Masturbation Addiction, Please Help

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I know this is a long thread, but if you’d take the time to read it, I’d appreciate it. I’ve never used forums before, but this seems like a good community so I figured it might be a good place to ask.

I’ve been addicted to masturbation since I can remember (about 3/4 years is the earliest recollection). I’m in college now, and though I’ve made progress, this sin still has a hold on my life. In college I’ve had an easier time controlling myself by increasing my spiritual life. Unfortunately I haven’t completely kicked the habit and have been left feeling lonely and separated from God (expect when I’m able to go to confession, which is limited but I go every chance I get).

I know its a long road to recovery but sometimes it feels like I’m trying and making no progress. I understand a lot of you probably have advice, but before you start typing, you should read this list of everything I’ve tried to kick my addiction so far:

1. Frequent Mass, Confession, Adoration, and prayer This did cut down on the addiction substantially, but relapses still happen
2. Spiritual Direction A priest gave me a pamphlet on sex addiction. Aside from saying the struggle is a “men’s problem” (I’m a straight woman) whose root cause was “internet/magazine pictures and videos of women” (never got porn’s appeal, my imagination is sin enough for me). I fit in with literally everything else it described especially the cycle of resolve to change, relapse, and intense feelings of guilt/shame, which I felt even as a child, though at the time I had a limited understanding as to why my actions should make me feel guilty/separated from God.
3. Identifying/avoiding “Triggers” Mine are literally whenever I’m napping, waking up, or going to sleep. Easy to identify, impossible to avoid
4. Praying during or before the sin occurs Most of the time this only makes the sin/temptation period drag on longer, there have been a few occasions where this has worked and obviously I’m going to keep trying it, but most of the time it just increases the guilt I feel afterwards

(part 1/2, part 2 is the reply below)
 
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Part (2/2)

5. Exercise I don’t as often as I should, but I did some during lent this year, which helped on a few occasions, but not as much as I would have liked
6. Maintenance of healthy relationships, or rather, lack of relationships. The masturbation has often been accompanied by violent thoughts against others (I’m keeping this description PG). These thoughts are quiet common in sex addictions because the increased adrenaline adds to the excitement of the situation. However, they increase the shame I feel, and show I view men the way lots of men view women, which is disgusting. Because of my faith I’m waiting until marriage, and would never initiate a relationship with any guy whose wasn’t doing the same or wasn’t Catholic. However, because of my addiction and the thoughts that accompany it, I’ve only ever asked out guys who I’ve already developed a good friendship with. While they’ve all said no (but were respectful about it, and if I’m still an addict, maybe it’s for the best), I sincerely care about them and still do (we’ve all remained good friends) and I would never pressure them, or any guy into a relationship, especially a physical one, that he didn’t want to be in.
7. Learning all there is to know about addiction In addition to all these, I’m studying neuroscience at the university (I even spent a semester working in a addiction lab) and study psychology and theology for fun. I know so much about the neural pathways involved in addiction and the moral consequences of addiction, that most insights/techniques a therapist or theologian could ever give me are most likely things I already know.

Yet despite all these efforts, I have not been able to stop my addiction. This clearly isn’t a problem with my intellect given how much I know, but with my will. This gives me more shame since God has given me a surplus of knowledge and insight into my problem, and yet I can’t fix it. And since my addiction makes me feel separated from God and the shame of the addiction makes me unwilling to talk about it with friends/family, I’ve been feeling more isolated than ever because of it. I’ve spent most of my life, almost 20 years in the cycle of quitting, relapsing, trying to get redemption, and repeating, and I don’t want to spend another day in it. But since I don’t have anywhere else to go, I might as well ask:** Will you guys pray for me? I know you don’t know me, but I saw prayer intentions was a category on this website, and if I know even one devout Catholic out there somewhere is praying for me, and if I pray for them and other people going through similar things, maybe some good can come of it. Anything is worth a shot at this point.

Sorry for the length, and thanks for the prayers. If you do have any advice you think I haven’t heard, I’m open to it.
 
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Hail Mary,
Full of Grace,
The Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou amongst women,
and blessed is the fruit
of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary,
Mother of God,
pray for us sinners now,
and at the hour of our death.

Amen.
 
Prayer for the Virtue of Chastity

Jesus, Fortress of humankind, bless me with Your
infinite graces, that I may remain in a state of purity.
Strengthen my body, spirit, and soul to continually
reflect Your chastity. Protect my soul in its daily
struggles, guiding it to ponder on Your Godliness.
Defend me from the forces of evil, those that seek
to acquire my soul: I am truly Yours forever and
ever. Holy is my King, the Conqueror of sin!

St. Thomas Aquinas Prayer for Chastity

Dearest Jesus! I know well that every perfect gift,
and above all others that of chastity, depends upon
the most powerful assistance of Your Providence,
and that without You a creature can do nothing.
Therefore, I pray You to defend, with Your grace,
chastity and purity in my soul as well as in my body.

And if I have ever received through my senses any
impression that could stain my chastity and purity,
may You, Who are the Supreme Lord of all my powers,
take it from me, that I may with an immaculate heart
advance in Your love and service, offering myself
chaste all the days of my life on the most pure altar
of Your Divinity. In Jesus’ name, amen.
 
Saint Michael, the archangel, defend us in battle, be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the devil, may God rebuke him, we humbly pray. And do you, O’ Prince of the Heavenly host, by the power of God thrust into Hell Satan and all the other evil spirits who prowl about the world for the ruin of souls.

Amen.

†

Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name.

Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread.

And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.

And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

Amen.

†

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.

Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.

Amen.

†
 
That’s it! second to the last paragraph, third line. “and yet I can’t fix it.”

No you can’t but God can. Ask him to give you the grace needed to take that temptation away. Only He can do it.
 
A couple of things that I would like to add to you list.
  1. Build good habits. That’s great that you are studying neuroscience. So you know that each time you engage in any addictive habit, you’re priming the brain, “greasing the wheels” in a sense, to want more of your addiction. You need to counter this by building new neurological pathways. Find a hobby, something that you enjoy. It would be helpful if you can turn to this when the urge returns to view porn. Often with addictions, the feeling to relapse will last for about 15 minutes then it will go away. Using will power to fight it puts one in a handicap and makes it difficult to counter. You require a concrete plan.
  2. Find an accountability partner. It’s extremely difficult, some say even impossible to do this on your own. We all need help. All addiction programs have the addict involving other people in some way. If the problem is out of control, a single person may not help. I would seek out a group that can offer you some structure.
My prayers are with you to overcome this addiction. God bless.
 
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Remember,
O most gracious Virgin Mary that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, Implored your help, or sought your intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly to you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother.
To you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in Thy mercy hear and answer me, Amen
 
Praying for you…
Our Father, Hail Mary, Glory Be, Fatima, AMEN!
 
Thanks for the advice. I did say above that porn is not a problem, but what I wrote is pretty long so you probably missed that, lol. The problem with finding a hobby is that as I said, the triggers are when I’m falling asleep, so I can’t exactly “do something else”, though I have tried to make this work at other times of the day. As for an accountability partner, I sure would like one. My spiritual director gave me the number of a group in my area, but I am currently taking classes at a university near where I live over the summer and cannot go. I’m considering checking it out when the year restarts though.
 
Hail Mary,
Full of Grace,
The Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou amongst women,
and blessed is the fruit
of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary,
Mother of God,
pray for us sinners now,
and at the hour of our death.

Amen.
 
Hail Mary
Full of grace
The Lord is with Thee.
Blessed art Thou amongst women,
and blessed is the fruit of Thy womb,
Jesus
Holy Mary ,
Mother of God,
Pray for us sinners,
Now and at the hour of death,
Amen
 
Dear Jesus, Please help the OP to be strong and conquer this habit. With Your help, all things are possible. Please give him the confidence and the strength of will and the right activities and support he needs to succeed. Please also help him to keep turning to You constantly for forgiveness should he fail and to keep getting back up after each “fall”. Jesus, I have confidence that you can help this person and everyone else struggling with this sin, which I also had personal experience with and you helped me so you can help them too. In Your name I humbly pray. Thank you in advance. Amen.

Holy Mary, St. Joseph, and St. Augustine, please pray for this intention.
Holy Mary, please send the OP the graces he needs to succeed. Thank you. Amen.

Added to 3d rosary intentions.
 
O Blood and Water, which gushed forth from the Heart of Jesus as a fountain of Mercy for us, I trust in You!

Our Father, Who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name; Thy kingdom come; Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread; and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us; and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil, Amen.

Hail Mary, full of grace. The Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death, Amen.

Eternal Father, I offer you the Body and Blood, Soul and Divinity of Your Dearly Beloved Son, Our Lord, Jesus Christ, in atonement for our sins and those of the whole world.

For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world. x10

Holy God, Holy Mighty One, Holy Immortal One, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
 
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