Mass or no mass? Please help!

[odile53]

To the OP: Infatuation with a slightly older person who is in a position of authority is probably one of the most common experiences of teenagers of both genders. Teenagers of both genders “fall in love with” adults in authority all the time, everyone from the cute new teacher to the parish priest to the family doctor to the guy at the gas station. There’s bound to be some sort of psychologic explanation for this experience, but I don’t know what that explanation would be.

The good news is that infatuation is a feeling. You don’t have to act out on feelings, as a matter of fact, most feelings will dissipate by themselves if you distract yourself from them. You’ve probably been infatuated with this priest for a couple of months, at the most. That’s not “ages.”

Thoughts only become a sin when you entertain them. Entertaining a thought or feeling means that someone welcomes it and hangs onto it as if it were a favorite pet. Rejecting a thought or feeling means that if it pops up, the person says a little prayer and then resolutely turns their thoughts to something ELSE. Anything else! And here’s a little trick: Your brain cannot manage two thoughts simultaneously. So distracting yourself from these thoughts will work if you’re persistent about it. If you reject the notion, God understands and gives you more graces to fight these thoughts. They can be fought, rejected, and gotten rid of in pretty short order.

Pray, and ask Mary to help guard your thoughts against impurity. Ask St. Michael to help you kick out and reject these thoughts and feelings which are not of God. Ask Jesus to take over your heart and mind in a good way and dispel those things which keep you from being His child.

Get busy. Intrusive feelings come to those who have a little too much time on their hands. Engage in more wholesome activities with people of your own age group. Hit the books and do more studying. Get involved in one of your school’s extracurricular activities. Do more physical activity, such as running, swimming, or bicycling. Help out with more chores at home. Find a new interest, and learn all you can about it. Volunteer in a hospital or a thrift shop.

By all means continue to go to Mass and receive the sacraments. If you need to go to confession, go to confession with the older priest, opt for an anonymous confessional, and state that you’ve been having thoughts and feelings about an adult at church. That should be plenty of information. I’m also thinking that the older, more experienced priest will be better prepared to give you good direction on this matter. I’m sure he’s encountered it before, and you are not weird.

Whatever you do, don’t go and try to act out on these feelings!

 

[Joan_M]

To the OP: Infatuation with a slightly older person who is in a position of authority is probably one of the most common experiences of teenagers of both genders. Teenagers of both genders “fall in love with” adults in authority all the time, everyone from the cute new teacher to the parish priest to the family doctor to the guy at the gas station. There’s bound to be some sort of psychologic explanation for this experience, but I don’t know what that explanation would be.

The good news is that infatuation is a feeling. You don’t have to act out on feelings, as a matter of fact, most feelings will dissipate by themselves if you distract yourself from them. You’ve probably been infatuated with this priest for a couple of months, at the most. That’s not “ages.”

Thoughts only become a sin when you entertain them. Entertaining a thought or feeling means that someone welcomes it and hangs onto it as if it were a favorite pet. Rejecting a thought or feeling means that if it pops up, the person says a little prayer and then resolutely turns their thoughts to something ELSE. Anything else! And here’s a little trick: Your brain cannot manage two thoughts simultaneously. So distracting yourself from these thoughts will work if you’re persistent about it. If you reject the notion, God understands and gives you more graces to fight these thoughts. They can be fought, rejected, and gotten rid of in pretty short order.

Pray, and ask Mary to help guard your thoughts against impurity. Ask St. Michael to help you kick out and reject these thoughts and feelings which are not of God. Ask Jesus to take over your heart and mind in a good way and dispel those things which keep you from being His child.

Get busy. Intrusive feelings come to those who have a little too much time on their hands. Engage in more wholesome activities with people of your own age group. Hit the books and do more studying. Get involved in one of your school’s extracurricular activities. Do more physical activity, such as running, swimming, or bicycling. Help out with more chores at home. Find a new interest, and learn all you can about it. Volunteer in a hospital or a thrift shop.

By all means continue to go to Mass and receive the sacraments. If you need to go to confession, go to confession with the older priest, opt for an anonymous confessional, and state that you’ve been having thoughts and feelings about an adult at church. That should be plenty of information. I’m also thinking that the older, more experienced priest will be better prepared to give you good direction on this matter. I’m sure he’s encountered it before, and you are not weird.

Whatever you do, don’t go and try to act out on these feelings!

This is, by far, the best and most comprehensive advice in this thread.

I would add is to pray to your Guardian Angel before each Mass, asking for his help in keeping your peace of soul and in not being distracted by the priest. What you are feeling IS infatuation. It will pass, in time.

You also need to practice sell-control, which is not easy, but necessary. Do not look at the priest. Do not try to meet with him to talk to him. If he is greeting people at the door of the church after Mass, slip by without looking at or speaking to him. Do not spend time day-dreaming about him. All of these things simply prolong the infatuation, which, while natural, is a total waste of time. The priest is consecrated to God, so he is not available to you.

Do NOT stop going to Mass.

 

[Albany]

Hey girl,

I disagree with the other comments. As a young girl myself I know how intense insane crushes can be and going to mass and seeing him each week won’t help you get over him. I don’t think you should stay away for a long time but taking a few weeks or months out will let you forget about him.

Remember priests are not perfect people and he’ll have flaws like everyone else.
And your not an awful person.

Also staying away from confession as you say you go to see him and not really point of sacrament but dont get cut up about it its not terrible behaviour just your age and hormones.

But some distance would do you good so missing mass might be the best thing. Especially if its alright with your parents.
And being with your friends will also help you forget about the priest.
Just don’t stop praying.

Also you said you posted in ask an apologist well they should have replied with some guidance its quite bad they didn’t.

Ill keep you in my prayers.

All the best,
Albany
xx

 

[onjac]

Hey girl,

I disagree with the other comments. As a young girl myself I know how intense insane crushes can be and going to mass and seeing him each week won’t help you get over him. I don’t think you should stay away for a long time but taking a few weeks or months out will let you forget about him.

Remember priests are not perfect people and he’ll have flaws like everyone else.
And your not an awful person.

Also staying away from confession as you say you go to see him and not really point of sacrament but dont get cut up about it its not terrible behaviour just your age and hormones.

But some distance would do you good so missing mass might be the best thing. Especially if its alright with your parents.
And being with your friends will also help you forget about the priest.
Just don’t stop praying.

Also you said you posted in ask an apologist well they should have replied with some guidance its quite bad they didn’t.

Ill keep you in my prayers.

All the best,
Albany
xx

If you’re talking about daily Mass, it wouldn’t be a bad thing. But I don’t see any reason why she should miss Sunday Mass unless she’s physically unable to. Prayers help, of course. Same with the support of friends and family.

But let’s not forget that Jesus is physically present in the Church. Why just settle with praying to Jesus for help when you can also visit Him?

 

[constantconvert]

Aw hon, I feel for you. But these feelings are very very common. They will go away I promise. If you can go to another mass, I think that would be a good idea, but don’t skip mass all together. If he says the only mass you can go to then just keep going to that one. Time will weaken your feelings. Tell Mary how you feel. She is a woman, and can relate to those teenage infatuations, I’m sure. Just don’t dwell on your feelings. When they pop up, just pray or do something to distract yourself.

 

[Jestergirl]

Hi all thanks for all your opinions and advice.

I’m sorry but I’ve decided not to go to mass tomorrow.

I prayed a decade of the rosary before lunch then again after dinner and I just feel its the best thing for me to do.

I said to my mum about being with friends tomorrow instead and she I could. We’re going for a McDonalds then maybe to cinema or just hang at the house.

Hopefully I will get over my feelings soon.

 

[SwizzleStick]

Hi all thanks for all your opinions and advice.

I’m sorry but I’ve decided not to go to mass tomorrow.

I prayed a decade of the rosary before lunch then again after dinner and I just feel its the best thing for me to do.

I said to my mum about being with friends tomorrow instead and she I could. We’re going for a McDonalds then maybe to cinema or just hang at the house.

Hopefully I will get over my feelings soon.

It is not the best thing for you to do. Choosing to miss Mass to go to McDonalds, a movie and then maybe have friends over instead is grave matter. If you are a minor, it is grave matter for your parents to allow you to choose that since it is their responsibility to see that you fulfill your Sunday obligation. I strongly recommend that you avoid sin and go to Mass.

 

[Jestergirl]

It is not the best thing for you to do. Choosing to miss Mass to go to McDonalds, a movie maybe have friends over instead is grave matter. If you are a minor, it is grave matter for your parents to allow you to choose that since it is their responsibility to see that you fulfill your Sunday obligation.

Hey my parents are great you can’t say that about them.

I totally agree with you about missing mass though but I don’t plan to skip it for long just until my feelings go away. And if i’m missing mass to not think about him i think it best to distract myself.

 

[MissBorgia]

Aw hon, I feel for you. But these feelings are very very common. They will go away I promise. If you can go to another mass, I think that would be a good idea, but don’t skip mass all together. If he says the only mass you can go to then just keep going to that one. Time will weaken your feelings. Tell Mary how you feel. She is a woman, and can relate to those teenage infatuations, I’m sure. Just don’t dwell on your feelings. When they pop up, just pray or do something to distract yourself.

That is one of the most wonderful things i have heard in a very long time. Not a teen but still have the feelings of infatuation. thank you.

to Jestergirl, you should take that to heart is well. Our Lady loves you and wants you to go to Mass. Think of the Good Father as Jesus Himself standing there.

 

[cessnawag]

It is perfectly natural to have these feeling about a priest or a teacher or someone in an authority position. It is part of being a teenager. Just remeber he is a married man(to the church). These feelings will go away with time. I know it is difficult for you now. I will pray for you.

 

[SwizzleStick]

It is not the best thing for you to do. Choosing to miss Mass to go to McDonalds, a movie and then maybe have friends over instead is grave matter. If you are a minor, it is grave matter for your parents to allow you to choose that since it is their responsibility to see that you fulfill your Sunday obligation. I strongly recommend that you avoid sin and go to Mass.
Jestergirl;9261719:

Hey my parents are great you can’t say that about them.

I totally agree with you about missing mass though but I don’t plan to skip it for long just until my feelings go away. And if i’m missing mass to not think about him i think it best to distract myself.

.

Say what about them? I merely pointed out that if you are a minor, it is grave matter for your parents to allow you to choose to skip Mass since it is their responsibility to see that you fufill your Sunday obligation. That is the truth. It may not be grave sin for them because they may not realize their responsibilities to you or may be unable to enforce with you, but it is grave matter.

I’m curious about something. If you were infatuated with a teacher, would you decide it was a good idea to just skip school or that particular class until your feelings went away? Or, would you talk to your parents about it and ask for their help in dealing with the situation, maybe ask them to have you transferred to another class or something like that? The reason I ask is because choosing to just not attend is not a solution. It just creates more problems. You must go to Mass just as you must go to school.

 

[Jestergirl]

Say what about them? I merely pointed out that if you are a minor, it is grave matter for your parents to allow you to choose to skip Mass since it is their responsibility to see that you fufill your Sunday obligation. That is the truth. It may not be grave sin for them because they may not realize their responsibilities to you or may be unable to enforce with you, but it is grave matter.

I’m curious about something. If you were infatuated with a teacher, would you decide it was a good idea to just skip school or that particular class until your feelings went away? Or, would you talk to your parents about it and ask for their help in dealing with the situation, maybe ask them to have you transferred to another class or something like that? The reason I ask is because choosing to just not attend is not a solution. It just creates more problems. You must go to Mass just as you must go to school.

I never really thought of it that way and your right. If it was a teacher which no way would it ever be cause hate school but if it was I’d just have to live with it. I cant miss school even if wanted to so I’d have to go but I am allowed to miss mass and can do that if I need to.

Thats not to argue cause I totally kind of agree with you but thats how it is.
I already said to parents and friends so have to miss mass today but I’ll think about it all again for next week.

Thanks for posting and trying to help.

 

[Jane_of_Arc]

If she’s a kid how is she going to get to a different Church?

 

[SwizzleStick]

I never really thought of it that way and your right. If it was a teacher which no way would it ever be cause hate school but if it was I’d just have to live with it. I cant miss school even if wanted to so I’d have to go but I am allowed to miss mass and can do that if I need to.

Thats not to argue cause I totally kind of agree with you but thats how it is.
I already said to parents and friends so have to miss mass today but I’ll think about it all again for next week.

Thanks for posting and trying to help.

Glad you are thinking about it. And, you are welcome!

Really, I think you should talk to your parents. They love you. I would think they would want to help you get through this in a way that is best for you and your entire family. They cannot help you unless they know there is a problem. So, I think you should just talk to them. Maybe they would agree to go to another Church to help you get through this or at least go to the Masses at your own Church to avoid the priest that distracts you so. I think you should talk to your folks. They were your age once too and might be more understanding than you realize.