well behaved, either.

 

[Carrie_Andrews]

Well, to all of you that have children that need special attention during the Mass, I am glad you and your children are there.

And maybe those of you that are “Mass cops” should consider that maybe God wants them there in spite of you being disturbed? So take a Chill Pill.

So before you get all huffy, maybe that person that can’t control her two year old, or sixteen year old needs to hear about the love of God and eat His Flesh too? Maybe this is the only time they can get away from the trials and tribulations of life. Maybe your idea of a disruption is actually pretty good for that person at that time. I certainly am glad I am not judged for how I was when I was 40 much less 16 or 4.

The best weekend Mass we have is our Domingo Spanish mass. We have so many dear people that are there that need to hear about the hope of Christ that we can only get at the Mass. And there are so many young children there is not room in our crying room. And I thank God for everyone one of those children, whether they have a minor discipline issue or not. Because they need to be in Church. So if you are offended by gum or jeans or whatever maybe it is YOU who have the problem.

I totally agree with you!!! I always assume God’s working on me in some way when there are distractions. It maybe someone with bad breath, or an odor, or coughing or crinkleing plastic, etc… I think it makes us that much more attentive to the priest.
I used to bring my toddler niece to daily Mass. It was mostly seniors, and I know they felt blessed to have this little doll there!!! Right after 9-11-01 after Mass was ended she belted out the first verse of “God Bless America”,.

 

[Faith1960]

<< ]I, too, have a family friendly parish and consider it a blessing. My priest has no problem admonishing older who know better while encouraging tolerance to the younger children who have not yet learned proper manners. I prefer a loving environment to a strict, but quieter environment. >>

Maybe that’s one of the differences between you and I. I don’t view parents who allow their kids to be disruptive anywhere as fostering a loving environment.

 

[TradyDaddy]

At the Traditional Latin Mass, there are always several families with 7,8, sometime more children under the teenage years. They are almost always well behaved. So much so, that if you don’t consciously look for them, you won’ t hardly notice.

One reason for this, I believe, is that from the time they are born, they are brought up in the atmosphere of extreme reverence and quiet devotion during Mass. No hand clapping, no talking before and after Mass, no Childrens’ liturgies where they go off with other kids to a separate location and are deprived of adult supervision and roll models.

Lex Orandi, Lex Credendi… the form of worship dictates belief and behavior.

 

[Faith1960]

<< What amazes me is the “Me” of people who ignore their children. We are talking about a couple years of having to put in an effort for the comfort of others. Where is the common courtesy? If someone speaks to you, perhaps it is time to turn inward.

Honestly, I have no problem with children who misbehave. Kids were put on this earth to find their limitations. What I DO have a problem with is the attitude of the parents. My heart goes out to those who are trying to train their children how to behave. What I am agast at is attitudes of, “I need to pray so you adjust.” >>

Thank you! That’s what I’ve been trying to say but you said it so much better.

 

[Faith1960]

<< “Bring your family to the front to make it easier for them to focus on what is happening on the altar and for the time being your worship @ Mass is to spend it teaching your kids how to behave. This is your prayer.” >>

That’s a great idea, assuming those same parents would actually spend the time trying to teach their kids to behave instead of letting them plunk down in the aisle because junior likes sitting on the floor instead of a pew, letting them practice backbends over the front of the pew to where he looks like he’s going to fall on his head at any minute, or letting them munch away leaving crumbs and milk to dry on the pews and kneelers.