Mass-with or without your older children

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We have so many choices of when to go to Mass.

Saturday night, two on Sunday morning, one Sunday late afternoon/early evening and one well into the evening are all options at our parish.

Seems, when I attend one of the masses on Sunday evening, I see numerous young people. And I generally see their parents at the Sunday morning masses.

It seems quite common for young people to start to move away from Mom and Dad’s faith and into their own.
 
Yes, I will speak in his defense. The mass is certainly a communal event, but the “binding” should be focused to the Church, not really towards our immediate family. I feel like to primary reason to attend Mass with my kids is to teach them to always attend Mass. As they get older, that work is largely done. Bonding with them has never seemed like an important reason.
 
All families eventually divide.

Or we would see great grandparents with their children, with their children and with their children.

People grow up, we hope and pray that they will continue their journey. Sometimes their journey takes them to a different Mass, sometimes to a different parish.
 
If it is important to you that Mass as a family occur, why can’t you and the younger kids join the teenagers at their preferred time? That seems like a compromise that could work.
 
13pollitos said:
If it is important to you that Mass as a family occur, why can’t you and the younger kids join the teenagers at their preferred time? That seems like a compromise that could work.
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It could, but depends on why the teens like that time. If it’s related to music or liturgy or simply the time it would work. If it’s that it’s the Masz their friends attend or attending Mass with your parents is not ‘cool’ then I wouldn’t rwcommend it.

For the former I would suggest the whole family going together, not every week but maybe once a month, or whatever could be worked out.
 
I guess I’m the odd one out here as when I lived at home during my teen and young adult years, I always went to Mass with my parents as a family. However, my parents routinely went to the latest Sunday Mass, either around noon or at 6 in the evening, so I was not getting rousted out of bed. Nor was I involved in any sort of teen church activities like choir, LifeTeen etc that required me to attend a particular Mass time.

Many teens in my day were attending Mass on their own and they weren’t doing it in a reverent way. They would be dressed in ratty looking outfits and hanging out in the vestibule socializing for most of the Mass, and leave as soon as they could get away. My mother disapproved of that and generally disapproved of teens being at Mass without their parents. I am not saying the OP’s kids act like this, as there are likely teens who are responsible Mass goers, but I also think there are some good points to having Mass be a family activity. Often if we attended the noon Mass we would go out for lunch afterwards, thus extending the family time.
Elf01 said:
attending Mass with your parents is not ‘cool’
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Not sure if I see this as a valid reason to let teens go on their own. I know I went through several years in my early teens when going anyplace with one’s parents, or younger siblings if you had any, was not “cool”. While not everything has to be done as a family, and it might make sense to let kids go to the pizza parlor or sports event with their pals, Mass is not an activity that revolves around looking “cool”, it is community and family time.
 
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Tis_Bearself said:
Not sure if I see this as a valid reason to let teens go on their own. I know I went through several years in my early teens when going anyplace with one’s parents, or younger siblings if you had any, was not “cool”. While not everything has to be done as a family, and it might make sense to let kids go to the pizza parlor or sports event with their pals, Mass is not an activity that revolves around looking “cool”, it is community and family time.
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It’s not so much a case of it being valid so much as as long as they are going to Mass
Tis_Bearself said:
Many teens in my day were attending Mass on their own and they weren’t doing it in a reverent way. They would be dressed in ratty looking outfits and hanging out in the vestibule socializing for most of the Mass, and leave as soon as they could get away.
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And that wasn’t happening it wouldn’t be a battle I’d be willing to fight. While I don’t think a parent should do everything to make their child ‘cool’, I do think some compromise can be reasonable.
 
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Elf01 said:
It’s not so much a case of it being valid so much as as long as they are going to Mass
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Well, if you want to be in the camp of “at least they’re going to Mass” without teaching the greater lessons about attitude, why we go, being part of a community, de-emphasizing “looking cool” in relation to Mass, and the importance of family, then fine.

I personally think just checking off a Mass attendance box, “I showed up”, is pretty hollow if the other lessons aren’t also being taught.

I agree this does not sound like a problem in the OP’s case however, so I will leave it at that because I don’t want to derail the thread.
 
I don’t know how this discussion got so heated! The way I see it, taking your kids to Mass is getting them to experience God. Once the kids are old enough, I don’t see how making them go with the family does anything. If they want to, fine, but it’s important for to have a sense of God, and for it to grow. Most people want to see their kids on their own, eventually. If it starts with Mass, who are we to judge?
 
I don’t necessarily disagree. I was always happy to see my kids developing their own relationship with God and His saints. However, if parents feel the need for whatever reason to attend Mass as a family, I think it is ideal for the parent to be the one to bend.

Thank God for the ability to opt for various times to attend Mass! Many of us do not have that choice where we live. We are down to one, or at most two, times within driving distance to choice from every weekend. One parish has a Saturday vigil Mass and the other has a Sunday morning Mass. I know many other areas in the same situation as ours. I also know a few people that the closest Mass is over an hour drive and it is only one Mass unless they opt to drive another 45 mins to a different parish. People need to thank God for the opportunity to be in a place where such debates are even an option.
 
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If going to mass is how a teen looks cool in their clique, then, I am ALL FOR looking cool!
 
Agreed with a few exceptions. One being if the cool Mass goers are the ones that are disrupting Mass or simply going to Mass and actively going against church doctrines. There is absolutely no indication that is the case in the OP so I doubt it is an issue.
 
13pollitos said:
Agreed with a few exceptions. One being if the cool Mass goers are the ones that are disrupting Mass or simply going to Mass and actively going against church doctrines. There is absolutely no indication that is the case in the OP so I doubt it is an issue.
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Disrupting Mass? In what way? I’m sure it happens, but I can’t imagine that it happens often, that teens go to Mass to disrupt it???

In addition, if the teen is living a life that is against church doctrines, but is going to Mass with their parents, how is that better than going to Mass without their parents?

It is seems to be a natural progression. Children grow up. As they do that, they do more and more on their own. Why would church be different?
 
Tis_Bearself said:
Mass is not an activity that revolves around looking “cool”, it is community and family time.
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Perhaps this is nit-picking, perhaps not. I do see mass as part of “community time” to use your phrase, which seems apt. I do not know if I see it as “family time”. If we stress the family aspects of it, we seems to be downplaying the communal nature of it, which is not a good thing. While I certainly enjoy going to mass with my family, especially with my wife, I do not think it makes any difference to me as to what I get out of mass.
This is all rather philosophical, just using the phrase “family time” with regards to mass seems a bit off to me for some reason. I am not for sure my above paragraph captures why, but it does and its the best I can come up with.

I think I will stick to what I wrote a couple of days ago, the primary reason to attend mass with kids is to teach them to attend mass (and to attend properly, your above criticism of teenagers behavior is noted).
 
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I think this could be a trust issue.

The teen wants to see if parents really trust him/her. So he/she says, “I would like to go to Mass with my friends instead of the family.”

And then he/she waits.

If Mom/Dad says, “Absolutely not!” then many teens will think, “They don’t trust me,” and resentment starts to build up, especially if the teen is dependable, studies adequately, and participates in family activities.

If Mom/Dad says, “Sure, that’s great! Enjoy Mass, and say Hi to your friends for me!” the teen will be thrilled that his/her parents truly trust him/her, and he/she will strive even harder to keep the trust.
 
I just find it amazing how many people actually have multiple Mass times to chose from each weekend. The fact that people can have an endless debate about it blows my mind. Parents get to chose what works for their individual families and there really isn’t a one size fits all in life. Besides, having numerous choices in Mass time and style is a blessing. Be thankful you live in an area that has a large enough Catholic population to support that. Add some prayers for those of us that live where that isn’t the case. I know many people that drive an hour or more to the one Mass in their area.
 
There is no trust issue at all with my kids. They are teens, but they have had a tremendous community of support growing up and I have no reason to think that they aren’t going to Mass.
For those who are suggesting my priorities are not straight because Mass should be about Our Lord, and not family bonding, you are mistaken. I know full well while I am at Mass, thank you very much. How in the world you reached such a conclusion by my question, which I indicated in the first place was really just a curiosity about other families, you may want to examine.
Thanks to the rest of you for sharing your family stories, I am grateful to learn about the different approaches.
 
exiled1 said:
For those who are suggesting my priorities are not straight because Mass should be about Our Lord, and not family bonding, you are mistaken. I know full well while I am at Mass, thank you very much. How in the world you reached such a conclusion by my question, which I indicated in the first place was really just a curiosity about other families, you may want to examine.
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At the end of your first post, you said:
exiled1 said:
There is also a family bonding that I think we miss out on by not going together.
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No one is saying your priorities are out of order, just pointing out that Mass isn’t really the place for family bonding.
 
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