masturbation addiction-help!

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Dan86 said:
I wouldn’t worry about it. It’s not like you’re hurting anybody.
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Wow! That’s really cool advice Dan. If only Jesus had been aware of this he could have saved himself a lot of trouble!

To think that our CREATOR HIMSELF became a real live man and lived 33 chaste years then went to the whipping post, where he had hunks of flesh ripped from nearly every part of his pure, holy and sinless body at the hands his executioners before he was fastened to that huge wooded cross by having spikes driven through his limbs! He hung there dying in unimaginable agony, being mocked by the crowd while his precious and sinless mother watched it all… weeping.

This whole thing happened to redeem mankind from sin. And it just so happens that the Church (by the authority of the one who was executed on the cross) teaches that masturbation is a sin.

Now Dan, the next time you are tempted to enjoy a little “self-amusement”, or endulge in any other sinful behavior, this crucifixion stuff might come to mind.

But I wouldn’t worry about it… It’s not like anybody got hurt over it!

:rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:
 
TJ_2582 said:
Sorry if this is long, but I’ve been holding it in for a while.

I’ve been dealing with masturbation and pornography since I was about 14(26 now). I didn’t know how wrong it was until a couple years ago. I’ve gotten better at controlling it, but still struggle with it at least a couple times a month, whereas it used to be an almost daily thing. But what’s sad is that sometimes, all it takes for me to want to look at porn is seeing a girl in a swimsuit, skimpy clothing, etc. I don’t even have to see a naked woman to want to watch it. That one little thought leads to more thoughts and then more, etc. I even imagine what I would do with other girls sometimes. Most of the time when I do these things, it leads to masturbation.

I feel really bad every time I do it, but it’s been going on for so long, and sometimes at such a high level, that I don’t know how to completely get away from it right now. I read or pray after it happens every time, usually before I go to sleep, although there have been times that I felt so bad I didn’t think I deserved to have God listen to me. But the amazing thing to me is that even through all this, he has still been willing to become a bigger part of my life. I thank him for his mercy and still being willing to love me the way that he does even when I do something that does nothing but draw me away from him. Sometimes, I just can’t believe it.

I’m serious about church now, pray a lot more, read the bible almost every day, things that God wants me to do. So now, I feel even worse when I commit the act because I know that it’s just blocking a lot of blessings from coming into my life and has kept me from being where I really should be as a christian. It’s like I take a step forward with reading, praying, etc and then take that step right back to where I was when I commit the act. I need prayers, and lots of them. Thanks in advance for your prayers/advice.
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Another big thing to remember here is that we’re all human, so you’re going to have some slip ups occaisionally. While I can’t and won’t say explicitly “it’s ok to sin” God knows we’re going to and He forgives us. Don’t dwell on the fact that you just did it, make it right and move on. Get to confession ASAP and forget about it. Sometimes beating yourself up over sin can cause more sin. Prayers are with you.
Peace
 
Make the Eucharist the centre of your life, it has a wonderful way of making everything seem clearer. Try to attend Mass every day if you can. I got out of that habit, and slipt back into the habit of masturbating. I’ve only been back into the habit of daily Mass again for a few days and I can already feel the difference in my mindset.

God bless you.
 
I would be very careful of trying to get a girlfriend just to avoid loneliness. With the sexual tension that would be created eventually, it could lead both of you to pressure each other into sexual sins. THen you would be guilty of leading another person into sin as well as your own…

seek the Lord first and He will show you the way…
 
Charybdis said:
I would be very careful of trying to get a girlfriend just to avoid loneliness. With the sexual tension that would be created eventually, it could lead both of you to pressure each other into sexual sins. THen you would be guilty of leading another person into sin as well as your own…

seek the Lord first and He will show you the way…
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I can only speak for my own experience, but for me, this sin had absolutely NOTHING to do with loneliness. Sparked by a childhood exposure to pornography, (age 8) for me, it was all about an incredibly effective way to relieve stress from growing up in an abusive home. Looking back on the whole sad affair, if it wasn’t for my falling into the sin of masturbation, I might have very easily become a drug addict. I’m not kidding.

It’s been almost 4 months that I have been clean after nearly a 40 year struggle… please pray for me and everyone else who is fighting this monster.

:cool:
 
I’m in the same boat as you guys. I’ve been struggling with pornography and masturbation for years now (I’m only 16), but have only begun trying to quit recently. My main problem is that I’m home alone a lot, usually for at least a few hours every day after school. I’ve gotten to the point where I only fall about once or twice a week, but it still manages to creep back in every time! 😦 😦 😦

I’ve decided I need to find some kind of hobby to keep me busy when I’m home alone, so I won’t be as tempted. There’s a common saying that I’ve definitely found to be true: “Idle hands are the devil’s workshop.”
 
I won’t pretend to outdo some of the excellent replies here. As I said, though, on another thread, most people (male & female) have struggled at least once with this habit in their lifetime, although I acknowledge that, overall, it plagues men more. I heard something once about how many addictive behaviors becomes more entrenched the more obsessed/anxious about it we become. So I would suggest relaxing a little: I don’t mean indulging, I mean trusting God and shifting your focus. You’re very conscious of it; become conscious of other things & activities. If you find yourself slipping, go to confession a.s.a.p. – the reason being that the immediate graces put you in a powerful position to beg confidently for graces against this particular temptation. Take advantage of this in a timely fashion, remembering that “in weakness is our strength.” Be simple. Acknowledge the error, & simply, trustingly, tell Christ you are engaging his assistance in redirecting your body, mind, & soul. Then, truly trust and let it go. Get busy with healthful activities.

An idle mind is the devil’s workshop. Women are usually not quite as physically & visually driven, but we are quite prone to fantasies from many sources, & can, if we let ourselves cultivate these, be in the same position you are. We have very rich imaginations, sometimes not requiring that much external stimuli, actually.

God loves you, TJ, and Christ is eager to have you model yourself after him. (Hey, I’m great at giving the advice, less great in the doing of it.) It’s probably a grace that you’re sharing this, so that you can benefit by knowing you’re not alone & it is definitely conquerable.
 
jofa said:
Gotta add one more bit of advice for conquering addiction (hold on to your hats - this one’s scary…)

FASTING 👍
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Thanks, jofa. I was about to post the same thing, but you saved me the trouble.

Fasting is the forgotten practice in western Catholicism, and it’s an essential tool in the fight against all sins, including this one.
 
One more practical aide, TJ:

Become very acquainted with St. Augustine. Read his Confessions. This was one sexually charged guy. Read that book prayerfully. It is an outpouring – like many Scripture passages. Use him as an intercessor in your personal battle. He transforrmed, through grace, his love of physical pleasure into love of God. A great sinner who became a great saint.

Good luck to you. You’re in my prayers.
 
I have a similar problem. Delete any pornography or nudity you have on your computer or anywhere else. That’s a start. Lust leads to masturbation. You will feel that you can not control yourself but you’d be suprised what happens when you root out some of the causes. Go to confession. This keeps you closer to God and you will begin to realize the wall it can build between you and the Him.
 
I’ve noticed a few posts where there has been an exposure to porn at an early age. I have 3 sons, ranging from 13 to 8. I am so afraid of their becoming exposed through ‘friends’. How can I be vigilant without becoming overprotective?
 
I’ve noticed a few posts where there has been an exposure to porn at an early age. I have 3 sons, ranging from 13 to 8. I am so afraid of their becoming exposed through ‘friends’. How can I be vigilant without becoming overprotective?
 
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Sugabee43:
I’ve noticed a few posts where there has been an exposure to porn at an early age. I have 3 sons, ranging from 13 to 8. I am so afraid of their becoming exposed through ‘friends’. How can I be vigilant without becoming overprotective?
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From the perspective of a young person (I am 18) who is fighting his way out of this mess, I would have a few suggestions.
  1. Talk to your kids about porn and sexual sins. I understand that you might feel uncomfortable doing so, but they need to hear it even from a young age. If you don’t start now, it may be too late. I saw this stuff at a young age as well, and it is then when you get sucked into it.
  2. Monitor computer time. Don’t let your kids have a computer in their rooms. It becomes to easy for them to start viewing this stuff, and it can be really tempting to do so. Also, checking your computer history once a week might be a good idea.
  3. Pray together as a family. I know that I really started getting hooked when my family stopped praying together. This is key!
  4. If your kid goes over his friend’s house, make sure you know what they are doing. That doesn’t necessarily mean calling your son’s friend’s mother and telling her to make sure that they aren’t watching porn, but just ask your son.
  5. Don’t leave your kids at home alone. This is one of the most tempting times! Trust me, just about everyone on here will tell you that Satan strikes when we are doing nothing and are alone.
  6. Attend mass every Sunday as a family.
  7. Go to Confession at least once a month with your kids. Receiving God’s grace in this Sacrament is a wonderful thing! Taking your kids to confession may also help them feel secure in going later in life. Assure them that the priest can’t tell you or anybody else their sins. They should be comfortable in telling him everything.
  8. Be sure to tell your kids that your love is unconditional. No matter what they may do, you will still love them. I know that when I committed these sins, I felt like I had no where to turn to for help. This only made things worse. Luckily, I started to take my faith a little more seriously, and began going to confession on a regular basis, seeking God’s help. Also, make sure that they know that no matter what they may do, God still loves them and is willing to forgive them.
If you find out, God forbid, that one of your kids has fallen into this habit, then help him. Don’t stand there and scream at him. That won’t help matters.

With love and care, Schnitz

P.S. If you have any questions or want to talk about anything else, let me know. I am more than willing to share my experiences, so long as they keep others from falling down this path.
 
Sugabee43 said:
I’ve noticed a few posts where there has been an exposure to porn at an early age. I have 3 sons, ranging from 13 to 8. I am so afraid of their becoming exposed through ‘friends’. How can I be vigilant without becoming overprotective?
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A guest on Dr. James Dobson was talking about this and he said that prior to age 14 seems to be the critical time to protect young boys from exposure because the young male brain is still developing it’s neurological pathways.

Your question would be best answered by an expert which I am not. However, I can tell you that my early exposure at age 8 didn’t turn me into any kind of criminal or psychopath, but I believe it set me up for a lifelong struggle with pornography. We are at the tip of the iceberg now with porn being so available online. Television isn’t any better the way sex is treated. If my kids were still little, I would probably just toss the TV into the junkyard.

My first exposure was Playboy magazine in the late 1960s… strictly pretty ladies with bare breasts… nothing more than that. Sinful yes, but perfectly natural and in a way, beautiful to the eye. During my struggle, that type of stuff was my “drug” of choice.

These days, however the internet is awash with every conceivable perversion and disgusting filth imaginable. A lot of this stuff isn’t even attractive, it’s just plain gross. For the love of God do not allow your boys to have internet access in their own rooms. Put the computer in a public place in the house and use parental controls. It scares me to think that boys are having their sexual wiring influenced by this stuff.

Take a hard line stance… Zero tolerance policy on pornography.
Keep the masturbation issue separate because that is a normal part of growing up for the vast majority of young men and needs to be handled separately by you (the parent) and your priest.

👍
 
I meant to say “With love and prayer.” Sorry.

TLM has got it right. Draw the line on pornography. If you suspect it, do something!
 
You are very brave to bring up this subject. God bless you. I’m not a guy, but I have had to deal with some things bothering me.

I have had, and sometimes still do have a problem with sexual thoughts while I am praying or at Mass. It was about the only time I ever had them. It always happened at one certain point during Mass. I would beg God to not let it happen, and then beg for forgiveness when it did. I didn’t linger at all on the thoughts, I spent all my energy trying to shove them away. I began to be so afraid of going to Mass, or want to go to the restroom during the Liturgy of the Eucharist. After many torturous years, I finally went to confession, completely terrified. Luckily, I didn’t have to go into too much detail about what the thoughts were, because it’s about the worst thing you could possibly think. After I went to confession, it just stopped. I was so relieved. Every once in a while it starts again, but I try not to be scared and just tell “it” to leave,because I’m busy praying. I have recently started saying the rosary again daily and I am once again getting some ugly thoughts during that. I am also, once again, afraid to confess it. It is so upsetting. I need to stop cowering in the corner and get to it, but I am shuffling my feet. ( sigh)
 
coco2 said:
You are very brave to bring up this subject. God bless you. I’m not a guy, but I have had to deal with some things bothering me.

I have had, and sometimes still do have a problem with sexual thoughts while I am praying or at Mass. It was about the only time I ever had them. It always happened at one certain point during Mass. I would beg God to not let it happen, and then beg for forgiveness when it did. I didn’t linger at all on the thoughts, I spent all my energy trying to shove them away. I began to be so afraid of going to Mass, or want to go to the restroom during the Liturgy of the Eucharist. After many torturous years, I finally went to confession, completely terrified. Luckily, I didn’t have to go into too much detail about what the thoughts were, because it’s about the worst thing you could possibly think. After I went to confession, it just stopped. I was so relieved. Every once in a while it starts again, but I try not to be scared and just tell “it” to leave,because I’m busy praying. I have recently started saying the rosary again daily and I am once again getting some ugly thoughts during that. I am also, once again, afraid to confess it. It is so upsetting. I need to stop cowering in the corner and get to it, but I am shuffling my feet. ( sigh)
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Listen up dear lady. This is actually a fairly common problem especially among the most devout. Our mind tend to think about the very thing we fear the most. If I were to offer you a million dollars NOT to think about a baked potato, you would instantly think about a baked potato. You might even become preoccupied with baked potatos!
😃

You would be shocked if you knew how many people have impure thoughts looking at nuns, priests, statues, crucifixes… name it! Like I said, we tend to think about the things we fear. These impure thoughts during prayer or Mass are nothing more than mosquitos in the mind. Jesus knows about them and he understands. Satan thinks it’s funny. It’s his way of tormenting God’s most devout! When this happens to me during prayer I say “Lord, please tell him (Satan) to leave me alone”!
😛

There are a number of books on the topic of “Scrupulosity” It is a form of religious obsessive compulsive disorder. Don’t let that scare you either. I have that tendency myself. These are intrusive thoughts that you have very LIMITED control over. God Bless you dear angel and don’t you dare let this bother you for another minute!

😉 😉 😉
 
TLM- Thanks for your reply. I cried when I read it, from relief. God bless you.
 
I have to agree about the early age and being influenced by pornography. I first saw magazines when I was around maybe 12 or 13 years old. This was in the early 1980s but the mags were from the late 1970s, still very graphic though.

There was a stack of mags hidden in our attic (actually, I never found out who it is that brought them to our house or whose they were, I just found them one day when i was up in our attic and I have assumed that they were given to my brothers since they were older than me).

Anway, some of the magazines had stories and features, etc. about certain sexual things and I have to tell you, they influenced me a lot. In fact, to this day I still struggle with ‘desires’ for certain things or to do certain things with my wife that are definitely not in keeping with church teaching. And it all stems from those magazines because I never would have thought of these things without seeing them in print.

So get rid of the porn and stay vigilant!
 
I was thirteen when I first did.

Your a brave… brave man.

May God show you the light leading you away from the darkness of temptation.

With love and grace,
_[Samuel]
 
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