Mass: Parish or Priest?

[KingAlfred]

Should one’s selection of a parish be based on location, parish-choice, or the priest? I know the official response – go where you are assigned, and stay there, always. But…I just can’t. I don’t have the patience for priests who are out in ‘left field’, so to speak, and often find myself wandering from parish to parish. I’m wandering now. Our parish priest disappeared, without explanation, and was replaced by a retired bishop whose sermons I just can’t sit through. Now I’m looking for another parish. This is getting old. As a recluse, I’m accustomed to doing everything alone, but now I especially feel no sense of religious community. Guidance, please.

 

[Phemie]

I’ve often said that I don’t go to Mass for the priest. Priests come and go but the parish remains. I opt to stay and try to do my part to make it the best parish it can be. Having had 5 pastors in the last 10 years has been a major stress on my parish but many of us have just hung on and tried to do our best in spite of the situation.

 

[acadian]

You do what you need to do.

I have been in a postition where our pastor was replaced. I stayed around for nearly a year, but in the end, I couldn’t deal with his replacement, who was just too self-centered and arrogant for my tastes.

I walked away from the church for a number of years, and when I looked for a church to join, I certainly looked to see who the pastor was. That being said, the pastor of the church I joined was moved about a year and a half ago, but I have remained at my parish and have come to really appreciate our new pastor. It is certainly not all about the priest, but they DO have role.

Just as a school is not all about the principal, a good principal can make a tough school tolerable or have every body in a “good” school running to human resources asking for a transfer. Same with priests. They are human, and so are we.

 

[JRKH]

Should one’s selection of a parish be based on location, parish-choice, or the priest? I know the official response – go where you are assigned, and stay there, always. But…I just can’t. I don’t have the patience for priests who are out in ‘left field’, so to speak, and often find myself wandering from parish to parish. I’m wandering now. Our parish priest disappeared, without explanation, and was replaced by a retired bishop whose sermons I just can’t sit through. Now I’m looking for another parish. This is getting old. As a recluse, I’m accustomed to doing everything alone, but now I especially feel no sense of religious community. Guidance, please.

Just my 2c worth, unless the priest is actually doing something that is against canon law, or the rubrics or something of that nature you should stay put. There are exceptions of course, such as if you prefer the EF and it is not offered at your parish. However, a poor homily is a poor reason to shift parishes.
I would suggest that you pray quietly during the sermon. Meditate upon Christ’s sorrow that His disciples could not understand him.
“Do You still not understand…?”.
How frustrated Jesus must have become at times with the apostles denseness, yet He did not abandon them or us. Offer up your “suffering” through the poor preaching, and unite it with Christ’s suffering.
Your complaint actually reminds me of the Jews who abandoned Jesus due to His teaching on the Eucharist. They said, “This is Hard Teaching,… Who can Endure it” (paraphrased).

In sum my advise is to examine why you feel the need to “parish hop”. It appears that you have found something to complain about at every parish you have attended, so the problem seems to lie more with you. Pray - and ask the Lord for guidance on how you can better appreciate where he has put you and grow in grace and holiness.

Peace
James

 

[Navarre]

Should one’s selection of a parish be based on location, parish-choice, or the priest? I know the official response – go where you are assigned, and stay there, always. But…I just can’t. I don’t have the patience for priests who are out in ‘left field’, so to speak, and often find myself wandering from parish to parish. I’m wandering now. Our parish priest disappeared, without explanation, and was replaced by a retired bishop whose sermons I just can’t sit through. Now I’m looking for another parish. This is getting old. As a recluse, I’m accustomed to doing everything alone, but now I especially feel no sense of religious community. Guidance, please.

1.) Wherever you will actually attend Mass.

2.) Wherever you will be nourished.

 

[LeroyCRHP]

It’s tough as we expect inspiration from our Priests and great homilies. However the real blessings come from the mass and receiving communion. There are on line homilies that you can listen to.

Become a minister of welcome.

Meeting and getting to know people in the church and giving back to people in the church and community.

I was not comfortable until I felt I was doing many other activities in our church and while Mass is the most important event of every week, I needed to give something back.

 

[malphono]

Should one’s selection of a parish be based on location, parish-choice, or the priest? I know the official response – go where you are assigned, and stay there, always. But…I just can’t. I don’t have the patience for priests who are out in ‘left field’, so to speak, and often find myself wandering from parish to parish. I’m wandering now. Our parish priest disappeared, without explanation, and was replaced by a retired bishop whose sermons I just can’t sit through. Now I’m looking for another parish. This is getting old. As a recluse, I’m accustomed to doing everything alone, but now I especially feel no sense of religious community. Guidance, please.

I suspect your reason is not that this retired bishop is a poor homilist, but may well have something to do with the content of the homilies, plus, perhaps, odd-ball liturgical practices (they often seem to go hand-in-hand). If that’s correct, I think I understand your dilemma, since something similar happened to me some 15 years ago.

In any case, I have never been one for the “go where you are assigned” philosophy. Nor would I suggest making a choice based on a particular priest, mainly because in (relatively) recent times pastors and associates seem to be in a revolving door and come and go all too frequently, so in a year you might well end-up right back where you are now.

So what to do? It depends, I suppose, on where you’re located, what you prefer, and what kind of options are available. For example, if you’re an “EF person” and are fortunate enough to have an ICRSS or FSSP “personal parish” in the area, that would probably be worth investigating. From what I gather, such communities are often more stable in outlook than territorial parishes. If there are Eastern/Oriental parishes nearby and you lean towards that, one of those might be another viable possibility.

Now, if you’re an OF person and/or your choices are limited to OF parishes, it seems to me you’d have to investigate and choose based on the history and community culture of each parish.

 

[Cluny]

But…I just can’t. I don’t have the patience for priests who are out in ‘left field’, so to speak, and often find myself wandering from parish to parish. I’m wandering now.

---

Have you ever read the Screwtape Letters by C. S. Lewis?

He speaks to this VERY issue about the spiritual dangers of looking for a parish or priest that “suits” you.

 

[withwind]

As a recluse, I’m accustomed to doing everything alone, but now I especially feel no sense of religious community. Guidance, please.

If you look for another parish, then I think you will find yourself keep looking for parish once in few years - you will not find a sense of your home parish.

If you get more involved with a parish, then you will probably answer your question easier.

 

[m134e5]

Should one’s selection of a parish be based on location, parish-choice, or the priest? I know the official response – go where you are assigned, and stay there, always. But…I just can’t. I don’t have the patience for priests who are out in ‘left field’, so to speak, and often find myself wandering from parish to parish. I’m wandering now. Our parish priest disappeared, without explanation, and was replaced by a retired bishop whose sermons I just can’t sit through. Now I’m looking for another parish. This is getting old. As a recluse, I’m accustomed to doing everything alone, but now I especially feel no sense of religious community. Guidance, please.

Go ahead and find a new parish. Ideally, we go to the parishes we live closest to (dioceses have geographical parish boundaries- we aren’t obligated to join the church whose parish we live in anymore like Catholics used to be, but it is still good to do so- to help dioceses plan where new parishes are made, old ones disbanded, and existing ones either split or merged). Sometimes, however, there are more important things in choosing a parish than it’s location. You have to do what you have to do to take care of your spiritual life.

 

[EasterJoy]

Go ahead and find a new parish. Ideally, we go to the parishes we live closest to (dioceses have geographical parish boundaries- we aren’t obligated to join the church whose parish we live in anymore like Catholics used to be, but it is still good to do so- to help dioceses plan where new parishes are made, old ones disbanded, and existing ones either split or merged). Sometimes, however, there are more important things in choosing a parish than it’s location. You have to do what you have to do to take care of your spiritual life.

I asked our pastor this same question, and he said the same thing. It isn’t that you should “parish-shop” for a place made up of people who are self-contented about the same things you are self-contented about, as if you were “doctor-shopping” for a physician that tells you what you want to hear instead of what you need to hear. It is like finding a physician and a local hospital that you believe to be fully competent and where you will be happy to be a compliant patient. You may not agree with him on everything, but you believe him to be a competent person to have professional care of you.

 

[Plainsman]

OK. I’ve read all your posts on this topic and there’s a lot of good advise, relevant observations, etc., but nobody has specifically addressed my/our problem at our parish. While I don’t wish to hijack this thread, please hear my plea.

We have a priest who is, generally speaking, a good priest in terms of his orthodoxy, but he is the pits when it comes to his people skills. He either ignores certain folks or at least, puts them off. I continue to find people who’ve had similar experiences. I encounter them in the local stores where I see them and ask where they’ve been, having missed them at church. That’s when I learn that they were ignored by our priest enough that they quietly left our parish and began to attend a nearby parish church. Some of this “ignoring” includes such things as not visiting the sick (not totally, but too often), not responding to requests for personal counseling or visits with teenagers, etc., - that sort of thing - the kinds of things that priests are generally known for and looked to for help.

I’ve inquired of several of my fellow parishioners and learned that even more folks than I realized, have left our parish. We’re not big enough that we can afford to lose very many people or we’re going to get closed down, I’m afraid.

My inclination is to go to the priest and share my concerns with him, but given our relationship, I’m not sure he would accept my (name removed by moderator)ut in the spirit in which it is offered, if at all.

I’m reluctant to complain to the diocese because that kind of complaint is frequently looked upon as simply coming from a disgruntled parishioner.

I suppose I could picket before Mass or something subtle like that, but I don’t have the guts.

Any ideas?? Suggestions??