Masturbation and Contraception

[Catholic1219]

My husband has got an erection problem because I kept on resisting to masturbate him until climax due to the issues of contraception. He uses condom as well. I don’t agree to either of both. Is it a sin for me to initiate intimacy even when I know already that he will use contraception. And for the moment that he has erection problem, is it a sin for me to masturbate him to arousal and climax? Can I as a wife claim my right to the unitive and procreative aspect of marriage even if my husband is not interested in the procreation aspect? He does want to have a child but not now. Does full consent play a role here,even if in my heart, I don’t agree to contraception and its kind?

 

[bzkoss236]

I believe it is okay for a non-Catholic spouse to use contraception if they know that the Catholic spouse does not like the fact that it is used. Someone else might be able to add some more clarity to this. So, it wouldn’t be a sin for you to initiate, because even though you know he would use contraception, it is not your intent that he should use it.

It would be a sin, however, for you to masturbate him to climax. To arousal is fine, because it would be considered foreplay, but you should not masturbate him to climax on purpose.

I cannot answer as to whether such sex would be considered unitive, though it is already not procreative (which could be reason enough to say that it takes away from the unitive aspect).

 

[fpt]

My husband has got an erection problem because I kept on resisting to masturbate him until climax due to the issues of contraception. He uses condom as well. I don’t agree to either of both. Is it a sin for me to initiate intimacy even when I know already that he will use contraception. And for the moment that he has erection problem, is it a sin for me to masturbate him to arousal and climax? Can I as a wife claim my right to the unitive and procreative aspect of marriage even if my husband is not interested in the procreation aspect? He does want to have a child but not now. Does full consent play a role here,even if in my heart, I don’t agree to contraception and its kind?

In order to get the unique answer about your right, without being active in the sin of your husband (thus you are not in the sinful way, you his wife), in the respect of the natural moral law in link with the official teaching of catholic church, you need to give many details because your message is not quite clear: it is very impossible of helping you with those types of elusive elements.

Ask to your priest, it is a better idea, he seems to me.

 

[Catholic1219]

but you should not masturbate him to climax on purpose.

How would you define " On Purpose". I’m in a situation where my husband is having erection problem because of my refusal to masturbate. He blames me of course. If I masturbate him to climax - even if i don’t agree- because I feel coerced, is it still considered FULL CONSENT to become a mortal sin.

 

[Allegra]

Objectively, it is sinful for you to masturbate your husband. True coersion might diminish your culpability, depending on the situation. However, “He told me to.” doesn’t really constitute coercion. In order to be coerced, you have to be threatened with harm in some way. I certainly hope your husband isn’t threatening to harm you physically or emotionally if you don’t comply with his requests! If he is, that is both abusive and unacceptable. I think you should speak with a priest about the situation and also a counselor. I also find it difficult to believe that his “erection problem” is caused by your unwillingness to give him a hand job. That’s such baloney I don’t think I could do anything but laugh in his face if a man said that to me. It sounds like something a boyfriend would say when you’re 15! If an “erection problem” actually existed that is caused by lack of maturbation, then he could just as easily solve it by engaging in the marital act with you on a day when you are not fertile. (Or preserve your dignity by taking care of his own “erection problem”.)

 

[underacloud]

As others have discussed, having sex with your husband, even though he uses contraception against your wishes, is allowed. But you can’t cooperate in the contraception, so a hand job is definitely a no. But having sex, while he is wearing a condom, is OK, assuming you haven’t helped him put it on, encouraged him to do so, bought it for him, etc. He needs to know your objection, but it isn’t something you have to bring up every time (which would be a major mood-killer).

I also find it difficult to believe that his “erection problem” is caused by your unwillingness to give him a hand job. That’s such baloney I don’t think I could do anything but laugh in his face if a man said that to me. It sounds like something a boyfriend would say when you’re 15! If an “erection problem” actually existed that is caused by lack of maturbation, then he could just as easily solve it by engaging in the marital act with you on a day when you are not fertile. (Or preserve your dignity by taking care of his own “erection problem”.)

Yes, I think baloney is the right word here. What exactly is an “erection problem”? Men get unwanted erections frequently, especially adolescents and young adults. We can get them in our sleep, as we are waking up, in the shower, etc. It’s just blood flow and erections pass quite naturally without the need for ejaculation.

If, however, arousal is indulged in without climax, it can get uncofmortable for men. The easy solution to this is not to indulge in arousal when you’re not going to complete it via intercourse. If you’re not going to have intercourse, don’t engage in foreplay.

Either way, I dont think there’s such a thing as an “erection problem”.

 

[sepgs2004]

Prayers to you and your husband. This is why some problems in marriage are two fold and sometimes more challenging compared to an unmarried.

I would humbly recommend you two to read spiritual books, saints biographies, sinners guide, etc. Engage in prayer together (or alone) at least half an hour every day. Discuss about topics in spiritual books together once a week. These kind of activities will help you understand the situation better.

Your husband might want to see a doctor just to seek some help (mainly in order to help you to feel better). He should not feel hurt on this. Sometimes, some food items and some special exercise (jogging, aerobics, etc) might help men to improve on this problem.

Out of all, please talk to and seek the help of God, best together in prayer, about this in a way that does not hurt either of you.

My sincere wishes to both of you in the journey towards Heaven.