Mass obligation and anti-catholic family?

[DarkLight]

Something I’ve been thinking about with the holidays coming up. I have a very anti-Catholic family; I have not told them I’m in RCIA. It just didn’t seem like the sort of thing that was liable to do much other than ruin my mental health (I already have anxiety issues).

In any case, I’ll be likely to visit them over the holidays. If I end up at my grandparent’s there’s obviously no obligation because there’s no church I could possibly get to out there. But if I visit my parents - it’ll be almost impossible to get to mass without causing a big argument, possibly seriously hurting relations with my family and ruining the very little vacation time I get in a year from a high-stress job.

 

[Richard320]

If you haven’t been formally initiated into the Church, I don’t think you’re obligated to go to Mass. Check with your RCIA instructor.

But there’s going to be a blowup sooner or later, might as well get it over with now. Are you visiting family over Thanksgiving? That might be the time to drop the bomb.

 

[Don_Jackson]

Something I’ve been thinking about with the holidays coming up. I have a very anti-Catholic family; I have not told them I’m in RCIA. It just didn’t seem like the sort of thing that was liable to do much other than ruin my mental health (I already have anxiety issues).

In any case, I’ll be likely to visit them over the holidays. If I end up at my grandparent’s there’s obviously no obligation because there’s no church I could possibly get to out there. But if I visit my parents - it’ll be almost impossible to get to mass without causing a big argument, possibly seriously hurting relations with my family and ruining the very little vacation time I get in a year from a high-stress job.

Try a morning mass…For a long time, I’ve gone to morning mass acouple days a week, and it is always assumed I am out for a walk, or having a cup of coffee at starbucks…no body in my family would mind, but sometimes I don’t want to brag I’ve been to church, its something I do for the glory of God, not for acceptance by others.

Peace.

 

[DarkLight]

Try a morning mass…For a long time, I’ve gone to morning mass acouple days a week, and it is always assumed I am out for a walk, or having a cup of coffee at starbucks…no body in my family would mind, but sometimes I don’t want to brag I’ve been to church, its something I do for the glory of God, not for acceptance by others.

Peace.

Religious family - they’ll be up Sunday morning wanting me to go to church with them.

 

[ThePaladin]

Try a morning mass…For a long time, I’ve gone to morning mass acouple days a week, and it is always assumed I am out for a walk, or having a cup of coffee at starbucks…no body in my family would mind, but sometimes I don’t want to brag I’ve been to church, its something I do for the glory of God, not for acceptance by others.

Peace.

That might be a winner, with my only concern being that holiday masses are generally longer then your normal Sunday mass. That isn’t to say that is a bad thing, but the extended length of time gone might certainly raise some questions.

I have anxiety issues go, and I belong to a family who likes to bicker on the drop of a hat, so I get how these sorts of things go. However you choose to handle it, it may not be easy…Then again, Christ never said it would be easy

 

[agnes_therese]

Well, you’re going to have to tell them Sunday, but I can understand that you’re not looking forward to it.
Would there be any way you could visit your parents during the week, and “have” to be back home by Sunday?

 

[St_Francis]

DarkLight,
Can you just tell them you’re going out for a while and get to a Saturday evening Mass?

 

[DarkLight]

Well, you’re going to have to tell them Sunday, but I can understand that you’re not looking forward to it.
Would there be any way you could visit your parents during the week, and “have” to be back home by Sunday?

It’s enough distance that I’d be flying out, so that’s sort of difficult.

I…sort of want to tell them sometime that I’m well away from having to see them. It’s the sort of thing my mother would make my life as miserable as possible until I left over. And once flights are booked I’ll be stuck there.

DarkLight,
Can you just tell them you’re going out for a while and get to a Saturday evening Mass?

It’s a lot of time investment. I don’t know quite where the local church is, and I’d have to walk there and back.

 

[Allegra]

After your parents go to bed on Christmas Eve, climb out your bedroom window and go to Midnight Mass…Or just tell them that you are Catholic now.

 

[prodigal-sun]

If you are not formally recieved in the Catholic Church I do not believe you would be under the same obligation to go. If it were me I would not tell them until I was ready to go back home. I wouldn’t go to church with them and I would wait to the last day of the vacation before telling them. There is no readon to wreck the whole weekend when just a few hours before leaving would do.

Peace & prayers for you:shrug:

 

[DarkLight]

Actually, on further reflection, I think I’d like to be out of the country when my mother finds out.

 

[Allegra]

Actually, on further reflection, I think I’d like to be out of the country when my mother finds out.

Maybe you ought to tell her now, so that she has time to cool off before you see her in person. Then you can have a more indepth conversation about it when you see her in person.

 

[DarkLight]

Maybe you ought to tell her now, so that she has time to cool off before you see her in person. Then you can have a more indepth conversation about it when you see her in person.

Trust me, I’ve been through this before when I left their church. My mother does not have conversations about these things. Even if it’s been a few years. She delivers lectures.

Yes, my family sort of has issues.

 

[Swiss_Guy]

1. If you are in RCIA you don’t have an obligation to attend Mass yet. Although I can understand why you would want to.
2. You should just straight up tell them you are in RCIA. It might go better than you think, and sooner or later they will find out.

 

[Adonia]

Trust me, I’ve been through this before when I left their church. My mother does not have conversations about these things. Even if it’s been a few years. She delivers lectures.

So, she does not have any respect for you and the things that you do in life? Wow, that’s very sad.

I’m sorry, but I think that you should just tell her and ask her to respect your decision, as you respect her religious affiliation. Remember, Christ says that sometimes families will be torn up because of Him and this may be one of those times. You are going to have to tell her sooner or later and being honest is after all the best way to go. Good luck, I will pray for you.

 

[PJM]

=DarkLight;9931724]Something I’ve been thinking about with the holidays coming up. I have a very anti-Catholic family; I have not told them I’m in RCIA. It just didn’t seem like the sort of thing that was liable to do much other than ruin my mental health (I already have anxiety issues).

In any case, I’ll be likely to visit them over the holidays. If I end up at my grandparent’s there’s obviously no obligation because there’s no church I could possibly get to out there. But if I visit my parents - it’ll be almost impossible to get to mass without causing a big argument, possibly seriously hurting relations with my family and ruining the very little vacation time I get in a year from a high-stress job.

WWJD [What Would Jesus Do?]
Luke.14: 7 ***Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me, cannot be my disciple.” ***

ALWAYS this priority:

GOD FIRST [NO MATTER THE COST]
Exo. 20: [THE first Commandment]
And God spoke all these words, saying, "I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. "You shall have no other gods before me.”

FAMILY NEXT; BUT NEVER SUPERCEDES GOD

The Third Commandment:
“Remember to keep holy the Sabbath day”

WORK

SELF INTEREST

So your options seem to be:

Let your parents Know BEFORE HAND and that you’d like to visit Conditional on your RIGHT to attend Mass.

Or just stay home and go to Mass

God Bless yor and WELCOEM HOME

pat/PJM

 

[Julia_Mae]

Something I’ve been thinking about with the holidays coming up. I have a very anti-Catholic family; I have not told them I’m in RCIA. It just didn’t seem like the sort of thing that was liable to do much other than ruin my mental health (I already have anxiety issues).

In any case, I’ll be likely to visit them over the holidays. If I end up at my grandparent’s there’s obviously no obligation because there’s no church I could possibly get to out there. But if I visit my parents - it’ll be almost impossible to get to mass without causing a big argument, possibly seriously hurting relations with my family and ruining the very little vacation time I get in a year from a high-stress job.

I think it might be time to make a choice. If it becomes a huge deal, then it does. Or, are you waiting until it’s “too late” after Easter Vigil to tell them?

Write them an email or letter, tell them if you come for Christmas you are not willing to discuss it because you want to have a lovely time with them and they can say whatever now when they write back. Tell them you will be going to Mass for Christmas, either Christmas Eve or Christmas morning, their choice depending on what they have planned. But you are going. If they can’t deal with it, you’ll be skipping their house this year and hope things will settle down for lots of great Christmases to come.

Be positive, be firm, have the expectation things will work out, give the whole thing into the keeping of the Blessed Mother and the Holy Spirit and own up to your Faith. Or else go to Grandma’s for Christmas and do this next year.

No one said this was easy.

 

[grasscutter]

I agree with the others who have said that you don’t as of yet have an obligation to attend Mass. Also, since you are a self-supporting adult, it is your business what religion you choose to belong to. Could you bring yourself to just convey the information nonchalantly and refuse to be drawn into arguments? Anxiety issues would obviously make this difficult but what if you said something like (in rebuttal to their inevitable criticism/outrage), “Thank you so much for your opinion. This is what I have chosen for myself”. Repeat ad infinitum

Anyway, I’ll be rooting for you and will keep you in my prayers.

 

[IBombAtomically]

I don’t think you technically HAVE to, but I think you ought to go.

Just suck it up and tell your mom now. It’s tempting to keep putting it off, but believe me you’re not doing anyone any favors by blindsiding her on Christmas morning.

 

[revert_jen]

I…sort of want to tell them sometime that I’m well away from having to see them. It’s the sort of thing my mother would make my life as miserable as possible until I left over. And once flights are booked I’ll be stuck there.

As others have said, you do not have a Mass obligation until you are received into the Church. If your mother really will make this much of a fuss, perhaps it is best not to ruin the holidays. OTOH, if you wait until you get back to tell them, they will feel that you were being deceitful with them when you were there. So, on the whole, I’d tell them now, and give them a couple of months to calm down before you see them.

I pray that God will guide you to the right thing to do (whatever it is) and will help your family will see your movement toward the Church as motivated by your love of Jesus Christ, and will support you as far as they are able.

–Jen