masturbation and wet dreams

[dholloway]

I know that masturbation is a mortal sin, and I struggle with it so much. So many nights, the temptation tears me up inside. The problem is, when I don’t masturbate for more than a few days, I almost always have very vivid and erotic dreams which cause me to ejaculate. I don’t always remember these dreams, but when I do they are very exciting and pleasurable. This can’t be a sin, can it?
I can’t control it. Some times I feel guilty about it, but some nights I can’t wait to sleep hoping I’m going to have one. Am I totally messed up?

 

[nate12387]

I know that masturbation is a mortal sin, and I struggle with it so much. So many nights, the temptation tears me up inside. The problem is, when I don’t masturbate for more than a few days, I almost always have very vivid and erotic dreams which cause me to ejaculate. I don’t always remember these dreams, but when I do they are very exciting and pleasurable. This can’t be a sin, can it?
I can’t control it. Some times I feel guilty about it, but some nights I can’t wait to sleep hoping I’m going to have one. Am I totally messed up?

Wet dreams are not a sin. You are not culpable for things that you can’t control and dreams are something that you can’t control and have no power over.

When it comes to masturbation, culpability is lowered if its an addiction or if its passion. I believe St. Thomas Aquinas wrote a few things about this.

 

[Newbie2]

Nope, you’re not messed up.

Methinks the key is in your statement, “I struggle with it so much”.

Rather than making it your struggle, make it’ God’s struggle. By that I mean when you depend on yourself to be able to control such actions, you will always fail. Ask God constantly to give you the strength to resist. Try to remove yourself from the situations where you might give in. Taking a very short, cool shower instead of a long, hot one, for example, if that’s where you get tempted.

Also consider the posibility that if you consciously avoid such thoughts and actions, that unconsciously, like when you’re sleeping, such thought might then decrease or stop.

Pray. You can’t do it alone.

And go to confession monthly or even weekly. If the embarrasement of having to confess this over and over is even a little motivation, that’s good. (Not to take anything away from the graces of the sacrament)

 

[rwoehmke]

Sounds like an addiction to masturbation. Are you perhaps feeding the habit with pornography and/or spending a lot of time fantasizing about erotic scenarios? It is difficult for prayer to work when this stuff is part of your lifestyle. Prayer and God can work when one gets serious about changing things and not clinging to them. Your desire for wet dreams seems to me to indicate that you are really torn about leaving this stuff behind you. Frequent confession, daily contemplation of the crucifix and what Jesus did for you, and prayer, particularly the rosary, can help to getting you moving out of your current situation. Until you really want to change, it ain’t gonna happen.

 

[The_Otaku]

Wet dreams are not a sin. You are not culpable for things that you can’t control and dreams are something that you can’t control and have no power over.

I cannot speak for anyone else, but I CAN control my dreams sometimes as they are sometimes very lucid and/or I am self-aware within my dream state and am aware of what’s going on. And that creates a paradox for me.

Suppose I was sexually frustrated, but refused to masturbate. Suppose that instead, when having a dream I did not create myself, it becomes sexual, and given my ability to somewhat control the dream, I purposely or willingly allow the dream to continue. Suppose this causes my physical body to have what we call nocturnal emissions.

Did I commit a mortal sin? That’s the paradox.

For it to be mortal you have to be completely aware, willing, and give your complete faculty over to the sin. But how is this applied when you are technically unconscious yet are aware your physical body is becoming aroused and is on the verge of an emission and you are stimulating that emission, IN YOUR DREAM, by allowing the dream to continue when you DO HAVE control over it?

Would I be held as accountable as if I were conscious, fully alert, and doing it, or is this a gray area that the Church has no specific answer for?

Or, is the answer then, that it is NOT a mortal sin given that I was unconscious?

Would the matter then boil down to whether, before I went to sleep, I intended to try and force an orgasm when asleep to try and cheat or find a loophole where I wouldn’t be held accountable or be in sin? Does this have more to do with intent before entering a sleep-state or do the actions within the dream determine that? Certainly we could not blame it all on the emission itself, since that is merely a bodily reaction to what is going on in the sleep state.

Or lets take it a step further, if I may. What if, when you were asleep, you actually physically masturbated yourself, as your body is reacting to the dream? Some people sleep walk and actually go to the kitchen and eat a snack asleep. Would this (the masturbation) be a mortal sin, if you had some control over the dream then and somehow realized, when asleep, that your body was moving along to the dream, but may not have had the power to stop it, and so gave in and allowed it to continue? What if you did have the power to stop it but not stop the dream (or vice versa) and, one way or the other, you had the emission, whether it was entirely due to the erotic dream or the physical stimulation?

What this seems to boil down to is how one’s state of consciousness effects the sin factor. When you analysis it, it’s a paradox, since most people cannot control their dreams, let alone be held accountable for what goes on in them.

 

[NTOT]

Or lets take it a step further, if I may. What if, when you were asleep, you actually physically masturbated yourself, as your body is reacting to the dream? Some people sleep walk and actually go to the kitchen and eat a snack asleep.

You would have absolutely no idea what you were doing since somnambulism occurs during deep sleep only when one is totally unaware and unconscious. Sleep walkers have absolutely no idea they are sleep walking. Lucid dreaming, where one is conscious of what they are dreaming about, even dreaming which has the illusion of control, occurs during a state of bodily paralysis called REM sleep. Ones body becomes totally paralyzed and unable to act out their dream. If one were to actually perform a physical action, it would not occur during an aware state of REM, but during a pre- or post-REM state of deep sleep in which all consciousness is absent.

 

[The_Otaku]

You would have absolutely no idea what you were doing since somnambulism occurs during deep sleep only when one is totally unaware and unconscious. Sleep walkers have absolutely no idea they are sleep walking. Lucid dreaming, where one is conscious of what they are dreaming about, even dreaming which has the illusion of control, occurs during a state of bodily paralysis called REM sleep. Ones body becomes totally paralyzed and unable to act out their dream. If one were to actually perform a physical action, it would not occur during an aware state of REM, but during a pre- or post-REM state of deep sleep in which all consciousness is absent.

Thanks for the scientific explaination. =)

So, if I’m understanding you correctly, you’re saying that the body doesn’t know what it’s doing. That’s good to know. This only partially answers my questions, however. The main one is whether I could morally be held accountable for my dreams if I can control them. You refer to it as an illusion of control, but I feel it to be something greater, since I can also force or tell myself to wake up, knowing that I am asleep. I don’t feel this is the same as having a nightmare and waking up forcefully due to fright, or having someone shake you or talk you awake. If it is the same, it certainly doesn’t feel the same. It feels more like a choice to me than a random action.

I guess I’m not understanding the levels or depths of sleep entirely and when you are in control and are not. You seem pretty knowledgable. Do you have any links on this topic of deep sleep and so forth that I can read up on? It’s interesting, and worth a read.

 

[ahannah]

dholloway,

You are not alone. I know what you are going through. I am female, so I can’t exactly speak on wet dreams but I can say from first-hand experience that addiction to masturbation is a hard thing to deal with. But there are ways to make things easier.

As mentioned above, try to go to confession often, and do not feed the desire to masturbate by entertaining sexual thoughts or watching pornography. Whenever you feel the desire to masturbate coming on, say a prayer asking God for the grace to remain pure with your thoughts. You can find some really great prayers online for this. God inspired man to create Google for a reason!

After you’ve said your prayer immediately shift your thoughts. Sing a song; read a good book (perhaps the Good Book?); do that bit of homework you’ve been neglecting because your thoughts were elsewhere. Or better yet, go spend time with family or friends so that it will become quite impractical to complete the sin that you have been contemplating.

If you are trying to fall asleep, but you find your thoughts turning lustful, focus on one of the many things in life that bring true happiness without being sexual at all. Think about a brilliant sunrise or the night sky; imagine what Christmas will be like when you have children of your own; think about your favorite place to vacation: anything to divert your attention.

With proper effort, and God’s help, it is possible to stop committing this sin entirely. Over time it becomes easier to avoid temptation. You’ll be in my prayers, and I hope I’ll be in yours.

God Bless,
ahannah

 

[FRATER_PAVLVS]

During wet dreams the chemistry is less sharp than during jacking off or having sex. That’s why they do not cause depression and guilt. And they aren’t sinful, two types of three: if they are natural, or induced by reading about sins involving thinking them. If, however, a wet dream is a result of lust it indicates presence of lust. Lust is sinful. Or it may be a demon (not in your case).

 

[HappyPerson]

You’ve gotten some good spiritual advice here. I’m going to give you some practical advice. Keep your underwear on when you go to sleep, maybe even shorts on top of that. It sounds like a simple solution to a complex problem, but try it.

 

[justaperson]

i was not aware that masterbation is a mortal sin, I don’t think it is.

 

[grandfather]

I know that masturbation is a mortal sin, and I struggle with it so much. So many nights, the temptation tears me up inside. The problem is, when I don’t masturbate for more than a few days, I almost always have very vivid and erotic dreams which cause me to ejaculate. I don’t always remember these dreams, but when I do they are very exciting and pleasurable. This can’t be a sin, can it?
I can’t control it. Some times I feel guilty about it, but some nights I can’t wait to sleep hoping I’m going to have one. Am I totally messed up?

Pray the Rosary before you go to sleep or while you are falling asleep. Pray to Saint Joseph, most chaste spouse of Mary. Pray to St. Maria Goretti martyr and patron of purity.

Jesus said those who sin are slaves to sin. A slave is controlled by his slave master.

Sex provides intense momentary physical pleasure. The habit of masturbation to achieve sexual orgasm is like any other addiction.

It is evident from observing deviant and perverse criminal behaviors of people who are caught in sex crimes that people become sexually depraved. This illness or disorder stems from fantasizing and one fantasy leading to another growing more and more perverse to stimulate bio chemical physiological responses that the addict craves more and more of.

People lose control of themselves by indulging in sexual fantasies that demand to be acted out. This can lead anyone into deviant and criminal behavior as if they were driven animals who can not control themselves.

No one wants to end up in jail for rape or sex with a minor or a married man being arrested with a prostitute, or even not having to face criminal charges, no one wants to end up that way, but it happens to people all the time. Everyone is vulnerable. There were many priests who fell into depravity and lost control of their own bodies and souls and behavior. You are already unable to control yourself. Where will it lead you?

You have two choices and they are choices. You can choose purity or lust. You already know about lust. Find about about the beauty of purity. If you desire purity Jesus and the saints will help you achieve it, but you have to stay vigilant and not let your guard down for the rest of your life.

When you are tempted call out for help to Mary or Saint Maria. It will be a battle. your slave master will not give up his slave witohut a fight. Your soul is at stake. Find a good confessor.

 

[Mike_Dye]

I know that masturbation is a mortal sin, and I struggle with it so much. So many nights, the temptation tears me up inside. The problem is, when I don’t masturbate for more than a few days, I almost always have very vivid and erotic dreams which cause me to ejaculate. I don’t always remember these dreams, but when I do they are very exciting and pleasurable. This can’t be a sin, can it?
I can’t control it. Some times I feel guilty about it, but some nights I can’t wait to sleep hoping I’m going to have one. Am I totally messed up?

In order for something to be sinful you must first of all know it is a sin and then willingly do it with full knowledge and consent. Can you tell me how this is possible while you are asleep…or even half asleep.

 

[belgianwaffles9]

i was not aware that masterbation is a mortal sin, I don’t think it is.

Well, it is.

 

[grandfather]

Well, it is.

Sometimes it is difficult for people to understand why certain behaviors are sinful. If we understood why a certain thing is depraved and we see it that way it helps to avoid it.

For every virtue there is a vice. When one is present the other is absent. Masturbation is a manifestation of lust. It does not hurt another person, but it hurts the person who engages in it. It damages the person’s soul. Why?

Jesus says when we look at another person in lust (include think about them that way) we have committed the sin in out hearts even if we do not act on it outwardly. There is disorder in our souls.

The disorder is the loss of something good. In this case that is purity.

If a person is wounded physically or suffers some physical handicap that person can not fully function physically as a healthy person can. So if I am lame I can not run or walk properly. I lack the ability to do this.

When we become wounded or wound ourselves spiritually by sin we lose some capacity to do spiritual things that we are made to do and would be able to do if we were spiritually healthy.

The wounds of sin prevent us from loving others and God as we ought. They cripple us spiritually. We are spiritual creatures and the reason we are made is to love and be loved.

Other people are not put here to be used by us as objects of our physical sexual pleasure, but we all are made to love one another. If I use someone selfishly that is not love, but rather it is depravity. It is evil and I wound them and myself.

Whenever a thing is used for some purpose other than that purpose for which it is made it is a perversion of use. When a thing is used for something it is not desigend for, it breaks. This is true of human sexual faculties.

So we see in our overly sexualized world the use of sex outside its purpose, the transmission of life, and many people become sick and depraved.

If I really love someone I want what is good for them. That person is not an object to be used by me for my selfish ends. If I think of others that way I have damaged my soul’s ability to truly love them purely.

 

[justaperson]

If you ejaculate at night it is ok, not a sin at all.

 

[HappyPerson]

If you ejaculate at night it is ok, not a sin at all.

If you are sleeping and didn’t will it to happen, it is not a sin. The time of day (or night) is irrelevant.

 

[Emily2009]

I’ve got a question, not for me, but for my boyfriend.

What if this all occurs while he is awake, but he does not want it, and prays for it to not happen, and it happens anyhow, without any control?

We do not engage in many things physical (quick, small kisses being the most we do) and I dress modestly (in my, his, and the church elders’opinions)…

Is this a sin?

If so, is there anything that he can do to control this? It makes him upset, angry… Basically, the only thing that he can think of to stop it from happening is if he never thought of me, was in the same room as me, or saw me… (Now, he’s not having lustful thoughts, just…thoughts of me, in general, of things I’ve said, and such things…)

What can be done?

 

[Emily2009]

I’ve got a question, not for me, but for my boyfriend.

What if this all occurs while he is awake, but he does not want it, and prays for it to not happen, and it happens anyhow, without any control?

We do not engage in many things physical (quick, small kisses being the most we do) and I dress modestly (in my, his, and the church elders’opinions)…

Is this a sin?

If so, is there anything that he can do to control this? It makes him upset, angry… Basically, the only thing that he can think of to stop it from happening is if he never thought of me, was in the same room as me, or saw me… (Now, he’s not having lustful thoughts, just…thoughts of me, in general, of things I’ve said, and such things…)

What can be done?

 

[editorofmylife]

I can’t control it. Some times I feel guilty about it, but some nights I can’t wait to sleep hoping I’m going to have one. Am I totally messed up?

I’ve been in your situation before, although I am a female so it was slightly different.

I talked to a priest about it on here I believe because I struggled with the same issue. Trying to abstain from it and then when I would fall I felt miserable, but then at other times I would want so bad to fall asleep so I could have erotic dreams. This is what the priest pretty much said before I had my conversation with God.

I asked him if it was wrong to want to have erotic dreams (and explained my situations while adding that I would also think about it hoping it would create the fantasy dream.) The priest told me that “dreaming” in and of itself is not a sin, no matter what it is. (Say you had a dream that you murdered someone, how could that possibly be a sin on your part when you have absolutely no intentions whatsoever when you are fully conscious.) He did say though that it is a sin to “will on” the dream. To think about it and hope for it, because that is a lustful act.

After I spoke with the priest I read a book called: The Atonement Child by Francine Rivers. The book moved me so much that I decided I really wanted and needed to have a deep and intense discussion with God, just the 2 of us 1 on 1, instead of just going to confession and mass. I needed to talk to God, and he definitely needed to talk to me.

(I am a female so this is a bit different, but this is and was my sole purpose for fully abstaining from the horrible habitual sin.)

I asked God why women have to go through such difficulties when they are on their menstrual cycle. God told me to flip to Genesis and read the “curse” he set upon women because of the fall of man.

Then I asked him to help me get rid of my sin, because I know that it is hurting God.
He told me that I was not only hurting God, but myself, my future husband, and my unborn Child.

That was the scariest thing God had ever told me in my life.

I asked God to help me understand why, and what I could do.
And immediately I understood.

When God was in the process of banning Adam and Eve (and the whole world) from the Garden of Eden he told Eve that he would give all women pangs during the birth of a child process. (So that is where the difficulties come in with women having their cycle.) Then he helped me to realize that it was because of Eve’s sin that he “cursed” women to have menstrual difficulties.

So when God told me that my sin of masturbation was not only a mortal sin and hurting God, it was also hurting me (I had horrible problems with my cycle) Then he explained to me that my body and my soul and everything that is “me” belongs to God. And that I have no right to go against God and harm it because it is not mine to give away, it is God’s to give away, because until marriage God is my spouse. (He explained to me that he wanted to share me with a man oneday, and that it would be a horrible pity for me to degrade myself, and God, and now because God had said he wanted me to be married, I would be harming my relationship with my future husband.) Then last but definitely not least, the part that scared me the most, was that I was harming my unborn child. God told me that if I did not stop, that I would suffer greatly in consequence and that my husband and my child would also suffer something for my sin.

That is why Masturbation above all other kinds of “sexual sins” is called a Selfish Act. And that is what got me to stop completely.

Praise God because every time there is temptation I remember the conversation that I had with God and instead of falling into sin I pray this simple yet powerful prayer. : God I offer up this discomfort and temptation for the life and health of my unborn child, that he/she may grow ever deeply in love with you.

God Bless