Masturbation: A desperate wife needs to know

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Christin,
I just watched an episode of Fr. Corapi’s “Surrender is NOT an option” on EWTN (Mondays, 1pm EST). It is very inspiring and motivating, and seems to be targeted towards men. He frequently spoke of addictions (incl. pornography) and being like good soldiers, e.g. not surrendering and never leaving fallen comrades behind.

fathercorapi.com/Surrender-is-NOT-an-Option-4-Talks-P269C84.aspx
 
christin said:
I
Although I understand where you’re coming from, I, being an addict, understand that it’s not as simple as me “meaning more” to him than the addiction and I fear that leaving him might be the bottom that he needs to get the willingness to stop.
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That’s exactly what I meant. I too am a non-drinking alcoholic, so I know the pangs of addiction. But I also know that my wife was one of God’s means of saving me from the slavery to addiction. She was strong enough to put down an ultimatum – “booze or me.” She wouldn’t marry me if I kept drinking.

This was before we were married. As an alcoholic, I knew I had a problem and I hated being addicted. Through my desire for my wife, and God’s graces (from confession) I was able to break the addiction (I say “I” but really it is God’s strength that is in me because of my willingness to accept his grace).

We are not merely physical creatures, we are spiritual as well. As such, addiction is not purely physical, it is also moral. We make a decision every time we indulge it. You just may be his means to salvation yet.

Does he know how much you are suffering? That would be enough to make me want to stop. Let him know. Pray to St. Paul for courage. You are in my prayers.
 
*I’m kind of taken aback by some of the replies you have received…especially those that suggest your husband could be gay, or not attracted to you. And that’s the sum total of it.

There is a social group in here that was started by a poster…it’s called ‘‘For women dealing with unchastity.’’ I think that is the title of it, if you do a search for social groups, you should be able to find it. I’m not a member, but you have to become a member to view its contents. I suggest this to you, because you will see, that you are not all alone out there as a wife dealing with a husband addicted to porn and masturbation. The problem is that the addiction has tainted your husband’s view of true, holy marital sexuality. Perhaps in his eyes, if it’s not dirty, and immoral…then, it’s not really sex. He also might have a hard time become aroused by you, not because it’s you, but because of how he views sex. And because he can only be aroused by women who will do things on screen or whatever, that is immoral. You represent his wife and holiness, and that could very well be why he shuns you, and would rather be with porn and himself. (I’m guessing, but from what I have read about this subject, it seems to be the central theme among addicted men) There is a strong element of shame with addicts of all types–and with sex addicts, they often feel such shame, that they turn away from a healthy sex life with their spouse, to turn to the very thing that makes them ashamed…a vicious cycle.

Since this is becoming a growing problem in the world between married couples–I HIGHLY encourage you to check out that support group, because again, you’ll see that a) you’re not alone and b) you won’t be made to feel that you are to blame somehow for your husband’s addiction. Your husband needs help…serious counseling and a desire to change. You can’t change him. It’s not about you, your body type, you’re fat or thin, bla bla…it’s NOT. This isn’t about you competing with other women…he has an addiction, that he needs help in overcoming. Through counseling, prayer, and your support…you and he can come out to a much better place–beyond your wildest dreams. But, it takes work…it really does. I have never personally dealt with what you’re going through, but my dh and I viewed porn early on in our marriage–it was a mutual thing at that time. I look back at those days, and can’t believe we did that, but porn is addicting, in the sense that it creates a fantasy life for the viewer. We thought it was ok because we viewed it together, but looking back as a strong Catholic woman now, I just shake my head as to what we EVER SAW in that garbage. But, your husband isn’t there, yet…he can get there, with God, all things are possible! :o (we were not addicted per se…but, I can see that if someone views enough garbage over time, it can seep into your mind, and just become a habit…an addiction…something your husband probably almost views compulsively.) The problem with such an addiction, is that it makes wives feel very inferior…I don’t blame you for feeling that way…It’s very natural to feel like you are ‘‘not enough.’’ But, really, no real woman is enough, because the thing that is attractive to your husband right now is not reality–but rather, fantasy. Please keep trying to view it that way…

But, I’d encourage you to check that group out because there are women there who are going through what you are…*
*
I’ll be praying for you and your husband. :gopray: :console:*
 
On the flip side of things, I do know of men who have turned to masturbation when their wives lost interest in them, they needed to relieve the pressure as it were, and they did not want to stray outside the relationship. I guess it sort of cuts both ways, and I think even if it happens in cases where the wife has lost interest in her husband, and he turns to that, some men may become addicted and it may be very difficult to turn the situation around after that happens.

On the other hand many men in those situations, do not get hooked on porn, but do masturbate and painfully wish for their wives to show interest again because they would much prefer making love to their wives than masturbating. For these men masturbation is a very poor second choice and I know men in these situations who are grieving inside and painfully humiliated by their wife’s lack of interest.

Still others cannot have sex with their wives because she is ill or physically unable, or they’re separated by circumstances (such as military service or business travel). And again masturbation is turned to as a coping mechanism. For non-Catholics, many manage to do this guilt-free and without damaging their marital relationship just as many people can drink socially without becoming alcoholic. On the other hand we have this lofty standard that does seem impossible to attain at times.

I’m not suggesting tthe OP’s situation she is at fault (in fact it does sound like her husband is… to put it as charitably as I can… the problem), just trying to show how this is a very complex issue and one cannot simply say that because a man masturbates he is some kind of sexual deviant.

In the OP’s case I think marriage counseling is in order, preferably from a Catholic or Catholic-friendly counselor, to try to find out what’s going on, and most likely that would result in her husband having to admit a problem and get help to deal with it.
 
christin said:
For the benefit of those who question whether or not my husband is physically attracted to me, it’s a mixed bag. As one member mentioned, he was attracted enough to marry me. Yet, at 5’2, size 7/8 (today’s size 4/5), and a cup size B, I’ve never been able to compare to the airbrushed pics of the 5’9, size 2, double-D women advertising lingerie (or less). There’s no question in my mind that I’m not all that attractive in his eyes, no question whatsoever. The first mention of that on this thread stung, then I had to remind myself that it was true, even though it was hard to hear.
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I wasn’t going to reply but when I saw your post here I felt compelled to. When I read that post (the first mention) I felt “stung” to, for you. Not via sympathy (althoug there was a component of that), but through anger. It was not only an insensitve thing to suggest it also happend to be blatently wrong. Your husband is addicted to his problem. His problem does not reflect on you in any way. Please disregard those “not attracted to you posts”. Your husband is not only addicted he is missing out tremendously because of his choices. Continue to pray for him. He may wake up one day and realize he has a problem and wish to overcome it. He may also tremendously regret the hurt he has caused you and spend the rest of his years trying to make up for it.

How many men hae been married for many years to the same woman and insist upon his wife to be a super-model. Nearly none I’d suggest. I’d also sugggest they still love embrassing thier wives. He looks behind her eyes for her beauty as well as elsewhere. Clearly you are beautiful in every way or you wouldn’t be here trying to better your marriage with man you are committed to.

God Bless you for being strong and hanging in there with him. You’ll be rewarded.
 
When someone gets married, things which were previously really strongly condemned, and for very good reason, suddenly become permitted, and indeed expected and encouraged. This can be an enormously difficult, near impossible mental leap. The sex gift which God gives to married couples is a great blessing. It is meant to be something holy, yes, but also something happy and joyful. It has an important playful, flirtatious, teasing element. Desire often builds over hours, for both men and women, and becomes something almost irresistible. It is about understanding how the other person’s desire works, and building it. Sometimes by holding out for an hour or two. This should be thoroughly enjoyable. It should be fun. I get the feeling that you are taking such a serious view of it (in a Moral Theology forum) that the fun element isn’t present as much as it should be. Perhaps you could go out as a couple. You could take time over getting ready. Perhaps wear some makeup, and some pretty, close-fitting clothes. Maybe be very happy and smile a lot, make pleasant conversation, and try to kindle the romance. All of this not as some sort of obligation or punishment or duty, but just to be happy with your husband and to enjoy pleasing him in a special way. When you get home, do lots of kissing and cuddling. Hopefully eventually nature will take its course, in some special, better way. Things can be spoilt by trying too much in a direct way. Being very available but very passive and seemingly not emotionally involved can seem rather unattractive. Courtship is needed in marriage. If you are from a very strict family, which you probably are, you were probably really discouraged from being like this when you were a single girl. It is realising that now it is different, and this way is needed. When you are much closer emotionally to your husband than you are now, simply tell him that you know about the M and it really upsets you, and that might be enough to stop him doing it. I will pray that this heavy burden will soon be lifted from you, and that a new, happy phase to your marriage will begin, with greater mutual understanding and appreciation, and a lighter feeling all round. Amen.
 
Mijoy2 said:
How many men hae been married for many years to the same woman and insist upon his wife to be a super-model. Nearly none I’d suggest. I’d also sugggest they still love embrassing thier wives. He looks behind her eyes for her beauty as well as elsewhere. Clearly you are beautiful in every way or you wouldn’t be here trying to better your marriage with man you are committed to.

God Bless you for being strong and hanging in there with him. You’ll be rewarded.
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There are many men who not only criticise their wives constantly for ‘letting themselves go’, but dump them and divorce them after years of marriage to take up with a younger/prettier model.

People were scratching their heads so much over Prince Charles precisely because he was the incredibly rare exception who HAD the young, pretty supermodel wife and swapped her for an older less classically beautiful woman.
 
jacksonj said:
When someone gets married, things which were previously really strongly condemned, and for very good reason, suddenly become permitted, and indeed expected and encouraged. This can be an enormously difficult, near impossible mental leap. The sex gift which God gives to married couples is a great blessing. It is meant to be something holy, yes, but also something happy and joyful. It has an important playful, flirtatious, teasing element. Desire often builds over hours, for both men and women, and becomes something almost irresistible. It is about understanding how the other person’s desire works, and building it. Sometimes by holding out for an hour or two. This should be thoroughly enjoyable. It should be fun. I get the feeling that you are taking such a serious view of it (in a Moral Theology forum) that the fun element isn’t present as much as it should be. Perhaps you could go out as a couple. You could take time over getting ready. Perhaps wear some makeup, and some pretty, close-fitting clothes. Maybe be very happy and smile a lot, make pleasant conversation, and try to kindle the romance. All of this not as some sort of obligation or punishment or duty, but just to be happy with your husband and to enjoy pleasing him in a special way. When you get home, do lots of kissing and cuddling. Hopefully eventually nature will take its course, in some special, better way. Things can be spoilt by trying too much in a direct way. Being very available but very passive and seemingly not emotionally involved can seem rather unattractive. Courtship is needed in marriage. If you are from a very strict family, which you probably are, you were probably really discouraged from being like this when you were a single girl. It is realising that now it is different, and this way is needed. When you are much closer emotionally to your husband than you are now, simply tell him that you know about the M and it really upsets you, and that might be enough to stop him doing it. I will pray that this heavy burden will soon be lifted from you, and that a new, happy phase to your marriage will begin, with greater mutual understanding and appreciation, and a lighter feeling all round. Amen.
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I am posting this in a moral theology forum only because of the subject matter and this being a religious forum not because I don’t know how to flirt or to wear make-up or to present myself in a flirtateous manner. But, you’re right. I don’t have a light heart after twenty years of this. My heart is heavy, very heavy.

Although I hate to call a poster on what they’ve shared, I have to say that YOU HAVEN’T GOT A CLUE and you haven’t bothered to read the entire thread if you think that telling him “might be enough to stop him doing it.”

What you have posted here is nothing less than offensive considering the subject matter and what I have poured out from a very broken heart.
 
As a happily married man, 20+ years 🙂 , while I cannot reply for all men of course, I can say that NO, we do not all masturbate. I openly admit that going back a few years, it was something that I struggled with. However, as I moved back\closer to my Catholic faith, I can say I have not done “that” in years. I simply see no reason too, as my wife and I have quite the active sex life, and frankly, the thought of masturbation turns me off more than anything. I’d much rather perform the marital embrace with my loving spouse, than what seems to me now to be such a selfish act. Again, going back quite a few years, I did struggle a bit, but it was fairly easy to overcome with prayer, as well as learning self control.
 
rotlex said:
As a happily married man, 20+ years 🙂 , while I cannot reply for all men of course, I can say that NO, we do not all masturbate. I openly admit that going back a few years, it was something that I struggled with. However, as I moved back\closer to my Catholic faith, I can say I have not done “that” in years. I simply see no reason too, as my wife and I have quite the active sex life, and frankly, the thought of masturbation turns me off more than anything. I’d much rather perform the marital embrace with my loving spouse, than what seems to me now to be such a selfish act. Again, going back quite a few years, I did struggle a bit, but it was fairly easy to overcome with prayer, as well as learning self control.
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Thank you for replying. Your wife is very fortunate. May God bless you both.
 
christin said:
I apologize if this is a subject that has been addressed a zillion times. I see that there are two related threads, but mine is very specific and I’m desperate for some answers.

My question:
DO ALL MEN MASTURBATE REGULARLY?

I know that there are men who are addicted to porn and/or masturbation (my husband being one of them). I’ve been married for twenty years to a man who has preferred masturbation to me, two or three times a week, which meant that I was “allowed” sex once every other week. As a young bride, I thought that there was something abnormal about me because I wanted sex more often. When I realized what was going on after I had been made to go to bed alone, I was devastated. I spent the first ten years of my marriage begging my husband to want me. After a decade of feeling like the “other” woman (second to his fantasy partners), the pain was too great and for the next ten years, I lived in celibacy (he of course was not missing much because he had himself).

When I became intimate with him again a little over a year ago, the feelings of rejection resurfaced. Why wouldn’t they? Nothing had changed. In fact, within a couple of months, he started having ED, but only with me, not when alone. I think that was the straw that broke the camels back and I found solace in the numbness of opiates. Now, I’m in recovery and I’m once again struggling with the masturbation issue.

I know that masturbation is a sin (and I know that addiction diminishes culpability). What I don’t know is whether it’s a sin that for most men is as common as growing angry or impatient with someone. I have always had a sex drive that would rival any man’s drive. Yet, God has given me great graces over the years. Have those graces been extreme in their abundance and impossibly extreme for a man to receive? Because of the damage that masturbation has done to my heart, it’s been my thought that the majority of loving husbands fell into this sin a time or two a year. However, my sponsor assures me that ALL men masturbate fairly regularly and, as long as it doesn’t interfere with marital relations, a wife is merely acting jealously if she doesn’t accept it.

Are my expectations unreasonable? I have three sons (17, 19, 21). Have I misinformed them?

I appreciate your honesty in answering this question for me. I am greatly burdened by this.
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Your sponsor is, uh, misinformed. At best.

I’m no expert. But I did hear Father John Corapi say that the HABITUAL form of this practice is bordering on mortal sin, if not outright mortal sin.

I cannot say WHY he does it. I can’t read his heart. But I know how painful it must be for you.

All I can do is pray for your family. :signofcross:
 
You poor woman 😦 hugs That’s a lot to struggle with. I recommend you read this: newadvent.org/library/docs_cf9601.htm

It is NOT normal or good for men to masturbate and it is a mortal sin. You should confront your husband about it and give him this information about what the Church teaches, and his duties to you. What he’s done to you is a mortal sin as well, as he has allowed you to be tempted to go astray by neglecting you. He is not performing his marital duties to you.

Your husband is suffering from sexual abnormality. You have every right to feel hurt, because you have been. However, if the marriage is valid according to the Church, I ask that you try once again to repair your marriage as best as you are able - otherwise, I would suggest separating from him.
 
Sailor_Kenshin said:
I did hear Father John Corapi say that the HABITUAL form of this practice is bordering on mortal sin, if not outright mortal sin.
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He seems to be at odds with the Catechism of the Catholic Church which in fact suggests that habitual masturbation lessens the degree of culpability.
Mels said:
It is NOT normal or good for men to masturbate and it is a mortal sin.
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No, it is not a mortal sin. It is grave matter. For it to be mortal sin, full knowledge and consent must also be present. From the CCC:
2352 By masturbation is to be understood the deliberate stimulation of the genital organs in order to derive sexual pleasure. "Both the Magisterium of the Church, in the course of a constant tradition, and the moral sense of the faithful have been in no doubt and have firmly maintained that masturbation is an intrinsically and gravely disordered action."137 “The deliberate use of the sexual faculty, for whatever reason, outside of marriage is essentially contrary to its purpose.” For here sexual pleasure is sought outside of "the sexual relationship which is demanded by the moral order and in which the total meaning of mutual self-giving and human procreation in the context of true love is achieved."138
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To form an equitable judgment about the subjects’ moral responsibility and to guide pastoral action, one must take into account the affective immaturity, force of acquired habit, conditions of anxiety, or other psychological or social factors that lessen or even extenuate moral culpability.
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There is much throwing about the words “mortal sin” on this forum. We cannot read the hearts of men (and women). Whether a sin is mortal or not is best left to the penitent to discuss with his or her confessor.
 
I have no read the entire 4 pages, but I did read some and felt I needed to respond to this. I am a young man in my mid 20’s and have been married for a year. I have struggled with a masturbation addiction for many years, and I don’t think people realize just how bad this addiction can be. I’ve never smoked or taken drugs, but I have read that this kind of addiction can be just as hard to quit as some of the others.

My addiction actually caused my wife and I to have a very unhealthy sexual life. There were many nights I would stay downstairs longer than her so I could have that much needed alone time. Or times I would sneak off to masturbate by myself. This very much interfered with our sex lives because she still had needs, but I was satisfying my own. Looking back I don’t see how I could hurt her so badly, it’s quite embarrassing.

I tried quitting many times, but it took me quite a while to be serious about it. Each time I would slip and fail I felt worse and worse. I hated the fact that I was driving a wedge between myself and God. It’s now been a long time since my last time, and in that time I have come to see my wife in a new and beautiful way. I view our love as a sacred union and our sexual relations a beautiful expression of our souls embrace.

This isn’t to say that temptation is completely removed, because I’m sure it will always be there. But I don’t want to be a slave to my body and sin anymore. I just felt like I needed to respond to this, because some of the posts I read that said he wasn’t attracted to you anymore, or he is gay or the other things may be off base. It’s possible that he may have just be a slave to this sin. It doesn’t help when you hear everyone does it, because that makes it easier to rationalize and make excuses. My advise would be to get him to go to confession. That’s where my path to recovery began. I wish you the best, and hang in there, maybe God put you in his life to save him from this, not to run from it.
 
They often dole out advice to those with addiction, whether it be food, drugs, booze et cetera, that to help assist in limiting the addiction, or addressing it, remove the source of the addiction.

Basically, as morally questionable as this might be, get rid of his porn. Sure, he’ll probably go out and buy more, but just keep getting rid of it. Maybe if he sees how disgusted and frustrated you are by it, he might look at it from a different POV.

And really, from what I’ve read so far, i don’t think it could get any worse, I mean, what, he threatens to divorce you because you burned his porn? It could wake him up to the mess he’s in.

God bless you, Christin, you and especially your husband, are in my prayers.
 
If you want him to change and he wants to change he needs a reason to change. Apparently his religion and your suffering and want seem to not be good enough motivations.

Masturbation is driven by instinct and self-satisfaction, which are factoring heavily into his decision-making process. There needs to be an incentive for him to change. Altruism doesn’t seem to motivate him very much.

There are several things you can try.
  1. Try to convince him (or get someone who can) that there are other reasons besides you and his faith that he should refrain from masturbation. I am young and not religious, but the reason I try to refrain from masturbation as much as I can (success varies) is because it is not conducive to me being as healthy as I can be. It takes up energy, blood, and nutrients from other vital areas of my body which will add up if done frequently.
  2. Pornography only uses sight and sound to stimulate its viewers. Your can try to capitalize on your other attributes, but not just the physical ones. You can use your smell and touch of course, but how is your relationship otherwise? Are you able to laugh and have fun together? Are there things you can do to get excited about? Do you watch movies together? Play games as a team against other couples? Doing things that reinforce your relationship as a couple can better get him in the mood to do it with you rather than a machine.
  3. I feel that I have an extremely strong sex drive. One of my goals for when I get married is to find someone who also has one that I will want to have sex with, and she with me. But I won’t succeed unless I can provide the same. I read a book several years ago called Siddhartha in which the main character, Siddhartha gets married to a woman. She teaches him about sex, saying something to the effect that it is a game in which each person pleases the other as best they can. Now, your husband probably does not have that view at the moment, but if you teach it to him, it might be returned. One thing I have noticed is that any woman can be or become attractive naturally, no matter what kind of height or frame they were born with, at any reasonable age (I currently work at a bar where most customers are 40+). If he is mostly attracted to the physical shape, then that may be the best course of action for you. (Don’t worry, bra size doesn’t matter as much as most women think with all the implants around.) The bottom line may be you have to work for something you want. Being in good health has many other benefits too.
 
It’s been quite awhile since this thread was active. I appreciate everyone sharing their ideas and chosenone for sharing his experience.

Holy Thursday was a breaking point for me because I had to go to bed alone, just a few hours after returning home from Mass. Even though my husband professed to be tired and promised to be “right in,” I had been promised that hundreds of times over. Of course, he spent the next few hours on the computer.

I told my husband that I can’t live this way any longer, not even having God on his mind or just having received Holy Communion keeps him from lusting anymore. Although I didn’t say that I would definitely get a divorce if he didn’t seek help, I told him that I no longer will say that divorce/annulment is something that I never would do. My husband has been unfaithful to me in this way from *before *we were married (I’ve since found out that it’s been since he was 8 or 10).

God has always been enough for me, or at least that’s what I have told myself for the past twenty years of living in a union-less marriage. I don’t feel that way anymore. I want to know what it is like to have a man love me, to actually feel that a man loves me, and not only give me lip service while he’s lusting after anyone under thirty who’s showing a bit of cleavage (yes, including our son’s 20 year-old girlfriend!) He’s masturbated not only to porn (which is the least of his temptations) but to Youtube videos, which any kid can access (yes, mothers worry!), videos of women scantilly-clad in seductive workout clothes, to videos of lesbians kissing and fondling while dressed or partially undressed, and to the Sunday lingerie ads. He would undress and have mental sex with almost half the young women he would see in the grocery store.

How do I know all this? At the risk of me leaving him, he told me. For so many years, I’ve waited for him to seek help. I finally decided that I needed to know the full extent of his problem and that he needed to get help if there was any chance of me being able to live with him (I can’t guarantee anything at this point).

For the past couple of months, he’s been attending SAA and SA (SA the much better of the two as it actually defines sexual sobriety as an addiction to lust while SAA allows the member to act according to his own definition of sexual sobriety). I still don’t know if we have a future. He picked up his 60-day chip (which means that he hasn’t masturbated in 60 days, which is HUGE for him). Simply going to Confession never worked for him because some priests would tell him that masturbation wasn’t a sin. Of course, he would decide to listen to them when he had the urge to act out.

Now, we (meaning I ) shred the Sunday lingerie ads. It’s painful for me because, every week, I look through the paper to hunt for pictures of women whose bodies will turn my husband on more than I apparently do (and yes, breast-size and age matter a lot to him! However, I am not going to do anything to surgically alter my 34D breast size and I’ll never be under 30 again, no matter how much I may want to be. Again, I won’t change that surgically). My husband keeps off the computer, doesn’t stay up late to watch television once I’ve gone to bed, and doesn’t go shopping alone anymore.

It still hurts that I have to watch him look away from a quarter of the female population (thank you push-up bras) because he would lust after them if he were to look at them. It hurts even more when we both catch him looking back for another peek every now and again. I feel less than adequate when I have to weed out pictures of women who don’t look anything like me and then don’t have to worry about removing the photos of modestly dressed ladies or someone who doesn’t have the ideal figure (which after three kids, my body shows wear).

But, the process is just beginning. Just as it is with most addicts (be it drugs, gambling, alcohol, or sex), the pain of remaining the same had to be greater the pain of changing. When I threatened to change life as he knows it (me possibly leaving him, selling the house, etc), he was finally willing to do something about his addiction to lust. I pray that he finds deliverance from his addiction and that God will heal the 20+ years of wounds that scar me and have crippled any trust and sense of self-esteem that I may have had at one time.
 
To the originator of this thread:

You are commendable in your generous struggle over these many years. Continue your loving struggle knowing that we will pray for you and your husband.

I am not a counselor or psychologist. My read of this situation is that your husband doesn’t understand the true meaning of married Love, from a Catholic perspective.

Love is total self-donation. It’s not mutual gratification; it’s not reciprocal exchange of pleasure. It’s total giving. Free, total, faithful, fruitful.

We all need to live a chaste life…even married people. This doesn’t mean abstinence. Big difference. All our desires need to be first oriented to giving our married spouse what is truly good for them. Married sex wherein one part succumbs to giving a perverted experience of sex for the other is not being “truly good” to them. If he’s not, in your sexual relations, focused on giving you what your truly need…or you, what he truly needs, then there’s “work to be done”.

There are some excellent video tapes (somewhat expensive, Ignatius Press, by the Everts and Butler. Theology of the Body (JPII), but for teens…however, they are very good and specific in their coverage). See if your parish can buy them for you, and then lend them out to you. Check other parishes nearby; many have good libraries.

Your husband, in my opinion, needs to learn/relearn/or deepen / enrich his understanding of what true love is. This is very important for his soul.

The tapes (we used them in our parish class for post-Confirmation teens) made me truly realize that when my wife and I are in bed, my first focus should be on giving her what she truly needs…my desires come second, and I should be totally self-donating.

God is with you in your struggles. Chatter with Him about your struggles, doubts, hopes. God bless you.
 
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