masturbation addiction-help!

[Eagelswings]

Hey I’m praying for you. You should try to go to confession and go to daily mass. Try to find a hobby like drawing. Or maybe play air-soft with a friend. Try to hang out with friends more so you have less time for yourself and less time to suffer temptation.

 

[BenjaminLumen]

Blah, I know that struggle.

For me, it’s not looking at guys in skimpy clothes (I’m a chick), it’s wanting to play video games. Weird, huh? But sometimes game site links will take you to “adult” games and those lead to some temptation. Especially since some of them are actually frustrating but playable games, well. I love RPGs for example, so I bought this one that looked awesome, called “The Witcher,” only to find out after the fact that the game has explicit sexual content, and I being the dummy I am, lost the receipt, so I had to take it off the computer.

I also have a problem with anime and manga because I enjoy both, but unfortunately they are often heavily laden with sexual innuendo and outright pornographic scenes.

I find that the best thing that keeps me under control is reminding myself that I can’t accept the Host until I go to confession if I do give in to something, and that stops me, though not cold like I want it to. I don’t like not being able to receive Communion.

Its your name Tabatha that is pulling you into those things like “The Witcher.” Quite innocently you are being drawn to the more negative (Popular Culture) Connotations of your name. Zelda all that, I personally stopped playing all such games, I don’t play WOW or Zelda or anything of that nature. I stay away from RPG’s, etc, all because of that , its not my name but I got interested as a Child before I knew any better. So I am pretty good at keeping Games of that nature not present and RPG’s as well. Anime I have never gotten into. Since they are full of aspects of the flesh, Your name is putting you that much closer to those aspects of things in society as they have seen fit to take the Name Tabatha and use it in popular culture to indicate witch’s , and witchcraft is another moniker for more fleshy matters (the WOman on the broom) that is nothing but from old culture several hundreds of years old as a matter of fact. So you are going to have to be that much more careful because you did get a name that is much ill-used by popular culture… God Bless you Tabatha, be safe.

Benjamin

 

[BenjaminLumen]

I’ve noticed a few posts where there has been an exposure to porn at an early age. I have 3 sons, ranging from 13 to 8. I am so afraid of their becoming exposed through ‘friends’. How can I be vigilant without becoming overprotective?

I dont know that you can,

Scenario, “7th Grade”, Jenny walks by the boys in tight jeans and blond hair down and her best use of her new makeup skills… All the Boy standing in the door nook before school.

Josh, 'oh my gosh she is so hot."
George, doesn’t know why, Can’t see any… Which brings up the question is she or isn’t she?
Bernard with his glasses jumps in, "my book says that … "

There is little that you can do. So Little…

I don’t know that they will know its wrong, so they are probably not going to be charged the offense for awhile. If you have tought them that it is wrong, then it will be wrong to them. But once that boy discovers how that all works, all bets are off… And so it may be best to just avoid the guilt side of things…

Because not only Bernard but George and Josh are all going to be in the bathroom after school over Jenny… If you are worried about it, then they are young enough 8 and 13 you can teach them to never start doing that… Becuase they may have not yet. But if your boys don’t listen to you and always get into trouble once over the stuff you tell them not to do , it may be better off left alone.

I don’t know which way I would go, just not teach them, because they are not going to feel guilty about girls for awhile, or try to prevent it…

Man I didn’t ever think anything about it, didn’t care. not a lick, Girl down the street, first kiss thing, her little bare feet, and swimming in my pool in her bathing suit, I didn’t give a ****. never thought twice about it.

So I dont’ know if it is preventable… I don’t know.

Its going to be Jenny or Mary or Martha or Beatrice with the freckles and glasses. No big deal, they don’t know that they are doing anything wrong from 13-17 or… Its more important , Children literally have no conception that they are wrong because it is all new to them, That is innocence itself doesn’t know its wrong, doesn’t care (that is innocence).

Now if it leads to out of wedlock sex that is a different issue and that is damaging. So a very smart conversation with your boys may be what is needed, in that it may be more important to pick the issue of Sex out of wedlock and NO, and spend 6 months working with them on that. And you may choose to do the same with masterbation. You have the Church materials to do so. Time being tought , 6 months drumming something into 13 and 8 year old minds will stick, it is far more then I ever got.

Its fixing to get wild for you, Oh Dad can I go to Bobby’s party on saturday, And your son is standing thinking , “Jenny is going to be there.”

Best of wishes,
Benjamin

 

[bobolink]

You need to read this book - it helped me and it can help you too - it comes highly recommended:

Clean of Heart: Overcoming Habitual Sins against Purity
amazon.com/Clean-Heart-Overcoming-Habitual-against/dp/0977223450

 

[vera_dicere]

My brother suffered from this sin (he told me about it when he got super drunk one night -_-’ )

Anyway, he told me he found that as soon as he got the urge, he prayed the Rosary. Our Lady is a perpetual virgin, my brother and I have always viewed her as an awesome individual to stand up against immodesty and sexual sins.

 

[FiberZilla]

Sorry if this is long, but I’ve been holding it in for a while.

I’ve been dealing with masturbation and pornography since I was about 14(26 now). I didn’t know how wrong it was until a couple years ago. I’ve gotten better at controlling it, but still struggle with it at least a couple times a month, whereas it used to be an almost daily thing. But what’s sad is that sometimes, all it takes for me to want to look at porn is seeing a girl in a swimsuit, skimpy clothing, etc. I don’t even have to see a naked woman to want to watch it. That one little thought leads to more thoughts and then more, etc. I even imagine what I would do with other girls sometimes. Most of the time when I do these things, it leads to masturbation.

I feel really bad every time I do it, but it’s been going on for so long, and sometimes at such a high level, that I don’t know how to completely get away from it right now. I read or pray after it happens every time, usually before I go to sleep, although there have been times that I felt so bad I didn’t think I deserved to have God listen to me. But the amazing thing to me is that even through all this, he has still been willing to become a bigger part of my life. I thank him for his mercy and still being willing to love me the way that he does even when I do something that does nothing but draw me away from him. Sometimes, I just can’t believe it.

I’m serious about church now, pray a lot more, read the bible almost every day, things that God wants me to do. So now, I feel even worse when I commit the act because I know that it’s just blocking a lot of blessings from coming into my life and has kept me from being where I really should be as a christian. It’s like I take a step forward with reading, praying, etc and then take that step right back to where I was when I commit the act. I need prayers, and lots of them. Thanks in advance for your prayers/advice.

Keep praying and keep fighting! You are far from alone. You are in the majority! This is the single most common area of sin in the life of men, especially you younger men. Us older fellows struggle with the exact same thing. The only advantage us older men have is that the hormone levels usually aren’t nearly as high as you guys in your teens through the early 40s.

Most modern pornography is far more wicked, degrading and disgusting than those attractive but impure “girly magazines” I was familiar with growing up. Do whatever you have to do to avoid internet porn. If you know that you are about to fall, don’t include internet porn as a part of it. Porn viewing keeps your hormone levels elevated at absolute raging levels. As you develop spiritual maturity and your hormone levels drop your struggle will ease up a bit.

Breaking the grip of sexual is a process for a lot of men. Attempting to go cold turkey is about as successful as those who crash diet to lose weight. You will do great for a few days or weeks then BAM! The roof caves in, leaving you ashamed, guilty, depressed and defeated.

Clean up your life little by little. Get rid of the very dirtiest things in your life first. As time goes by your masturbating frequency will slow up significantly. It may be two steps forward and one step back for a while, but keep fighting and stay busy. The idle mind is the devil’s workshop!

The apostle Paul, in Romans 7 spoke of his struggle with the sin in his life. You sound more like this great apostle than a bad person:

*"I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!

So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin."*

Read that passage slowly, study it and really understand how difficult sin can be. Jesus came to die on the cross to pay for all of our sins and free us from the bondage it has on us. That doesn’t mean that we will never sin again, it just means that we no longer love the sin in our lives. As we develop a hatred for sin we will do a better job avoiding it!

 

[bobolink]

One piece of insight or advice which helped me is this: You cannot do this alone, you cannot depend on your own willpower. I used to think you could (like St Augustine!) until I was enlightened by the Spirit of Truth. Our wills are weak, corrupt, and cannot be relied upon. Like the AA 12 steps thing, you must yield to a higher power, aka God. Plus realise that you must never trust yourself in this regard. We are treacherous wretches!

 

[skydiv35]

What works for me is, whenever I am tempted to fall to sin I say the Jesus prayer and I keep saying it until the temptation is gone. The prayer, Lord Jesus Christ Son of the Living God have mercy on me a sinner, Amen. You will be surprised how soon you will be free. Hope this helps

 

[bobolink]

What works for me is, whenever I am tempted to fall to sin I say the Jesus prayer and I keep saying it until the temptation is gone. The prayer, Lord Jesus Christ Son of the Living God have mercy on me a sinner, Amen. You will be surprised how soon you will be free. Hope this helps

good advice indeed. what i find lacking in myself, leading to falls, is a distinct lack of resolve. to use a similar example, the Rosary as a habit cannot persist indefinitely with vice: one will be set aside at some point.

 

[Newrock2010]

From another person who has, and still struggles with this, I will pray for you and ask you to pray for me. Your story has so many similarities to my own, as I am sure there are many others who are the same.

Coming into the fullness of the Catholic Church and preparing to enter this church this Easter has been the only thing that has helped me, although I am not perfect and still fall victim to this sin every now and then. I came from a Protestant Faith, where it is not discussed much, and of course I also had those years where I strayed away from God. But thank the Lord he has shown me his truth through his grace and mercy. Where it used to be an almost everyday thing, it is now a once every few months thing, which like you when it happens i feel shame right away. It is still a struggle, one I hope will not be a problem and not keep getting in the way of my relationship with the Lord some day with His Blessing.

It has been helpful to read this forum to know I am not the only one, and to know that others have beaten this with the Lords Help. I thank everyone for sharing their stories and insight and wisdom.

Again, I will pray for all of you, and ask you to pray for me.

 

[bobolink]

Remember, you’ve never actually ‘beaten it’ - not 'til the final nail goes in the coffin!

 

[AidanM32]

. Hello .
I think you can’t stop yourself from doing it, and especial teenagers going through puberty like myself, teenagers bodies are changing and they get the urge to masturbate, its not there fault its life, and i would think that most Christians do masturbate, and its actually health for you, but i don’t want to think that i’m betraying God!
. Aidan .

 

[bobolink]

. Hello .
I think you can’t stop yourself from doing it, and especial teenagers going through puberty like myself, teenagers bodies are changing and they get the urge to masturbate, its not there fault its life, and i would think that most Christians do masturbate, and its actually health for you, but i don’t want to think that i’m betraying God!
. Aidan .

We aren’t animals. The fact that most young people succumb to this does not mean it’s normal and healthy and God doesn’t mind. The fact is, it is much better never to take up this sin than to develop a habit you later find difficult to stop, and this sin is reinforced by force of habit. God will take care of our bodies without our sinful interference.

This is a good book to help - you can get it from Amazon:
home.earthlink.net/~cleanofheart/

 

[FiberZilla]

. Hello .
I think you can’t stop yourself from doing it, and especial teenagers going through puberty like myself, teenagers bodies are changing and they get the urge to masturbate, its not there fault its life, and i would think that most Christians do masturbate, and its actually health for you, but i don’t want to think that i’m betraying God!
. Aidan .

There is no rock solid scientific proof that masturbation or any other sexual activity has health benefits. Getting non-biased information is extremely difficult. A parent should never be shocked that their teenager does this and maybe should be glad that they aren’t having sex with a girlfriend where the temporal consequences like pregnancy and disease can be life changing and permanant. The problem is that masturbation sort of “opens the door” to a whole host of other sexual sins. The teen who habitually masturbates is training himself to become selfish. He also can easily lose his ability to delay gratification and reinforce impulsiveness in other areas of life.

The key word in all of the above is “habitual”. Masturbation can become enslaving. One look through these forums is proof enough. The Bible says that we are to bring glory to God *in all we do *(1 Corinthians 10:31). Masturbation simply has no acceptable place in the life of anyone who claims to be a Christian. That doesn’t mean that we can always live in sinless perfection. We still have this human flesh we must live in every day! Do your best to avoid this sin and if you fall, like most people do, confess it to God.

 

[twhite]

This is a devastating addiction for those of us who have faced it and love Jesus and His Church. It took years of trying, and failing at, many things before the Holy Spirit led me to a web site that God used to usher me into freedom. Go take a look. www.settingcaptivesfree.com Do not despair, my friend. God has the gift of freedom waiting for you. Go in peace.

 

[wingsofmentis]

It used to be daily for me, but since Ash wednesday I’ve brought it down to weekly (though sometimes biweekly By summer I want to get it down to monthly or less.

 

[OraLabora]

Take it in small, digestible chunks.

If you try to say “I will never masturbate again. Ever.”, well you are just deluding yourself. Failure is almost a given for most of us.

Be realistic. Instead of trying to say you will never masturbate again, say “today, I will not masturbate”. And resolve to only get through the day without masturbating. Pray the Divine Office (Liturgy of the Hours) and make it one of your prayer intentions during the intercessions. Ask God to help you make it through the day without it. Give yourself a goal you know you can keep. Going one day without is doable.

Maybe tomorrow you will fail. Don’t worry about that. Worry about today.

Odds are like many of us you will occasionally fail. That’s not a tragedy, it allows you to open yourself to receiving the gift of God’s grace and mercy through the Sacrament of Reconciliation.

Sanctity comes from the effort, not from a perfect result. For some of us, going a day without masturbating takes heroic effort, for others, going years may be no effort at all. God is asking to try our best, that’s all. But I’m willing to bet that if you make it a one-day-at-a-time goal instead of an unrealistic “I will never do it again” goal, you’ll have more victories than defeats. That’s what matters in God’s eyes.

 

[BenjaminLumen]

Heinkal , Chicago Cutlery,

Bed Bath and Beyond, has very good knives…

I am just kidding, St. Augustine is the guy to know about fighting those things.

There was a guy that my Dad and his brother knew, he cut his off when he was little.
No Joke, it sets a standard for refusal your sure not to hit.

So we are all probably going to hell now because Little Johnny Chopped his off, little Johnny became a Zealot that day, and the Lord Loves Him…

So what are the weak willed to do, we are mere shadows of Little Johnny’s Faith.
And that is No Joke.

Jesus gives the lee-way of the hand, chopping off the hand, because that is not your member… So you should feel allright about Chopping off your hand.

Jesus has that line drawn just so… It just ain’t for the faint of heart…

But I think back in the old days that it was not uncommon for a guy to drop trough right in front of a woman, and I think that is why Jesus sad that. So from that point of view Pornography may be an improvement on the situation as it was actually in Isreals camps… I don’t know. But Pornography is wrong also, that is an eye and a hand…

We don’t know how much we have improved or got worse… See, Because we don’t know especially what it was like to live in an Isrealite Tribe… I don’t know what they were doing.

But if you look at it like things have gotten better since the time of the tribes, then you may find some positive motivation to not look at Pornography by pornography’s mere existence, Pornography could be an improvement from the Time of the Levites, Benjamites and what have you…

So keep improving, now that you aint’ dropping trough right in front of a Levite Woman who passes by, now that you have Pornography , put it away also, Throw it out, and continue to improve…

Well why was Jesus having to tell people that even looking at a Women to lust was Adultery, because it is, but also because for all we know The Tribes may have been just dropping trough right in front of the women and rubbing one out right there, I don’t know how bad it was back then. So Pornography could be the improvement, now throw it out also…

I don’t know seriously…

But Pornography is bad also…

 

[oksoitworked]

Sorry if this is long, but I’ve been holding it in for a while.

I’ve been dealing with masturbation and pornography since I was about 14(26 now). I didn’t know how wrong it was until a couple years ago. I’ve gotten better at controlling it, but still struggle with it at least a couple times a month, whereas it used to be an almost daily thing. But what’s sad is that sometimes, all it takes for me to want to look at porn is seeing a girl in a swimsuit, skimpy clothing, etc. I don’t even have to see a naked woman to want to watch it. That one little thought leads to more thoughts and then more, etc. I even imagine what I would do with other girls sometimes. Most of the time when I do these things, it leads to masturbation.

I feel really bad every time I do it, but it’s been going on for so long, and sometimes at such a high level, that I don’t know how to completely get away from it right now. I read or pray after it happens every time, usually before I go to sleep, although there have been times that I felt so bad I didn’t think I deserved to have God listen to me. But the amazing thing to me is that even through all this, he has still been willing to become a bigger part of my life. I thank him for his mercy and still being willing to love me the way that he does even when I do something that does nothing but draw me away from him. Sometimes, I just can’t believe it.

I’m serious about church now, pray a lot more, read the bible almost every day, things that God wants me to do. So now, I feel even worse when I commit the act because I know that it’s just blocking a lot of blessings from coming into my life and has kept me from being where I really should be as a christian. It’s like I take a step forward with reading, praying, etc and then take that step right back to where I was when I commit the act. I need prayers, and lots of them. Thanks in advance for your prayers/advice.

And knowing is half the battle. You have accepted the Church’s teachings, and it will naturally follow (eventually) to completely give that crud up. I’m a big fan of “shock and awe” in going all out with the sacraments (daily mass, weekly confession, frequent adoration) and the sacramentals (divine mercy at 3pm / daily rosary combo). Just keep moving in that direction. God is very pleased at your efforts and will break your chains guaranteed.

 

[plinko]

There is no rock solid scientific proof that masturbation or any other sexual activity has health benefits.

Not “rock solid” per se, but empirical evidence none-the-less. I bolded the relevant parts.

J Sex Med. 2009 Jul;6(7):1857-66. Epub 2009 May 7.
Prevalence and characteristics of vibrator use by women in the United States: results from a nationally representative study.

Herbenick D, Reece M, Sanders S, Dodge B, Ghassemi A, Fortenberry JD.

Abstract

INTRODUCTION: Although vibrators are commonly recommended by clinicians as adjunct to treatment for female sexual dysfunction, and for sexual enhancement, little is known about their prevalence or correlates of use. AIM: The aim of this study was to determine the lifetime and recent prevalence of women’s vibrator use during masturbation and partnered sex, and the correlates of use related to sociodemographic variables, health behaviors, and sexual function. METHODS: A nationally representative sample of 3,800 women aged 18-60 years were invited to participate in a cross-sectional Internet-based survey; 2,056 (54.1%) participated. MAIN OUTCOME MEASURES: The prevalence of vibrator use, the relationship between vibrator use and physical and psychological well-being (as assessed by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention [CDC] Healthy Days measure) and health-promoting behaviors, the relationship between vibrator use and women’s scores on the Female Sexual Function Index, and an assessment of the frequency and severity of side effects potentially associated with vibrator use. RESULTS: The prevalence of women’s vibrator use was found to be 52.5% (95% CI 50.3-54.7%).** Vibrator users were significantly more likely to have had a gynecologic exam during the past year (P < 0.001) and to have performed genital self-examination during the previous month (P < 0.001). Vibrator use was significantly related to several aspects of sexual function (i.e., desire, arousal, lubrication, orgasm, pain, overall function) with recent vibrator users scoring higher on most sexual function domains, indicating more positive sexual function**. Most women (71.5%) reported having never experienced genital symptoms associated with vibrator use. There were no significant associations between vibrator use and participants’ scores on the CDC Healthy Days Measures. CONCLUSIONS: Vibrator use among women is common, associated with health-promoting behaviors and positive sexual function, and rarely associated with side effects. Clinicians may find these data useful in responding to patients’ sexual issues and recommending vibrator use to improve sexual function. Further research on the relationships between vibrator use and sexual health is warranted.

Although it’s a correlaton (and correlation does not infer causation), it appears that people who masturbate are typically more in tune with their sexuality and their body as a whole and therefore have “health-promoting behaviors”. There are many other articles on PubMed that are along the same lines. I can provide more if you wish.