Mass or no mass? Please help!

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Jestergirl

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Hello everyone,

I was wondering if anyone would have the time to give me some advice, please.

I posted this question a couple of times to Ask an Apologist forum but cannot get a reply šŸ˜¦
I didnā€™t want to post it in an open forum because I donā€™t want to be upset by everyone saying how awful I am.

This is my problem -

I go to mass every Sunday with my parents. I like mass and love Jesus.
For what seems like ages now Iā€™ve been infactuated with the priest. Heā€™s amazing the person I wish I could be. He seems to have it all figured out.
I go to confession alot just to see him but I find myself being aggressive and rube just to get attention which is not like me at all. Despite this heā€™s still so kind.
I think about him all the time.
Iā€™ve not told him how I feel or told my parents and Iā€™m not going to.
This feeling I have is torture and I donā€™t like the person I am becoming.
The only solution I can see is to miss mass for a while. months or years to get this out my head.
I asked my parents if I could stop going to church to hang out with my friends and they said I could cause getting old enough to make my own decisions and they said they donā€™t want to force a religion on me.
I donā€™t intend to give up being catholic cause part of who I am but feel a break from mass would be the best thing for me right now to get these feelings for the priest out of my head. I canā€™t go to another church cause ages away and besides my parents would think it really weird.

Does anyone have any advice for me please???
 
There have been a lot of situations described on CAF. No one is going to tell you how awful you are. If someone did, another CAF member would put a stop to it.

Is it possible for you to attend Sunday Mass at a different time? From my experience, one priest would hold the first Mass and then, another priest would hold Mass scheduled later in the day.

I strongly advise you not to skip Mass. Your soul would suffer deeply because of this and it would upset Christ. Ask for Jesus and Mary for help. Ask for the saints for help. In fact, you might want to ask other CAF members to pray for your situation.

If you keep thinking about him, find something to remind you to stop doing it. I keep a few pictures of Christ and a few saints on my desk, near my bedside and my purse as daily reminders.

You should talk to the priest himself about it. You said he seems to have it figured it all out but he might not be aware of the extent of these feelings. You might want to mention these feelings in Confession. Write it down a piece of paper so you donā€™t end up talking about something else. Donā€™t be afraid to ask for help!

I will be keeping you in my prayers.
 
Jestergirl said:
Hello everyone,

I was wondering if anyone would have the time to give me some advice, please.

I posted this question a couple of times to Ask an Apologist forum but cannot get a reply šŸ˜¦
I didnā€™t want to post it in an open forum because I donā€™t want to be upset by everyone saying how awful I am.

This is my problem -

I go to mass every Sunday with my parents. I like mass and love Jesus.
For what seems like ages now Iā€™ve been infactuated with the priest. Heā€™s amazing the person I wish I could be. He seems to have it all figured out.
I go to confession alot just to see him but I find myself being aggressive and rube just to get attention which is not like me at all. Despite this heā€™s still so kind.
I think about him all the time.
Iā€™ve not told him how I feel or told my parents and Iā€™m not going to.
This feeling I have is torture and I donā€™t like the person I am becoming.
The only solution I can see is to miss mass for a while. months or years to get this out my head.
I asked my parents if I could stop going to church to hang out with my friends and they said I could cause getting old enough to make my own decisions and they said they donā€™t want to force a religion on me.
I donā€™t intend to give up being catholic cause part of who I am but feel a break from mass would be the best thing for me right now to get these feelings for the priest out of my head. I canā€™t go to another church cause ages away and besides my parents would think it really weird.

Does anyone have any advice for me please???
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Go to a different Catholic Church anyway, even if it is ā€œages awayā€ or your parents think that is weird. You are obligated to attend Mass because each Sunday is a Holy Day of Obligation, but you are not obligated to attend Mass at a particular Catholic Church. So, just go to a different Catholic Church for Mass. Problem solved.
 
Thanks Onjac but I canā€™t talk to him about it. And if anyone at school found out Iā€™d be humiliated.
There is another priest at the parish but he doesnā€™t say mass that often probably cause heā€™s so old.

Thanks for your suggestion Swizzle but my parents wouldnā€™t want me travelling that far on my own and theyā€™d think it wierd if i randomly asked ask them to go to a faraway church.

I feel so trapped. šŸ˜¦
 
If sheā€™s a kid how is she going to get to a different Church?:confused:

If my daughter wanted to go to a different Church - first of all she couldnā€™t because I wouldnā€™t let her. Secondly, sheā€™d better start spilling the beans!

Maybe talk to your mom about it.
 
sorry onjac when i wrote he had it all figured out I didnā€™t mean he had my feelings for him all figured out I meant he had life figured out and was really confident and knew who he was.
I wrote it poorly sorry.

Thanks truimphguy but I cant say to mum my Iā€™m in love with the priest. I just cant do it.

I think being away from church would be the best thing in the long run for me. I just hope Jesus doesnā€™t hate me.
 
Itā€™s surprisingly common to be attracted to a priest: they radiate goodness and thereā€™s something about them that is inherently attractive. I agree with who posted above: if you already see him in confession, express your feelings-- no one will find out because its in the seal of the confessional and you can be honest about it.

Skipping mass wonā€™t be the answer for you. If you must see him at mass and it is distracting you from whatā€™s really going on, say a prayer (many prayers!) to focus on what is actually happening at mass. But I really think talking to him or another priest in confession/spiritual direction will be more helpful than anything else.
 
triumphguy said:
If sheā€™s a kid how is she going to get to a different Church?:confused:

If my daughter wanted to go to a different Church - first of all she couldnā€™t because I wouldnā€™t let her. Secondly, sheā€™d better start spilling the beans!

Maybe talk to your mom about it.
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I didnā€™t realize she is a kid. I was thinking a young adult to be infatuated with her priest. Anyway, talking to her parents seems like it might be a good idea so they know why going to another Church might be something she needs to do if that helps her concentrate on Him instead of him.
 
**
Jestergirl said:
sorry onjac when i wrote he had it all figured out I didnā€™t mean he had my feelings for him all figured out I meant he had life figured out and was really confident and knew who he was.
I wrote it poorly sorry.

Thanks truimphguy but I cant say to mum my Iā€™m in love with the priest. I just cant do it.

I think being away from church would be the best thing in the long run for me. I just hope Jesus doesnā€™t hate me.
Click to expand...
If you canā€™t attend a different mass, youā€™re gonna have to talk to someone face-to-face aside from us. Itā€™s one thing to have feelings for the priest but being afraid to talk about it is another. Be courageous!

Ask the other priest (although he may be very old) for some spiritual advice. Call your parishā€™s office to schedule an appointment with him. You wouldnā€™t have to tell your parents why.

Like Iā€™ve said, donā€™t skip Mass. Nothing good comes out of skipping Sunday Mass. You might think itā€™s a good idea but itā€™s not.

In fact, if you have time, sit in front of the tabernacle and tell Jesus whatā€™s in your heart (non-verbally of course). Ask Him for help. He is always there to help you.
 
Why in the world would anyone tell this teenager to tell the priest she is in love with him? The priest does not need to be burdened with that, esp. in this day and age with all that is going on in the Church concerning inappropriate behaviors of some priests. The man does not need to hear thisā€“it will serve no good purpose, except to alienate him from his parishoner.

As intense as these feelings are, this will pass-that is the nature of teenage crushes. If the priest knew about this, it would seriously damage their spiritual relationship. You know, people do not have to tell everything. Some things can be kept to oneself out of prudence.

To the OP: you have to go to Mass, but unless you have a mortal sin on your soul, you do not have to go to Confession so often. Stay away from the priest. If possible, find another confessor when you need it, and do not allow yourself to be alone with the priest if it can be helped, until you get over this crush. Believe me, you will.

Find some activity to occupy your time, and develop your friendships with your peers. And pray for God to help you in the matter.
 
CB_Catholic said:
Why in the world would anyone tell this teenager to tell the priest she is in love with him? ā€¦
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:confused:

I must have missed that because I didnā€™t see that anyone told her to tell the priest, though someone did suggest she possibly seek the guidance of the other priest, the older one.
CB_Catholic said:
ā€¦To the OP: you have to go to Mass, but unless you have a mortal sin on your soul, you do not have to go to Confession so often. Stay away from the priest. If possible, find another confessor when you need it, and do not allow yourself to be alone with the priest if it can be helped, until you get over this crush. Believe me, you will.

Find some activity to occupy your time, and develop your friendships with your peers. And pray for God to help you in the matter.
Click to expand...
šŸ‘šŸ‘
 
SwizzleStick said:
:confused:

I must have missed that because I didnā€™t see that anyone told her to tell the priest, though someone did suggest she possibly seek the guidance of the other priest, the older one.

šŸ‘šŸ‘
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Yes, you missed itā€“in a post at the beginning of the thread, not the one you referred to above.
 
CB_Catholic said:
Yes, you missed itā€“in a post at the beginning of the thread, not the one you referred to above.
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Sorry about that. It didnā€™t strike me at the time. For some reason, I was thinking of something else and forgot to edit it out.

Iā€™ve already sent her a private message regarding that.

Thanks for catching that.
 
My sister used to call our version of this priest ā€œFather what-a-wasteā€.

I know this may sound a little off the wall, but try closing your eyes during mass. Helps you in more ways than just the obviousā€¦

Also, if you need to fix your gaze upon something, look up at the cross! Jesus knows all about our temptations. Let him purify it for you!! Thatā€™s what he does.

I never was attracted to nuns (for some reasonā€¦:rolleyes:) but believe me when I say that developing an infatuation for someone you see in church happens to the best of us! Lay off the confessions from Father what-a-waste for a while and see someone else.

I will pray for you. God bless you. Donā€™t EVER miss mass because of this!
 
Do not skip Mass. Skipping Mass would be a grave sin which could be a mortal sin if the three conditions are met.
 
CB_Catholic said:
Why in the world would anyone tell this teenager to tell the priest she is in love with him? The priest does not need to be burdened with that, esp. in this day and age with all that is going on in the Church concerning inappropriate behaviors of some priests. The man does not need to hear thisā€“it will serve no good purpose, except to alienate him from his parishoner.

As intense as these feelings are, this will pass-that is the nature of teenage crushes. If the priest knew about this, it would seriously damage their spiritual relationship. You know, people do not have to tell everything. Some things can be kept to oneself out of prudence.

To the OP: you have to go to Mass, but unless you have a mortal sin on your soul, you do not have to go to Confession so often. Stay away from the priest. If possible, find another confessor when you need it, and do not allow yourself to be alone with the priest if it can be helped, until you get over this crush. Believe me, you will.

Find some activity to occupy your time, and develop your friendships with your peers. And pray for God to help you in the matter.
Click to expand...
I agree, I had this problem and I had to get a new confessor and he said absolutely do NOT tell the priestā€¦so I didnā€™t and Iā€™m gladā€“it was the right decision.
 
CB_Catholic said:
Why in the world would anyone tell this teenager to tell the priest she is in love with him? The priest does not need to be burdened with that, esp. in this day and age with all that is going on in the Church concerning inappropriate behaviors of some priests. The man does not need to hear thisā€“it will serve no good purpose, except to alienate him from his parishoner.

As intense as these feelings are, this will pass-that is the nature of teenage crushes. If the priest knew about this, it would seriously damage their spiritual relationship. You know, people do not have to tell everything. Some things can be kept to oneself out of prudence.

To the OP: you have to go to Mass, but unless you have a mortal sin on your soul, you do not have to go to Confession so often. Stay away from the priest. If possible, find another confessor when you need it, and do not allow yourself to be alone with the priest if it can be helped, until you get over this crush. Believe me, you will.

Find some activity to occupy your time, and develop your friendships with your peers. And pray for God to help you in the matter.
Click to expand...
I disagree with you on that matter. A teenager with a crush on a priest is not uncommon and telling him would not be damaging like you seem to believe. Iā€™d like to hear a priestā€™s opinion, if possible, but Iā€™ve had this discussion with spiritual directors. It would be better to tell him rather than switch parishes or something, which could actually cause more scandal later on. Confront the issue head-on. Itā€™s nothing to be embarrassed about and it is something that can be easily handled if brought into the light.
 
Thanks everyone for your advice.

Iā€™m still unsure what to do though you all have good but different opinions.

I promised myself Iā€™d decide for tomorrow cause I canā€™t keep going on like this. It hurts my heart.
Iā€™m not going to confession today but I totally want to just to speak with him about anything. The church is like few mins away and Iā€™m allowed about locally by myself my mum doesnā€™t know how often I go to confession.
And Iā€™m sure Iā€™m an awful person cause I go to confession alot to see him not actually for the confession.

I know you all say dont stop mass but I think that might be my only option.

Also someone said about telling the older priest well no way heā€™s a mean scary bore who makes me mega nervous.

And also debate about whether to tell the priest someone said not to cause so scandel etc.
I just wanted to be totally clear that the priest iā€™m talking about has totally not done anything wrong or bad or inappropriate towards me.
He is totally professional kind and nice. I often argue with him in confession cause I messed up and like to be mean even though I like him. And heā€™s always totally calm and gives nice advice.

iā€™ll pray today and decide what to do for tomorrow.

Thanks everyone for your replies.
 
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