Masturbation - a problem for how many?

[Nate13]

Masturbation is not a problem unless it’s a cumpulsion. There is nothing wrong with masturbation it does not hurt anyone and it feels good. Why would an all powerful all knowing creator of the universe care if you pleasure yourself every once and a while? And why is God so obsessed with human sexuality its kinda pervy if you ask me. So go ahead don’t worry rub one out it relives stress

Haha we believe that we are created in the image and likeness of God, the Trinity of three persons in one. Our sexual faculties are a integral part of how we were created in his likeness. Sexual intercourse is one the greatest ways that God has designed to show us how we are created in his likeness. I personally kind of see it as an insult to God to use what he has given me for so low a purpose such as masturbation. He gave us this amazing body and laid out a beautiful plan for how we should use it and once you see that plan it is not so hard to follow because whenever your tempted to masturbate you think of how empty it is compared to the Truth

 

[Nate13]

Sorry for the TMI, but here it goes:

Before my husband and I were married, he’d try very hard to remain chaste and was able to go long periods of time without falling into the temptation to masturbate. As a result, he’d get wet dreams multiple times a month.

And this was when he was between the ages of 20 and 24 - not a young teenager anymore.

So yes, there is truth to what you say. One way or another, certain things need to be emptied out.

I will speak from past personal experience. Yes nature finds a way of making sure there is no built up “tension” per se haha. There really is no satisfaction from it though when it happens naturally and any sexual desire that was there before will still be there for you to keep dealing with.

 

[FriendlyAtheist]

Haha we believe that we are created in the image and likeness of God, the Trinity of three persons in one. Our sexual faculties are a integral part of how we were created in his likeness. Sexual intercourse is one the greatest ways that God has designed to show us how we are created in his likeness. I personally kind of see it as an insult to God to use what he has given me for so low a purpose such as masturbation. He gave us this amazing body and laid out a beautiful plan for how we should use it and once you see that plan it is not so hard to follow because whenever your tempted to masturbate you think of how empty it is compared to the Truth

Well first off what you believe has no bearing on what is true. If you can present some evidence that in fact we are created in the image and likeness of God, than your case would be worth listening to but your whole argument Is founded on the assertion that there exists a God. Until evidence is presented than the default position is disbelief.

 

[ahs]

The poll is missing the option, “I did it in the past, but overcame it, and no longer do it.” I suspect that quite a few cannot select the options offered, but would fall under this category. I have read thread responses from posters stating this, to encourage those who feel hopeless and addicted, that there is hope and you can overcome this vice and be free of it.

I fall into that category. I can also identify with Debora123’s husband. My body found a non-sinful way to “relieve the pressure” them same as his did.

 

[Debora123]

I definitely did not expect to find that almost 50% of members here have this addiction.

My prayers go out to them.

 

[Elizabeth502]

I definitely did not expect to find that almost 50% of members here have this addiction.

My prayers go out to them.

Priests report that pornography use is the most frequently confessed sin.

 

[Debora123]

Priests report that pornography use is the most frequently confessed sin.

See, that’s just crazy to me. I can see how a teenager can fall into it and everything, but when there are SO many people going to confession for this sin, it means that a lot of married people are doing it too.

I’d cry my eyes out and feel like I had been cheated on if my husband did that. It’s just so sad that so many married people fall into this. And strange too - like the spouse isn’t good enough for them or something.

 

[Elizabeth502]

I’d cry my eyes out and feel like I had been cheated on if my husband did that. It’s just so sad that so many married people fall into this. And strange too - like the spouse isn’t good enough for them or something.

Yes, it’s very destructive of relationships for many reasons – not just because of the element of “cheating” which you mention, but also because of the unreal nature of the images and the artificiality of the experience, which then unconsciously intrudes into the marriage bed in a toxic way.

I do not have difficulty understanding how, once frequented with any regularity, porn can become “addictive” or a substitute for The Real Thing. I have difficulty understanding why people need to click on it in the first place, particularly if you’re married with halfway decent communication with your spouse, and there remains a fundamental mutual attraction. How is masturbation “better” or more glorious than the erotic responsiveness of a live partner, which should be the best aphrodisiac ever? I don’t consider myself a model or something, but I’ve never had trouble keeping my husband sexually attracted to me.

In the “olden days” haha, people in truly loveless or sexually barren marriages sought either live affairs, or movies/videos, even massage parlors, and that was usually when the woman (especially) had completely lost interest in sex for valid or invalid reasons. (Correspondingly, a woman, particularly a rich woman, might seek a jigolo or an affair.) But it wasn’t the norm, necessarily. It wasn’t the dominant thing to seek extramarital stimulation on a regular basis, for a large segment of the population. That’s the part that I find so troubling: the danger to marriages on a large scale, which is unprecedented. And many of these women to whom this is happening are lovely, shapely women who are still young and sexually capable.

I guess it can only be explained as a case of curiosity and availability, combined with an abundance – a saturation – of erotic imagery in general in our culture, and a constant message that one can never get enough pleasure, and one must seek pleasure desperately and regularly, or perhaps one is not quite “alive.”


Edit: This is not a judgment on those who struggle with this problem! (The thread topic!) It’s a philosophical concern of mine, about modern culture. It seems to me that the difficulty extracting oneself from porn can only be explained by the level of temptation and accessibility to that temptation which is a uniquely contemporary problem.

 

[trmyjs]

I did it frequently for a few years. Then, I came to my senses, repented, and let Christ’s love heal me. I quit about four months ago, had a breakdown about two months ago, but at the moment it’s under control and things continue to get easier. I hope and pray that a I never fall into this disgusting sin again.

 

[Debora123]

Yes, it’s very destructive of relationships for many reasons – not just because of the element of “cheating” which you mention, but also because of the unreal nature of the images and the artificiality of the experience, which then unconsciously intrudes into the marriage bed in a toxic way.

I do not have difficulty understanding how, once frequented with any regularity, porn can become “addictive” or a substitute for The Real Thing. I have difficulty understanding why people need to click on it in the first place, particularly if you’re married with halfway decent communication with your spouse, and there remains a fundamental mutual attraction. How is masturbation “better” or more glorious than the erotic responsiveness of a live partner, which should be the best aphrodisiac ever? I don’t consider myself a model or something, but I’ve never had trouble keeping my husband sexually attracted to me.

In the “olden days” haha, people in truly loveless or sexually barren marriages sought either live affairs, or movies/videos, even massage parlors, and that was usually when the woman (especially) had completely lost interest in sex for valid or invalid reasons. (Correspondingly, a woman, particularly a rich woman, might seek a jigolo or an affair.) But it wasn’t the norm, necessarily. It wasn’t the dominant thing to seek extramarital stimulation on a regular basis, for a large segment of the population. That’s the part that I find so troubling: the danger to marriages on a large scale, which is unprecedented. And many of these women to whom this is happening are lovely, shapely women who are still young and sexually capable.

I guess it can only be explained as a case of curiosity and availability, combined with an abundance – a saturation – of erotic imagery in general in our culture, and a constant message that one can never get enough pleasure, and one must seek pleasure desperately and regularly, or perhaps one is not quite “alive.”


Edit: This is not a judgment on those who struggle with this problem! (The thread topic!) It’s a philosophical concern of mine, about modern culture. It seems to me that the difficulty extracting oneself from porn can only be explained by the level of temptation and accessibility to that temptation which is a uniquely contemporary problem.

I feel the same way and I too have a very hard time understanding why someone in a healthy marriage would even feel tempted to ditch their loved one for a random person on a screen.

It is a very sad thing, and yet for some reason it seems to be a very common thing - something I will never understand.

PS - I too, do not mean this as a judgement on anyone. We all have our struggles and all I can do is thank God that I was blessed with the spouse I have, and pray for those who struggle with this or were hurt by a loved one because of it.

 

[twoangels]

Never crossed my mond to do it. I found it hard to believe people did that when I was told about it. Granted I was pretty shocked and grossed out when I was told what sex was, too.

 

[twoangels]

After reading the replies, I’m putting this. When I was in high school, a lot of people claimed that I was lying, that I was just too ashamed to admit I had masturbated.

But the truth is this. I never once experienced a desire to even have intercourse until long after I was married. I had sexual desires - the desire to be kissed, carressed, etc, but I never experienced the desire for intercourse until several months after I was married. I was told that if I just let things progress (which I shouldn’t do for the sake of chastity) those desires would be there. I also did not experience a sexual climax prior to being with my husband (and I got married at the age of 29).

It took my husband and I two months to be able to consumate our marriage. Our first attempts were immensely painful and each succeeding attempt was merely erasing any sexual passions I had. It was becoming more and more difficult. Catholic friends were of no help. Books were insulting. I still remember crying when I read the book “Sheet music” insisting that the basics anyone can do. Finally we sought help for vaginismus and the treatment seemed very close to teaching women how to masturbate. There was definitely more to treatment than merely the encouragement and instructions on masturbation. My husband and I did our best to go with the program and to avoid masturbation. Going that route with the program meant enduring sex as a chore. It meant learning to engage in it without passion, without desire, without pleasure. Meanwhile avoiding masturbation was more difficult because in order to learn to engage in intercourse, I still had to teach my body to relax enough and to actually believe that I could be penetrated without it hurting so badly.

Throughout it all, I’d have fletting thoughts of “What if all the other Catholics I’m talking to who have even waited for sex until marriage were successful at this because they masturbated? What if masturbation is how people learn how to have sex? What if my success at obeying the moral law from the beginning has caused me to not be able to consumate my marriage?”

I don’t regret waiting for marriage. I don’t regret not masturbating. I think I’m a rare woman who had her sexuality stinted by being raised by parents who inadvertedly taught me that sexual knowledge was dangerous, sexual ignorance was virtueous, and that it was ok to watch rape scenes in movies but not ok to watch lovemaking scenes in movies. I think it had more to do the messages I received about sex and sexual pleasure than with me never masturbating. I mean, they were successful in keeping me free of masturbation and at getting me to wait till I was married. The thing is chastity is not about fear.

 

[Joya]

After reading the replies, I’m putting this. When I was in high school, a lot of people claimed that I was lying, that I was just too ashamed to admit I had masturbated.

But the truth is this. I never once experienced a desire to even have intercourse until long after I was married. I had sexual desires - the desire to be kissed, carressed, etc, but I never experienced the desire for intercourse until several months after I was married. I was told that if I just let things progress (which I shouldn’t do for the sake of chastity) those desires would be there. I also did not experience a sexual climax prior to being with my husband (and I got married at the age of 29).

It took my husband and I two months to be able to consumate our marriage. Our first attempts were immensely painful and each succeeding attempt was merely erasing any sexual passions I had. It was becoming more and more difficult. Catholic friends were of no help. Books were insulting. I still remember crying when I read the book “Sheet music” insisting that the basics anyone can do. Finally we sought help for vaginismus and the treatment seemed very close to teaching women how to masturbate. There was definitely more to treatment than merely the encouragement and instructions on masturbation. My husband and I did our best to go with the program and to avoid masturbation. Going that route with the program meant enduring sex as a chore. It meant learning to engage in it without passion, without desire, without pleasure. Meanwhile avoiding masturbation was more difficult because in order to learn to engage in intercourse, I still had to teach my body to relax enough and to actually believe that I could be penetrated without it hurting so badly.

Throughout it all, I’d have fletting thoughts of “What if all the other Catholics I’m talking to who have even waited for sex until marriage were successful at this because they masturbated? What if masturbation is how people learn how to have sex? What if my success at obeying the moral law from the beginning has caused me to not be able to consumate my marriage?”

I don’t regret waiting for marriage. I don’t regret not masturbating. I think I’m a rare woman who had her sexuality stinted by being raised by parents who inadvertedly taught me that sexual knowledge was dangerous, sexual ignorance was virtueous, and that it was ok to watch rape scenes in movies but not ok to watch lovemaking scenes in movies. I think it had more to do the messages I received about sex and sexual pleasure than with me never masturbating. I mean, they were successful in keeping me free of masturbation and at getting me to wait till I was married. The thing is chastity is not about fear.

Thank you for sharing your experience. I am glad you do not feel any shame or regret regarding your past. You happen to be a little more pure than most of us, and I consider that a gift to our troubled, sex-obsessed society.

Many of us come from upbringings that included sexually rigorous teaching. The important thing is to realize and understand sex the way God intended it. And it seems like you have God bless.

 

[seanom]

When I found Christ, I was still in mortal sin but eventually I quit and have been celibate about 5 months

 

[raymond_king]

2352 By masturbation is to be understood the deliberate stimulation of the genital organs in order to derive sexual pleasure. "Both the Magisterium of the Church, in the course of a constant tradition, and the moral sense of the faithful have been in no doubt and have firmly maintained that masturbation is an intrinsically and gravely disordered action."137 “The deliberate use of the sexual faculty, for whatever reason, outside of marriage is essentially contrary to its purpose.” For here sexual pleasure is sought outside of "the sexual relationship which is demanded by the moral order and in which the total meaning of mutual self-giving and human procreation in the context of true love is achieved."138
To form an equitable judgment about the subjects’ moral responsibility and to guide pastoral action, one must take into account the affective immaturity, force of acquired habit, conditions of anxiety, or other psychological or social factors that lessen or even extenuate moral culpability. - Catechism of the Catholic Church[/QUOT

Wellness: that is a great pastoral. Bring on the Guilt. We would like to hear from you more. What else do you have to offer to aggrevate our pain . Raymondking08@gmail.com

 

[Paxvobis]

Long story short I had an addiction but have completely gotten over it! I still have temptations every once in a while, but never as bad as before.

I didn’t check any of the boxes as I didn’t feel any applied to me.

 

[JoArtist]

I’ll take a wild guess that they are women. The sex drive in men and women are very different. Not to get too personal, but my first wife was example of someone that had never done it.

I don’t know if I totally agree with this. I think that it is more of a person to person basis rather than gender. Some men have more of a sex drive than some women and some women have more of a sex drive than some men. I think people tend to stereotype people too much. I have been told so many times about that I must be really bad because I struggle with a “man’s issue”… the type of thinking that men are more sexual ends up in people not opening up about what issues they really struggle with and starting to act like they fit the stereotypes so they don’t get condemned by others so much.

 

[JoArtist]

I think “widespread” or “commonly occurring” might be a better term. Sin is by definition non-normative – it defies the norms that arise from nature.

Well there are animals that masturbate as well… like monkeys and such. So I would say it arises from nature in a way. Also many young children (even babies) masturbate… they don’t even know what they are doing, but it just seems to occur. Now I am NOT commenting on the morality on it, but I do think it is pretty “normal”.

 

[JoArtist]

See, that’s just crazy to me. I can see how a teenager can fall into it and everything, but when there are SO many people going to confession for this sin, it means that a lot of married people are doing it too.

I’d cry my eyes out and feel like I had been cheated on if my husband did that. It’s just so sad that so many married people fall into this. And strange too - like the spouse isn’t good enough for them or something.

I have heard that on average most children see their first hardcore porn by age 11. Sometimes on purpose, sometimes by mistake.

 

[NewsTheMan]

Not sure if I was addicted, but probably on the verge? Looking back, I probably was addicted actually. Sometimes I would watch porn for hours and masturbate in my dorm room, sometimes skipping lectures. Yeah, that’s addiction.

When I “reverted” after going to Mass occasionally, no confession, being in a sexual relationship, etc… I went straight to confession mid February 2010. Since then, I haven’t masturbated, broke up with my girlfriend who I was having sex with, haven’t watched porn, haven’t felt tempted.

I took up the Rosary, and I learned about chastity. I begged for forgiveness, and Jesus gladly gave me the grace necessary. Next year, once I finish my post-graduate studies this year, I’ll be going to discern with the F.SS.R and hopefully be accepted and thus celibate forever Once I learned to focus my sexuality on pure things and being what God has called me to be as a man, I noticed how easy it was by the grace of God to stop. I want to give all things to Christ.