Mass obligation and anti-catholic family?

[Deo_Gratias42]

Once I don’t need money from them I’m not going to visit a bunch. Unfortunately, where I am right now I have a lot of medical bills and neither money nor decent insurance to handle them. I’m making enough to support a normal adult, but not enough to support someone with a disability.

I’m just afraid…I’ve been close to losing my job from stress. I’ve been in bad spots before and I saw neither deities nor christians willing to help out. I’d rather take the prudential route and keep a roof over my head.

So what you’re saying is, you don’t trust in God’s divine providence that He will take care of your needs as He sees fit for your sanctification, so you’ll just brush him off and try to do things your own way. Good luck with that.

 

[DarkLight]

So what you’re saying is, you don’t trust in God’s divine providence that He will take care of your needs as He sees fit for your sanctification, so you’ll just brush him off and try to do things your own way. Good luck with that.

If he was going to take care of my needs, he could have very well started when I put up with a year of physical and sexual abuse because everything I had ever known up to that point said that was His will that I do so and it would be sinful to do otherwise. I believe he’d rather me use some sense than rush blindly into dangers with no benefit.

 

[maryjk]

If he was going to take care of my needs, he could have very well started when I put up with a year of physical and sexual abuse because everything I had ever known up to that point said that was His will that I do so and it would be sinful to do otherwise. I believe he’d rather me use some sense than** rush blindly into dangers with no benefit**.

Going to Mass at Christmas has become rushing blindly into danger with no benefit?

 

[revert_jen]

Because I’ve tried a lot of things last time we had a fight about religion, including everything that’s been mentioned in this thread?

Last time I refused to engage her she broke down crying and started talking about how I’m so lost in my own sinful ways that I can’t even respect my mother enough to listen to her. And obviously if I don’t want to explain everything I don’t have reasons and I just can’t bear to part with my sin long enough to hear reasons against it.

I came home from that visit and cried for two days straight. I’m not sure I could do that again.

The only advice I can offer is each morning when you get up (while you are there) say to yourself 15 times,“It’s not me, it’s her.” Because that’s true.

God bless you and watch over you, whatever you end up deciding to do!

–Jen

 

[MSSheBear]

Uh, DarkLight, so you depend on your parents financially? Trust me, it helps if you aren’t dependent on people who appear to me to emotionally abusive. So I will give you a piece of advice which I wouldn’t have appreciated either. Is there someone at your parish that you can talk about your whole family situation? By this I mean someone who works there.:idea: It is amazing how this can clarify your perspective.

Someday you will have to confront your parents about your beliefs.:bigyikes: Good luck. I love those smilies.

 

[momtojeam]

Hi DarkLight,

This is really hard… I’ve been there. I was raised in the “bible belt”, my parents are staunch evangelical/fundamentalists. I converted to Catholicism after 1 year in college (once I left the bubble… my first time finding out who the pope was). My father is extremely anti-catholic (I might as well have converted to Islam - they don’t think Catholics are christian). I told them that I was converting several months before I was to be received into the church. I didn’t tell them about the Easter Vigil ceremony… and they didn’t ask. The issue was, same as yours, what was I going to do on Sundays when visiting home. I sneaked out the first time, early Sunday morning, and was hammered when they discovered what I had done. My parents were genuinely concerned for my salvation… I spent lots of time on the phone and got numerous email from my father trying to convince me not to convert… telling me that the church is the ‘whore of babylon’, etc.

We eventually came to an understanding that they were either A) going to have to cut me off entirely (which included not attending my upcoming wedding) or B) agree to disagree and don’t never go back ‘there’.

We went with option B. My mother couldn’t stand the idea of pushing me away, so they agreed to come to the wedding. We now avoid the whole thing as much as possible.

Since there was sooo much drama when I went to mass behind their back, I asked a priest for his (name removed by moderator)ut before I made the next visit. His advice was to miss mass and avoid the family drama (as part of honor your father and mother)… mention it in confession upon return as “I missed mass through no fault of my own”… I did not have a car of my own when visiting.

Fast forward 6 years… I now have 4 kids. I live halfway across the country from my parents. Now that I am older, and have a family of my own, I do not actively hide my faith as I did in the past (probably never should have). Now that it has blown over, we pretty much avoid the fact that I’m Catholic. I don’t tell them when I have my children baptized (although they know that I do have them baptized). I have been praying for them, and for courage and good timing. Maybe someday God will use me to show them the light of the full truth (even though it’s hard for me to imagine that they would ever become catholic)…

I would encourage you to pray for your parents and seek the counsel of your pastor. Also, make sure you know the faith… you will need to defend and support your decision. The history of the church, as well as church tradition (and yes protestants have traditions too… eg. the word ‘Trinity’ is not in the bible), was a huge reason why I converted… I don’t think my points were heard at the moment, because my parents were not seeking the truth, but maybe they will recall what I said at some point in the future. Even if it doesn’t seem like they are listening to your side, it is important for them to know that you do have a concrete basis for your conversion (not just a new girl-friend/boy-friend).

Stay Strong!

 

[momtojeam]

I just want to clarify… I am not advocating for you to miss mass or a holy day of obligation. I’m not sure if the priests advice to do so was “right”… just wanted to let you know my experience.

It is a tough spot… my relationship with my parents, especially my father, has never been the same.

Mark 10: 29-30
Jesus said, “Amen, say to you, there is no one who has given up house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or lands for my sake and for the sake of the gospel who will not receive a hundred times more now in this present age: houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and lands, with persecutions, and eternal life in the age to come.”

 

[DarkLight]

Going to Mass at Christmas has become rushing blindly into danger with no benefit?

Uh, DarkLight, so you depend on your parents financially? Trust me, it helps if you aren’t dependent on people who appear to me to emotionally abusive. So I will give you a piece of advice which I wouldn’t have appreciated either. Is there someone at your parish that you can talk about your whole family situation? By this I mean someone who works there.:idea: It is amazing how this can clarify your perspective.

Someday you will have to confront your parents about your beliefs.:bigyikes: Good luck. I love those smilies.

It’s sort of hard to explain if you haven’t been in this sort of spot. There’s a nasty combination of PTSD on my part (not from them but my mother is good at setting off episodes), a very strict IFB view on their part, and some strongly suspected mental illness in my mother (which makes me more reluctant to respond harshly to her behavior). Plus, yes, the financial issues are difficult - I don’t know how I’d afford the various medical services I use, even just the co-pays on insurance are a strain.

 

[MSSheBear]

DarkLight, I will be praying for you. Yes, I realize you have very high medical bills which would make it difficult to for you right now to be financially independent. I hope this will change.

How can I say this? Okay, I have relatives who have been diagnosed with a mental illness. I have relatives who probably should have been. So when you are dealing with them it can be a delicate situation. My mother (age 84) has some form of dementia. Dealing with her can be difficult too. I assume there is someone in a professional capacity who can advise you what to do.

So you can try to avoid certain topics of conversations with your mother. Good luck since she will bring it up, right? The only other piece of advice is I have is not to invite them to the Easter Vigil. I wouldn’t answer the phone the weekend of the Vigil because I was afraid my mother would try something to keep me from going. You have some time to think about how to approach this, I believe.

 

[TinyButterfly]

Up thread you mentioned maybe going to visit them after Christmas. That might be a very good idea. All the tension surrounding attending an important holiday church service together is gone if you go later. It is just ratcheted up if it’s CHRISTMAS service, you know?

You could spend this Christmas peacefully at Mass where you live.

Later you could visit them. There would still be issues getting to Mass while you are there with them, but at least it would not be during the holiday when tensions are high and there are such huge expectations about doing what they have always done as a family with you.

I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. :hug1:

There’s a really good book, Boundaries, by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. It might help you as you separate from your parents and make choices that are very different from their choices.

My mom was VERY unhappy about my conversion. My dad and step-mother were also upset and I am sure both are concerned about my salvation. My dad has been much more respectful about it all than my mother, though.

This is who you are. This is what you have chosen. This is your life.

It does tend to make it very clear that you are separate from them, different from them…and some parents do not handle that well, no matter the “child’s” age.

Good luck.

 

[Candescent]

.

I understand the OP s reluctance, because this kind of reasonable discussion is not always possible.
My father disdains all organized religions. He is out actively stumping for Obama. He is obsessively and argumentively pro choice. Even tho I haven’t lived with him in 25 years, I will probably not tell him I am converting. He has no interest or capacity for understanding my reasons.